this is who i wanna be

Beauty

sorrow w/ kaido

produced by LARUE MADE IT

ig www.instagram.com/4javan/

you killin' my heart
but you look divine when you do it
it took some time when i turn around
you did me dirty but i aint hear a sound

havent seen u in 500 days baby
would you still believe me
its been bout 500 days baby
just wondering if you love me

now
were talking bout now and forever
i still smell my scent on your sweater 
i know you know 
you know that i am better

sending me messages 
wondering where i been
send in my location 
so you can stop all this
all these thoughts in my head
thought about the things you said
following my old footsteps

now
were talking bout now and forever
i still smell my scent on your sweater 
i know you know 
you know that i am better

you killin' my heart
but you look divine when you do it
it took some time when i turn around
you did me dirty but i aint hear a sound

(no oh oh oh oh oh)

divine

@1spoder
https://www.instagram.com/1spoder/

produced by @prodbyjoshwa
www.instagram.com/prodbyjoshwa/

[lyrics]

(spoder)
you drunk back at 4 am
this shit ain't that easy
tryna find a purpose hoping someone gonna need me
i got a ring, "hello?"
get to the guap, gotta go
i move the pack and i'm gone (bye)
i knew for a fact you were wrong

and my world keeps spinning
can't remember if i'm winning
i'll see you later
she only care about paper
remind me it's not ever fair
for once, felt like a cool a hunnid bucks
she told me i was not enough
i wish that you knew you were wrong
and my world keeps spinning
can't remember if i'm winning
i'll see you later
she only care about paper
remind me it's not ever fair
for once, felt like a cool a hunnid bucks
she told me i was not enough
i wish that you knew you were wrong

(javan)
something doesn't feel right
feel like i'm dancing with the devil
for like half my life
our love ain't that stable
i been looking for a change
hoping you would do the same
can you tell
this love ain't right for me
lying on the floor 
i been thinking if i'm being used
actin if she cared (cared, cared)
i'm like so confused
why you acting so recluse
i mean it's up to you
you been acting such a fool
i'll just head out soon

(something doesn't feel right
feel like i'm dancing with the devil
for like half my life
our love ain't that stable
i been looking for a change
hoping you would do the same
can you tell
this love ain't right for me)

woke up from the floor
i wanted something more
i'm the one you should adore
(dore, dore, dore)
woke up from the floor
i wanted something more
i'm the one you should adore
(dore, dore, dore)
oooohhhh

(spoder)
and my world keeps spinning
can't remember if i'm winning
i'll see you later
she only care about paper
remind me it's not ever fair
for once, felt like a cool a hunnid bucks
she told me i was not enough
i wish that you knew you were wrong
and my world keeps spinning
can't remember if i'm winning
i'll see you later
she only care about paper
remind me it's not ever fair
for once, felt like a cool a hunnid bucks
she told me i was not enough
i wish that you knew you were wrong

exploit w/ spoder (joshwa)

prod me and ello i played the guitar :D
huge shoutout to all my friends/fans who made this year the best

a new start

prod me

To be honest with you
I don’t know if I am really alright 
Love in disguise
I’ll be just fine 

Ooohh
Just say what you bout to say 
I’m just 1 mile away 
Ooohh
Just say what you bout to say 
I’m just 1 mile away 

She said alladin why you so different
Trust me i change every season 
You know i gotta keep my distance
But now im feelin so different
(You, you, you) 
Calling you my bluff (uh huh)
One I can trust (uh huh)
One who I love (uh huh)

To be honest with you
I don’t know if I am really alright 
Love in disguise
I’ll be just fine 

Ooohh
Just say what you bout to say 
I’m just 1 mile away 
Ooohh
Just say what you bout to say 
I’m just 1 mile away

isolated

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/6WoXlGle95jkszY3VAWPho?si=2327d7ba423c4d4c

produced by plantcham
written by me
mix and mastered by me

happy birthday 2 me
been incredibly uninspired as of late, sorry for the absence
wanted to try something different, happy tunes after this
i hope you enjoy :)

///
been awhile since i felt something
that felt real
my never ending thoughts
feels like im throwing rocks
can't you hear me?
i'm screaming
do you fear me?
i'm pleading
cause this just don't feel right
i don't want to cause a fight
you should live your final life
you've already ruined mine

am i
a bother?
were you proud then?
what a shocker
a crawler
every day just gets longer and longer
a bother
were you proud then?
what a shocker
a crawler
every day just gets longer and longer

can't help but feel stuck
it's all in my head
got this damn ache in my chest
just a minute of rest
is all i ask for
i don't feel bad for the way that i act
when my intention was for you to relax
so calm down
breathe in
what's the point in it
when you're not feeling
been awhile since i've gone without a meaning
i wonder why you talk without a reason
cause you've already ruined life

am i
a bother?
were you proud then?
what a shocker
a crawler
every day just gets longer and longer
a bother
were you proud then?
what a shocker
a crawler
every day just gets longer and longer

crawler

Worth Shit

finished aug 24 2021

'depressive minimalism'

a study in artistic efficiency, stripping down a song to its bare essentials

verse:
been a few weeks since i finished school
feeling none of the euphoria
self awareness is a bitch
a farcry from the utopia
i only live for the rainy days ahead
validation in being alone
why am i jealous if i’m different
this the only thing i’ve ever known

chorus:
comatose, overdose, leave me to my devices
death is feeling way too close, early midlife crisis
hide under the bedsheets, don’t wanna feel too alive
take one for the human race, let you know at least i tried
x2

post-chorus:
to hell and back, been there, done that, already feels like home
my blood is tasting toxic today, seeing things in monochrome

verse 2:
living in the leftovers this is what i want
sacrifice what you can’t know
can’t even keep a conversation, this brain of mine falls short
so far gone, i got nothing to show
man i’m always in a third person pov
i just stand there, watch it unravel
cold showers keep me asleep
every day a struggle, another battle

chorus:
comatose, overdose, leave me to my devices
death is feeling way too close, early midlife crisis
hide under the bedsheets, don’t wanna feel too alive
take one for the human race, let you know at least i tried
x2

post-chorus:
to hell and back, been there, done that, already feels like home
my blood is tasting toxic today, seeing things in monochrome