shit beat i made
mixxed by me

i dont wanna think man ion wanna talk
put the glock to my head then mayb itll stop
put the razor to my wrist but i wont bleed a drop
smoking on dat good gas exotic what i cough
like is liek halloween
everything aint what it seems 
sew my skin like a seam
i dont wanna feel a thing
i could never feel a thing 
life is feeling so plain
cant seem to use my brain
think im goin insane
true religion sag when im walkin like a zombie
posted in the mall buy it all when im shopping
crosses on my belt n yk they fuckin shining
shawty say she love me girl i think ur just lying
pipe from mah shelf yeah just like im riley
glock in my waist boy i aint never fighting 
posting on the gram its my stories dat ur liking 
boy you said you dont care you wanna be like me

life is liek halloween 👻🎃

prod: idk
master: @ipodfreakx
feat: @holdmetillicry

lyrics:

@ipodfreakx
you know you know you knowwwww

all the things that were unsaid really mean
you dont know how to talk you got blood inside of my sleeve

you trying to tell me that im really unhealthy
all this time and i dont know how to change
she got pretty dark hair its brighter than any light
and her cute little glasses she got me inside of her mind
and i know she gettin high almost every single night
cause she dont wanna feel the pain inside of his lies

everything that was unsaid i know she wanna talk up
but she got spikes inside of her throat

@holdmetillicry
oh no
girl your so awful
i know you and it hurts
you dont want me back
bow down like the princess you are
fuck up your makeup girl
not like i like it anyway

oh no
girl your so awful
oh no
girl your so awful
oh no
girl your so awful
oh no
girl your so awful

0....x

and i swear i just forgot you too
prod me

I've always wondered
How you look just like an angel
I guess it's not too late
For me to say
That I wish you were dead
Because you're back in my head

You love the rain
And so do I
I've given you a present
So don't be shy
And it's getting pretty late
And our time is running out

So I'll send you one more message
And say goodbye
To you

I just got you out of my head
And now it's coming back
Even though you just left
And it's out of my control
And now you're out of my reach
And I wish that we could've been
And that I wasn't so unseen

a love letter for you

trust ❀࿐

https://open.spotify.com/album/1BTcchD5ihEwwEBC4X4blM?si=CIDwsGVuRTy1uKvdsnF4Kg
prod me
i think the vocals are 2 loud i'll fix it later i think i dont know

cant go tonight, i know im such a loser
but ur so cute i got u saved on my computer
i cant wake up cause i know i can't pursue her
i wish things were good tonight , but for now ill go and cry

it's like wtv she said that hes just better
i think ill kill her but i wouldnt even remember

and do you even understand the role that you played?
and do you wanna hold my hand?
i know the answer is no, but it's better to take the chance

i'd kill myself but i'm too scared
i'd kill myself but u won't care
i'll look at ur picture all damn night cuz i won't be here in a year

cant go tonight, i know im such a loser
but ur so cute i got u saved on my computer
i cant wake up cause i know i can't pursue her
i wish things were good tonight , but for now ill go and cry

(ON SPOTIFY) saved on my computer

tyy @vedbend for the vocal stems, i love this song 

original: https://soundcloud.com/vedbend/crshingdwn?si=2cbc67ddef954f96baed7f37de1ca1b1&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

lyrics:
it all comes crashing down
like who would have thought that it'd all come crashing down
i did, i knew it would all come crashing down
but now i feel like im a corpse
left all my bags at the door
maybe we'll cross paths on tour

road kill, leave me dead
ladybug, on my chest
take a pic, strike a pose
when im at my lowest i want you the most
my flesh, is your canvas
hate to say you used me for my cannabis
you're too high, im too drunk
it, it, it,

it all comes crashing down
like who would have thought that it'd all come crashing down
i did, i knew it would all come crashing down
but now i feel like im a corpse
left all my bags at the door
maybe we'll cross paths on tour

vedbend - crashing down [prod. deathsuppressant]

instrumental: @deathsuppressant / ft. @odihu

cross out the words i say
u melt inside my brain
ignore my troubled face
i smile through the pain
my existence causes bane
can't hide my tears
u push away the clouds and rain
and say oh pls don't cry my dear


all u do is make me weep and push me away
all i do is cry and scream when u push me away
then you come and cheer me up like everything's okay
but i love you anyway

cross out the words i say
u melt inside my brain
ignore my troubled face
i smile through the pain
my existence causes bane
can't hide my tears
u push away the clouds and rain
and say oh pls don't cry my dear

melting mediocrity demo ft. odihu

prod me

got balenci on my feet
but i still need company
hopin one day we can meet again
i dont think we can be jus friends
i dont think u can see
that ive gone all out for u
but i hate all of me
guess the loves jus all for u

cuz im cuttin, cryin
waitin for u here to be beside me, darling
my home is in ur heart where im residing
im retiring
from this love shit yea its all retarded

why u switchup
u said dat 'i wont miss ya'
burn ur pictures
i dont kno wats wrong wit ya
but i kno wats wrong wit me
i jus love too easily
im obsessive im a freak
i drown it out in jewelry

got balenci on my feet
but i still need company
hopin one day we can meet again
i dont think we can be jus friends
i dont think u can see
that ive gone all out for u
but i hate all of me
guess the loves jus all for u

cuz im cuttin, cryin
waitin for u here to be beside me, darling
my home is in ur heart where im residing
im retiring
from this love shit yea its all retarded
x2

company ;(

u mess around when i'm gone
don't message me or dial back
the least u could do
is fuck me when i'm back

spent time and time again
without breathing in
cuz it's hard to have a heart
that nothing reaches in
this can't be how things go for me
it's too fucking terrible
i mouth "i'm miserable"
just turn us to a polycule, i'm bugged

cuz cruelty's not enough
you went a step above
just kick me in the mud
no point in looking up
her halo
her halo
her halo, it turns to crust
now watch us fall in love
at least we keep our blood

my clothes are wet
i had to come in person
a half moon crest
it doesn't matter
doesn't matter

my wish came true
when u said u love me too
i thought it was
permanent, permanent

spent time and time again
without breathing in
cuz it's hard to have a heart
that nothing reaches in
this can't be how things go for me
it's too fucking terrible
i mouth "i'm miserable"
just turn us to a polycule, i'm bugged

spent time and time again
without breathing in
cuz it's hard to have a heart
that nothing reaches in
this can't be how things go for me
it's too fucking terrible
i mouth "i'm miserable"
just turn us to a polycule

watch us fall in love

Lyrics:

love that feeling when my arm is cut open inside that pit
i cannot decide if this shits real or just inside my head
i cannot decide if this shits real or just inside my head
i cannot decide if i want to live or to kill myself

i cannot control myself when these thoughts got me tripping here
feelings in my heart trust got broken im just sitting there
lonely asfuck and im crying my eyes out
thought it was love but it just turned all of my thoughts loud
i just cannot think about u love yea all this shit is gone
all this shit u said got me wondering where im from

love that feeling when my arm is cut open inside that pit
i cannot decide if this shits real or just inside my head
i cannot decide if this shits real or just inside my head
i cannot decide if i want to live or to kill myself [2x]

i cannot decide

“Tome of Stars” is a 100 sonnet journey, equal parts art, therapy journal, and exorcism, both a celebration and an elegy, a single narrative arc tracing the birth and death of a relationship. All poetry by Stargazer. The verse and accompanying synthetic art and music are public domain, CC0, with no restrictions on use. Nothing is monetized. See below for links on how to access the print, PDF, audio, ePub, video, and music files. Website: tomeofstars.net

The opening section of “Tome of Stars”, titled “Item 1: Anthesis”, comprises 21 poems that chronicle the emergence and flowering of a romantic relationship, structured around the botanical metaphor of anthesis, the period during which a flower blooms. 

“Kiss” closely mirrors "Synesthesia", more directly interrogating in verse the inadequacy of verse, considering the failure of poetic and lyrical traditions to adequately capture the transformative and overwhelming experience of the beloved. This time it is not her "twilight tapestry of hair", but the transformative experience of her kiss. The poem critiques conventional artistic attempts such as sonnets, ballads, and drama for being hollow or misguided when compared to the profound, lived experience of a single moment of physical intimacy. As with "Synesthesia", this sonnet layers multiple sensory registers, but it does so with a more pointed frustration at artistic insufficiency. The central kiss is presented as both a carnal and a metaphysical event that reorders perception and collapses distinctions between body, cosmos, and spirit. In the end, the poet is left speechless, gesturing only at an unnamed heaven born from this act.

***********
Lyrics

Dry husks of sonnets stutter vapid rhyme,
While honeyed ballads drone discord undue.
Blind actors fumble gestures meant sublime,
Insult a touch that makes one soul of two.

I’ve swilled renewal in spring’s blossomed breeze,
Smelled the sauce of summer on my tongue,
Caressed steamed symphonies of winter’s seas,
Heard achings of prismatic pelts fall flung.

But brush your lips? Remake creation’s face.
To breathe your breath transforms my faculties:
Your spice, the cosmic essence soused with taste,
My mouth bewitched with flavor, passion teased.

Our bond transcends the starsong gods enflamed—
A heaven birthed for which I know no name. 

***********

Internet Archive
Book of sonnets:
https://archive.org/details/tome-of-stars/

Music:
Item 1, Anthesis: https://archive.org/details/Anthesis/
Item 2, Senescence: https://archive.org/details/senescence_tomeofstars
Item 3, Sporogenesis: https://archive.org/details/Sporogenesis_TomeOfStars/
Item 4, Anemochory: https://archive.org/details/Anemochory_TomeOfStars
Item 5, Quixotosis: https://archive.org/details/Quixotosis_TomeOfStars
Item 6, Scripture: https://archive.org/details/Scripture_TomeOfStars

Bandcamp:

Item 1, Anthesis: https://stargazer-elentirmo.bandcamp.com/album/anthesis-item-1-of-tome-of-stars
Item 2, Senescence: https://stargazer-elentirmo.bandcamp.com/album/senescence-item-2-of-tome-of-stars
Item 3, Sporogenesis: https://stargazer-elentirmo.bandcamp.com/album/sporogenesis-item-3-of-tome-of-stars
Item 4, Anemochory: https://stargazer-elentirmo.bandcamp.com/album/anemochory-item-4-of-tome-of-stars
Item 5, Quixotosis: https://stargazer-elentirmo.bandcamp.com/album/quixotosis-item-5-of-tome-of-stars
Item 6, Scripture: https://stargazer-elentirmo.bandcamp.com/album/scripture-item-6-of-tome-of-stars

i cannot decide

hijuslove