Ashes of Yesterday

You were just in the next room
Weren't you?
I set two spoons
And the kettle screamed at me
For being wrong
Again

I don't cry
I rehearse
This absence
It's not a sentence
Just a wrinkle in the hours
Just a door someone forgot to close

Come back, and I'll forget what you said
Come back, and I'll tear out the ending
Come back, and I'll believe in gods
Come back, and I'll fold the universe
Down to a note
Tucked in your coat

(You took the coat. You took the note.)

Who do I become
When you're not the name
My day was built around?

I touch the outline you left in the air
It feels like emptiness
It feels like loss without direction
It feels like the beginning of extinction

I hate you
Because you're not here
Not because of how
Not because of when
Just the brutal, raw arithmetic
Of your not-being-where-I-left-you

You took, the rhythm of doors closing gently
You took, my habit of laughing before the punchline
You took, every second that might've meant anything

And you left
this echo in my mouth
that keeps calling your name
like a heretic naming saints

I feed your silence
It grows fat
It learns my gait
It sleeps in your side of the bed
And I tuck it in

It watches shows you would've hated.
It wears your robe
It hums out of tune
And I never correct it

Sometimes it weeps
Because I don't
Sometimes it reads
The notes you never answered
Sometimes it just sits
And listens to me
Not saying your name

I stopped saying "you'd love this"
Now I just stare
At the thing you would've loved
And nod
As if you're already watching
From wherever this absence feeds itself

I set no spoons
The kettle stays quiet

You're Not Where I Left You

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Soft winds murmur where lost souls stray.
No torment burns, no joy is born,
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Silent they walk by a tranquil stream,
Holding to hope as if in a dream...
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Forever waiting, never in sight.

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