Funeral for a Vampire, who had charmed the Universe with their debut, simply titled I, had fled the village of Nyx after witnessing a ruse in the making. A funeral for an elder in the town square was actually an ambush, unleashing vampires from the depths in an attempt to bypass the Feast of the Ancient Ones and harvest more human blood year-round. Noodles, Dex, Kyv, and Giallo took to the Bleeding Fields outside the village, wading through mud and mist, hiding their scent from briar wolves as they fought for survival. Not content with just evading the pale creatures, they made a pact to end, once and for all, the rule of Count Vrykola, who was said to have ruled for over 500 years on a throne of blood. The trail of dead leading to Castle Ifaísteio was mostly unhelpful, save for the withered hand of a journeyman, his last gasp clutching an ancient text. It was hard to read as decay and erosion had played their part, but the context was clear: an elixir of divinity. Gathering the ingredients together, the band coated their instruments in the glowing mush, supercharging them with piety and penance. Up the castle steps, their rhythm and melody soaring, they beat back the charging vampire hordes, enveloping them in sonic waves that removed their flesh from their bones and vaporized what was left in a holy light. From the crumbling anterooms, to the cistern, to the Armory of Bones, they battled, honing their music into a raging sword, swinging it with abandon until the Lord of Shadows had had enough, making his presence known. Audionauts, so too did he come prepared, a raging piano swirling the band's pathetic attempt and shackling them into invisible submission. Count Vrykola bared his fangs, ready to put an end to the uprising, but his guiding hand began to tingle, breaking the spell. Sunlight. The night had crept into dawn, the pained outbursts of his coven echoing along the Bleeding Fields as they begged for protection, unable to make it to the castle grounds in time. His attempts to disrupt the Feast of the Ancient Ones had cost him his loyalists and his kingdom. Before the sun could finalize his reign, he absconded to a coffin of obsidian and gold, locking himself within. Noodles and his sonic altruists readied their final performance, their strength returning in a blaze of adrenaline, and swallowed the coffin with their raging beats until the very elements began to splinter. Count Vrykola begged for forgiveness as his prison exploded, his skin devoured by the sun, his bones left as only ash. They had held their own funeral for a vampire, but it was short-lived. This is where part two of Funeral for a Vampire's saga concludes, with the chest-thumping melodies of II, an ode to their sonic battles with the undead, no longer afraid to run, but still fearful of looking over their shoulder. Part three, aptly titled III, has yet to be released, but, in its stead, the IBP is proud to announce the decoding of The Vrykola Codex, a tome of appreciation and lament for the members of Funeral of a Vampire, chronicling the rise and fall of Count Vrykola and the members of the band. Its cryptic epilogue is especially chilling: warning of a new threat that is rising to the West, marking, perhaps, the beginning of the end for the melodies of Funeral for a Vampire.

Beyond the Safety of the Moon

The Intergalactic Beets Project captures real beats from across the universe, presses them to vinyl, and issues them for all creatures to listen to.