i really like this one! it feels like a journey, like a retrospective on the path your life, and in turn your songs, have taken.

woww i love this!! what a beautiful powerful comeback :)

this is genuinely good!! keep it UP!! └⁠(⁠ ⁠＾⁠ω⁠＾⁠)⁠」

dropped my phone in a river exactly 6 days ago and i finally got access to a device with internet connection to be happily greeted with this absolute gem. so glad to remember one of my passwords for once, seeing you uploaded made my day !!!

is the beginning Daniel Johnston inspired by any chance ? (´･ㅅ･`)

I love ur music sm and im so glad u made merch

Relatable... as a songwriter who's been writing music since I was 16 myself. I'll be turning 21 in a few months and writing music has certainly gotten harder for me since then.

worst of the worstest

forgive me father i have sinned
its been 2 years since my last album
every song I’ve written since
have been about not writing   i won’t
bore you with the details
i will spare you all the gore
please dont pick my brain for reasons 
why i haven’t written more

i was once a young musician   only 16  full of spark
with promising ambition  i  made  a lot of art
i wore my guitar on my back  no matter where i’d go i took it with
i wrote so many songs and didn’t care that they were mostly shit
in the years since i have wondered , what exactly caused the change
cus at some point in adulthood    writing turned into a pain
now i pick my words with caution ,  i am scared of every verse
perfectionism haunts me with its unproductive curse

i was once a  smaller being  truly hopeful to a fault
i was freshly turned adult yet  still a child inside my heart
the way i felt like i was owed something, a life devoid of pain
the same way everything  turns out alright    before the movie ends
i’ve learned that life  is merely life   just random acts of consequence
i hate to be so cynical  but  thats how i protect myself
from thinking i am owed a good life   just because i was abused
not that i am not, but it is work,   not a decided truth

forgive me father i have sinned
its been 2 years since my last album
every song I’ve written since
have been about not writing   i won’t
bore you with the details
i will spare you all the gore
please dont pick my brain for reasons 
why i haven’t written more

Life Is Merely Life

Trust In The Process

unfinished, forgotten & scrapped songs, demos & ideas i've decided needed more love than they got when i made them . these are from 2019-2024, & i hope you like them <3

before people listened to my songs

one last time

Uncanny Valley

lyrix:

instead of rooting to get better      i started rooting to stand still
almost in spite of my past self   who thought the answer was a pill
a piece of paper stating something  that i deep down already knew
that i was damaged by my circumstances
damaged thru and thru

what doesn’t kill me makes me worse
it makes me unhappy and jaded
uncontrollably  neurotic   but  emotionally constipated
stuck  in patterns  painted by a family i’m now estranged from
painful as it is  there isn’t anyone  to blame my life on

if i   were to do that  i would have to ignore facts
i would have to look beyond the fact  that my dad too had a dad 
and everything  my parents taught me  was also taught to them by theirs
and on it goes, so on so on,    it makes me painfully  aware

that who i am is predisposed,  decided  by my blood
thats why i know i’ll get addicted if i experiment with drugs
i do my best to be the opposite  of who i might’ve been
if i had followed in the footsteps, never questioning a thing

instead of hoping   to get better  i started hoping to get worse
almost in spite  of every doctor , shrink and condescending nurse
who’d seem delighted  when they’d tell me   there was nothing they could do
what kinda medical professional  are you?

cus i never asked to be a burden   or another stack of forms
is there a place between fake sympathies and being totally ignored?
been in and out the public hospital for almost 7 years or so
too well adjusted  for commitment  but too sick to be let go

so i show up to the sessions   with the kleenex by the chair
and i weekly talk to someone who doesn’t really have to care
it feels pointless , imma lost cause,  but he doesn’t quite agree
maybe he can change my mind, i guess we’ll have to see?

i am mourning  my free will,   that i feel robbed of  in a sense
cus i was put into this world   inside somebody else’s mess
and now i have to  do the work   i really shouldn’t have to do
but i am damaged by my circumstance
damaged thru and thru

Damaged Thru And Thru

immortal

dont give up -demo

lyrics:
and even if i am depressive can i still live a life?
if a depressive personality is just chronic demise
if im talking to a doctor i always feel like i should lie
if i can’t get well i might as well be the sickest one alive

can i love you even though im clearly mental
even tho you’re probably definitely better off alone 
if you love me can u promise to be patient and to be gentle?
cus the road to being vulnerable is paved with broken bones

my borderline is telling me to freak out
my avoidant tells  me  to avoid the mess
my depression tells me sleep it off till next year
and my ocd repeats it all again again again

i am sick enough for 50 minutes once a week
yet this is the first time i’ve actually liked my shrink
i am sick enough for it to affect everything
how i talk and how i act and how i think

no hands no chance
really was the truth! 
i should’ve known by 17 i would never be like you    cus 
no brain no pain
and i yearn for that for me
a life without thinking without doubting everything
no hands no chance!
and with these tiny stumps  
i’ll play music sing until i have no air in my lungs
no brain no pain
yeah but no brain no songs  
so i’ll just keep on playing keep on singing till im gone

No Hands No Chance

realised too late that the title is gramatically incorrect but oh well.

lyrics:
first time i told anyone that i had ocd
they almost laughed a little bit about the fact but not at me
because the fact was i was sick but everyone kinda assumed
that i could not have ocd when they took a step into my room
with my sheets half off my bed and half my closet on the floor
and torn up papers, bags of garbage, stickers splattered on my door
forever messy all my life, a joke that followed since i was a kid
so no one realised when i got sick and couldn’t do anything.

i didn’t know i had compulsions, never questioned them for long.
the things i did to make myself calm down was not what felt so wrong.
it was my brain and all its humming noise, its never-ending sounds.
and even if it wasn’t screaming static it was always loud.
before i knew about obsessions id had grown used to the fact
that sometimes thoughts or weird ideas would stick around but then they’d pass
of course they left after a while and was replaced by something else
but i just thought that that was normal, after all i was a kid.

when i was 16 something changed and the ideas stopped passing by
now replaced by one thought i could not get rid of if i tried
it overshadowed every other thing and kept me up at night
and suddenly it was the only thing id think of all the time.
ocd is such a guilty thing, it feels like being chained.
it feels like you are going crazy with the weight of all the shame
it feels like waking up in mornings fearing for your life
because your brain is tryna convince you that you deserve to die.
its like your toeing on the edge of what is true and what is fake
because your brain is suddenly an unfamiliar place
and like a meatcleaver it cuts your thoughts to pieces without name
and you can’t see whats up and down you only focus on the pain.
its like theres something in your eye so you can only see with one
and there is so much you are missing but you’re convinced you’re not.
you are aware that you are crazy but you’re doubting everyone
and you get lost inside this spiral of fighting and giving up-

its like a shadow in your skull that somehow controls all your thoughts
and there is no room for your rationality or normal stuff
so all you ever really focus on is everything you fear
and everything becomes a phobia until you’re barely there.
i cannot comprehend the hours i have spent in total terror
every night of secret punishments of pleas and empty prayers
every night id gone to bed so sure i wouldn’t wake up
and every time that i considered if enough was now enough
so the first time i told anyone that i had ocd
there was a lump so big inside my throat i almost couldn’t speak
and when they chuckled i was stunned cus i expected some relief
but instead i was forced to prove to them that i was really sick
i never washed my hands for hours, never sorted all my stuff
but i would freak out in the shower, cus i was alone with my thoughts
and after meds and years of therapy im better after all
but still i wish my illness wasn’t made out to be laughing stock

The First Time I Told Anyone That I Had Ocd

Hello. I am Blood Girl! 
I am a 26 year old creature that sings about sadness and bettering

Life Is Merely Life

Blood Girl

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Wurmi 🪱

FRANK

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