my mind feels really UNQUIET and these mundane activities are filled with strange noise

sharks: when everything in life is punctuated by a sense of impending doom and you disguise it with ego and pretend it doesn't exist when you're around people (but then they end up falling in the ocean too)

good on paper: when everyone is presenting themselves as being extremely impressive so you get in the game, but quickly realise that trying to be impressive is a really paper thin concept that is ultimately vacuous

staring at the ceiling: when emotional turmoil gets old and you just feel resigned and would rather lay on your bed staring at the ceiling because dealing with stuff is tiring

standing in the shower: when you can't just BE because you're kinda emotionally messy and you go between embracing it/justifying it/resigning to it/resenting it/being completely passive

im not trying to be nice: when you're really angry about being misunderstood and you're not trying to be nice about the fact that you feel numb (with a hint of irritation)

laughing on the inside: when you put sunglasses on because you feel really uncomfortable and exposed, and you don't want them to know they got under your skin

seventeen: a reflection on RONA SEASON making me feel all 17 again - dying my hair green, having text wars with boys, getting zitty, staying up til 3am, feeling lonely, makeup tutorials on youtube, tik tok (except there was no tiktok in 2014)

goes around: ur a hat in the lost property basket, waiting for a child to leave their hat at home and have to resort to wearing u for lunchtime outdoor play

the best: when you're worn down by the expectations and pressure you put on yourself to be amazing at everything, with the persistent knowledge that everyone else is wonderful too

sneezn szn: coping mechanisms are failing and ur becoming this nasty/slightly unhinged version of urself bc ur in a weird quarantine secret romance

unquiet (2020)

me👅🫦

Heart Words (my favourites)

some mornings i wake up
and just want to be medicated
mum says "get some sun"
but the morning light has faded
i dont have you
i have me, myself and places
i try to find the light
but dont know which way im facing

i try to find the antidote
but the poison's my own
and now i'm writing anecdotes
to feel at home
nothing makes me sicker
than time getting quicker
the blood is running cold
and the water's getting thicker

ive always got to leave first
im so sick of being hurt
i just wanted to be heard
dont know what you see in her
now im thinking i need drugs
maybe im just missing love
im so sick of being hurt
im so sick of being her

ten-thirty and everything is blurry
you said it twice
like you wanted it to hurt me
make it about me
go back to where we were
dont know about you
but everything's a blur

blurry

Jealousy

so good (at looking moody) (2017)

production & mix by bobby:
https://soundcloud.com/user-64306717
https://soundcloud.com/afterthoughtband

so good (at looking moody)

{you n me}

Late Night Vibes

Sex Music

https://www.instagram.com/burakbalkanofficial/

Arabic Remix - Mawjouaa Galbi ( Burak Balkan Remix )

FOLLOW #YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/cashmusicc

Arabic Remix - Khalouni N3ich

I hate the sun on my face
Shining light on my mistakes
I’ve got a thick skin so nothing sinks in
Won't feel like the end if it doesn't begin
I know it's hard to believe me

Wishing you’d want me to stay
Driving me home on Friday
Went our drinking alone and I never drink
When you cut me off cuz of what your friends think
Had to get home to smoke weed

I’d rather stare at the ceiling
Than talk about how we're feeling
Saying "It’s so unfair,
Came out of nowhere,
I thought that you loved me but you just don’t care"
Now I'm staring at the ceiling...

staring at the ceiling

so i tried adding some percussion for the first time!
its a bit off because i didn't use a metronome for the guitar but yeh
sharks!

you know im bitter so you know how it would be
ill make you feel bad for getting over me
you loved me once and i know you still do
look at my reflection, im in love with me too

until i go home
and i can't get to sleep
because i can't be alone
with sharks biting at my feet

you know im everything you tell me that im not
come back with innocence and hope that you forgot
im going down and i want you with me
so we can feed the sharks at the bottom of the sea

until we go home
and i can't get to sleep
don't know how to be with you
with sharks biting at my feet

sharks

i tried again

i know im made of glass
i break, but nothings made to last
don't know how i can stay
with all the things i can't say

so i sit in the car
and i laugh about life
and i listen to your songs
and say "its been nice"
standing in the shower
and the cold feels hot
i tell myself im fine
don't need you saying that im not

i say "i need a day"
but then a day becomes a week
got to get back to the world
just to turn the other cheek

so i look through my phone
and i think about before
i might be staring at the ceiling 
but im lying on the floor
standing in the shower
and the cold feels hot
i tell myself im fine
don't need you saying that im not

and my repression is my own
and obsession feels like home
i could take the pills away 
and let my heart beat alone
standing in the shower
and the cold feels hot
i tell myself im fine
and i am

standing in the shower

you’re out of breath and play it off
you live to hear me say "i was wrong"
i don't know how you sleep at night
you see the mirror and want to hide

you can't make money 
with your hands behind your back
it isn't funny, its a personal attack
put me on paper and tell me how to feel
i look good on paper but none of its real

you like to read me like a book
and everything is as it looks
its easy to look good in lies
until you're standing in the light

you can't make money with your hands behind your back
it isn't funny, its a personal attack
put me on paper and tell me how to feel
i look good on paper but none of its real

you look good on paper
but you're just a stranger to yourself
i look good on paper 
but im a stranger to myself
so good on paper
i might become someone else

good on paper

one hand on the wheel
driving home in the rain
you wish id feel something?
oh god! i wish the same

but im just passing by
there's nothing to win back
you thought you were above me
why would you think that?

don't write me with your poison pen
don't fight me to a bitter end
"but BABY you said we could be friends"
tell the stories that you like
im not trying to be nice

i know that ill remember
the things that i don't like
i take a sip, i trip and fall
into the night

maybe my regret 
will fall for your attack
you thought you were above me
why would you think that?

im not trying to be nice

i took the same pictures on his bed
you didn’t believe a word i said
but that’s the way it goes around
you just picked up what i put down

and your words could have come from me
writing his infidenlities
we were in love forever and ever
at seventeen in summer weather

oh what a catch
he writes songs about me!
i lit the match, he poured the gasoline
but take a step back, look at us now
im on fire and he’s burnt out
what goes around comes around


welcome to my imagination
lets play a game of fabrication
its always been a competition
pick a side, ill be your opposition 
ill watch you go around again 
this must be how to be friend
we'll be in love forever and ever
can't wait to fuck this up together

pick a side...

goes around

seventeen again

TDB: https://linktr.ee/TDBmusicaus
Snowball Music: https://www.instagram.com/snowball.musicaus/

seventeen (feat TDB & Snowball)

me & u ~ cassie (wtchcrft remix / slowed down)

ive got to get a grip
a new way to get over it
leaving me reeling
is a familiar feeling

i look as laid-back
as a heart attack
i stare at the ceiling
instead of watching you leaving

i like to go in circles baby, they're my favourite shape
its not like playing safe ever helped me find my place

in love with sneezing season
and staying inside
dont need to go out
to know im out of my mind
in love in sneezing season
dont say goodbye
just leave me
you know ill never change my mind

how can i get better
if i change like the weather?
you say its staying the same
i say its keeping me sane

act so cool it could be criminal
im the black sheep, catfish
oh my god
im that bitch

what a way
run away

goes around

Harriet