Collabed on this beat with @gaia-zambon-778002978

Lyrics:
so i never wanna leave my bed, i stay lost up in my head
please do not disturb me you could wake me when im fuckin dead
guess im giving up thats why you always gettin left on read
dont talk to me dont hit me up im busy tryna get my bread

dont take my pulse cause i flatlined
i know youll leave just like last time
put on a show like its halftime
like im a poet but i cant rhyme

you never heard a flow so slow, guess ive given up completely but im vibin on the low, i dont got no energy for nothin keep your fuckin hoe, she be slidin in my DMs im depressed but she dont know

said she thought its just persona
said she thought it was an act
said she thought that id be happy cause im piling up these racks
said she plays all of my songs
said she listens to my tracks
said she wanna save me now before im never coming back

Shedontknow

shedontknow (prod. Gaia & HKFiftyOne)

Beast Of Bailey Downs Freestyle

Beast of Bailey Downs Freestyle (Prod Neverforever)

Lyrics:
Sometimes I wonder if you listen to the songs I do
I know that music's in your blood, it's always in mine too
Since we don't talk this is my way of reaching out to you
And now the sunset makes me think your name in every hue

Sometimes I wonder if you're staring out your window at the moon
You're probably not, but you're outside, you're on the chair, you're looking too
Are you looking too?
Are you looking too?

spookybands:
Are you looking at the moon right now?
I can see it in your eyes, I don't think you ever really loved me
Did you buy yourself a beer last night?
And then some whiskey right after, anyway that's how I'm passing the time

And did you tell her about me? 
That new girl that you seeing
I bet she thought my name was cool

Does she text you while you on your way over
Telling you to look up at the moon
That's what I used to do.

These memories just turn to pain
And then get mixed up in my brain
I won't ever be okay
The bar is open every day

Hold me while I drift away
You don't have to miss me baby
I just tell myself you are
To feel better (that's fucking crazy)

Sometimes I wonder if you're staring out your window at the moon
You're probably not, but you're outside, you're on the chair, you're looking too
Are you looking too?
Are you looking too?

Look At The Moon

look at the moon (ft. spookybands)

i hate living this way.
lyrics
hate to choose between my sanity, or always being lonely
but both still make me crazy and theyll both just kill me slowly
so what am i to do, just live my life all by myself
or should i end it quick, but i dont want to go to hell

so maybe ill just hide away and stay inside my box
wont let anyone inside and i wont hear it if you knock
if you somehow make it in, ill just guide you back outside
then ill thank you for the visit, i dont need you, said im fine (then i cry)

i know thats no excuse, im just so tired at this point
cause nothing ever helps, like i wont even hit a joint
my younger self would hate me, i dont mean to disappoint
but nothing really changed, its been the same since i was a boy

i hate the way i work,, it always feels like somethings broken
"i wish that i was normal", swear that shit could be my slogan
i wish they understood i try my best, i just feel frozen
i swear it just gets hard now when so much of me has been stolen

i think i told my ex that i was fixed. "it went away"
but the truth is that i feel it still, the emptiness and pain
swear its probably been a year now, said it on this very day
i just hope i make it out alive. but i can only pray

its probably going to kill me
probably going to kill me
probably going to kill me
its probably going to kill me
probably going to kill me
its probably going to kill me
probably going to kill me
probably going to kill me
its probably going to kill me
its probably gonna kill me

BPD pt 2 (prod kyotospeak)

honored to have @foreignforest on this
hkfiftyone:
i feel so messed up, like im never right
swear im drained just from putting up a fight
i wont sleep but im tired, so i might
want to be up in the sky

if im real, i just want to stay alive
if i wake up in the morning, i survived
keep it pushing even if i dont know why
know there's something more to life

foreign forest:
my chest
feels like it's full of rocks sometimes
yes
i've been working on my mind
tests
all i ever seem to find is
stress
i don't wanna lose my mind yet

i'm so tired of living in the future
thinking i'll be good
but for now im just a loser
this is not "it"
lost my "present" in the sewer
gotta get it
but i don't know what i'm doing

what if i
have a different story i could
tell in time
though i didn't get it on the
very first try
at least i can say i tried

hkfiftyone:
i feel so messed up, like im never right
swear im drained just from putting up a fight
i wont sleep but im tired, so i might
want to be up in the sky

if im real, i just want to stay alive
if i wake up in the morning, i survived
keep it pushing even if i dont know why
know there's something more to life

im tryna get back up, i swear i try my best
but every time i fall, i feel it in my chest
and then my brain gets numb, so then i make a mess
its like i cant think straight, but you probably get it

hold on
i swear it's gonna be okay
been too long, but swear it wont stay
youre not alone, i know its lonely
youre all in my prayers

Sample from Julia's Message of Hope
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rvhgvmABL0

"It's ok to be afraid, but I don't want you to give up. Because the thing about depression, is it lies. You know, you gotta fight to be here. Because it does get better, and all of these lies will eventually go away. You just have to hold on, 'cause it doesn't get to win. It doesn't get to take you. Because you're stronger than that, and you're worth more than that.
And it's possible."

Stay Pt 2 w/ Foreign Forest

feel a sickness in my stomach thinking back on when it happened
but im only seeing glimpses of the feeling not the action
and i never came to terms, im not surprise my own reaction
now im nauseous in the bucket, least its kind of a distraction

burrowed in my brain i swear it feels like a disease
it likes to taunt me til im helpless, even more it likes to tease
i wont go to sleep, cant get away, its back in all my dreams
i was tainted, it was taken, so its probably as it seems

i just wish you had the power to sit down and read my brain
so i wouldnt have to mention all the things i cant explain
but it wouldnt be that easy, hope you wouldnt go insane
if you feel all that i feel, i feel it might be such a pain

i been lately having visions of the day i died in life
when i speak my heart beat fast, i feel a chill right down my spine
why the fucks the world so fucked man, think that i was only five
i aint never tell no one cause i can still pretend im fine

wish that i could help myself but i was just a kid
cant confront my deeper thoughts inside so then i hid
when i hit the blunt just makes it worse, and then i split
cant turn off the flashes in my brain, cant make it quit

now i only know this pain
every memory i buried coming back inside my brain
thought i burned it all to ashes but the scars remain the same
spent my whole life feeling dirty when i bathe, cause im still stained

but you wouldnt understand, thats why i feel so alone
so alone
feels like a dirty secret in my bones
in my bones
now it looks darker when you see the world for things it doesnt show
but i couldnt speak, so now nobody knows
nobody knows
nobody knows

Nobody Knows

lyrics
Bojack: "I just want to say that, I've loved being here with you this year. You've shown me the type of person I didn't know I wanted to be. Thank you. And I just, I want you to all appreciate this time. And how special it is. And how fast it'll all go away. Please, cherish this."

fuck, i feel like giving up
i wish that i was better but for now i guess im stuck
i been steady on the run
tryna get myself away from me, i feel it in my gut

like i hate myself so much i wanna rip off all my skin
shove a razor in my arm, been therapeutic when i did
want to hurt myself so bad but i been told that its a sin
at least thats what the Christians say when im around, they see my skin

i just have to lay low
i cant even stay stoned
laying on the floor alone
my body getting cold, this must be how i go

i feel like im gonna break
know that i cannot be saved
waiting for the day when things finally feel okay
but i doubt it so i pray

why am i still here
didnt think id see this year
ive run my course for too long i fear
if theres a future, its so unclear

i lied
im not fine
i buried it so deep but now my life is on the line
one time
just give me a sign
i swear i want to stay but it just hurts to be alive

everyones gone, and im still withdrawn
im watching the whole world collapse until dawn
i cant fucking sleep when i sweat in my sheets
cause my stomach is killing, i cant even eat

and now if you relate then im sorry bout that
i want you to smile but i know that you cant
i cant do it either a matter of fact
its just way too much work when youre still not intact

i feel like giving up

i remember on that day
the sky split open like a wound
the river spelt your name

and once the storm was done
only heaviness remained
my ribs collapsed beneath the weight
a force too strong to contemplate

i swore id find you in the space between
the waves and changing currents
of the way we know we ought to be

thought that no one wanted us
but i guess now its only me
held on tight for way too long
to broken lungs and shattered dreams

fuck, i don't want to let you go
things felt really weird wanting to live but now i know
i swear i got a taste of what this life could really be
when i saw you standing there upon the sand along the sea

fuck, i don't want to let you go
the sky opens again and now i'm drowning way too slow
that's just the way it is i know
i've been living without breathing anyway i suppose

i remember on that night
the stars burned out like cigarettes
their glow was lost in time

and in the quiet i could hear the hollow in your voice
the same as my own emptiness
the words reduced to noise

i said id find you in the space between
but every echo fades before it even ever reaches me

traced your name into the sand
the tide wont let it stay
i guess the ocean always know
the things i couldn't bare to say



i had it all figured out

it hurts so im still gone today
this high wont keep the pain away
i fade but i still feel the same
i hate the way im not afraid

i drain my blood for dopamine
i pray the crash wont bury me
these hollow nights wont set me free
but i still cant stand the weight of me

bury me

i thought i saw you standing there
and i was blissfully unaware
i see your eyes in the dark
but now they're lacking their spark

i thought i saw you standing there
i felt a chill in the air
you stand in my doorway
i cant escape there's no way

it's gonna be the death of me
if i dont get some rest
there's a ghost in my room
feel it in my chest

i know you're watching me
while i sit and bleed
i know that's more your speed
i pray and plead for this to end now

i thought i saw you standing there
and i was blissfully unaware
i see your eyes in the dark
but now they're lacking their spark

i thought i saw you standing there
i felt a chill in the air
you stand in my doorway
i cant escape there's no way

where should i go, i don't know
talking to myself im all alone
the voices in my head are company
they didnt like it either, they're done with me

ion want be here so im rollin up the blunt
paper keep me chasing so ion give a fuck
probably crashing out everytime i go to stunt
dont know when to stop it'll kill me when its done

i thought i saw you standing there
and i was blissfully unaware
i see your eyes in the dark
but now they're lacking their spark

i thought i saw you standing there
i felt a chill in the air
you stand in my doorway
i cant escape there's no way

I Thought I Saw You Standing There (Prod Saber)

why is it so hard to exist
my insides get ripped apart if i resist the urgent crawling of my skin

all my memories locked in basements and the floorboards of that room
out of body, sealed my fate
ill see you really soon

you cant see all thats in my head
i bleed it out, but to my dread
like every time went way too far
im running out of space for scars

keep it pushing but my head just keeps on spinning
telling me that i should end it but i never want to listen
cause i know that i agree but that was never part the vision
im still tryna stick around just for as long as i can bare

i hate who i am
im wasting time and
i only feel fine when im on the edge now

ihatewhoiam

i think it's sad you never cared
you said you did
or maybe i'm just wrong
i tend to split
they say its borderline
a dark abyss
and i say its really hard
but lets call it what it is
i'm so scared of getting close if you hurt me ima dip
i'm so paranoid you lying, i ain't seeing what i did
i just threw it all away, its only way that i'm equipped
you can call me Bojack i'm a Stupid Piece of Shit
i betray myself like every single thing i do
now you know my secrets when i spill them in the booth
i think i'm way too old to still be here to tell the truth
i think i'm way too old to still be smoking on this-
i'm still getting paid, still my money stack
still it doesn't change all the weight that's on my back
i could say i'm fine but i know that's cap
why the fuck i'm such a bitch, i ain't even got my back
i don't know how i should be
i thought i'd know by now at least
self-deprecation brings me peace
if you can't relate i know you can't see
i wish all the hate were to die to me
i wish all the pain weren't inside of me
my torn up lungs cannot lie for me
my secret's safe, it's gonna die with me




SPOS Freestyle

DUMMY PT 2

i swear im sorry, i dont mean it
i just, i just
i guess i always get this feeling
i been, i been
i been coping with the feeling

i been feinin for this moment
ever since the day we met

just want your lips
you feel like bliss
every time when my hands up on your hips

you get closer, im just tryna breathe you in
its been too long so tell me baby where you been

girl im aware, i know im a mess
give me time i promise that i’ll be better
my brain is fucked, i swear it’s just bipolar weather
i know i crashout but your passion keep me centered

your passion keep me centered

where you been?
its a sin
pulled me out the water cause i dont know how to swim

Fein 4 U (prod Chroma2k)

SAVE YOURSELF

i could pour this wok up, but im never gettin out
i been runnin plays and now they wonder what im bout
got some demons in the crib and i cant even kick them out
put my pain in every verse but now my heart been buggin out

i been coping with the cart, its only thing i really love
but if we tryna get real dark i still like seeing my own blood
got the pressure in my heart but still i treat it like a drug
so if im finally feeling something then i really need the plug

i cant even cope, man i just want be numb
im still gon get my paper, i wont tell you where its from
i just play it cold cause way i feel, it weigh a ton
might just cop the whip, in all black tint and do the run

i been moving silent they dont see the things i done
cut off all the leaches i aint saving anyone
said id never make it now i do this shit for fun
cut everyone out so like what really have i won

i been chasing for the bag but still the emptiness dont fade
spent a lifetime in the dark and now theres demons in my brain
pour the heartache in a cup and watch it drown out all the pain
every single soul i lost i pray i see them all one day

if i fall into the flames ill be the only one to blame
and even if i do i guess ill join them all the same
i might go straight to hell but im just coping its okay
im just a product of the times i swear this shit be too insane

tried to tell them all im cold but they aint never understand
now they see me on the rise but they dont never know the plan
i been steady playing chess while they stalking on the gram
you was sleeping on the kid but now im shining in the sand

too bad

shoutout underoath im sorry i stole ur hook dont hate me i love u

im known for the pain that comes with the silence
you only see grace, not war that defines it
i breathe in the ache, the exhale feels violent
if i lose my home, it's twisted reliance

scared of the past but can't realign it
buried in scars, i learned how to hide it
hope's just a ghost, im stuck in the dry end
but love is a drug, so i still invite it

it's all in my head, if you want, you can look inside
nothing but red, and all the mess i've been
it's all in the way i say what i do mean, i don't think i should
i need to speak of you

created void

its quiet in my head
but it dont feel like peace
a resounding echo of the soul that
im too scared to need

i could be surrounded
tell me im fine but i still feel obsolete
like im watching life through windows
and no ones reaching me

and im sorry for the mess i make when i cannot break free
its never you, its just the war that lives inside of me
i feel you fading every time i lose my clarity
and i wish that i could be anyone
anyone but me

its quiet in my head
but it dont feel like peace
a resounding echo of the soul that
im too scared to need

i text and delete
cause i dont want to seem
like im drowning in things
that come off too extreme
i miss you when you're here
its a curse and a cycle
that i just repeat

and im sorry for the mess i make when i cannot break free
its never you, its just the war that lives inside of me
i feel you fading every time i lose my clarity
and i wish that i could be anyone
anyone but me

i wonder what its like to wake up and simply just be
to love without the fear that it'll vanish on me
to feel a single mood without the need to break free
and i wish that i could be anyone
anyone but me

anyone but me

Anyone But Me

nobody likes when youre fucked, but i swear im just stuck
nobody likes when youre frozen and just cant get up
nobody likes when you say that youre trying your hardest
but still cling to vices, know its not the smartest

but what do you do when you give it your all
and its still not enough to just stand without falling
i drained my whole self and gave up on my calling
but everyone thinks im just out here stalling

nobody likes when youre broken with too much to fix
now im sick of the lies and i wont fall for tricks
so im paranoid daily from 9 until 6
and then thats when i breakdown and just start to switch

and everything goes numb, i lose my whole self
i dont know who i am to begin with, its hell
im trapped in my body, a permanent cell
i wish i could get away, run from myself

Nobody Likes When…

I added some elements and reproduced the drums to fit the vibe.
Hip Bones from Chlorine: https://1cloudboys.bandcamp.com/album/chlorine
Wwaavvyy from Burnout: https://1cloudboys.bandcamp.com/album/burnout

Oliver Francis - Hip Bones + Wwaavvyy Mashup

Photo Credit: https://vsco.co/sofiavels
Sample Credit: Pale Lungs - Roam

Lyrics:
I still got your pictures on my phone
Wonder why you thought you had to go
Left me all alone and on my own
Felt it coming this whole time I should've known

But why, why'd you have to leave me all alone
You know, how you make me feel when you ain't home
My god, it's killing me inside I hope you know
Been dead in my heart for a while though it hurts won't let it show

No time for farewells and no chances for goodbyes
You disappeared forever and you left me high and dry
How you gonna leave and leave me out here left to die
You fed me to the wolves when I needed you by my side

I don't want to say nothing that's bad about you
I still love you girl I'm still mad about you
There was once a time when I would never doubt you
But people change and now I have to live without you

You could have just said goodbye, you ghosted me moved on with life, anxiety and all this strife, and I wonder all the time if you just found a new guy

I just wanna make you proud
Like I used to when you vowed
To never leave my side when I was down
You let me sink and now I'm boutta drown

I can still see your face I can still hear your voice
And I don't even wanna but I don't have any choice
I try to block it out and listen to the city noise
You kill me from inside and now I'm completely destroyed

But the worst part is I don't know
Where you are or how you are or where'd you go
You didn't say nothing you just let me go
Left me with my thoughts left me all alone

I don't wanna see your face anymore
I don't wanna hear your voice anymore
I don't wanna think about you anymore
I don't hate you I just can't bear it no more

Your hair, your smile, your fingertips
Your face, your voice, your mouth, your lips
Your warmth, your laugh, your legs, your thighs
Your love, your hate, your care, your eyes

proud

Special thanks to https://www.instagram.com/fallingap.art/ for the artwork on this <3
https://twitter.com/sayygoodbyye
https://soundcloud.com/goodbyye

Lyrics:
Fuck you I'm just so mad
Got me feeling so sad
Think about the times we had
Why'd you have to leave like that
Left me all alone in fact
I been lonely holding back
Tears in my eyes looking past
Wishing that this could've last

Writing this letter so I could say
Dearest friend I hope you'll be okay
Think about you each and every day
I'm still wishing that you could've stayed
Want you to know that I'm broken
Hear the words that were never spoken
I was fine until I was awoken
A heart is so fragile when it's stolen

Fuck you I'm just so mad
Got me feeling so sad
Think about the times we had
Why'd you have to leave like that
Left me all alone in fact
I been lonely holding back
Tears in my eyes looking past
Wishing that this could've last

So I'll write this note and then I'll burn it
Let the smoke carry up the words and turn it
To a message from below so you learn it
Thought I wanted death before but now I yearn it
I know you want to go
Please stay I'll be alone
If you leave from this home
Don't go out in the cold

Don't go out in the snow

Please don't leave me alone

I don't want you to go

Please don't leave me alone

why'd you have to go

Prod by @cxldblxxd <3

Lyrics:
She been on my mind for a minute
Feel her in my soul and my spirit
Now she in my rhymes and my lyrics
Say she be sad and i feel it

I just wanna save her from herself
Sad girl blowing smoke by herself
In her bedroom being lonely cant you tell ya, Fats'e playing pretty girl you make my heart just melt

I want you in my bed
I just want you out my head
Hear your voice and what you said
Steal my heart i end up dead

You been on my mind for weeks
Got that spark just like i seek
Want you in between my sheets
Wonder if you think of me

Laying in the room with your lights out
Tryna get high is a fight now
Been feeling so numb this my life now
Killing my brain till i pass out

Laying in the room with your lights out
Tryna get high is a fight now
Been feeling so numb this my life now
Killing my brain till i pass out

Cause you dont know what my heart feels
Wake up from the dream nothing real
Cause i been dying in my mind
Might as well just leave cause im out of time


Dont you ever die now
Dont you ever say goodbye now
Spend your days getting high now
Im okay thats a lie now

Nearly every night i stay up and cry
Dont know what id do if you ever die
Why you be so far want you by my side
Why you be so far want you by my side

I want you in my bed
I just want you out my head
Hear your voice and what you said
Steal my heart i end up dead

You been on my mind for weeks
Got that spark just like i seek
Want you in between my sheets
Wonder if you think of me

wantyou (prod. cxld blxxd)

sometimes things just dont work out,
if you wanted me to stay you should know now,
you can tell me anything that you dont doubt,
Park Jefferson in the air while we roll out

cool breeze in her hair got my heart warm,
orange leaves in the air got me lovelorn,
cold fights on the phone make a big storm,
guess ill leave, wanna stay, got my heart torn

when i wake up my bed too big,
sleep in the hole in the grave i dig,
i walk away like i know you did,
turned my back the same time that you hid

some day when we're both alone and lonely,
some day when i want you back to hold me,
think back on all of the things you told me,
miss you feeling like you were my only

Im sorry i ran away
Im sorry i couldnt stay
Im breaking down every day
I know its better this way

can you feel this pain inside
broke inside got me out of my mind
all these days pass by i cry
wanna go back, do it right this time

i been down im so broken
cant stand my hearts been stolen
the way our lives been woven
just makes me sad im frozen

i tried to sleep away my feelings im still sad
i tried to get all of this weight up off my back
i tried to numb all the emotions that i had
i cried and laid in bed for weeks i still feel bad

Im sorry i ran away
Im sorry i couldnt stay
Im breaking down every day
I know its better this way

runaway (prod adjustisac)

zombie

explicit

Lyrics:
heard you around, i wont call back
im my own self, not your fall back
i been living fine but yourself i know you got some problems all that

better tell me now what you wanna do
ima listen now then ill run it through
let it all come out while im in the booth
choking it all down what i mean to you

hitting my line like i been lost
where you been living with the cost
staying up late when panic calls
heard you been fine man not at all

now you know me with the fame, and the name, in the place, where im hiding an ace, cuz your fate, is the same, when im dead in the grave, youre displaced, a discrace, while im lost in the haze

marceline whyd you have to go and get me all fucked up
know youre seeing what im posting im just tryna push my luck
got me drowning in gin got a bottle drink it up
cuz you sick in the brain watch me dying from your lust
Marceline, you vampire queen
Drink my blood take my red sheen
Watch it drip from your sharp teeth
Take my life have all of me

you said toughen up why dont you be a man
got bruised on my body so i took a stand
been fighting these demons before it began
it piled up so high i could see all the lands

you know me im not one who lives up in their body
im always floating round i loiter in the lobby
of all the thoughts i run from cuz im getting sloppy
my mind is out of order and im really sorry

marceline pt 2

Lyrics:
I'm so cold right now, hit a low right now
Hit a bowl while I'm drunk I'm in the flow right now
In the gutter right now, get her number right now
Get the number for the plug cause it's over right now

Gotta cope with the pain, get that shit out my brain
I don't need to explain, gotta run from the blade
Gotta stitch up my veins, shawty stay in your lane
Why you call me insane, I got scars you got the same hoe

I'm boutta pass out, (yeah)
I'm boutta crash out, (yeah)
I'm boutta cash out, (yeah)
See the tunnel with no light, (yeah)

You been on my mind too
Shame that I cant find you
No feeling inside you

But nothing can hide you
I know that you lie too
It's okay dont cry boo

I feel a migraine comin on
Shit too real so I run along
Nothin real when I'm analog
World is gone while I'm in this song

HKFIFTYONE

Pinned to spotlight

Popular tracks