i close my eyes
im too high i cant sleep
i was alive
but dead when u found me
u became friends with the enemy
i dont like the way that u do things
you wont change 
what the point in all of this?
talking to a wall
you dont give love its opposite
i dont like the way that u do things
i dont like the way that u do things

im jus speaking with my chest
i wanna runaway from this music
and one day go start fresh
cuz i think im starting 2 lose it
and my mind starts to forget
and idk if this music 
will make it any better

everyday im feeling less
got zero time and so much stress
i wonder when this all gon end
i hope that its soon idk tho
idk tho
hopefully my life gon change
where the lights go?

and im feeling so cold
and idk where 2 go
slowly losing home
so i got no hope

all them years have passed 
counting cash
im on the high road
i wish love would last
falling flat
girl im so done
ill have a heart attack
karmas back, give it to me
and ive been waiting for the day
but the days seem the same 2 me

i close my eyes
im too high i cant sleep
i was alive
but dead when u found me
u became friends with the enemy
i dont like the way that u do things
you wont change 
what the point in all of this?
talking to a wall
you dont give love its opposite
i dont like the way that u do things
i dont like the way that u do things

enemy [under the maple tree]

back to mel & me rapping melodies over piano
fractious family pull up in the scene, shoutout sopranos
spat a mantra that i pass w/ the blunt, my music mantle
“will we make it? honest, i’m feeling stuck, starting to panic”
hard to breathe, all these problems on me hardly managed
then he hit me w/ the “shizu we feed off of the damage”

still haven't healed, but i learned
how to package that guilt in a verse
and wrap it up like it's branded
wrap it up like in bandage
grab the camera, i'm candid
so i hide my grief in the canvas
fuck it i might close my eyes, see demise when i touch u
run thru back alleys, dippin until the sunrise
feel the drip drop off flip flops under the moonlight
be steady shredding cheddar; my money mean nothing to me
said "honey love you, but this apple had 2 fall from the tree"
disconnection rotted example, family toss it to me
oh how ironic
i just fall into the car w/ no keys while..

fucking manic
but isolation, life is looking tragic
cannot stand it
time been wreaking havoc
sand beneath my weight of feeling anguish
cannot take this
baby u can have it
pain i'm lashing out like fucking magic
i just cast it
sick of all the sad shit

i been mumbling stumbling empty huntington streets
dylan kill em with the medicine infused in the beat
the summer weather beats heat down tumbling feet
flip up as my body hits hard on the sheets
i’ve been tired recently
but im not one to sleep
nocturnal lie awake grinding dust out of teeth
find my trust tends to wean like the pills of my teens
i could never keep em down found they suppress what i think 
now im a specter softly gliding down the solemn streets of 60
sipping coffee in the morning and the evening equally
while seeking refuge from myself i never speak i hardly breathe
and unless you focus strongly probably never noticed me
im transparent so apparent that im cold too the touch
hit the bare minimum and  said that shit was too much 
had my fair share of cynicism used it as a crutch
fit the solipsistic rhythm now i’m stuck in a rut

manic w/ melmige (buddy minnelli)

don't want this to end

prod me:)
hope u enjoy !

stream here: https://share.amuse.io/UOwtADVEOSum

cover art by https://soundcloud.com/melmige

lyrics:

i guess u caught me off guard
my head in the sand
a scar on my arm
a knife in my back
a noose on my neck i'm barely holding on to
so exhausted
so exhausted
trust me love, don't think you'd understand
the depth of my lack of trust in other plans
the best that i am i'm barely holding on to
so dishonest
so dishonest

just a moment of respite
is that too much to ask?
i fear they made me broken
am i only a replicant of man?
terrified of my flawed emotions
what a shame
i'll place blame
on my brain
see your face
and lose my focus
i evade, to dodge fate is hopeless
go unnoticed that lately i've been

tongue tied
wish i could speak my mind when i'm not high
wish that you could see me in the right mind
say you're terrified, baby so am i
guess that i just need a way to unwind
when it's late at night do i come to mind?
wish that you could know that you've been on mine
wouldn't lie this time
tell me would you mind if i resided by your side?

i try to breathe but i can't
i think i'm choking up
i need you more than you understand
like very much
i won't deceive you again
i know my words aren't enough
to reconcile with the part of me you'll never trust
take the burdens i carry and i'll desert em
but i know i'll continue to feel like i deserve em
i try to make it right
i fear i've made it worse
i'd die to sing a verse
but lately i've been

tongue tied
wish i could speak my mind when i'm not high
wish that you could see me in the right mind
say you're terrified, baby so am i
guess that i just need a way to unwind
when it's late at night do i come to mind?
wish that you could know that you've been on mine
wouldn't lie this time
tell me would you mind if i resided by your side?

keep it up, it's hard to keep the right course
keep me locked away behind a closed door
i reject the thought that i could ever be enough
what is there to be afraid of?

scared of how i'll b received if i put my heart out on these louis v sleeves
scared that you'll grab all ur things and just leave in the night when i've fallen asleep
i cannot tell u my secrets
i don't believe u can keep them
i'll bury myself in the coffin it's self preservation to get some relief

tongue tied

Lyrics ⬇️ 

hey dont remind me of this
hey dont remind me of that
it don’t surprise me that i had it all and then it kicked the can
i wish i aint care if you laugh
i care about their view too much
and idk where i stand
but im tryna be in the palm of ur hands

baby thats way too much
& i couldnt hold it if both of my hands held out
and i dont mean to say too much
i couldnt think why you want me to be around
you told me i did enough
but it really don’t compare to all that you done
and maybe if i was in love then i woulda chose you over drugs

you dont know what it means to be addicted
i was conflicted i was so broke
i think you sense it i was inflicting all of the
damage in all my bones
but that was my mission you wouldn’t get it
that was the only thing up in my home
other than dishes i had been washin just to get out of their face be alone

(halfhearted)

yeah i’m not alone when im up in the night 
voice in my brain said im crossing the line
coulda been worse but im barely alive, put down my weapon you sharpen your knife 
didn’t know any better,pull me apart by the holes in my sweater 
put a stamp on my letter, wait seven months but you still won’t answer 

lost and was found in the town i was raised in
praying on my downfall give em entertainment 
right hook to the jaw leave him right on the pavement 
for the last few months i been feeling like im vacant

i get racks and they know
family upset when i walk in the room
stuck on the times i was passing the bowl
but look at me now i found peace in my soul

(brecken)
you got a peice of my soul
i want it back like asap
you wanted me to go home
left you right there ima walk back 

told me that id get evicted if i ever got a place of my own

but i been here 4 months cuz i dont listen
honestly dont think you think i could grow

month four w/ halfhearted (dash)

Shout out dash for making 10/10 beats 

Lyrics - 

No face
no case
 I be slidin through the night
All black blade tucked  ain’t lookin for a fight
30 on my clip turn his whip to a shrine
I don’t talk much I just creep when it’s time

Drip like the gutter ice look muddy
Hit your block once now the whole scene bloody
Don’t know names I just move how I move
Lost in the smoke ain’t nothin to prove

Ghost in the cut I don’t do no loud
Keep my head down but I still draw crowds
Lames talk slick but they all want clout
Slide through slow make the whole hood doubt

Tags on my toes not clothes that’s death
Ridin with a piece I don’t need no vest
Chrome on the hip make em freeze no flex
Came from the mud I ain’t pressed bout checks

No face
no case
 I be slidin through the night
All black blade tucked  ain’t lookin for a fight
30 on my clip turn his whip to a shrine
I don’t talk much I just creep when it’s time

Drip like the gutter ice look muddy
Hit your block once now the whole scene bloody
Don’t know names I just move how I move
Lost in the smoke ain’t nothin to prove

rise n shrine p. dash

eski ritimler ve çok eski duygular

thank you for listening
thank you for being here

prodby @chillsebs

though at war, he's been indoors, the body sore, and torn, and dormant
if i don't wanna talk about it, least i'm being honest
thorns of those adored remain accomplice to the hardship
he's always fallen short of pulling swords from out the garden
the polishing of floors becomes reflective that he's tarnished
back it up before the words contort from what i wanted
evenings on a porch he's never bore of taking part in
endorsement of that orange supports the forging of despondence

time clots when you have the stopwatch break
i won't be disappointed if you show up late
the kettles had been settled in support of the weight
his temple thus embezzled of it's coriander brain

girl i was your home, guess you rent me
broken out of stone that is my bones, smithing weapons
monochrome that dome, devoid of glow yet ascending
closing of the mold would only hone in the essence

split at the waist, forced to guard, stood in place
and every morning that breaks subjects his soul to ablaze
he'd prefer being burnt to a pile of sage,
where the ache in the air is relieved of it's grave

missing targets that he really shouldn't
uncompressed when melodies are fluid
stake it like it's weak against the turmeric
beings want his blood for their consuming
puppet felt the tug and pull of nothing
ponders why and how he's always running
shit had changed with loss and gain of loving
mercy at the gravity of what is

i really think i'mma erode, the moment i've struck any gold, aye
just let me go, just let me go, you do not know me
hope is a torturous road, but gonna see where it goes, babe
she left me alone, now nobody knows
absent of warning

girl i was your home, guess you rent me
broken out of stone that is my bones, smithing weapons
monochrome that dome, devoid of glow yet ascending
closing of the mold would only hone in the essence

pendragon (chill sebs x poppy ozu)

honestly never really processed you were gone, but day by day i get closer to accepting it.

Lyrics:

S/M, & NTR, this shit was far from proper love
you know i did some self reflecting and what i felt 
it wasn't lust
oh i been missing you and lately i can't even fill my cup
only upping
higher dosages i hope they fuck me up
don't even look at other women even now at 14 months
you've seeded so deep in my head i feel like i can't even drop
i've written many songs in past tense and i'll prolly write some more
maybe spend my whole life coping bout the girl i wanted more

i guess the chapter closed a while ago it's time to end it off
but i've got fear of letting go and i can't take another loss
i know you'll probably listen in
i know you'll probably hear this song
i'm taking something over nothing cuz your memory is all i got
a couple friends i made since knowing you could vouch
that i wasn't doing well for a while by myself
and even through it all i honest really wish you well
and if you haven't hope you get shit figured out <3

rumination (prod. whyke)

not sober

GO! (PROD.SOGIMURA)

new music every two weeks

I wouldn’t be here without you all 💙

don't want this to end

yung van

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