Parliaments

I haven't felt this way since I lost my first love
It's the price that we pay for the bright shiny stuff
Five years ago I thought it'd never let up
And I wrote a whole album and it fits you like a glove

I let all my friends go 'cause you felt like enough
But I knew that I was building
A glass house for us

If I text you I love you
And you don't say it back
Is your plan to let me realize
That my cards have been stacked

It's so much easier
When you can blame the alcohol
But you finally stopped drinking
And it's not letting up at all

The pattern's repeating
I'm running out of answers
I've been thinking 'bout the fantasy
I created and planned tor
Some people come forever, and others come for reasons
If we were meant to be together, it wouldn't change with the season

How can you stop loving in less than a week
How can memories be wiped away like a tear on a cheek
There were so many moments
When I felt it wasn't right
But I held onto your body because it got me through the night

We were both here a week ago
We made love in this house
What scared you away
What gave you an out

It doesn't make sense
People don't change that quickly
I deserve an explanation
Because it feels like you betrayed me

It's so much easier
When you can blame the alcohol
But you finally stopped drinking
And it's not letting up at all

The pattern's repeating
I'm running out of answers
I've been thinking 'bout the fantasy
I created and planned for
Some people come forever, and others come for reasons
If we were meant to be together, it wouldn't change with the season

I texted your family
I packed up their presents
Leave them under the tree
Let them know that I meant it

That I loved their son
And I tried so hard to
Make him feel better
I tried to heal his big bruise

But I deserve a Sunday
Without watching the door
Wondering if there will be kisses
When his bag hits the floor

For Reasons

You were always so critical of everything I did
I was really gettin' sick of being talked to like a little kid
When we asked you to build both of the queen size beds
You just grunted and sulked, then you grabbed the tools - you always forced yourself to help

You were never that excited when I came home from a trip
I always greeted you like an excited little puppy, it was sick
We had dinner at your friends, we had beers and I made small talk with the girls
You said that's what you wanted - don't you see that we live in a wider world?

I went to a concert to distract me from my mind
And I sat with my sister with the light drained from eyes
All I wanted was to hold your hand, I wanted to go back to the plan
But do you remember Jade Bird? It could've been any band
Because I cried the whole damn night into my sweaty cotton mask
I asked you what you were feeling and I shouldn't have
Because you sunk into it, used like me like a punching bag

I guess I shouldn't have read your journal but I did
Yea that one that I bought you because you needed it
You wrote you were afraid of losing your partner and you did
I never listened when you said you were selfish

I went to a concert to distract me from my mind
And I sat with my sister with the light drained from eyes
All I wanted was to hold your hand, I wanted to go back to the plan
But do you remember Jade Bird? It could've been any band
Because I cried the whole damn night into my sweaty cotton mask
I asked you what you were feeling and I shouldn't have
Because you sunk into it, used like me like a punching bag

But you were always something to look forward to - I adored you

I tried to make myself quieter for you
I tried to get a little smaller for you
I wish I could have been shyer for you
I wish I could've been a liar for you
But the things that made me fall for you, boo
Are the things that made you small for me, too
My confidence with your solitude
We were never gonna sing the same tune
And if you hadn't been so mean to me soon
I would have never ever left, that's for true
If it had ended any better than that
It was never gonna end

I tried to make myself quieter for you
I tried to get a little smaller for you
I wish I could have been shyer for you
I wish I could've been a liar for you
But the things that made you fall for me, boo
Are the things that made you small for me, too
My confidence with your solitude
We were never gonna sing the same tune
And if you hadn't been so mean to me soon
I would have never ever left, that's for true
If it had ended any better than that
It was never gonna end

But do you remember Jade Bird? It could've been any band
Because I cried the whole damn night into my sweaty cotton mask
I asked you what you were feeling and I shouldn't have
Because you sunk into it, used like me like a punching bag

Punching Bag

I've been thinking about my car
I've been thinking about the driver's seat
And what it's meant to me
I've been thinking about how you broke my heart
From the moment that I picked you up somewhere near Halsey Street

You never liked this car
And you never liked my driving
I was always over way too far
And I went right over the potholes
And I never used cruise control

And here are the moments that I can't stop thinking about
These are the moments that made us
And I close my eyes and I turn to the right
And I see that you've fallen asleep
It feels like I'm driving back home to Montgomery Street
I want to dial your number, go home to you
But instead I go into the glove box
And take out the Parliaments that I fucking stole from you

We were in the back seat of your parents' car
You were so happy to have me back
You took my hand and I knew that this was gonna last
I felt it in your arms, my heart was on the farm

Now I'm driving on the island
We did this drive so many times
From Great Neck to Soho in 26 minutes
This city was our playground with nobody in it

And here are the moments that I can't stop thinking about
These are the moments that made us
And I close my eyes and I turn to the right
And I see that you've fallen asleep
It feels like I'm driving back home to Montgomery Street
I want to dial your number, go home to you
But instead I go into the glove box
And take out the Parliaments that I fucking stole from you

I've been thinking about the night that I drove away
And I sat on the bed and I told you I loved you
And I pulled the dog away
And this same car that moved us in Brooklyn
Three separate times
Is filled to the brim with all of the shit
That reminds me of our past life

And here are the moments that I can't stop thinking about
These are the moments that made us
And I close my eyes and I turn to the right
And I see that you've fallen asleep
It feels like I'm driving back home to Montgomery Street
I want to dial your number, go home to you
But instead I go into the glove box
And take out the Parliaments that I fucking stole from you

Two weeks was yesterday
And my body has calmed down a bit
But my toothaches stomach pains come in and out
Here they are again

On 86th I've got a friend and he's sick
And we just got results that it's COVID
I'd give anything to have a diagnosis
Treat my symptoms, give me a fix

It doesn't feel better as it just gets further
I can't stop feeling like my heart's been murdered
Walking along all these fucking tall buildings
I look up and around, I'm in a breakup song city
There's a visible difference in our night skies
I convinced myself and everyone else you were a nice guy
I tried to build a life where I could see the stars at night
Spend the summers on a lake and the winters inside

Yea I know I'm getting way ahead of myself
It's only April and I'm on Christmas Eve
Planning my text to you in my head
It'll say "Tell the girls I said hey"

How many plans do I have to reimagine
How many times do you think this'll happen
Adirondacks and Montreal and Ireland in the fall
And I gotta sing that song I wrote about loving you

It doesn't feel better as it just gets further
I can't stop feeling like my heart's been murdered
Walking along all these fucking tall buildings
I look up and around, I'm in a breakup song city
There's a visible difference in our night skies
I convinced myself and everyone else you were a nice guy
I tried to build a life where I could see the stars at night
Spend the summers on a lake and the winters inside

I can still hear the tone of your voice
When you asked my mom what you should bring
It was a nice little gesture and it let us pretend
That you weren't a mess and you didn't offend
But there was no pain you caused me as great as this
It's like you had to break my whole nose just to fix it
I'm more than uncomfortable, I'm more than unsatisfied
I made you my everything
I made you my life

It doesn't feel better as it just gets further
I can't stop feeling like my heart's been murdered
Walking along all these fucking tall buildings
I look up and around, I'm in a breakup song city
There's a visible difference in our night skies
I convinced myself and everyone else you were a nice guy
I tried to build a life where I could see the stars at night
Spend the summers on a lake and the winters inside

Breakup Song City

The worst pain is not hearing I love you 
When you don’t say it back after 2 years in the tracks 

That big stain on the couch I keep meaning
To wash it bleach, can we set a date next week 

My heart breaks when you talk about attraction 
Can you keep that to yourself, anticipate my reaction 

But I can’t stay mad for more than 10 seconds 
I turn around to wipe my tears in your direction 

And I don’t know where this came from 
This is the life that you and I created 
And just 2 hours before it all started 
You called me to check in 
I was in the car and 
You asked me what I needed 
I told you nothing 
But ask me today 
I need some lovin’
You need some space 
I need some closeness 
We both need some help 
Let me make an appointment 

It’s a cyclical thing, but the waiting’s getting longer
The events are spread out, but the truth is getting harder

I’ve made a plan and I think that’s the problem 
I’m trying to fix what I can’t even follow

If it doesn’t go away, babe I’m here for the ride 
Let me sit next to you, let me be by your side 
And it’s not about the drinking this time
It’s the pain underneath, it’s the cold world outside 

And I don’t know where this came from 
This is the life that you and I created 
And just 2 hours before it all started 
You called me to check in 
I was in the car and 
You asked me what I needed 
I told you nothing 
But ask me today 
I need some lovin’
You need some space 
I need some closeness 
We both need some help 
Let me make an appointment 

And it’s hard not to feel like the victim this time 
Getting stepped on again, getting shoved out the side 
You’re my best friend, you know, only my lover part-time
And it hurts like hell, babe, it’s like you’ve canceled the phone line 

And then you walk in the door, and I'm ready for you to apologize
And then you fall on the couch, and I run to your side 
And I beg you to let me just hold you this time 
So I can sing you to sleep, wipe the tears from your eyes

And I don’t know where this came from 
This is the life that you and I created 
And just 2 hours before it all started 
You called me to check in 
I was in the car and 
You asked me what I needed 
I told you nothing 
But ask me today 
I need some lovin’
You need some space 
I need some closeness 
We both need some help 
Let me make an appointment

Appointment

www.gabriellemarlena.com

gabriellemarlenamusic@gmail.com

Parliaments

Gabrielle Marlena