prod. @officialbiosphere
mix. @atwood
art. @headhaunter


Tall tales - short attention span.


Lyrics:
It was a while ago but I used to make origami/
I used to fold washi paper into cranes for a hobby/
I formed their bodies with perfect angles and dog-eared corners/
making everything from Bengal Tigresses to pale Border Collies/

where you could pull their tails to make them flap their wings/
or pinch their necks to make them roar with their complex anatomies/
but that all came crashing down tragically when, well what happened is/
or was, a horrible freak paper cut accident/

so I tried out something different and practiced martial arts a bit/
transformed my legs and arms to armaments, an armistice I forged between my mind and body/
Karate chopping thick slabs of marble to marbles and
blocked a kick with nothing but thinking the thought of “I will block this kick”/

I fought and fought again, I’d always win/
until one day I fought the wrong sensei and somehow lost to him/
and then I figured I could use a new hobby fast/
when I woke in the ICU, mummified inside a full body cast/

so I tried out woodworking, and learned a thing or two/
about building birdhouses and a sanctuary for the endangered with the zoo/ 
and without nails or glue I built some perfect-fit architecture with versatile sandalwood/
that even termites wouldn’t dare to chew/

but the Steel Industry is a much different beast,
their countless inner rings of arsonists don’t like and fear anything built with trees/
so I got into magic with simple tricks/
err, I mean illusions, like how to make a yacht disappear without sinking it/

I put live rounds inside a real gun for every bullet I’d catch/
and I sawed a lower limb, double amputee woman in half/
but when your Transported Man has to trap, clones in tanks to drown/
they’ll take you out, pulled at the drop of a hat with a vanished act, but still, I’m safe and sound!/ 

but rules are rules so I was gone fishin’/
I threw a net and accidentally caught a dolphin pod in it/
I’ve got some FOMO, rowed from coast to coast/
and caught the Lochness Monster without my rod and then caught the Ogopogo with it/

I studied mutated fish in ponds near Chernobyl/
with evidence of Kraken tentacles adorning on our boat’s hull/
we stumbled on a whaling operation, so we thwarted them/
but let’s just say my fishing boat’ll never be seaborne again/

so I got into miming…/
then I tried out a comedy class to practice my - timing/
and I’d showcase new material at sold out shows on the weekend/
then I auditioned for SNL and they let me host for a season/

I popped up on the screen opposite promising Hollywood starlets with Oscar noms/
in romcoms with a record box office streak/
but my private pilot had the last laugh
when I cracked a joke and split his sides, and we were forced to crash land/

so I took the plunge and tried out diving, took a stab at fencing/
gave clay pigeon hunts a shot, and then I tried to tackle wrestling/
tried the chef thing but I let Gordon Ramsay ingest some foreign bodies/
so I’ve been thinking ‘bout getting back into origami/

The Hobby Swapping Problem (prod. biosphere)

Headhaunter