just another strong set of words that represents my daily struggles

In Pain Trance (Impatience) (Prod. Beyondhelen x Brxmley x Lvnarbeats)

💔inside of you can heal the inside of me that's TORN 

TORN (Prod. Grimsidelbc (Prod. KILLWOOZI)

ANCHOR (Prod. GRIMSIDELBC)(Prod. OSMI)

PAIN (PROD. BRETTATHEW) (PROD. CYOUNGBEATZ)

THE GOOD DIE YOUNG (Prod. GRIMSIDE) (Prod. SAFE)

THE SKY (PROD. GOTHIQUE)

KEEP ON (PROD. NNOVAD)

ALONE (PROD. MOON)

BURNING SUN (PROD.LUKE)

REAL LIFE (PROD. LUKE) (PROD. LUFFYSOME)

TURN THE PAGE (PROD. PRETTY JOHNNY)

LOST BOY (PROD. INTENSYA)(PROD. GRIMSIDE)

I just wish life didn't have to be this way.. 
I hate chillin with my best friend at his grave.
It's not what you think.
So much to say in me.
So much so say in me.
Sometimes words don't come out, I just breakdown and cry uselessy.
We did so many stupid things.
I feel no release.
I feel no release.
How could you take your life and leave your loved ones wondering, wandering?
It's more than me.
Depression and anxiety takes the souls who can't eat or sleep.
It stays suppressing physically, mentally.
Really, really not letting you be who you wanna be.
Too much reality.
Lost in your own world, broken hearted from a girl that said she would never leave.
That was my destiny.
I'm just describing my own life, this is part of my story.
So much to say in me.
What do I get to keep?
Just death.
I have no peace, when do I have a chance to fucking breathe.
When I let it out I bleed.
Shadows are security.
Fuck this world and the drugs that you took so lonely.
Blood stays flowing.
So much to say in me.
I have no peace, when do I get a chance to fucking breathe.
When I let it out I bleed.
Shadows are security.
Fuck this world and the drugs that you took so lonely.
I really can't deny the pain I feel inside has haunted my whole life to the point where I wanna die.
To understand the light you must feel the otherside.
You cannot close your eyes to the GRIMSIDE.
If you fall consumed there's so much truth to getting up when you lose sight.
I can't play by the rules cuz my spirit flys.
I can't remember the last time when I felt alright.
How am I supposed to forget the negative?
You always come my way say I was never shit.
How am I supposed to forgive?
Away from it all when I split.
You can't handle it when I spit.
Turn your speakers up bitch.
They take advantage til I'm sick.
I say I believe in love.
I live with no regrets.
Shit keeps getting worse I been sitting in the dirt thinking I won't live.
Do I know my worth?
Even if I did, I have no more to give.
My life moves like the wind.
My fingers slip.
All I feel is death.
A sinking ship.
I'm lost in my fucking head and I been alone for far too long, it's wrong I feel already dead.
My music makes me live even if it makes you sad.
I'll say it again and again..
I stay with true self-expression for every dying man.















SO MUCH (PROD. PIERRE606) (PROD. 1ICAMI) (PROD. GRIMSIDELBC)

Ripped from my arms. 
Continuous grief. 
Taking my rest, my sleep,my peace.
Empty for eternity. 
The love in me is wandering abandoned and bleeding. 
Judged by society, darkness keeps me screaming.
You'll never kill the light in me as long as I'm breathing. 
GRIMSIDE.
nickydee L-B-C.
Drowning in feelings that leave me incomplete
Try to get some rest but I can't so I feel dead.
Thoughts of a pessimist mixed with death and no love is a recipe for the end.
No light in sight or a reaching hand.
I fucking can't relax.
I cannot accept that she won't come back. 
Shake the earth, strike the ground, yell out loud.
Fuck that.
What the fuck.
I'm not ok.
I cannot survive without the only one who added color to my gray days.
She met her demise when it should have me.
I've been waiting to die ever since I was 13.
I'll repeat that many times I'll say it again until I die. 
I've been trapped in my own mind, fake a smile, I'm filled with fire, I'm numb inside.
She was filled with so much life and it was taken away that night.
Can't believe he killed my love, thought that we would be alright.
Now I'm always hard to find.
Hide my face.
Can't show up.
If I let you in don't you ever be unkind.
Darkness is in my place. 
Nauseous I might really throw up.
They all left me behind. 


NOT OK (PROD.CURTES) (PROD. GRIMSIDELBC)

Pretty baby she don't even talk back.
She ignore me she don't give a fuck less. 
In my feelings yeah I'm straight down bad.
I give my best even though I'm depressed.
She'd adore me if she gave me a chance.
Not the one, now I'ma wreck.
Insta story always saying I'm sad.
They don't love me they don't have my back.
Yeah.
Pretty baby she don't even talk back.
She ignore me she don't give a fuck less. 
In my feelings yeah I'm straight down bad.
I give my best even though I'm depressed.
She'd adore me if she gave me a chance.
Not the one, now I'ma wreck.
Insta story always saying I'm sad.
They don't love me they don't have my back.
Yeah.
It ain't funny bitch I can't relax. 
Really feel like shit I feel attacked.
Maybe one day I won't be down bad, count these racks, when life's not trash.
Not looking to be saved but when you love on me just know youre healing my past.
Yeah.
Smoke one, blaze one, blow on gas, take a dab, RIP my day 1, fuck feeling mad.
Swear the days gone so fast.
When I'm alone my thoughts just crash.
Sometimes I just wanna runaway to a place with the sun on my face it helps me to grow not to be a broken man.
I don't have to be hopeless, it's not like that.
I just really feel lonely, there's no love back.
Down bad. 
Down bad. 
Down bad.
Down bad.
Down bad.
Down bad.
Down bad.
I don't have to be hopeless, it's not like that.
I just really feel lonely, there's no love back.
I don't have to be hopeless, it's not like that.
I just really feel lonely, there's no love back.
It's not like that.
(There's no love back)
There's no love back.
It's not like that.
There's no love back.
There's no love back.



DOWN BAD (PROD.TWENTY6IXTEEN) (PROD.GRIMSIDE)

All at once this is just too much. 
I wanted to keep you safe. 
In me, you just lost faith. 
You slipped away into another place. 
When the life left your eyes I died that day. 
They said that you were missing..
You already passed, its been three 3 days. 
It was December 15th 20-23.
I see the fucking crash in my mind everyday.
Now I can never kiss your face. 
Now we can never run away.
Back to left on read.
Judge me cuz I'm dead. 
Hopeless romantic man. 
I have no fucking plan. 
How does this fucking happen to me? 
Swear to God I'm in disbelief. 
Feel a rope tied to my ankles and the bricks to my feet.
Except I don't jump I keep the pain in me. 
Cried so many tears sometimes I can't even speak. 
I know it's hard to believe. 
I'm shaped from tragedies. 
They are all apart of me. 
The sadness, the love, the memories, the feelings of feeling incomplete.
Rest in peace to the lonely deceased.
I'm not sure when I'll ever feel a sense of normlacy.
Rest in peace to the lonely deceased.
Rest in peace to the lonely deceased.
Rest in peace to the lonely deceased.

APART OF ME (PROD. CHEMICAL) (PROD. GRIMSIDELBC)

Grief. 
A portrait I just paint.
A never-ending pain.
A never-ending scream.
There is no pretending.
I really am just me.
Mr. Incomplete.
GRIMSIDE.
nickydee L-B-C.
Wallow in my suffering. 
There's no tomorrow in my reality.
Everyday just repeats since I lost my family.
I never knew a love so haunting. 
Rest in peace My Meli.
I lost it all and kept walking.
My skin starts to crawl from all the self doubting..
When it's me versus me it's just chaos colliding. 
No one to confide in. 
Just confined and sickened.
Visions of my wrist slit.
How do I keep on living? 
Really trapped in the abyss from loving a human being.
Sacrifice my whole life and now all I am is nothing.
You can't kill my love it just keeps on burning. 
Tell me to shut up and I'll just keep on talking. 
Never give a fuck cuz when I gave one
I was never enough when I gave all of me.
Now it's raining blood, I am now hollow truly.
Crushed and still in love with the one that left me lonely.
Grief.
Grief.

GRIEF (PROD.VELVET.WAVE)(PROD.GRIMSIDELBC)

If only they knew.
I was the saddest in the room.
Filled with passion kinda rude.
Love assassin with my tool.
Keep on smashin when I lose.
It's the truth.
I keep losing my love cruel.
Maybe they know. 
They don't give a fuck about a lost soul.
No trust cuz somebody left your world cold. 
So fucked, I give my all, I get left alone.
The children sad they don't have a mom.
I give my love I'll always answer if you call. 
I just cry and hit the wall. 
My memory is on fire. 
What does it mean to you to have it all?
I used to have it all. 
Have it all.x4



HAVE IT ALL (PROD. VELVET.WAVE) (Prod. GRIMSIDELBC)

So what I'm sad.
Fuck it I'm mad.
Fuck a lame bitch that don't wanna love me.
GRIMSIDE nickydeeLBC.
I get the cash.
Never be last.
Even if they took it all from me.
I got the swag.
Lost in my past.
There is no way that I cannot love you.
Die to bring you back.
I can't relax.
All there is left is pain, they did not come through. 
Feel my mind attack.
Might fuckin relapse. 
Didn't come all this way just to lose, that is all true.
Stop ,I just can't.
Deal with the fact.
Never be the same without my wife but I cannot fall too.
Lost in past.
Memories crash.
There is no way that I cannot love you.
Hope my breath last. 
Don't wanna die fast.
All of this rage keeps me confined and consumed.
Abused.
One of the used.
Keep me confused.
Leaving when I'm bleeding is terribly rude.
It's the way I see things that kill my mood.
Trust me I'm the real thing when I say I love you.
I'm tired of fucking screaming, im so alone I can puke.
There is no way that I cannot love you. 
There is no way that I cannot love you. 
Sacrifice my whole life give it all up for you.
There is no way that I cannot love you.











NO WAY (PROD. USHANKA BOY) (PROD. GRIMSIDELBC)

Sometimes pain runs deeper than you'll ever know...
Sometimes I'm in more pain than I'll ever show..
If I had arms of steel I could break the fucking ground from the emotion I feel. 
My entire world changed when my wife got killed. 
Memories on my brain haunt my brain so real.
You ain't trying to get in the paint that's blood all over the wheels. 
Don't ever ask me if I'm okay if you're part of the reason why I feel how I feel.
There's nothing to explain. 
When you were needed you just moved out of the way.
That's just not real. 
I can't relate. 
I'm the type that can't bear to see my family in pain. 
But now I have no family I'm just a ghost that screams. 
Feel so fucking stranded, I'm in a state of disbelief.
Off of this planet, sad and laughing, smoking just so I can eat. 
Don't ever say you know me when you just left me lonely feeling worthless.
I'm not fucking perfect but if you lost what I lost I wouldn't have left you deserted. 
And if I didn't wear this cross you would be in the dirt bitch.
I really struggle with forgiveness. 
You don't give a fuck what it cost me so I'll just leave you clueless.
I don't want to bury my head in my hands and continue to feel like I'm useless.
I don't need you to tell me that I'm the man when I already know what I'm doing.
You don't even got to deal with what I got to deal with.
I go to sleep and wake up every morning feeling fucking sickened without my wife and children. 
If you only plan to make shit worse trust me you do not exist. 
Make you feel my abyss.
I am not the one to fuck with. 
My only one was gone quick. 
Now I have no fucking trust it has gone with the wind.
I am him.
Abandoned.
Abandoned.

ABANDONED (PROD. SANTORYO) (PROD. GRIMSIDELBC)

Honestly fuck this feeling.. x3

Can't give a fuck if you were late.
Can't give a fuck if you relate.
I'm eating steak on my dinner plate. 
Smoking dank.
Always in pain.
I might pass away.
I'm all alone chilling in my grave.
I'm fuckin stoned.
I'm in a tomb in my brain.
nickydeeLBC.
All he feels is pain.
GRIMSIDE.
Sick and fuckin tired so I hide away.
Got a lighter? 
Just get higher, shout out Juicy Jays.
When I get caught up in the fire, I really make it rain.
When I get caught up in the fire, I really make it rain.
Try to live my life wiser and learn from my old ways. 
Try to live my life wiser and learn from my old ways. 
I'm a lover, I'm a fighter, I'm a writer when I rage. 
I hold the mic and fuckin scream.
I'm a demon in the sheets.
Keep on bleeding cuz I'm me.
nickydeeLBC 
GRIMSIDE 
Lost my Meli, only kiss her in my dreams.
Loss is heavy.
Glock stay ready if you really fuck with me.
Aim stay steady.
You ain't ready for the beam.
So just leave me in peace or I'll really set you free.
Yeah.
Loss is heavy.
Glock stay ready if you really fuck with me.
Aim stay steady.
You ain't ready for the beam.
So just leave me in peace or I'll really set you free.
Show you suffering.
Show you the meaning of ugly.
Yeah 
Loss is heavy 
Show you suffering.
Loss is heavy.
Glock stay ready if you really fuck with me.
Aim stay steady.
You ain't ready for the beam.
So just leave me in peace or I'll really set you free.
Show you suffering.
Show you the meaning of ugly.
yeah.
Loss is heavy.
Glock stay ready if you really fuck with me.
Aim stay steady.
You ain't ready for the beam.
So just leave me in peace or I'll really set you free.







FUCK THIS FEELING (PROD. PRXD_AJ)(PROD. GRIMSIDELBC)

Head to the chrome, fuck a crowd, 
I'll leave the room alone and pray that I just make it out.
Knife to my wrist, I know that they won't miss me now.
Feels fucked up when I say that all out loud, out loud.
Just my honest thoughts no it ain't for clout.
Don't wanna keep on crying baby I don't wanna drown.
Never felt this crazy and lonely, I hope that I can make it out.
Hope that I make it out.
Hope that they stay down.
I don't wanna feel the rain come down.
Never felt this crazy and lonely, I hope that I can make it out.
Hope that I make it out.
Hope that they stay down.
I don't wanna feel the rain come down.
If I give up, see me laid out.
Shot rings out, blood and brains pour out.
Don't wanna fucking halo now.
Unstable, the savior of the bleeding sound.
An angel that has fallen down yet still is proud.
A love like you never known is around.
If I let go just know I that found no other way to see beyond the clouds.
Fighting myself.
If I just let go, I can't just let go, I can't keep fighting myself.
Yeah.
If I just let go, I can't just let go, I can't keep fighting myself.
Yeah.
If I just let go, I can't just let go, I can't keep fighting myself.
Yeah.
If I just let go, I can't just let go, I can't keep fighting myself.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I can't keep fighting myself.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm in hell I can't keep fighting myself.
Yeah.
I'm in hell I can't keep fighting myself.
Yeah.
I'm in hell I can't keep fighting myself.








FIGHTING MYSELF (PROD. YUNG LEXAR)(PROD. GRIMSIDELBC)

How the fuck do you say you're my friend?
Stuck, you left me in the deep end and I didn't see a hand.
Never act like you really had my back.
When you hit my phone I'm always last.
I don't want no fake friends.
Stay the fuck away never talk to me again. 
Stay the fuck away never talk to me again.
And when I turn the page there's no fuckin regret. 
I'm him.
A man full of pain just trying to win.
A man full of rage that's just so sick.
Grief made me insane but I keep living.
Keep loving.
Pray to God above me there's someone out there for me.
Pray to God above me there's someone out there for me.
Give fuck if you judge me.
The whole world is ugly.
Give fuck if you judge me.
It's always fucking something.
It's always fucking something.
It's always fucking something.
Spin In my head, spin In my head, spin in my head,
Fuck fake friends.
Spin In my head, spin In my head, spin in my head,
yeah.
Spin In my head, spin In my head, spin in my head
Fuck fake friends.
Spin In my head, spin In my head, spin in my head bitch.
Spin In my head, spin In my head, spin in my head,
Fuck fake friends.
Spin In my head, spin In my head, spin in my head,
yeah.
Spin In my head, spin In my head, spin in my head
Fuck fake friends.
Spin In my head, spin In my head, spin in my head bitch.
How the fuck do you say you're my friend?
Stuck, you left me in the deep end and I didn't see a hand.
Yeah.
Never act like you really had my back.
When you hit my phone I'm always last.
I don't want no fake friends.
Stay the fuck away never talk to me again. 
Stay the fuck away never talk to me again.
I don't want no fake friends.
Stay the fuck away never talk to me again. 
And when I turn the page there's no fucking regret.
Yeah.
And when I turn the page there's no fucking regret.




FAKE FRIENDS (PROD. M.EXO46) (PROD. GRIMSIDE)

nickydeeLBC 
Grimside
This is disparity.
Fuck.
This disparity 
My house is paper thin. 
The spirits walk around and scream from the abyss. 
I am him. 
The one who knows loneliness. 
Took a look around and all I saw was death.
Thoughts keep screaming loud, lost up in my head.
Will I make it out or die from my own hands?
My flame is burning out, I don't really understand. 
Don't understand.
There's people that walk around really giving all they can. 
Done all they can.
I'm not like any other man. 
The way I gave my all and now I'm sad.
Wish I had someone to call my own but I'm alone and that's what makes me mad. 
If you could only know but you don't so just relax.
Just relax.
I smoke to not lose control of my own life fast.
This is disparity.
I know more than I wanna know and that's what scares me.
This is disparity.
I feel more than I wanna feel.
I say more than I wanna say.
They still don't hear me.
Back to the dispensary. 
This is disparity.
I smoke when I wanna smoke.
My thoughts scream loudly.
Yeah.
This is disparity.
Get high, I just wanna float that sounds relaxing.
This is disparity.
Can't stop dabbing.
Grimside on the mic bitch I die everyday it's a tragedy.
Yeah.
This is disparity.
I know more than I wanna know and that's what scares me.
This is disparity.
I feel more than I wanna feel.
I say more than I wanna say.
They still don't hear me.
This is disparity.
This is disparity.
They still don't hear me.
This is disparity.
This is disparity.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This is disparity.
I'm not like any other man. 
The way I gave my all and now I'm fucking sad. 
The way I gave my all and now I'm fucking sad. 
The way I gave my all and now I'm fucking sad.
The way I gave my all and now I'm fucking sad.
The way I gave my all and now I'm fucking sad.
The way I gave my all and now I'm fucking sad.
The way I gave my all and now I'm fucking sad.




DISPARITY (PROD. YUNGO17) (PROD. GRIMSIDELBC)

nickydeeLBC 
GRIMSIDE MOTHAFUCKA 
I'm not complaining.
This pain is neverending.
Never. 
Ending.
This pain is neverending.
Never. 
Ending.
A dab to you is a bowl to me.
So I take 3.
The pain I feel's controlling me.
When I smoke too much I just go to sleep.
When I feel alone my thoughts creep.
I go into zone when I'm really lonely.
Dead alive, living ghost, I get so high, I'm so sad, it's overflowing. 
If you sit in the shadows you might know me. 
If you live to see tomorrow, you are lucky.
I hold so much sorrow, it gets ugly.
I lead, I do not follow the untrustworthy.
My heart keeps feeling hollow, life is burning me.
Wallow, bleed and bleed until I'm worthy.
I cannot believe I lost my one and only.
Yeah.
2023 has taken apart of me, to start again is so concerning.
The pain is neverending.
Never.
Ending.
I am so incomplete.
I'm learning to breathe.
This codependency is embarrassing.
Without her I really feel like I am nothing.
I'ma doubter, I'ma downer, fuck you if you think this shit is funny. 
Yeah.
Let me create a painting.
The colors say I'm insane and crazy.
I have too much love, somewhere along the way when I gave it away, I swear it fucking killed me.
I have too much love, somewhere along the way when I gave it away, I swear it fucking killed me.
I'm not complaining.
This pain is neverending.
Never.
This pain is neverending.
Ending.
Yeah.
Never.
Ending.
Never. 
Ending.
Never.
Ending.
Yeah.
Never.
Ending.
This pain is neverending 
This pain is neverending.






NEVERENDING (PROD. L3v3lRov3r) (PROD. GRIMSIDELBC)

Vocal tracking and mixing done by James Meays

RAW (Prod. Tundra Beats)


RIP MY WIFE 💍🕊️❤️‍🔥
MELISSA MAROBIA DU ROSS
🙏🏾✝️🦋🕊️🥀💔


Insta @grimsidelbc
34, names Nicky. Born in Hollywood. Raised in Long Beach on the Northside til I was 11 and headed out to the Eastside.
Met a dope girl with 3 kids in 2022 and I fell in love. She was tragically killed before we were supposed to get married July 1st 2024 on our two-year anniversary.
Life is now very different..💔
All vocals and lyrics by me.
Looking for dope beat artists all the time.
I have very good energy and material in my head.
What I have to say in my music is real and hands on to how I think and how I feel. 
I will be coming out with material as much as possible. Stay tuned. All love 

𝖓𝖎𝖈𝖐𝖞𝖉𝖊𝖊𝕷𝕭𝕮

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