Land Giant was born and raised in the crawl space under Eddie Van Halen's 5150 studio. After enduring many spider bites and too many unwanted crawl space parties, Land Giant made a daring escape to the Great Pacific Northwest. During a rain soaked search for Sasquatch, Land Giant's Toyota Prius collided with an enormous raccoon, totaling the battery powered earth saver. After many extensive attempts at eluding the authorities Land Giant was captured by The MK ULTRA. Mind control tests were done by consuming massive amounts of radioactive LSD.  His brain was surgically removed and replaced with Dr. Hunter S. Thompson's. This resulted in inter-dimensional time travel and the ability to write indie rock hits drenched in guitar dominant beauty. Land Giant needed to get his priorities straight so he is currently using his super powers keeping vagrants from swimming naked in the fountain in front of Portland's City Hall.

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