Some Words

Cerulean Sky was inspired by the never-ending violence of the modern world, in particular the gun violence that takes lives of children in the US grade schools, the war in Ukraine that has already cost so many heartbeats, and the racism-fueled cruelty by the police and other people of power. This song is written from the perspective of one person's last minutes of unexpectedly interrupted life - it's a plea to all people to remember and put first the preciousness of each and everyone's existence.

Cerulean Sky

Happy was inspired by the whirlwind of pressures to "just be happy" in the world that values things that often have nothing to do with happiness; in the world that makes "the pursuit of happiness" a right and a goal, looking down on those that struggle with the endeavor; in the world that forgets that happiness is in the subjective perception of each individual. After all, happiness is the journey, not the destination, and we all could sometimes use a  reminder about  that. I really hope you enjoy my version of this little reminder:)

Happy by IlanaKovalle

Everybody’s had a time
When life felt so filthy
Sadness shouldn't be a crime
But we still feel quite guilty
Constantly told that we should strive 
For a better time, happier life
They just forget to mention
That happiness in the perception

We have everything we need 
to feel happy
We have all reasons 
to smile everyday
Let's live as if everything we want 
has already happened
Though, actually, not live
but rather play

Everybody’s had that time
When hope was gone
And you could no longer climb
Without falling down
Constantly told there is no right 
To feel depressed, to feel deprived
That we have all the chances 
To seize all possible advances

We have everything we need 
to feel happy
We have all reasons 
to smile everyday
Let's live as if everything we want 
has already happened
Though, actually, not live
but rather play

We learn to fear
we learn to doubt
we learn to survive
we follow the route
we punish for failures
we reject losers
but at the end of it all
we are the abusers

It’s ok to be weak
it’s ok to be sad
It’s ok to give up 
what you never had
Follow your dreams
don’t ever be bound
That's only how 
happiness is found

We have everything we need 
to feel happy
We have all reasons 
to smile everyday
What if everything we want 
has already happened
Though, actually, what if
we simply play

Happy

Ex-Friend

It wasn’t supposed to hit me like that 
Did not even see what went through my heart
You are engaged, soon to be married
My heart’s pierced with ache that I thought was long buried 

You never told me, did not say a word
Ever since I cut you off without your choice 
Was I the beast, not the beauty? Was I the toxic one
Why cant I just be happy that you found your one

I never thought I’d say it
But I used to love you
We spent so much time playing
Only to lose it all in the end 

You pretended that you cared
I pretended that I didn’t
We never had a future to share
All that’s left to me now is a past
With my ex-friend

I do not want you back in my life
So why does it feel like I’m missing your presence 
I assigned you all blame, made you the villain 
But was I the real monster here

Yes I cut you off but some threads still trailed 
Till I learned the news - our ship has now sailed 
Which means now I’ll never let myself seek you 
You have moved on and I’ll be glad for you 

I never thought I’d say it
But I used to love you
We spent so much time playing
Only to lose it all in the end 

You pretended that you cared
I pretended that I didn’t
We never had a future to share
All that’s left to me now is a past
With my ex-friend

Why am I so angry why do I feel this way
Sadness swells inside me and I won’t let it stay
But for now I am grieving that deceased possibility 
Of feeling your care and your support 
It felt good to believe that someone loved me 
With all my flaws just the way I was

I never thought I’d say it
But I used to love you
We spent so much time playing
Only to lose it all in the end 

You pretended that you cared
I pretended that I didn’t
We never had a future to share
All that’s left to me now is a past
With my ex-friend

It wasn’t supposed to hit me like that 
Did not even see what went through my heart

Ex-Friend

Thought You Up was originally written years ago, at the time inspired by the illusions we so often willingly impose on ourselves and others, only to get disappointed when the reality breaks through. Then in 2023 it materialized into something more else entirely and ended up being a bit of a fun experiment, where pop meets musical theater with a sprinkle of contemporary. There isn't much else that can be added to explain or describe it - it really speaks for itself. 

Just one recommendation: Do listen to it in the headphones/earphones, as it was infused with some satisfyingly enjoyable spacial audio effects!

Lyrics:

Do I love you? No, but I used to
Do I miss you? Yes, but it's not what you do
It's over, you're gone, nothing is left
I'm over, I smile again, I'm no longer dead

I thought you up, I invented it all
'Cause I never loved the way you truly were
I had a picture in my head
I saw just what I wanted to
You were not the One - my reasoning said
But I kept imposing that lie on you
I just kept projecting all that lie on you

It hurts, it burns, it destroys me
But I live in this lie of my own will
It's something that I cannot quite resist
So say it, speak up, condemn me of being a masochist

I thought you up, I invented it all
'Cause I never loved the way you truly were
I had a picture in my head
I saw just what I wanted to
You were not the One - my reasoning said
But I kept imposing that lie on you
I just kept projecting all that lie on you

When I see you my life fills with sense
Or at least I force myself to feel so intense
I need to feel something, so I lie
'Cause that pain when I don't see you
it reminds me of you, and it keeps me alive

I thought you up, I invented it all
'Cause I never loved the way you truly were
I had a picture in my head
I saw just what I wanted to
You were not the One - my reasoning said
But I kept imposing that lie on you
I just kept projecting all that lie on you

You said that you were forced 
Into an impossible choice
But in the end you made it
I never asked you to choose
You forced that choice on you
So now don’t you blame me
And I still can’t believe that you did what you did
Left me cry in the bathroom alone
Bathroom cry’s a cliche but all I can say 
Before you I didn’t know betrayal at all

I thought you up, I invented it all
'Cause I never loved the way you truly were
I had a picture in my head
I saw just what I wanted to
You were not the One - my reasoning said
But I kept imposing that lie on you
I just kept projecting all that lie on you

Thought You Up

GoneWithTheWind is not exactly another song inspired by the eponymous book or movie, but IlanaKovalle, in a light-hearted act of self-mockery, does compare herself to Scarlett O’Hara, or more specifically, to Scarlett’s failure to timely learn her lesson to secure her happy ending - the simple lesson about noticing the happiness that is right there in front of her, however easy it might be to miss it. GoneWithTheWind was intended to be a simple piano ballad about longing, but in the end it emerged as a raw expression of vulnerability in the midst of coming to terms with one’s regrets, vocalizing at the intersection of sorrow and hope.

This is the third song from IlanaKovalle’s upcoming EP “5 Stages of Heartbreak” and the first song of separately combined “The Loml Trilogy”.


I lived through heaven and hell by your side 
You were my devil and angel
My darkness and light 
Now each spring I breathe extra deep
For white lilacs intoxication 
As I wonder how this freedom could be
Your salvation and my damnation 

I miss you so, I miss you so
Every day, every night 
But you don’t miss me, no
You don’t miss me, no
Someday I too will say goodbye 
But for now I miss you 

You learned the name of the wind
And I still talk to stones 
I called my right to rescind
Turned out I had none 
Now I wait for a day when I’m not
Feeling your absence 
You’re still visiting my dreams a lot 
Breaking through my fragile balance 

I miss you so, I miss you so
Every day, every night 
But you don’t miss me, no
You don’t miss me, no
Someday I too will say goodbye 
 
You were gone with the wind 
And I stayed in the dust 
Of your fading footprints 
Our gold turned to rust 
Scarlett had to lose Rhett 
to realize that she loved him
All she has now’s regret 
Cause what’s been will not be

I miss you so, I miss you so
Every day, every night 
I miss you so, I miss you so
Every day, every night 
But you don’t miss me, no
You don’t miss me, no
Someday I too will say goodbye 
And will not miss you

GoneWithTheWind (the loml trilogy)

Half by IlanaKovalle
Would you ever consider giving up half of your remaining life for a dream (no matter how long you have left)? This question became an inspiration for IlanaKovalle’s bright pop single “Half,” which explores the fourth stage of heartbreak - bargaining - in an unexpectedly light and upbeat way. Starting out as as a personal challenge to take seemingly “un-sing-able” lines and put them to music, the song quickly evolved into a beacon of emotional renaissance, a lighthouse at the end of IlanaKovalle’s tunnel of grief. In this way, the song might belong on the same soulful shelf as Ed Sheeran’s “Eyes Closed” and the cover by Scott Bradlee’s Postmodern Jukebox of Olivia Rodrigo’s “Happier.”  
The song is also self-aware to the extent of even breaking the fourth wall in its bridge and joking about how the singer-songwriter is “writing lame songs in place of fighting for her love” - turns out, bargaining is easier said (sung?) than done, but that’s a story for another time. 
“Half” is the fourth song from IlanaKovalle’s upcoming EP “5 Stages of Heartbreak” and the second song of separately combined “The Loml Trilogy”.

Half Db BPM95
You are the throbbing phantom 
of my amputated heart 
The absence of you has 
the strongest presence 
You were always next to me
from the very start
I wish I’d recognized your 
quintessence 

Because now each time 
the word love crosses my mind
it is contoured 
with the features of your face 

I’d give half 
Of my remaining life 
To spend the other half 
By your side 
I’d take all 
The tears I shed and fall
For you again 
You’re all I ever dreamt 
My all

I’ve wasted too much time 
in the depths of my 
recursion 
I overcomplicate 
The pain of losing you 
changed me into a better 
person 
But better is not a happier 
fate 

'cause still each time 
thoughts of love are crossing my mind 
They’re contoured 
with the features of your face 

I’d give half 
Of my remaining life 
To spend the other half 
By your side 
I’d take all 
The tears I shed and fall
For you again 
You’re all I ever dreamt 
My all

I wish that I had 
flown to you
grabbed your hands 
told you the truth
instead I stayed put
crying quiet alone
writing lame songs
in place of fighting
for another chance
with you

I’d give half 
Of my remaining life 
To spend the other half 
By your side 
I’d take all 
The tears I shed and fall
For you again 
You’re all I ever dreamt 
You’re all I ever dreamt

I’d give half 
Of my remaining life 
To spend the other half 
By your side 
I’d take all 
The tears I shed and fall
For you again 
You’re all I ever dreamt 
My all

Half Mix5

Have you ever composed a toast for a wedding you were never invited to? What about turning that toast into a song? Because that is exactly what "Best Friend's Girl" turned out to be: a testament to the fifth (and final) stage of heartbreak - acceptance; the final milestone on one's journey towards moving on and letting go. 

To an extent, this song is my idea of would happen if Jason Mraz did a cover of one of Adele's songs (maybe even "Someone like you"). From little sound effects of a vinyl record to the intricately intertwined harmonies (especially in the final chorus), it's a bold pop creation. The song is also bittersweet in how it shifts its tone throughout the arrangement, while allowing the emanating levity serve as a hallmark to its theme of embracing the reality and welcoming the new chapter that is about to open.

"Best Friend's Girl" is the fifth and final song from my first EP - "Stages of Heartbreak", as well as the final song of separately compiled "The Loml Trilogy".

Ab/G# BPM87 Lyrics:

I hope that she knows to give him praise 
And when he comes from work she locks him in an embrace 
I hope that she holds him when he needs to cry
And never shuts him out or hangs him out to dry

My best friend’s girl, please love him how I couldn’t 
Please let him feel that he’s already enough
My best friend’s girl, please give him what I wouldn’t 
Please mend his bleeding heart with your love

I hope that with her he doesn’t need to hide
And that he smiles and laughs a lot with her by his side
I hope that with her he feels attractive, safe, and sure
And when he tells her “yes, I do” his happiness is secured 

My best friend’s girl, please love him how I couldn’t 
Please let him feel that he’s already enough
My best friend’s girl, please give him what I wouldn’t 
Please mend his bleeding heart with your love

I hope that you never make him second guess himself 
And that you like the things he does or at least take interest
I hope you are caring and your heart is a kind bliss
I hope you’re at least half as wonderful as he is 

My best friend’s girl, please love him how I couldn’t 
Please, please, please…

My best friend’s girl, please love him how I couldn’t 
Please let him feel that he’s already enough
My best friend’s girl, please give him what I wouldn’t 
Please mend his bleeding heart with your love

My best friend’s girl

IlanaKovalle

Pinned to spotlight

Popular tracks