I'd let someone pull the trigger on me uwu

The Upload

shoutout @prod-oc for doing the bass for me <3 
thanks for listening <3 first solo song in forever 

// chorus
i don’t want to let go
but the feeling in my chest says no
and when the colors in my eyes won’t show
i hope you’ll see I’m better as bones

// verse
i don’t want to talk about it
cause every day is a blur in my head
when i look at you you’re perfect
but don’t look at me i’m worthless
and i don’t even try to hide it
you can see on it on the surface
everyone will say i’m heartless
i just wish that they could see

that it hurts for me to breathe
and it hurts for me to feel
and it hurts for me to walk on this earth everyday
and i can’t keep on pretending
keep lying
there’s no meaning
when my life comes to an end
i swear i’ll be okay

spotify

bones

written by Lxst Boy, Cavasoul, and soku
produced by Riddiman and oldboyy
mixed and mastered by Lxst Boy
cover art by futoh
out on all platforms

-lyrics-
(Hook: Lxst Boy)
finish up my homework then I write another song
why does everybody hate me I swear that I did nothing wrong
got like 20 messages everytime I check my phone
but i will never answer them, I hate this feeling its getting old

(Verse 1: Lxst Boy)
try to tell me that im not ok
but cant you see the smile thats plastered on my face
like come over sometime and find me dead at my place
im sipping on this coffee praying that this pain would go away
the solitude is nice but I'm sick of being alone
walked a million miles on a path they call the lonely road
pondering my consciences, the deepest part of my soul
but hey im just a kid so what do i really know

(Hook)

(Verse 2: Cavasoul)
i hate this feeling, feeling horrible
is getting old
im losing meaning, meaning everything is seeming horrible
I'm conceited, seated at a table undesirable
I know that she could ruin me because shes so adorable
I fall asleep and I see images of violence
I see a side of me incite a riot
swear my head is never quiet
I'm craving death, it tries to overtake my fear of dying
I'll just go to bed so hopefully I can stop fucking crying
i hate this feeling that I feel whenever I open up my eyes
and now my lungs have started hurting as result from getting high
it gets tiring when you always just feel like you could die
now I'm breaking down again, just for today is the third time

(Hook)

(Verse 3: soku)
it's getting old, I'm growing old and I don't know if i could stay
every time you look my way I just turn and look away
I don't know if I could stay in this place
with this feeling that I hate and it won't go away yeah
yeah my voice is sounding stupid and my grades are going down
everybody else around hating me I feel the frown
on my face yeah I'm a waste yeah
telling everyone I might just take a break yeah
I finish up my homework then I go and cry alone
everybody hating me  and so I walk the lonely road
got like 20 messages every time i check my phone 
but that's not quite reality I hate this feeling it's getting old

(Hook)

@cavasoul
@soku_music
@prodriddiman

S T R E A M

i hate this feeling w/ cavasoul & soku (riddiman x oldboyy)

IDGAF

IDGAF (feat. blackbear)

//mid music
//w artist : holyegg

using a diff mic / audio processor this time around.

Lovely Nightmares

LOVELY NIGHTMARES! (prod. Squeril)

lyric video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zy6PLSWfNas

produced by onassis
mixed by onassis
cover art by ig @hxyzo

stand out (prod. onassis)

with @tnvr555 
please check him out :) he's a great friend of mine that mixes and works on almost all of my songs, insanely talented

// tnvr 
snowfall sweetness, baby you could feel it 
summertime sadnesss, don't need no reason 
waste my time, if it makes you feel so alive 
heads in a panic, man i'm independent 
wait just wait, hold up wait a minute (why?)
not ready for the real world (oh, ok)
it's what you never say 
the facade you think you play
be careful what you wish for cus karma gets you back 

sometimes, you're on my mind
and when you're on my mind, i wanna die 
yeah
sometimes, you're on my mind
and when you're on my mind, i wanna die 

throw your holy water at me 
got some ghosts around the block that wanna see me bleed
i'm not, not who i thought i would be 
but at least i'm not you 
na na na na na 
na na na na na 

// geist 
at least i’m not you 
pulled up on the track and now your tongues glued 
throw holy water at me 
can’t burn my devils you’ll see
now it’s all blue 
scared to leave my house cause well you’re all ghouls 
come on, oh baby let’s bleed 
just pull the trigger on me 

liar, you’re a sinner  
so tired my eyes are hindered 
but i’ll still see you in my dreams
and i’m a fire in the center
burnt out i can’t remember my name 
oh woahhhh oh oh…

// tnvr & geist 
(i can’t go another night without sleeping)

snowfall sweetness, baby you could feel it 
summertime sadnesss, don't need no reason 
waste my time, if it makes you feel so alive 
heads in a panic, man i'm independent 
wait just wait, hold up wait a minute (why?)
not ready for the real world (oh, ok)
it's what you never say 
the facade you think you play 
be careful what you wish for cus karma gets you back 

karma gets you back
karma gets you back

panic w/ tnvr [prod. tnvr]

PLANTED (p. jaylen.)

thank you for listening <3
@yokaidreams
@livingpuffy

// lyrics 
// geist
up all night till i blackout, yeah
lights off at your place now, yeah???
eyes glued to your waist down :)  
getting so sick of this ghost town 
 
tell me whats been on your mind 
you seem so out of it 
truth is I’ve been killing myself 
to stay relevant 
i don’t want to talk about it
just take me to bed again 
cause everyone’s a friend 
just to reap to the benefits  
 
won’t tell you how i feel cause i might regret it
i don’t want to be the one who’s losing now  
steady building skeletons in my closet 
everybody smiles but i’m still breaking down :(
in the middle of the night 
tell me it’ll be alright, be alright 
fake another smile, tell another lie
tell me it’ll be alright, be alright 

// yokai 
hands around my neck I'm choking out
hard to be me when they say that
i’m too laid back
never gonna make it
grow up, face facts
gotta make the payments

and she tells me that we'll be alright but i doubt that
i gotta find a way to get out but i’m trapped
i thought that i could finally find a way to bounce back
forget it tho

be alright w/ yokai dreams [living puff]

@prodjpjp
@imgeist

use me for my skin, you can have it
stressed out, cant stop it's a habit
fucked up she wont talk when i'm like this
no thoughts, bringing shame i cant manage
no feelings, i feel like i might have lost it
hate my own skin get me out its getting toxic
fucked up i kinda feel like i dont want it
no feelings i feel like i'm out of options

these scars are more than cuts to me
i cant believe you really sat there and just watched me bleed
man he loves to talk a lot for someone so discreet
you took away from all i own i'll leave you in the sea
i can’t believe you really sat there and just watched me leave
i’m getting anxious i can tell that no one cares for me
man he loves to talk a lot but no one’s listening
you took away from all i own i'll leave you in the sea

i’ll leave you in the sea
i know what’s best for me
and i, held on tight when it was hard to breathe
and i,
fell apart when you crossed my name in red
and u saw how much i bled

fucked up
how she’s wanting me now
wait till i cut off all my hair and throw a fit in this town
cause i’m
stuck up
feel my ego rebound
at the end of the day
i’m a nobody with a crown

don’t waste my time
i’m wanting out
so say goodbye
leave with the crowd
every part of us is gone

these scars are more than cuts to me
i cant believe you really sat there and just watched me bleed
man he loves to talk a lot for someone so discreet
you took away from all i own i'll leave you in the sea
i can’t believe you really sat there and just watched me leave
i’m getting anxious i can tell that no one cares for me
man he loves to talk a lot but no one’s listening
you took away from all i own i'll leave you in the sea

anxious w/ i'm geist [prod. jpjp]

@gothprinc3 @tnvr555

i’ll stay far away i won’t make a sound
cause i don’t want to speak now
everybody makes fun of the words that come out
so you can stop staring
you don’t even know me
what i’m about

and i’ve had it with all of these strangers planting their lies deep under my skin
so take your pretty blade
and show them how i’m so paper thin
oh

toss and turn with the pain now
come on love blow my brains out
i don’t want to fight this
had enough, i’m lifeless
lost inside of my own crowd
paper thin with the blade out
never meant to be like this
can’t swallow all i’ll miss
oh oh

and i keep seeing all of these faces i wish i could forget
baby you know you’ll haunt me in my dreams till i am dead
and i try to fixate on the blood so i won’t feel the regret
oh love, i hope you know that it’s hell keeping you out my head

breathe

i
toss and turn with the pain now
come on love blow my brains out
i don’t want to fight this
had enough, i’m lifeless
lost inside of own crowd
paper thin with the blade out
never meant to be like this
can’t swallow all i’ll miss
oh oh

paper thin [princ3 x tnvr]

ty for listening 

// lyrics
oh love
just face it
you’re so complacent
its selfish cravings
don’t care what anyone’s thinking
oh love
just face it
left my heart breaking
is yours that vacant?
don’t believe a word you’re saying

go on and kill the lights
you do it all just for the money
so go live your life
but don’t you talk about a heartbeat
when yours clearly died
and don’t you talk like u once knew me
or i’d be alive

said we met at wrong time
saw the devil in your soul
i swear he took mine
fuck i wanted more
the life in your eyes
it was love i so dearly adored
and watched it all die :/

got me on her mind
she said that i’m her sire :)
you know i’m always pulling up in an all black attire
and you can say the fuck you want but don’t call me a liar...
talk about me on your media
i promise i pay it no mind
wasted all this time but for you love i’d waste it two times...
hate what you’ve become i’ve come to terms the one i loved died
the red inside my eyes just signifies that geist has switched sides
bloods all on the walls i made a grave for what was soul tied

oh no
i grieve
i go ghost in the night
hide in trees search for light 

it’s killing me.
it’s all taking toll on my soul
i cannot feel
cant cope no more
i’m losing sleep
and self control
there’s so much pain
breaking my bones

complacent [wetmall]

Produced by @hiraethsry 
Check out @hiraethsry and @sinxi
Lyrics

You don't need a lot to get me fucked up in my head 
I barely keep a lock on anything I hold 
You wont know the things I really feel 
When I been up inside my bed 
I swear theres shadows in my room they keep me warm 

So I fuck up my room 
Throw your clothes all away 
I'm as toxic as the day 
you were cheating on me 
Put a ladder to your problems 
Cuz your tryna relate 
Kick the ladder while your climbing 
Falling down to your fate 

Call up, I don't want to love you anymore
              (stop,ok)
I don't want to do this anymore 
Had me fucked up even when we never talk 
Call up, I don't want to love you anymore
           (throwing fire)
I don't want to do this anymore 
Had me fucked up even when we never talk

I can’t relate 
To mistakes you seemed to make 
My hands are tied
My heart unwinds 
               
Sorry i’m late but these days 
I find it hard to make up for mental stains 
It ain’t you oh i promise love 
It’s just life drive for pinnacles
               (run)
Run I needed more I needed more I needed more time 
I know my patience is running on a thin line 
Leave I gotta leave I gotta leave I Gotta decline 
My body’s aching 
You can bring yours closer to mine 
Oh I 
Wont lie 
I’m getting sick of being just another guy 
Oh I
Wont lie

Call up, I don't want to love you anymore
              (stop,ok)
I don't want to do this anymore 
Had me fucked up even when we never talk 
Call up, I don't want to love you anymore
           (throwing fire)
I don't want to do this anymore 
Had me fucked up even when we never talk

RUN w/ sinxi & hiraeth

prod by stezzyxl
enjoy^\^

lyrics:
lately i’ve been feeling like i’m fucking dead
a walking corpse hanging by a single thread
about to cut loose; the hand that i was once feed
oh no i beg

for mercy
i’ve done my best for you, but you just hurt me
i question myself if she really knows me
1 year down
i’m on my knees
and i still beg to this day

for closure
whenever u sad, u had my shoulder
whenever i was down, i just got lower
i screamed away
oh i’m in pain
and i still beg to this day 

for you
never once a day i didn’t love you
i treated u the same after i’ve been through
all the lies
and all the fights
and u won’t do the same

ur a piece of shit
ur a liar
our memories
are now on fire
ur like a cigarette 
with a bitter taste
left inside my mouth
i can’t erase 
ur pathetic
ur delusional 
u find it so cool
like an aesthetic 
u think ur always right
u wanna start a fight
u want the war? i’ll bring it to u
u won’t win this time 
oh i am different now
u can’t control me now
i won’t allow ur words to hit me if i hear a sound
and i will block u out
and i will turn u down
i’ll turn away from your mistakes, u cannot fix this now

Produced and mastered by dawsin
Vocals by dawsin
Written by dawsin

lyrics:

this is the end
and I don't know why, one look at you and I fantasize
if u dont mind i have a couple parasites
that are my friends that i want to die

both hands tied
but it wont stop me if i 
have you in my sight
woahh ohhh
BOTH HANDS TIED
but it wont stop us till we're dead inside
WOAHHH OHHHH

i got many things to say
lost all hope, disintegrate
do you see the fear in my face?
am I too late?

I got blood on my hands
ITS TOO LATE FOR ME
AND IF I 
tred on this path, will you be the one to stop me?

I need to wash away my sins, to let you in
ill put on a grin even tho this is the end

YOU GOT MANY REASONS NONE ARE ADDING UP
YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND IS DROWING IN A POOL OF BLOOD
AND IF HES TALKING ALL THIS SHIT HE BETTER BACK IT UP
IM ON THE FOURTH FLOOR IF U DIDNT THINK YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH

parasites

the winds so much colder this year
and my body heat
my body heats reserved by yours
i cant find no substance like it
no tea or coffee ever clones it
my anxietys so bad
play with my fingers look away when you glance
i try to look bothered 
you dont understand
come off so awkward and less of a man

she owns like everything that i wear
and i keep getting thoughts as if we never left
cause its 0 degrees in both places
so its like nothing even changed but i cant see your face yet

my body cant cope without holding yours i cant face it
even just the little things like smelling on your fragrance
i can barely form a sentence, and i dont talk much
youve got a grip around me, i feel i dont need to hold on

only source of motivation, i dont need to practise
tell me now to break my spine oh love ive already cracked it
cause its 0 degrees, in both places
nothing even changed but love i cannot hold your face yet

say that youre forgetting it 
but how could you just lie to me 
you knew id do anything youd ask of me 
just try and see 
holding your resentment toward me 
isn’t it so tiring
keeping all these thoughts locked inside until I’m spiralling

Out of control 
all on my own 
I’ll take you on 
can’t hide from the truth 
when you know what you’ve (lyre) done

Standing my GROUND
I see them NOW 
All the voices they start to scream OUT

No more of your LIES 
cold look in your EYES
your zero degrees 
know the frost when it bites

degrees ft. chalyre

come kiss the back of my hand
and turn away when youre mad
i fucked around and found a girl
this shouldnt happen so fast
and this is not what i planned
i walked away arent you glad
lets talk about me behind my back 
i wanna see who i am

its always some useless bullshit
something that never even bothered me
ask your friends opinion
bet theyre getting really sick of me
fabricating everything get so unhinged with it
and baby they dont even really know the half of it

its not who i am
my silence is what you get
ill runaway to the forest
never to call again
and ill regret what i did
i dont believe in an end
if nobody can compare, then how could you forget

if this was my last life, id give it to you
throw away all my body
and mark it as used
and if i told the truth 
im sort of obssesed with you
but way to scared to lose
anymore than what i do

i cant commit to something youre not sure will last
hold me close and pull your palm along my hand
whisper softly in my ear to tell me that ill be fine
i cannot make a mistake
its only you and i 

keep running your mouth
tell your friends that you know me
i would push it aside but im done being easy
this is not what i wanted 
or why im even here
i really thought you where flawless
but you disgust me dear

after all that weve been through
the solder is used
i cant keep anything together 
losing track of you
and if you want me to 
id do what you want me to
come drag me down from this pier
and fix your attitude

i dont get what you dont understand
your feelings are fine, cause im feeling em back
throwed away my life for a promise, wont last
now im staying awkward and silent and mad
i hope you dont regret all the things that you said
most of em where true but they hurt me no less
i wish you would have known me at my very best
i cant believe i turned out to be such a mess

i dont get what you dont understand
your feelings are fine, cause im feeling em back
throwed away my life for a promise, wont last
now im staying awkward and silent and mad

panic w/ tnvr [prod. tnvr]

I'm Geist

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