why did you delete your no halo cover :( i loved it so much

Wow!! This is really wonderful!! Great lyrics and vocal!!!

been listening to your for a year and i think ill listen for the rest of my life!!!!!

i cant stop coming back to this absolute masterpiece 🥰❤️

thank u for this, i needed this when i was younger. i would repeat this over and over. and it conveyed my feelings into a melody and words, something i have trouble finding.

lyrics:
finally quitting nicotine after almost 6 years ive been
sucking down the gasoline lighting up my lungs and feeling
hollowed out  and thrown away living like a rat
and ive been trying to take care of myself  but im no good at that
ive watched all of my dvds and listened to the same songs on repeat and ive been crying more than usual and talking in my sleep
 and ive been neglecting my diary and favoring my phone , and playing new horizons daily cus i cannot leave my home
yeah I’ve been talking to my doctor and psychiatrist and shrink and ive been cleaning up my messes and then messing up again
and ive been reaching out in blindness just to grab somebodys hand and weirdly reaching bottom just to crawl back up again

hadnt rly pictured getting better but i have and i am
just as shocked as grateful tho i know it doesnt last forever 
maybe dealing with the ups and down  is crucial to exist
forgive myself for all those years i feel like i have missed?

holding onto hope onto hope
that the person i was once would be proud of the me thats not doing this alone
anymore anymore 
independancys a bore
reaching out is not a bandaid its a part of growing up

my shrink thinks i have tendencies to believe all the negatives
my brain is always feeding me, and over-sharing actually keeps
me from real vulnerability , and i just let it power me
a puppet to a lifetime of survivors muscle memory
so what if internalise and get depressive and go into
hiding   almost paralysed by this overwhelming urge
to just give up and sleep forever
just give up on getting better
but i am too stubborn to stand down and give up so i betcha

even if im tired even if my feet are sore that i will
walk this spiky road with much more passion than before
maybe getting blisters is a part of moving on
accept myself for all the things i feel like I’ve done wrong?

holding onto past onto past
is the thing holding me back gotta keep keeping on write an awful lot of songs
make some sense of this brain thats been keeping me away
from the things that i want
moving on and growing up
growing up growing up
is the next upcoming stop in this path that i took, tho its scary it is good
letting go,  getting well felt so far away but then
i became someone else  and im braver than back then

Holding Onto Hope

lyrics:
got a borderline brain   just a chronic concussion!
so whats your problem dear?  my problem? pfft nothing!
how bout with life in itself can ya fix that? hey listen
dya have something along the lines of personality fixing?
hows your head ? well I’ve only had complaints!
i went home from the doctor with a note on my brain
saying: here lies the problem you were trying to find
should’ve known the source was in me when my mouth always tastes like bile
got shitfuck immune system  sick as a dog
im bored outta my mind coughing yellow snot up
the psychiatrist talked to me like i was dumb
it was hard not to get up and scream  from the top of my lungs

yeah my brains not the best  it has several pests
sewer rats scour thru it tryna find trash to ingest
yet im doing what i can with it    I’ve always done that
i dont need pity  i am fine i am

ok with everything being fucked up  with me having shit luck
already knew that much but hey why not just pile it on
im like hardwood im infested  with my childhood home
im like broken bottles bestest when thrown out of control
im like home before the sundown   but sundown never stops
especially when you’re abused at home while growing up
im like just sneak out in the morning and hope they dont wake up
im like why are you so thirsty? why are you so rough?

even in the nights where i was sure i would die i never prayed 
instead i clasped my fingers tight and told god if he ever showed his face       i would show him
the true meaning behind the sin of wrath  i got borderline anger i am barely holding back
and god its been festering for years and i am still pissed at you
i already got a shitty dad i dont need two

i got a borderline brain with some extra spicy spices
with depression and avoidant sprinkled over it like lice 
i have ocd that follows me around at every turn
i got a list that is too long for them to print it on my urn

like here lies blood girl: cause of death unknown
but even when im dead someone will try to have my cover blown
and share my lifestory that was never meant for them
share my saddest secrets with their friends colleagues friend

cause im just a wet specimen  sitting on the shelf
gods favourite part time play is making people mentally ill
thats why i just dance around the saddest clown he got
he snaps his fingers    suddenly ill cry and wanna cut
borderline is scary i got mood swings for days
anger that i hate  feelings that feel fake
i am worried im lying to myself  even when
i am clearly so sick that i couldn’t even tell

and even in the nights where i was sure id commit suicide i never prayed
instead i clasped my fingers tight and told myself to never go that way   and to show them
the true meaning behind changing ways   i got years of being my own therapist i should get payed
and i will keep bettering myself until im better than the rest!
and i can do that even with my brain full of pests!

Borderline Brain

Ode 2 Ocd

Body Terror Song (AJJ cover)

new version. hope u like it
lyrix:
i haven’t felt like myself for so long
i dont know who i've become
in the meantime
as the world passes by
i’ve been bedridden almost for a month
caught up cabin feber gone
in the meantime
everybodys moving on

i cannot focus and now i am on my own
i am utterly alone   i am left to die again
all my friends all my friends
are so dear but far away  i am cooped up in my bed
dissapearing without trace

the world is caving in around my skull
making me forget that i can talk
making me forget how to reach out
making me forget that im allowed

but i can’t sleep in any longer
i can’t stay like this for life
im not sick enough but sick enough to never be alright
i am wrongly wired  really tired
fighting for my right
to have a little hope that i will someday turn out fine

i haven’t felt happy for so long
i dont know where it has gone
in the meantime
i’ve been sleeping quite a lot
i’ve pretended everything was going fine
so i didn’t have to lie
if somebody asked me  if ive gotten worse

i am sloppy with excuses  always covering my ass
i am scared of getting help
cus what if that shit doesn’t last
im on meds but still depressed
and therapy it didn’t help
so im just tired of the fighting
can i ever catch a break?

i am happy for you happy for you but im so afraid
i am trying i am trying but i want this shit to end
i am lonely i am lonely yet avoiding all my friends
i am scared yes i am scared that i will always be in pain
i am wallowing im wallowing but god it feels so good
i am painfully aware that im not doing what i should
i am tired of it, tired of it, but i still can’t sleep
i am sorry i am sorry that i always feel like shit

In The Meantime

shut up kiss me (angel olsen cover)

Super chill live cover of Iris by the gogo dolls. Found this old recording on my computer and thought I'd upload :)

I clearly hadn't mastered the skill of being subtle with reverb yet.

Acoustic Iris cover

lyrics:

this song won’t write it self instead i yank it out with force
i keep on twisting hoping something gives something like sweet remorse
i dont remember anymore why i now avoid my friends
something just split in me and then i kept on wishing for the end
i had a conflict brewing up, something that felt just like a storm
but now my feelings simmered down and chose to hide and shrivel up
i cannot vocalise my fears i cannot feel when i am mad
i cannot dream about the good i only dream about the bad

hi how are you? i am shit, in fact im getting worse and worse
i want to cry but i feel numb, someone just call the fucking nurse
i keep on hitting what i thought was now the lowest of my low
but then theres something under that, another endless hungry hole
i know you’ll hate me in the end, i feel it come to that at last
i am too needy, im too much, i am like touching broken glass
you cannot care for me enough, and i can’t satisfy my needs
so i will want and i will want and never feel relief
i want to die i want to dig a hole to hide in for a while
i want to sleep until i finally wake up and start to cry
i feel so strung up like a rubberband, two seconds till i pop
but i can’t stop myself from bottling everything up

i am wicked worse and what a curse that is
to be the ever lonely wicked witch
i am so overly involved
but i am still detached
i want to help you but i can’t

I Can't

lyrics:

just because i survived 
doesnt make me stronger
i dont feel like a survivor
i feel like frankensteins monster
artificially alive
with shackles stapled to my ankles
carrying weights that aren’t mine
with a body torn and tangled

i am still alive just like a cockroach
hiding underneath your sink
i survived but not on purpose
and what do i have to show for it?
a repertoire of sorry songs
and calloused fingers playing chords
i write and write with no prevail

i have a backpack full of rocks but all the rocks build up in time
and whilst i know their mine to carry , they were never really mine
i have to bear your heavy burden, have to bear it and survive
but god i can’t keep pushing rocks up hills when they keep rolling down

so im staying in my dirt hole
like an ostrich saving face
leave my tossed out dirty clothes around
like a makeshift bed
and if i curl up in the corner
to cry until i sleep
that’ll be another question
i’ll avoid and then repeat

not saving myself for anyone
im saving you from me
cus im as toxic as a wasteland
and as awful as can be
im like candy good in portions
but ill carve holes in your teeth
and ill smother all your organs
till you grow tired of me

i have a chain that jinge jangles all the way home to my bed
and if my bodys scarred and mangled that means im making progress
i know moving on will hurt and holy fuck it hurts like hell
but god i can’t push rocks up hills without hurting myself

Hurting Myself

all i do is sing songs
that nobody can hear
all i do is sing songs
that you dont wanna hear
so why are you here?
holding onto something
with both my arms tied down
im a girl with only bad things
on her mind
so why are you here?
why are you still here?

All I Do

lyrics:

scatterbrained and overeager
pressed like paper  thin and sharp
touch my edges they may cut u
feed my body to the sharks
household rules are always sacred
creaking staircase leads to death
if i dont believe in magic
 ill believe in human pain

monster cans and crumpled paper
notebooks full of pleas for help 
i feel like i just one from coma
3 years down the sewer drain
undiagnosed adhd
feels like falling fast asleep
always seriously joking
always not the enough i see


hi how are u? i am great!
i have finally, oh finally given up on trying
i am flightless like a bird
i am fightless and it hurts
but at least i know now it was all in vain
hi how are u? i am swell!
i have finally oh finally given up on trying
i am flightless like a bird
i am fightless and it hurts
but at lest i know now that it  was all in vain

unequipped for friendships and bad at being human
pressing a bandaid to broken bones
if i can always predict who will abandon me next
i can stay at a distance that will cushion the blow
ill never really get it, i never ever did
so i have finally oh finally given up on trying
i am barely even here
there are no pieces left to shatter
but at least i know now it was all in vain

All In Vain

Hello. I am Blood Girl! 
I am a 24 year old nonbinary creature that sings about sadness and bettering

Holding Onto Hope

Blood Girl

Recent comments

cat soup

babymouseeee

DANCE!

:)

Related tracks