(i was 25 years old when I wrote this song)

unwhen,
unwhere,
unthen,
unthere,
the rebirth cauler is tearing in two,

now no one must know,
but one has to go,
and one has to carry it through,

you know that I've been here before,
it's not the first time,
I've been here ever since I was 13 years old,

Oh no...
here we go,
and I'm right back where I started,

in me,
 I see,
something that calls for ending always,

life is a dream jealous of waking,
and i'm water transmuted to steam,

I've never dreamed that I could fly...

I only dream I fall...

once absence of pain,
in chemical stain,
was the only refrain,
I could spin,

emotive entropy,
I couldn't face me,
without burning or blading my skin,

shame is my keeper,
and my reaper,
and my bell toll,

innocence questions,
 and me?

...I can't explain,

I was 25 years old when I wrote this song,
another year was far too long,
life lent in lease,
to a strangling of surcease,
as an echo dying to be deaf,

now I'm 36 years young,
and I ain't dead yet,
a lot of dead friends and ripe regrets,

but I've learned to fly,
and the freedom of self control,
let tomorrow be itself then,

Devadatta don't,
the binary bind manacles your mind,

Devadatta

if the sky must fall,
let me meet it half way,
way up where,
 there is no night or day,

but if there is a chance,
for ignore-Ants,
to march right past,
the burning glass,
that bends of the light,
to smoulder smite,
let me stay down,
upon the ground,

degraded the ape,
demands we stand,
for a paternity test,

afraid of the shape,
we lent the darkness,
draped it in our best,

took purity void of intent,
and gaggled it in human scent,

they'll mount the mirror
on special nights,
and speak your name,
to absent lights,
and Scurvy Dervish,
thrice intoned,
they'll see what they saw,

excuse me while I reach for heaven,
chased by the number eleven,
and have you heard the word?
it's a human escape clause,

my meat suit,
is hurty-hang-ups,
there's just no way,
to steer clear,
 of all the things they do,
and all they say,

they can pluck my feathers,
as I'm placid and prone,
but they'll never succeed,
 in filling up my hollow bones,

(why the name?)

Autumn Eve says don't believe,
the candy canes that line the lanes,
and melting mirror is insincere,
so don't make cents for consequence,

"trust your hollow bones,
 and you'll fall to me",
you're such a sight to see,
pretty wonder,
spell your under,

pretty wonder her,
pretty wonder her,
pretty wonder her,

pretty wonder,

set your clocks ahead,
and then smash them with me,
such a sight to see,
pretty one,
pretty wonder her,
pretty one,
pretty wonder
 her spell your under,

where you gonna run?
it's already inside,
oh the lapping lament,
of the Tantalus tide,

where you gonna go?
when you followed your heart,
right of a cliff,
and you need a new start,

trust your hollow bones,
all the way down,
but the words are heavy,
so don't make a sound,

don't you...

fall,
fall,
fall,

light as a feather,
stiff as a board,

I awoke inside the dream,
I was trying to tell,
some sweet wishing well,
directions out of hell,

she didn't know she was dream,
I put my hand in her chest,
like a bird in a nest: 
her fluttering breast,

I cupped her cloven heart,
she flickered 'round my grip,
I put my breath to her lips,
and gave her a sip,

fall,
fall,
fall...

Trust Your Hollow Bones

noisome chapel/poison apple
poison apple/noisome chapel

uh-oh,
 artificial dreams,
cold and lonely
I sleep in the bed,
 with the posthumous dead,
 and scream,
(NO... if only)

I, 
I'm not painting it black,
eye,
eye'm not a never look back,
aye,
I've got a reap and a sow and I know:
 a pain called would-you-ever?

Uh-oh
the Slaviour's in the sill,
it's a bopping boneyard,
all will assert,
of his hand-me-down hurt,
until...
(lopping lone lard)

I,
I'm not making no sense,
eye,
I'm all torpid and tense,
aye,
I'm all saddled in addled duress,
a cage called every angle,

I,
I'm all groping for words,
eye,
eye'm all hoping you heard,
aye,
I'm all hinder-land label-and-lie,
a fib called honest engine,

GET IT OFF!
get it off my back,
I won't be the Slaviour's autonomy,

GET IT OFF!
get it off my back,
I won't be the Slaviour's autonomy,

The Slaviour

screaming at me...
in sign language,

screaming at me...
in sign language:

is a man with no hands,
and i can't understand...

you might say I'm... stumped,

what witherings
 adorn the night,
and strain them through
 the slither-slight,

no slake of salt,
no quaking fault,
goes quiet,

sign language,
from a man with no hands,
sign language,
 and i can't understand,

the deja-voo-doo
brings it forth,
it blows right through you,
from the north,

who sealed your lips and set your stumps a-quiver?

sign language, 
the back story betrayed,
sign language,
by the shirking charade,

(i'm trying to make it sound like planets orbiting around the sun)

obscene unseen
 scenario,
where whittled wings
refuse to go,
the muggy mass
of groping gas
will wallow,

sign language,
from a man with no hands,
sign language,
and i can't understand,

the fever-lever,
leave her still,
upon those shores of never will,
no twisted tale,
 of weep and wail,
 will follow,

sign language, the back story betrayed,
sign language,
by the shirking charade,

Stumped

Escapegoat,
put my hands to my throat,
I'm SO sick of being sick,

there's no way out,
so I pine and i pout,
and i wax my weary wick,

can't keep it lit,
with this bridle and bit,
always yanking me through the stain,

what will appear,
when i look in the mirror,
while i'm trapped in the loather's lane?

I have good qualities!
...that no one else can see,
least of all this man named me,

he has nobody else,
his life is on the shelf,
until he falls back in love with himself,

wearing the hand-me-down curse,
i was given,
I'm stranded everywhere that i go,

watching my weather get worse,
as I'm driven,
into this quickening i must slow,

breathe in,
breathe out,
no fear,
no doubt,

HEART THROB,
DOOR KNOB,
WHEN YOU GONNA OPEN TO ME?

I have good qualities!
...that no one else can see,
least of all this man named me,

he has nobody else,
his life is on the shelf,

Until I Fall In Love With Myself..

(PLEASE forgive me,
I'm sorry...so sorry...)

(apologies paid in time,
I'm sorry... SO sorry)

...

a solace maimed,
time hangs inane,
one moment in endless refrain,

a shade to shun,
Lord's will be done,
florescent light cataract sun,

...

languid soul vivisector,
symmetrically obscene,
4 cell walls stare in starving glare,
anorexic requiem,

sensory asphixia,
constricts in claustrophobic hue,
prophet forlorn your curse adorned,
time vomits formless just for you,

...

an advance on Hell,
3 to a cell,
and all the stories i won't tell,

don't ever think,
don't plunge the sink,
remember that those stairs don't blink,

...

this worthless war i wage,
against my own mirror image,
some words only rhyme by sight,
will you wrong them with your write?
shyly to shudder in shame,
for each lip that sips your name,

into meaningless sound,
into infamy,
like it used to be,

burying your sky in the ground,
till your living in,
that oblivion,

keep those lyrics in their cage,
of sweet euphony and cur-rage,
each allusion you allow,
how a coward wards a cow,

suckling sulfur and girt,
as they breast me till i hurt,

i left part of myself,
in that cell i'm in,
the walls closing in,

now i sing him to sleep,
"it was good for you,
all the pain you knew"

"sleep..."

CS#04576856 part 6: ("Rudie's Out Of Jail")

"think what you are,
you're not very far..."

"no weight,
no wait at all..."


"Grave Digger i told you to wait,
for the faith that ferments fate,"

"on the gnaw-ledge,
(take a dive)"

"Grave Waiter didn't i say to dig,
need a hole 10 000 feet big,"

"Grave Digger won't you raise the dead,
that go pacing through your head?"

the plummet of the summit,
isn't that what i saw?
the  stairway was a tongue,
leading into the maw,
and the seekers it scoured,
were all duly devoured,

don't say "it gets better" 

if it gets better with time,
then how come i'm,
always in pain,
again and again,

if it get's better with time,
then how come i'm still waiting,
all of the time,
sitting here contemplating,
just what i'm gonna do,
when there's nothing that i can,
but the horizon is blue,
and it's holding my hand,

it says "it gets better with time"

but i could barely see,

does it get better with time?

"it gets better with time,"

if it gets better with time,
(how can it?)
then how come i'm still sinking,

down in the grime,
(dead planet)
sitting alone and thinking,

just what i'm gonna do,
when there's nothing that i can,
but the horizon is blue,
and it's holding my hand,

it says "it gets better with time"
better with time,

they say it get's better with time,
and all that i can do is climb,
but that's some bygone paradigm,
called up and up,

when moving up means falling down,
with everybody all around,
i wrap myself within the sound,
SO very cold,

i don't wanna...

Time

Somedays, 
I was born to suffer,
and suffer I do,

amazed,
my skins not tougher,

for surely I've been blessed,
to know the pain that opens up the door,
leading to creations wake,
as gentle as a knife,

somedays I'll find peace in the pieces,
that used to be my personality,
it's broken and brittle breath,
every exhales a death,
and every inhales that door,
leads me back before
myself,
am I sweet confusion?
lost in illusion?
Tomorrow keeps bleeding back on me,
and Yesterdaze is a knotty child,
in love with irresolution,

I was born to suffer....

Window pain is see through,
except no one's looking,
I've got a gift called no-one-wants-it,
not from my hands,
 my hinder-head,
my gently stabbing hurry heart,
my chains,
you'll take my temper,
and steal me where I stand,

someday I'll let go of the let go,
and hold on to nothing at all,

my dreams are a viral veil,
covers me head to tail,
Kundabuffer Organic produce,
wags me down,
and I'm just a jitter bug on renunciation,
nervous twitch,
can't shake the itch,
of a bleeding scratch,
in the cabbage patch,
and the putrescent prying,
of a lying ovation,

I was born to suffer...

Kundabuffer Organic Produce

This was written 16 years ago. The lyrics are quite cliche,(there's even a "baby" in there) but were very heart felt, so i kept them.

I suppose it's an honor to have been able to speak in cliches so earnestly.

man..she broke my cliched heart.

…

the lies that you spoke to me,
were Eden on earth,
and I waited for your sweet touch,
from birth,
I wanted to believe you,
so bad,
wanted to believe you,
cause i love you like mad,

the sun sets slow,
now you're no longer mine,
the colors just don't shine,
just please don't go,
I'll give you everything,
listen to what i sing,
my sweetest MInx,
back on the dope and drink,
I don't know what to think,
My Honey Hole
I gave you everything...
I guess it just wasn't enough,

and I'm waiting for you,
at my window,
and I'm waiting for you, 
even though I know that you won't show,
and I can't believe,
that you're no longer mine,
if you still need me baby,
give me a sign,

the sun sets slow,
now you're no longer mine,
the colors just don't shine,
just please don't go,
I'll give you everything,
listen to what i sing,
my sweetest MInx,
back on the dope and drink,
I don't know what to think,
My Honey Hole
I gave you everything...
I guess it just wasn't enough,
my Honey Hole...

Honey Hole

infection projection,
and don't pig sty eyes see muck as mercy?

silent I went,
what to say about hearless ears and lips that curse me?

question the mark,
see in the dark,
this little pig,
started to dig...

but Mopey, she doesn't want to know,
and if I, if I tell her so,

she will pull out my hair,
with a backwards stare,
and a "Glory be the Ignorranswer!"
in the blink of an eye,
I will try to get by,

and leave it alone,
email and phone,
and pluck my peace,
from a bounding beast,

(His cell phone's in R'lyeh)

I'm not the father figure-eight,
so endless, friendless, burden bearings
whelp to wed and sharing bed,
go milk your mill stones for red herrings,

no what you know,
reap what you sow,
the wind is a thief,
to a blowing be-leaf,

Mopey, she doesn't to hear,
and if I try to hold her near,

she will gouge out the gage,
and deny her age,
then blame it all on her vagina,

all the things that I've said,
to an emptying head,

but I won't anymore,
open a door,
that's only going to close,
so she can pick her knows,

bitter is the blessing that bestowed,
turns to debt and Summer-Set is owed,

it's a fraud,
it's a see-me-as-I-want-to-be-seen,
it's the beady eyes that think meaning's mean,
it's a dead end door,
and what for? what for?
there's no one there,
just an unasked quest-shun,
answered by error,

put the brakes on...

(His cell phone's in R'yleh)

I'm celibate, 
that means I don't give a fuck...

Mopey

Here it is:
a throw away song written in an open G,
I got it wrong,
 started again,

What to say?
the 7th year of Nonsensuality,
I'm a Sun-shower,
laughing in pain,
shining in rain

fall down out of the sky,
into the lie,
that's drinking me dry,

a river roars 'round the bend,
a middle with no,
beginning or end,

as far as i can see,
with eyes that don't agree,

let me be the shore that shapes you,
into the take of time, where'ing worry,
lead me to what you escape through,

your below is their high above,
the less i am the more there's of,

i'm bound in bounding boundaries,
and nothing-as-they-seem-to-be's,
the last the last the lasting past,
where a swollen shadow bloats,

Halo heal my breaking,
silent lips are laking,
speak to me the Mystery,
in every waking breeze,
lead me there where as you should,
is always as you please,
how i get down on my knees...
and pray,

the sun shines down on the flowers,
we thought that they were standing still,
how could we've been so wrong?
tying the not,

roots to shoots, they were all moving,
faster than the eyes can see,
in a direction that we've forgot,
but now it's:

greatful, the bloom of every me,
coming to be,
Nonsensuality,
breathe me into the tree,
stranded at see,
Nonsensuality,

Halo heal my breaking,
silent lips are laking,

I'm just a mollified murmuring,
quieting into the storm i love,
set the Sun:
 a division of ONE,

your below is  their high above,
the less i am the more there's of,

wayful wings fly on the right,
the third eye and the second sight,
the first the first the absent thirst,
that i lay down in the sky,

Halo heal my breaking,
silent lips are laking,

when have any of my lyrics,
improved a blank page?
when have I ever heard silence,
locked here inside my cage,
acting upon it's stage,

Halo heal my breaking...

Nonsensuality

this artwork (as always) isn't mine. I got it here...

 https://www.deviantart.com/nickybeats/art/my-mind-parasite-27017310

anyways...

leer-icks:

Bleeding meaning,
into the Unpretender,
me and my,
 little corner of surrender,
Betty Allwynn,
Betty Allwynn,

Someone said the truth would set me free,
but I don't live in that world,
don't get me wrong,
I still know they're speaking
 metaphorically,

but it's a darken me down,
you put my thoughts on a pet parade,
and you've been stealing my sound,
No fair, no fair,
with these chains that I'm bound,
No fair, no fair,
it's a darken me,
it's a darken me,
it's a darken me down,

it's a darkening...

speak honestly,
and no one will believe you,
they're all too busy,
trying to deceive you,

Betty Allwynn,
Betty Allwynn,

Enfeebler

Tauralyne,
dressed in May, 
but it will all fall away...it will all fall away,

and how she sings,
and how she'll say,
of a promise's keep,
to a kingdom asleep,

and how we dream, 
that we're awake,
all together apart,
and it's been tripping my heart,

and funny thing,
i broke a string,
when the chorus did thrust 
through the mantic and must,

I'm so well versed,
in the curse,
have i the strength to evolve,
a chorus' resolve?

writing songs i'm never me,
i just process the pain,
so i can't help the way it sounds,
it just turns out that way,

so i'm not me,
and i'm not you,
or the obsenic view ,
from a palpitant pew,

and everything,
that i won't say,
it will all fall way...it will all fall away,

so the sing the stars,
 out from the sky,
there's a burning of blush,
in the halo'd and hush,

and what we are,
i don't know why,
but when the hue-man turns grey,
it will all fall away,

when winter weeps to keep me warm,
and i pluck out my I,
i guess that i'm afraid to live,
am i afraid to die?

writing songs i'm never me,
i just process the pain,
so i can't help the way it sounds,
it just turns out that way,
it just turns out that way,

and funny thing,
i broke a string,
when the chorus did thrust,
through the mantic and must,

Of Chorus

don't you ever even,
won't you ever even?

breathe awning eyes,
a-where-ness lies,
Clavicle of Glortrickle,
scars sigils renting,
out your scent,
Clavicle of Glortrickle,

awk-words will drip,
from the sip of my lip,
you could give me something else to sing,

you're a game of chance,
with stains on your pants,
and I'm married to the Everything,

worried,
I'm worried i'm worried,
I'm a precedent pressed,
to your receding dress,
all lift up,
lift up and put down,
but that's all in the past,
and i'm chipper and chaste,
don't miss me,
don't kiss me,
(kiss me)

pages will turn,
in the never will learn,
don't you ever sing,
don't you ever say,
a seconding glance,
doesn't know how to dance,
eyes twitching,
all turn away,

tawdry and torn,
between the feelings you've worn,
my mind is a raggedy answer and ask,
so give me a break,
don't break me to pieces,
feeding them raw,
to the mince of your mask,

don't you ever even,
won't you ever even?
sincerity: meat for the beast,
Clavicle of Glortrickle,
allergic ears,
 running from mirrors,
Clavicle of Glortrickle,

my hammersome heart,
doesn't know where to start,
you could kick me with your sharpened shoes,
so footsy to me, my irreality,
I can still string it up,
and sing the bruise,

(sing the bruise)
it goes a bit like  this:

(i know your lonesome...play it for me then)

what is in an itch,
to man who pretends,
that he has no hands,
just to hide his claws,
a question mark stalks,
every road that he walks,
weak in the knees,
till his words won't rhyme,

keep it together,
pull it apart,
bringing your scars to the show and tell,
someone's to blame,
someone's a hand out,
feeding your friends to the wishing well,

Clavicle Of Glortrickle

drug free,
i'm higher than the sky,
lower than the lowest pittance,
in admittance,

reach for me,
reach for me,
reach for me,

so i wrote a song,
under a minuite long,
now i let go,
of it's echo,

Just A Minuite

can i take me back?
(i don't wanna go)
but to trace my tracks,
it would help me so,
it all seems so fun,
until i get there,
and i see the world through a dying stare,

all i want is the freedom to act like a slave,
all i want is the freedom to dig my own grave,
tied to a jenny and sleepless sloping of fever,
i'm an arch deceiver and a true believer,

mind off...

Revenge Of The Whanger

It's a shelf's hysteria...

woke at five thirty,
the sky was dirty,
I took my crutches,
and went to drain my curse,

blood in my urine,
keeps reoccuring,
I piss so quiet,
the Ogre is sleeping in her sloth,

tip-toe to please her,
down to my freezer,
I'll meditate,
while the voices squeeze my heart,

get high on mana,
and eat two bananas,

it's a special day,

I'll take the bus into the city,
buy a present for my pretty,
crutching down the dirt hill sounds like this,

It's a shelf's hysteria,

7:38,
the bus arrives late,
old folks were cursing, 
a technological age,

the streets are laid low,
beneath the staid snow,
Winter's a virgin,
except for when she's not,

my heart is tipping,
my crutches slipping,
it feels so good,
just to get out of the house,
I'll buy a gift and catch a lift,

it's a special day,

racing the clock
ankle deep in the snow
three pawn shops on a single block,
it's 30 below,
will I make the return bus back home?
(HURRY!)-(HURRY!)

It's A Shelf's Hysteria

This is me pretending to pretend,
but that's no way make a friend,
could you fault, my black pillar of salt,
when it wished, you would get the gist,
that I'm not a scientist,

Floor-rinse,

I'm stuck withing these,
these parenthesis,
sometimes I just cannot,
fit in the final dot,
and finally come to grips,
with my broken ellipse,

you could say ruck-sack like a dirty word,
the prettiest sound I ever heard,
This is me pretending to pretend,
and I thought, that I could find my missing dot, 
if I could only make a friend,

5 year fathom watches watches,
stillborn every second second,
every biding breath it botches,
every burden bares it's beckon,

"time's the cup that drinks from you,
the carvened starvened quaffing challice,
press it to your lips anew,"
-Virginiana Hammemalis,

5 year fathom weighs the way,
in 1/16th of ever after,
kindle-clocks counting decay,
in oft regurgitated laughter,

"every thought's a treason plot,
a handle hewn in cares grown callous,
picks you up to smash you down,"
-Virginiana Hammemalis,

5 year fathom rode the road,
it's pressures poured into impostures,
each angle set to explode,
in seamy seams of dream imposters,

"drown your druthers cupid-careful,
find no fears and make no malice,
still you simper for a stareful,"
-Virginiana Hammemalis,

5 year fathom rolls the roles,
the marrow-masks that try to wear him,
tumblings take of tithing  tolls,
their irredeemers
set to scare him,

"dampen drove the bridal bridle,
purity's your pleasure pallace,
phallacy's your idle idol,"
-Virginiana Hammemalis,

jackal Lantern

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