When living without purpose starts to kick in, somehow~.

Loose songs which I lowkey get too emotional with

Alone Made Of Ice

with @dylan-kidd-1 and @PearsonGhost (in-store release)

Intro Guitar: https://goo.gl/km7G0M
Ryan Tedder Vocals: https://goo.gl/VimZRP
Five Easy Pieces Monologue (1970): https://goo.gl/Ziervn

download my music: https://bit.ly/bonjrbc
use this track for youtube/film/music: https://bonjr.me/licensing

Dylan Kidd
https://instagram.com/dylankiddmusic
https://twitter.com/dylankiddmusic

Pearson Ghost
https://instagram.com/pearsonghost
https://twitter.com/PearsonGhost

Artwork: still from the music video
Making Of: 
Spotify/Apple: https://goo.gl/U4Pd2M
YouTube: https://bit.ly/3wXVTfb
Stream on Audius: https://bit.ly/bonjrAudius
Stream on Matter: https://bit.ly/bonjrMatter
bonjr's Discord server: https://bit.ly/bnjrdiscord
bonjr's Spotify playlist: https://spoti.fi/2It3GaI

Lyrics:

buy/spotify

someday we'll be together again

(available on spotify)
mirror on the wall
can you tell me who i am
i think that i forgot
so remind me once again

maybe i was going too fast
babe i’d give it all to go back 

baby i’m better
i promise
know that i’ve never
been honest
maybe i never forgot it

daily reminder
tattoos of tigers
cigarette lighters
laughter and cider

i don’t deserve this
all in your arms
all your forgiveness
i don’t belong
i swear
i’ll never leave again

so this is love
just hold me close
i’ll never leave
i won’t let go

i swear i’l never leave again

[spotify]

i swear i'll never leave again

love you guys ❤️

i thought i had it all figured out
inside my head
but as it all turns out
things didn't go my way

just give me some time
some time and i'll be fine
just give me some time
some time and i'll be fine

i feel like i am running out of time
i'm losing my mind
lately i've been doing less and less
it scares me though
the thought that i might lose it all

just give me some time
some time and i'll be fine
just give me some time
some time and i'll be fine

spotify

thought i had it all figured out

produced by @lilsadeyes and @nversad

i was yours, you were mine
i should've known i was wasting your time
i couldn't grow, i wanted to die
now when ever you text me i can't reply

so i guess i'll go get stoned
and wonder why you haven't come back home

i wanna give myself stick n pokes
i wanna laugh so hard i lose my throat

and now i've someone that truly fucking cares
doesn't look the other way when i'm alone or in despair
doesn't act like i'm the reason that my parents wouldn't cope
with the fact that i'm a loser so they left me on my own

she won't leave me in the smoke
when i'm sad alone or broke
she gon keep me on my toes
she gon hold me hella close

she gon be there in the end
when i'm lyin in my bed
she gon tell me how she love me
she could never play pretend

i was yours, you were mine
i should've known i was wasting your time
i couldn't grow, i wanted to die
now when ever you text me i can't reply

so i guess i'll go get stoned
and wonder why you haven't come back home

i wanna give myself stick n pokes
i wanna laugh so hard i lose my throat

and my heart fuckin' bursts
when i'm lookin' at her
she's the one that i need
she's the one i deserve

she's the reason i breathe
she's the reason i heal
she's the one that i want
and that's just how i feel

stick n pokes

right here

look me in my eyes, im not okay.

https://youtu.be/qqFOxq3HSX8

Spotify

look me in my eyes

thank you for everything <3
i hope you enjoy this is much as i do

guitar: @jude18

lyrics:

oh fuck i'm drunk went and did it again
i cut my ties guess i'm losin a friend
i'm stuck your lies makes it harder to mend
my heart self harm makes it easy to pen

i'm not the monster i get painted as
but i bite her neck like i'm a maniac
i love when she screams, when she cuts me i bleed
i get high as the stars, then i fall like the leaves

my minds gone bad yo whats the date
my hearts so cold bet a few could relate
now i'm fucked in the brain, now i'm fucked in the tub
i'm fucked so often i'm prolly up on the hub

i'm prolly out of my luck, i'm prolly stupid as fuck
cause every time that she hit me i feel adrenaline rush
i feel my energy thrust, its like i like being hurt
i feel the knife in my gut, i think i'm cryin too much

i've been playin to much, 
one minute you hate me and the next you wan fuck
just look at my love, yeah look at it goes
every time i'm up it seems like you want me more

and that sucks my heart's inside my lungs
i hit my plug he fill me up
i don't want nothin but your love
you hit me up and said we done

oh no oh god what have i done
become all the things that i've been runnin from
i thought we were done talkin shit, were above that
but words turn to fists its becoming a  blood bath

but i'm drunk so i run back, if you call me an asshole
i don't have a comeback, i'm not just an asshole
i know that you know that, you're craving my soul but i already sold that

i'm bravin the cold, you already know that i hate this
fuck love i wanna be famous, at least i can't be shameless and
spend all my time gettin wasted, but that's you wanted right
i don't wanna hang on right, i'm on my own tonight
you make me wanna die, i'll let you kill me some other time

oh fuck i'm drunk went and did it again
i cut my ties guess i'm losin a friend
i'm stuck your lies makes it harder to mend
my heart self harm makes it easy to pen

i'm not the monster i get painted as
but i bite her neck like i'm a maniac
i love when she screams, when she cuts me i bleed
i get high as the stars, then i fall like the leaves

my minds gone bad yo whats the date
my hearts so cold bet a few could relate
now i'm fucked in the brain, now i'm fucked in the tub
i'm fucked so often i'm prolly up on the hub

i'm prolly out of my luck, i'm prolly stupid as fuck
cause every time that she hit me i feel adrenaline rush
i feel my energy thrust, its like i like being hurt
i feel the knife in my gut, i think i'm cryin too much

cryin too much w/ koi & lil xtra

thank you for everything <3
i hope you enjoy this is much as i do

lyrics:

if the sun didn't rise, i'd still be right by your side
and if you're feelin less lonely then baby i'm doin fine
if the moon never glowed, i'd still be right here to hold you
how many times have i told you, i love you, i love you

don't follow me i'm hard to read, i scare most people away from me
i hurt most people so can't you see, there's no way you're meant for me

i'm really glad i had it wrong cause, most people use me for the commas
i'm tired of the drama, i'm not one to talk no shit, i keep it honest

so to keep it 150 i'm feelin drained, 
the only reason that i sing is cause of pain,
deep inflicted traumas that been pent up in my brain, 
how i found some happiness with her i feel okay

will it last, does it matter
if I'm smiling will it keep me from disaster
destructive thoughts have had a history with patterns
all I care about is her, I'm glad I have her

if the sun didn't rise, i'd still be right by your side
and if you're feelin less lonely then baby i'm doin fine
if the moon never glowed, i'd still be right here to hold you
how many times have i told you, i love you, i love you

if the sun didn't rise, i'd still be right by your side
and if you're feelin less lonely then baby i'm doin fine
if the moon never glowed, i'd still be right here to hold you
how many times have i told you, i love you, i love you

downpour

ily (prod. lee)

Lyrics: 

these days are irreplaceable
you think i make you miserable
i just booted up i think i gotta go faster
when she left the party i was spose to leave after
lv on my belt she break the buckle if she have to
she said when i get u home u gon love me ever after
i can feel the damage and its getting to me
tell me whats the time cause its blurry to me
ion got the time since i bust to the top
and its cheese inside the air its gon fly out the drop

these days are irreplaceable
you think i make you miserable
these days come crashing down
i feel like i found you now
found you now


These days are irreplaceable 
You’d think I make ya miserable 
When the days coming crashing down 
I feel like I found ya now 

 You wake up 
You never miss your text 
Is this what you call a hopeless romance

I’m a burden to you 
What more I could I do for you 
I told myself I wouldn’t try this hard 
Yet here it goes here the fuck we are 
Lying next to you starting at the stars 
Forget your scars let’s float away 
Darling you’ll be back some day 


These days are irreplaceable 
You’d think I make ya miserable 
When the days coming crashing down 
I feel like I found ya now

Hopeless Romance feat. Sewerperson (Prod. by Brody)

Lyrics:

(Intro):
They don't understand

(Chorus x2):
They don't wanna show you what goes on behind all those closed doors,
They will kick and scream and throw all of their kids away,
They don't know your name and they will laugh at all your pain,
I hate myself because I feel like I won't be the same,

(Verse):
I see children fall from buildings when I fall asleep,
All these nightmares hurt my feelings, I can't even eat,
I hate people always telling me what I should be,
I cut my wrist and close my eyes as they all watch me bleed,

Tell my family it's for the best I'll be home soon,
It's all a fantasy, I'm only happy when I'm with you,
You gave your hand to me, I let you down and that's the sad truth,
The way you ran to me, I should've seen the scars, the abuse,

(Chorus x2):
They don't wanna show you what goes on behind all those closed doors,
They will kick and scream and throw all of their kids away,
They don't know your name and they will laugh at all your pain,
I hate myself because I feel like I won't be the same,

(Outro):
Stay with me,
Please don't leave.

suicide note

Spotify: https://ampl.ink/j48Br
Visuals: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHXxWtbD9KA

Artists / Producer:
@50landing

Lyrics:
i don't wanna call you up 
won't call you tonight
i don't wanna call you up 
won't call you tonight

you've changed up 
your heart crushed
i can't give you all 
of what you want 
a circle  
of surface
the same way
he was on your mind

and if all i had was a dollar to spare
i would spend it on a safe way back
and i stared up to your window sill
wondering, i was wondering 

i don't wanna say it but it's different inside
i don't wanna call you up won't call you tonight 
i don't wanna say it but you're playing my mind 
i don't wanna call you up won't call you tonight

it felt right on the first day
came and went then we turned to the wrong page  
a long haul its a long road home i was 
dead wrong and it stayed so cold outside
and i just wanna feel like there's something inside 
don't gotta say a word the way hidin your eyes again 
can't pretend, you said what you said 
i don't wanna waste a day overthinkin your mess

im not sad im just broken 
bent over time that you've stolen from 
my nights that could've been hopeful 
outside your window still snowin down 
i tried to fit but im getting out 
gave all to give but you let me down
lost in your world 
I'm not the answer

and if all i had was a dollar to spare
i would spend it on a safe way back
and i stared up to your window sill
wondering, i was wondering 

i don't wanna say it but it's different inside
i don't wanna call you up won't call you tonight 
i don't wanna say it but you're playing my mind 
i don't wanna call you up won't call you tonight

50landing - crush

[downloads are available!]

lyrics
trying sleep my problems away
i just dont want to stay
here anymore
wish i could just leave through a open door

yes i am here
im so glad u noticed
i should really try
to be in the moment
sitting in the back
im so ready to pack
my shit and go away

i close my eyes and my mind just starts to spin
always seem to go to what couldve been
constantly feel tired but can fall asleep
promise myself things i cant keep

socks on but i still have cold feets
nothings new, everythings on repeats
why do i run out of things to say
why cant i just be happy and stay

trying sleep my problems away
i just dont want to stay
here anymore
wish i could just leave through a open door

yes i am here
im so glad u noticed
i should really try
to be in the moment
sitting in the back
im so ready to pack
my shit and go away

trying to sleep

master: @trechorboy

lyrics:
so don't look at me i'm a no show 
was feeling bad now it's more so
feeling real low think my heart broke
laying alone it gets too cold
don't think it's good for my mind no
i know you're good on your own though
but i keep on staring at photos
i keep on staring at photos, at photos
(x2)

took you off my lock screen yesterday
said you'd never leave and now you've gone away
and after all this time, still don't know what to say
don't know how much longer i'll keep running away
it's getting harder to sleep now
wake up in a sweat i still see you in my dreams now
don't know how to feel now
cause i thought you'd be right here and now you're not around

so don't look at me i'm a no show 
was feeling bad now it's more so
feeling real low think my heart broke
laying alone it gets too cold
don't think it's good for my mind no
i know you're good on your own though
but i keep on staring at photos
i keep on staring at photos, at photos
(x2)

i keep on staring at photos (prod. 2001)

produced by micco.

lyrics:
i used to be
who nobody wants to be
who nobody wants to love
And i know that you best believe
theres something good in me

and the pain we feel
Its just a sign that we're meant to be
And i know that you best believe
That you're a part of me

And if i'll ever fall, would you drop me
if i'll ever go, would you stop me
love is what we crave for
but we never know what we're gonna lose
x2
And i never wanna lose you

i remember times
when i never had you
the pain inside my chest
So hard to take a breath 
when someone else fucking had you

I questioned myself
Will i ever have you
I mean who can love a man
Who can love the one
That needs to be fucking saved too

I Guess you do
And this Is what was meant to be
You found me...

And if i'll ever fall, would you drop me
if i'll ever go, would you stop me
love is what we crave for
but we never know what we're gonna lose
x2
And i never wanna lose you

i was stuck in the dark
closed in my room with a messed up mind
nobody helped, i asked for god
Love cause pain, but i want your love

They saw me drown
Saw me drown
You saw the frown hidden behind my smile
And thats the reason
That Is why
Thats why i love you

And if i'll ever fall, would you drop me
if i'll ever go, would you stop me
love is what we crave for
but we never know what we're gonna lose
x2
And i never wanna lose you

I Used To Be

i used to be

prod @eric-godlow

lyrics:

yeah she cries allot, and honestly its pretty hard
it feels like evertime we talk we end up further apart
and, i don't know where to start, 
it feels like everytime i talk to you i'm breaking your heart

it's so bizarre, its so crazy, 
i never thought that anyone would ever date me

she said stop, stop toolin with my head
you promised me you'd never leave, that's what you had said, 
now i'm all alone, you got me cryin in our bed, 
most of all i miss my parents, i miss my friends

i hate the way i'm feelin and its only gettin worse
i got you screamin out "stop", while i scream it fucking hurts
words can do some damage, didn't know that they would scar
still i love you more than anything i hate when were apart

yeah she cries allot, and honestly its pretty hard
it feels like evertime we talk we end up further apart
and, i don't know where to start, 
it feels like everytime i talk to you i'm breaking your heart

it's so bizarre, its so crazy, 
i never thought that anyone would ever date me

no, i don't wanna yell but baby girl you're all i have
i need you hearin what i say and if you need i'll run it back
i know that life can feel dull when you're lonely as fuck
its like you're trippin over everything you're stuck in the mud

its so absurd huh, the way i'm writin in the verse
i got some flow you never heard before, there's pain in every word
and i ain't never been the type to be like "nothing ever works"
but if i am its cause i lost you that's some shit that i deserve

i can be your home (prod. eric godlow)

Eredaze - I'll Be Alright (Prod. By Boyfifty & Seph Got the Waves)

SPOTIFY

I'll Be Alright

its been getting warmer but i haven't seen the sun

prod: https://soundcloud.com/caspr
master/vocal chops: https://soundcloud.com/trechorboy 

lyrics:
and it's the same things
that keep me awake at night
it's harder to sleep when i 
see what's lost in my mind
(x2)
i don't wanna sleep cause i don't wanna wake up
(x4)
i've been feeling out of place here
i swear i'd give up everything to get my head clear
i'm losing everyone i hold near
and i feel like i'm falling all i wanna hear
is your voice
i've been calling out to you
can you hear me
i don't wanna sleep cause i don't wanna wake up
its been getting warmer but i haven't seen the sun
bouta hit the road for some shows ima kick it in the backseat
i've been doing well i hope you're proud of me

the same things (prod. caspr)

runaway (prod. feelo)

i wish that i was good at saying goodbyes.

prod: @caspr
ty to promnight for the photo <3


lyrics:
i don't really need no love
i tell myself
but there's a part of me that's gone and i can tell
u don't really need me 
u never did 
i was just somebody that u used for a bit
fuck me up but i'd still take u right back 
it's funny how i hurt myself and i never react
i couldn't find my peace even if i had a map 
i fall in love n fall apart it's pretty sad

is it ok if i can't act right?
i've been trying to move on it's been a hard time
so many nights i lay in bed with my chest tight 
i wish that i was good at saying goodbyes

i've been waiting on a text that i'll never get 
and if im being honest baby i'm a mess
u wrote me a eulogy with all ur words that i won't forget
i don't think i'll get over all the scars u left

Loose songs which I lowkey get too emotional with

Хардр0нх