AI-generated track with original lyrics by Jeff Noel - Copyright © 2025 by Jeff Noel

Lyrics
Give me a moment like Joe Wilkinson—
The whole red green potato affair
Hear the crowd groaning on the replay
Fall to Greg’s feet and beg with flair

I’ll pocket wax away like Mel G
And say “Do we strike you?” like Bob M
I’ll inspect every room with deep forensics
And misjudge things like the best of them

Won’t be dumb enough to call big Greg a pussy
Won’t mistake my luck being an edge
Won’t fart in the dark to the sound of my name
Won’t try to hide old Bessie in a hedge

Little Alex Horne stands there with his clipboard
While I think of the right way to ask
When I do he smiles and calmly tells me
“All the information is in the task.”

Call on me, O Taskmaster.
Slip me that perfect tri-fold card.
I gave you all in my latest disaster.
My dignity ain’t all I got scarred.

Call on me, O Taskmaster.
Send me off with Little Alex Horne.
I got some news for Health and Safety.
This silly costume’s made to be torn.

Rhod G and Jason M are my heroes
I hope my wanton chaos does them proud
I’ll know for sure that my mission’s over
When Master Greg shouts “Jesus Christ!” out loud

We all know what’s in store for poor Alex
Make him show his bare bum for a laugh
Reset the timer after I distract him.
Can’t stop me cause he’s all wrapped up in gaff.

And when playback shows me failing
While Taskmaster yells “NIL points!”
Little Alex always saves my task for last

But I salute that tiny hero,
While my points drop down to zero—
The glory outshines the shame of the past.

I wanna dance blindfold on the Knappett—
Grab those last five points for my score—
When I pirouette off the side into nothing
It won’t be called the Knappett anymore.

I’ve learned the biggest lesson from Al Murray
Always have a couple pounds to spend
My costume sash holds lots of tens and twenties
I’ll be bribing Little Alex to the end.

Call on me, O Taskmaster.
Slip me that perfect tri-fold card.
I gave it all in my latest disaster.
My dignity ain’t all I got scarred.

Call on me, O Taskmaster.
Send me off with Little Alex Horne.
Win or lose, my style will be remembered
The world will know a TV star is born
The world will know a TV star is born
The world will know a TV star is born
I love you Greg, and Little Alex Horne

Call On Me, O Taskmaster

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