Amazing work, I listen to this repeatedly. A lot of it's appeal is the way Maddox sounds so pathetic here and how likely it would resemble any actual interaction with law enforcement.

"people are commenting on my profile rudely" is my favourite line because he tries to articulate himself well even he makes the dumbest points.

yikes

Title theme in upcoming game Amazoom Blimp Jockey '69.
https://loftyloftyloftyloftylofty.itch.io/amazoom-blimp-jockey-69

160 BPM / 5
Milkytracker
02 Sep 2021 - 03 Sep 2021

These tracks are from the beta build and will probably be changed before the game's final release!

Deltron Couldn't Save Us (Title Theme)

Boss music for the Vug Scorpion in upcoming game Amazoom Blimp Jockey '69.
https://loftyloftyloftyloftylofty.itch.io/amazoom-blimp-jockey-69

160 BPM / 5
Milkytracker

These tracks are from the beta build and will probably be changed before the game's final release!

Amazoom Blimp Jockey 69 OST

Amethyst Anthem (Vug Scorpion Boss Fight)

Tutorial music in upcoming game Amazoom Blimp Jockey '69.
https://loftyloftyloftyloftylofty.itch.io/amazoom-blimp-jockey-69

160 BPM / 5
Milkytracker
16 Jan 2023

These tracks are from the beta build and will probably be changed before the game's final release!

Learn To Fly (Tutorial / Memory Silo)

Dump tileset theme in upcoming game Amazoom Blimp Jockey '69.
https://loftyloftyloftyloftylofty.itch.io/amazoom-blimp-jockey-69

160 BPM / 5
Milkytracker
17-19 Jan 2023

These tracks are from the beta build and will probably be changed before the game's final release!

Waste Mismanagement (The Dump)

World map theme in upcoming game Amazoom Blimp Jockey '69.
https://loftyloftyloftyloftylofty.itch.io/amazoom-blimp-jockey-69

160 BPM / 5
Milkytracker
Finished 21 Jan 2023 - I'm not sure how long this one took because I made the beginning of the track for it a long time ago then revisited it later.

These tracks are from the beta build and will probably be changed before the game's final release!

Grime (World Map)

addict with a pen

The Biggest Problem In The Universe

Chubby Thighs

My de-tails are released!
Now I'm
Call-in the police!
On you

Doot Doot Doot
911, Please state your emergency

Hi! This is George! I'm bein' put on blast!
I'm a writer in LA trapped in a disaster!
They're sharing all my info and I'm bein' harassed!
This shit is leakin faster and faster and faster and faster

I'm terrified just look at my white knuckles
They're callin me a faggot but I'm just a cuckold!
Whoops, the phone slipped, lotta sweat on my hand
Even Rucka said "what the fuck happened to you man?"

*Sir is there an emergency?* Yes ma'am, absolutely!
People on my profile are commenting rudely
Even though shut'em down so astutely
I gotta file for chapter 7 come next tuesday

-Chorus-

I can't believe anyone would do this to me!
After all the comedy and hard work I've done for free!
Hey Soft J! "Yeah, boss!" Get this guy's IP!
Who here can impersonate LAPD?

Gotta a lot calls to make to some employees!
Ya'll know you bout to lose ya damn jobs hehe!
Hey Joe Dirt, boy, get to hittin' them keys!
"I'll ID every leaf on their family tree!"

*Sir are you aware this for emergencies? you-*
SHUT UP, BITCH! OR I'LL FUCKIN SUE YOU, TOO!
*Sir-* DON'T INTERRUPT ME BITCH, YO I AIN'T THROUGH
*Sir im sending an officer over to check on you."

THAT'S IT BITCH
EMAILIN' EVERYBODY THAT WORK WIT' YO ASS
WHY EVERYBODY TREAT ME LIKE SHIT!?
DICK ITS ALL YOUR FAULT! WAUTERBOI YOU TOO, MOTHERFUCKER!

Original Idea:
Sir No Pants

I'm Calling The Police

Mambo No. Nazi

What are NPCs? Hmm, how can I explain it?
Herds of blue-haired sheep, easily manipulated
Their kryptonite is comedy, yeah they fuckin' hate it
So late at night at UCB is where they've congregated
Now UCB's a group of geeks and women who won't date 'em
These guys avert their eyes from thighs because it is degrading
"But hey I might get laid if they applaud this chick on stage and
laugh at her generic jokes and join in the complainin'"

"Knock-knock" Who's there? "Trump's a jerk, I hate him!"
"Blahblahblah vagina stuff" How have you not made it?
Hey, uh, I once owned a girl with a vagina
She made my cry, bruh "Did you get her fired?" I tried tuh
She wants a man I guess that's why we didn't work out (heh)
Three years later, still obsessed still so I sperged out...(hey!)
Because this ex left a wedding with my best friend (what?!)
They told me nothing happened but I'm pretty sure they held hands! (NOOOOOOOOO!)
Now they they all call me a C to the U to the C to the K
But UCB sided with me because I might be gay
Dick's so straight and white, let's face it
He must maintain a rape list

[chorus]
Hi I'm an NPC from UCB [x3]
You know what offends me? It's comedy!
Hi I'm an NPC from UCB [x3]
You know what offends me? Dick's comedy!

UCB Dean here, Dick I have to tell you
These jokes are too spicy, so I have to expel you
The Uptight Citizens Brigade just had a vote and
Unanimously decided we just can't take a joke man
Shoo! Vamoose! Skedaddle! You gotta go man!
Some bitch from Conde Naste has fuckin' got me by the gonads
Wait not so fast, one more thing I must ask 
Dick could you remove your profile pic? Yo that'd be so fab
Safespace comedy, we're real trend-setters
Look 'cause of your book we've been bombarded with letters 
"Dick hates women! Kick him out, you'd better!
Sincerely, a totally real journalist, Heather"

At first I wasn't sure 'cause you're usually just chillin'
But hey you sure do play a quite convincing Disney villain
"No one trolls quite like Dick, gives no fucks quite like Dick
No one eats the damned souls of dumb cucks quite like Dick"
Yikes! Delete all videos with Masterson's performances
There's nothing I find more offensive than enormous dicks
"I flaunted my big gorgeous tits once and he looked at me!"
"Oh my god!" "That's not okay!" "It's masculine toxicity!"

[chorus]

You dumb dipshits, job lynch mob kids
Have no business running comedy clubs, shit
One cunt's ticked off
Quick! Let's shoot our dick's off!
Anyone who jokes about the following will get doxxed
Chick politicians, non-Christian religions
Jokes at the expense of those who honor honor killings
*3 hours later* Is there anything we're missing?
Stupid balding cucks who took a vicious legal fisting
Gay bears, wheelchairs, fat guys with red hair
"What about free speech?"
....Don't care!
Please just love me, I'm dead inside :(
Oh I'm Mike, do you like my vocal fryyyyyyy?

Diversity is great but at UCB, it's skin deep
These pricks will get you fired if they do not like your comedy
"No one wants to book me!" Get a job "That's not happenin'!
"Alexa, what's the average salary for LA Activists?"

Chaos Cowboys and Indians, giggling Argentinians 
Piss-soaked Loli pricks and figbatdiggernicks
Liberals, conservatives, ankle-biting furry kids
Yeah we're all degenerates but Dickheads are diverse as shit

Top autists, top gays, post-op vajayjays
Consensual, bisexual, cocaine-fueled fourways
Facebook civil warlords, fedora-tipping redditors
Sorry no Titos allowed, we're not a fan of predators (fuck you Tito)
Otherwise it's all good, come one, come all
Liam Neeson give that penis back to Scott Zoloft (deep cut! https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDickShow/comments/aakvj9)
The NPCs at UCB are lacking creativity
Why can't they see we all just need to hate each other equally?

[If you want me to keep making songs on a regular basis, please consider throwing me a buck at patreon.com/kendollinhide]

NPC from UCB

We come to you LIVE and in STEREO to address the recent trend of getting people fired because... uh... well, if we had a reason, it would be a really good one! It is all about CONTEXT!

Lyrics:
Ever say the word *? (nope)
Ever been triggered? (yup)
Ever blown a dude up? (nope)
Ever cost a man his job when he down on his luck? (yup)
You alt-right? (nope)
You wanna fight? (yup)
Let em tell a couple jokes? (nope)
Ever think you’re smarter than snopes? (yup)
Persian rims on a truck? (nope)
Think the boss’ll give a fuck? (yup)
Feel bad when he homeless? (nope)
Enjoy being spineless and boneless? (yup)
Dinner? (nope), Starving? (yup)
Is this tension getting thinner? (nope), will there ever be a winner? (yup)
You a melon headed dope ? (nope)
Head thick as a yellow cantaloupe ? (yup)
Do you lack self awareness? (nope)?
Put the word * on the swear list? (yup)
You jacked, you fearless? (nope)
Ban Milo from your school, interference? (yup)
You gon' cry if #dicklies? (nope)
On the inside are you gonna die? (yup)

(hook)
Everybody get choices
You choose to get money, offensive shit said
Everybody report this,
These nazis are losin’ I’m takin your bread
Everybody Report This
Keep you blocked off of patreon though
Everybody Report This
These nazis be satan, I already know.
Got a right to talk? (no, no, no)
You’re mistaken buddy (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Gotta keep this job (no, no, no)
You’re mistaken buddy(yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’m not a lynch mob (no, no, no)
You’re mistaken buddy (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Ever had a blowjob? (no, no, no)
Bags of sand, lots of faking homie (yeah, yeah, yeah)


Can you say eat a brick? (nope)
Can you the president is sick? (yup)
Can you say autistic kids are retarded? (nope), Can you say Kanye is retarded? (yup)
Can you joke about peeing on a kid? (nope), Fire James Gunn if he did? (yup)
Roast a true crime podcast? (nope), Have your business partner told and look like an ass? (yup)
Can you whistle on the streets? (nope)
White knight on insta get girls in the sheets? (yup)
Gettin more bones than cope? (nope), Prayin Kendall Jenner reps Coke?? (yup)
Allow comedians to be funny? (nope)
What if they crowdfund kids cancer money? (yup)
What if ralph does it though? Somebody call (Koh),
Lose your job to a lawsuit? (yup)
UCB gigs’ll do? (nope)
Tryna get you fired? (yup)
Kendoll in hide inspired? (nope),
Sent too many spicy tweets? (yup)
Fired from the lux after your boss reads (nope)
Gotta get our boy his job back (yup)
Will the lynching end, can we push the mob back (nope)
Is it all over for free speech? (yup)

(Verse 3: Hazencruz)
Context matter? (nope)
Retweet a voice actor? (yup)
Can I stand with my boy Vic? (nope), 
But you talkin bout him gettin kicked? (yup)
You listenin’ to what I said? (nope), 
Hashtag Kill all Men? (yup)
Nigga you best be trollin! (nope)
How bout an interview on Rogan? (yup)
Slip up and make a confession? (nope), 
Dance around Tim Pool’s question? (yup)
Try to trip him with the lights on? (nope)
Try to trip him with the lights off? (yup)
Goin broke? (nope)
Can I tell a joke? (yup)
Can it be offensive? (nope)
Mumkey Jones is suspended? (yup)
Can you verify me? (nope)
But all you need is an ID? (yup)
Can you stay the gay ops? (nope)
Talk about killin’ cops? (yup)
Tell a fatty, “get slim?” (nope) 
But you banned my boy jim? (yup)
Ever roll one with Zucc? (nope)
Did he stick it up ya butt? (yup)

Everybody Report This

Welcome to the podcast, I have a huge announcement
So many weekly voters, dude I had to stop countin'
Still I can't compete with that bunker atop a mountain
Plus Ronny wants to leave so I'm finally fuckin' bouncin'

Legal debt's stalking me, I'm constantly hounded
I still haven't paid for those typos Landau did
The weight on my grave as Dick dances? Astoundin!
But when it comes to talent IN my body? Zero ounces

Now Dick and his Morlocks are toasting their beers
Boasting, shitposting and roasting their peers
It's me you should thank for your online careers
As you guys monetize all my blood sweat and tears

I've tried through the years but just keep getting staler
Another nerd podcast? It can't be a failure!
New co-host has boobies I can't wait to nail her
“I'm in Ooga Booga, see? Here watch the trailer”

Now Haley's so starstruck, out meeting at Starbucks 
went so well I think that I'll be her new star cuck
So much in shit in common - careers are both dyin
Both think we're still young, both love Degrasse Tyson

Let's hop into my shower girl, it doubles as a science lab
It's also great for sobbing when life's troubles have you kinda sad :(
Lights, camera, goggles oh, it's totally safe babe
Let's see if you can block the stream using only your face, k?

B==D~~~~~~~~ "Yeeeeah I fucking love science. You fucking love sicence, bitch? Gargle this science you bitch. It's not degrading if I'm a feminist."

Goodbye Maddox, Hello George
Dismantle Militia, assemble "G-Force"
Still havin' fuckin' trouble fixin' this damn door
Landau's in the back yard pukin' on all fours

Goodbye Maddox, Hello George
Haley sounds like, a dumb whoooore
But hey don't be sad it's not like I'm done for
Just say goodbye to Maddox and say hello to George

Now the name mighta changed but this brain's still the same
And the name of the game's make you say “what a shame
Man I loved all his shit checked his site every day
Now he constantly begs" "Run a train on my dame!"

Now I got real sneaky, took a page from that Greek book
Found a writing partner from UCB see look
Looks like Jodie Foster, sounds like Jodie Foster
Told her she'll be famous, asked what's it gonna cost her

Let me spread the hips then you hold my hand
“K” she says “My grandson's a real big fan”
You're welcome, now time for more experimental showering
This time you swallow all the piss “oooooo that sounds empowering”

God, you're so hilarious! Dave Clegg is gonna lose it
Hey, you read that email regarding the new bit? "Which One?"
Where we just watch movies and I touch all your nude bits
Then gently blow air on your hole like a flutist

I'm king, you're queen let's do some kissin
Fuck you, Karl! These podcasts are bitchin'
Babe I'll make you famous but dude, just listen
If you ever try to leave I'll have a new ex mission

These Dickwarts on Discord still think that they hate me
But they're mad at Maddox! I'm George "and I'm Haley! :)"
(She thinks that she's talented...bitches be crazy)
Hehehe George you're just killin' it lately!

Thanks Maddox so true, no need to debate that point
Where's Haley live? Let's find out then we'll case the joint
Late at night, flashlights on, search through her garbages
“Look! A used condom!""I'm jealous""I'm hard as shit"

Shit! Yo she woke up! I scurry like a cock-a-roach
Hit her with some glitter then run off like I'm Apostrophos (https://www.patreon.com/kokopuffs)
Fuck I think I blinded her! "Phew guys, that was awfully close"
Heather, why are you here? “I'm stealin' Haley's pantyhose”

Sean in the bunker on Sunday, please help me
I'd like everyone to think our friendship's still healthy

When I say "Bye Maddox", SEAN say "Hi George"
Bye Maddox  _____________

Now when I say Bye Maddox, DICK say "Hi George"
Bye Maddox  "Hi George!"
Bye Maddox  "Hi George!"

Hello George

So, several months ago I tried to buy a shirt
With my honey's credit card while she was gone at work
Something's wrong that shirt it gone
From https://shop.thedickshow.com/

Well I got a little pissed off and made a threatening .gif and see
It became a campaign check my twitter history
#restockmorlocks the hashtag my life's work
Gotta get my hands on that discontinued nice shirt

Bent on revenge "RESTOCK OR BE SORRY, SIR!"
Went insane, became a Shirt Justice Warrior
2 hours go by, Dick won't like my latest tweet?
Fin, FUCK YOU now I want is complimentary

That means for free, Dick I e-mailed my address
With detailed instructions for sending the package
Don't fucking cross me, I have quite the arsenal
Of rhymes about face size - it's business AND personal

Been spending my days in Canada Post's lobby
Pacing and waiting "No mail today, sorry"
Chucks Dick called my bluff, he's just laughing at me prob-ly
Guess he knows his stupid shows my only fuckin' hobby

Thought I'd have to team up with Cameron Clarke
But it turns out Dick is big-handed, thin and smart
'Cause he's restocked Morlocks (for a limited time)
Every Dickhead should own one, I'll tell ya shy

If you buy this shirt, you're gonna get your peen sucked
If you buy this shirt, you'll never ever be cucked
If you buy this shirt, you'll get 72 virgins
So buy this shirt, black, red or blue version

If you buy this shirt, chicks will say "sign my boobs!"
If you buy this shirt, friends won't say "help me move"
If you buy this shirt, Crippled Jesus's mom will wink at you ;)
So buy this shirt and watch your stupid shitty life improve

All these 20-somethin's gonna flock to you like "let's get hammered"
Taking turns, they'll suck you off (even if you don't own a hammer)
Cheaper than the Autoblow 2.0 - just buy one shirt
Or a few, one or two backups wouldn't hurt

Hotties gonna claw at you, bruising you all black & blue
Battle scars from getting pummeled by about a thousand boobs
Bitches with the hottest shoes publicly ask to sleep with you
When you wear a Morlocks shirt, impossible to get #meetoo'd

Kinda like a safety net, trust me you can safely bet
You'll even me able to get ancient puss like Haley's wet
That's right folks, no meat's too dry
So step right up and choose your size!

Nah, Dick don't discriminate, Tanner dude you're fuckin' great
You too can use this shirt to get some hunky penis dates
Top, bottom, left, right, cocks and bums
Best invest in a snorkel, you'll be swimmin' in cum!

Sold out once, so tragic
Second chance, we have it
To buy this piece of clothing that is LITERALLY MAGIC!
Possessed by sexy spirits, it animates see?
Gives a lovely cotton handy with it's 3/4 sleeve

Limited time offer, though shalt not sleep
Holy Moses flash your staff, legs will spread like sea
Any lady that you touch will be in ecstasy
You just grab 'em by the pussy "This is cummin' with me!"

If you buy this shirt, hollow points can't stop you
If you buy this shirt, Chaos Cowboy will unblock you
If you buy this shirt, you can stop paying taxes
So buy this shirt if you enjoy tits and asses

If you buy this shirt, you'll never go to Greenland
If you buy this shirt, Sean will be your best friend
So buy this shirt now and listen up closely
Add a note to seller reminding Dick that he owes me...

*The instrumental is called "Afternoon Soul" by Gramatik and has been used without permission*

If You Buy This Shirt

Come & Find Me (Feat. Neffable)

Tears On T̶w̶i̶t̶t̶e̶r̶ NP2

I do voice acting, singing, and voice clips. Hmu fam.
https://www.fiverr.com/hazencruz

I'm Calling The Police

Hazencruz

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