In 2017 I got addicted to painkillers
In the six weeks before we met
And after that I took them only when I needed
Like the night you called me back
And in the mornings we would walk to class and smoke cheap cigarettes
Because menthols taste healthier, right?
Back then I didn’t sleep and I wrote shitty poetry
About Newark when my grandma died

And i hope you don’t remember at all
You just grab the money and i’ll take the fall
I never moved to New York, but I went there on tour; I’ve got your notes in my drawer
I still remember it all

In 2021 I mixed klonopin and whiskey
In the city where angels go to die
And I made a man a flower crown then passed out on his living room floor
And said “don’t touch me, I’m fine”
See, my ambition was a prison, wanted to carve my name into
The bones of everybody I met
Back then I didn’t see beauty in just about anything
So I guess it turned out just how you said
It would

But I hope you don’t remember at all
Been running away, it’s getting harder to walk
I don’t know what it was for, getting ruined for sport; goddamn victorian whore
I still remember it all

Reading my old journals, double-checking it got better
And my hands still turn purple when it’s cold, so I’ll wait seven years
‘Til there’s nothing left of who i was but melody and fever
I hope next time, when she says she’s too high you’ll stop
And you'll believe her

One day I won’t remember at all
The pictures all faded, now we’re outlines in chalk
I never moved to New York, but I’ll go there on tour; I guess that settles the score
I still remember it all

i still remember it all

ghostdaughter