but trying to accept it but the flame is still lit. I enjoy this verse

If I Die

If I Die (feat. Julia Alexa)

i’m looking for a reason to say good night
communication hasn’t happened for a long time
countless times i replay when you said goodbye
moment that it happened burned into my eyes and mind
i’m fine
i’ll say i’ll try
if you look into my eyes you know i’m lying
you’re the one that really knows the reasons i cry
you’re the one that had to see it with your own eyes
i swear this life is a joke
fill up my time with my music and hope
that it will work out it’s the only way i cope
in the journey of life it’s the one and only road for me
i don’t know what you done to me
every time i think about you i can’t fucking breathe
then my thoughts are overtaken by my ocd
and i rot away my mental as i fall asleep

when it’s just me myself and i
i don’t feel alive
i don’t wanna die
but i can feel the vibe
x4

when it’s just me myself and i
i don’t feel alive
i don’t wanna die
but i can feel the vibe
losing track of time
my eyes are on fire
i been up all night
you are on my mind
x2

i’m restless and reckless
a mess 
why is death in life always endless
always in the midst my emotions are deafened
i dissociate until i’m lacking all my essence
if i leave again then i won’t come back
i feel like i’m under attack
where the sun don’t reach
and my eyes don’t see
and my lungs don’t breathe but you won’t understand
there’s a face underneath each mask that i see
i can be what i need in my dreams
i don’t sleep
i just worry 
never eat
but the beast won’t rest til it’s free
and then feast on my heart til doesn’t have a beat
i swear
it's a sad sad world that we inhabit
keeping goodbyes so dramatic
stay away from people it’s a habit
isolate myself go live on another planet

sweet dreams, my little insomniac ft. ivri (prod. capsctrl)

go follow @rxseboy :)

yeah, listen close to my words, yeah
i'm a ghost, but it hurts, yeah
i got thrown to the curb, uh
all alone it's a curse, yeah
put my soul in a verse, whoa
they don't know how it works, yeah
i've been searching for a new life
see the stepping stones in the dirt? Yeah
i want everyone to love me
i want everyone to trust me
not gonna happen
i think about this every day
and dream about it every night
what am I lacking?
conversations in the mirror
no one there up in the rear view
driving alone
got no music playing when I'm steering
hope you like it when you hear it, yeah

why don’t you let me leave
i need some peace got a weight that’s on top of me
am i numb or depressed
as my feelings suggest 
eel like nobody wanted me
i can’t eat but i’m hungry
my body is numbing
don’t know what keeps stopping me
i’m finished i tried fixing a problem
i’m sticking to running anxiety coursing right through me
this shit don’t happen like shit in the movies
i should’ve expected to keep me protected
i had faith in an ending that’s happy
starting to notice that often don’t happen
i’m tired of fighting the feelings i have in my body
then saying im good when im asked
the truth is im upping my dosage
i smoke every day to feel okay and put on a mask
i wanted a love but it came with a tag
i wanted to smile but i’m breaking my back
put energy in just to get nothing back
i’m not falling asleep like an insomniac
i’m losing my patience
i stare at the ceiling my life being wasted
but i’m never changing
hope when you hear it gets harder to face it

yeah, listen close to my words, yeah
i'm a ghost, but it hurts, yeah
i got thrown to the curb, uh
all alone it's a curse, yeah
put my soul in a verse, whoa
they don't know how it works, yeah
i've been searching for a new life
see the stepping stones in the dirt? Yeah
i want everyone to love me
i want everyone to trust me
not gonna happen
i think about this every day
and dream about it every night
what am I lacking?
conversations in the mirror
no one there up in the rear view
driving alone
got no music playing when I'm steering
hope you like it when you hear it, yeah

@rxseboy- i'm a ghost but it hurts cover/remix (prod. ocean)

Into The Void (Prod. Chronyc)

written by Lxst Boy & Giovanni
produced by Boyfifty & Ayleen Valentine 
mixed and mastered by Giovanni
out on all platforms

thanks for all the support on the old version 💙
shoutout Matthias, love u bro

-lyrics-
(Hook: Ayleen Valentine)
I'm sorry that I let you down
it's probably cause I sleep too much
and every time that you're around
there's always something wrong

(Verse 1: Lxst Boy)
late nights and talks with my conscience
lately i been feeling nauseous
I write songs so call me off topic
lowkey wanna tell them to stop it
I'll just get walked on
I'm feeling that way like non-stop
I'm sorry I'm an outcast wait no I'm not
but I let you down whenever I talk
I'm feeling like a 9tails knockoff
I came from the sewers then the time stopped
im running around in circles in my thoughts
the clock winding down, hear the tick tock
when I'm locked in my room
I'm feeling the tension
record at my desk
these lyrics unscripted
writing these songs
that you'll never listen
cause you never cared
I'm a solo mission woah
uh I wanna talk
without feeling guilty
I need a shower
you making me filthy
blood stains the wall
you know that you killed me
its cold in my room
and at night it gets chilly
I wanna talk
but every time I do my heartstrings in a knot
in getting tired of writing these songs
and day by day 
you wouldn't tell me what's wrong
yeah

(Hook: Ayleen Valentine)
 
(Verse 2: Giovanni)
where am i goin, what do i got 
i feel so lonely, everyone stop
want you to hold me, damn i forgot 
what it was like, i feel distraught 
i let you down and watched you depart
now everything’s loud and i’m caught in the dark
like i’m in the dirt, buried with the worms 
and that is the funniest fuckin part
cause what did we say together
all of those times, that you let me down
tell the words that we sang together
everything’s fine, we’ll be alright 
we’ll fuckin stand in the rain together 
i don’t mean to cry, but why did you lie
remind me again why stayed together 

(Hook: Ayleen Valentine)

S T R E A M

Let You Down w/ Giovanni & Ayleen Valentine (boyfifty)

sadeyes - tendency

not my song 
By - https://soundcloud.com/rxseboy

rxseboy - the day i died ft. Powfu

Jomie - Whats The Point

I'm a mess and I make music

my fault (interlude) [feat. Rxseboy]

i think its u w/seon (prod. kado)

My New Mixtape “LOST IN LIFE: A Mental Health Tape” is out now on all platforms! I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am for everyone who has stuck with me over the past years...truly mean it when I say I wouldn’t be here without you guys. I wrote the majority of this project at one of the lowest points of my life while I was stuck in quarantine going through a lot. As hard as it was to put my emotions on paper, I knew that my tough times would be able to help some of you get through your own struggles.

Make sure to share the project with everyone you know! Every extra stream, play and view helps me reach new people who my music may be able to positively impact.

In My Feelings - Matthew Tuck (ft. Jomie)

👻
Insta - @GhostBoySadFace
Apple music/Spotify "Ghostboysadface"

Into The Void (Prod. Chronyc)

GhostBoy:(

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