I'm just gonna say this is done now so I don't overwork it to death.

Tumblin' Down

Stoked to announce that I have signed with Marathon Artists and will be releasing an EP on vinyl which is available here: smarturl.it/HE_Buy

Never Going Home

Buy 2xEP

Hazel English - Never Going Home

Heartburn

(who is this broken man cluttering up my hallway? you're deep in trouble, friend…)
Well well well, what have we here?
You don't look glad to be my guest
ooh, I'm really scared!

Oh god! Lookit what the cat dragged in
Ha ha, lookin bout half past caved in
Sweaty with fear, it's funny, I'm shedding a tear! Coalmine canary
gonna sing so tuneful. It's time for your medicine, dear, and I'm
all out of sugar spoonfulls, the moon is full, the tide is high
I hear you're quite a guy, real tough, ride or die
say hi to my lighter side, tonight you might survive
... but you might not
You're funny, I'm laughing. Offer me all of the.
Money you have in the bank? No thanks, that's not gonna happen
I'm in awe of your passion, but what really makes me fall back
gasping - you call that rapping?
I'm ancient and ugly, but I'll tell you one thing that bugs me
Is wack MCs who lack sense, reason, and subtlety
I'm utterly unsympathetic;  you're in for it now.
I can tell that you get it from the urine pouring down.

Oh-oh (woa-oh) / Oh-oh (woah-oh)
Oh-ho (woa-oh) I'm the mother. fuckin. champ.

oh what you're mad now? you wanna say something?

Yeah I'm the champ, challenger. You can't get a word in edgewise
I'm your camp counsellor - you kids wanna see a dead guy?
Get fly, get fresh, write a letter home
You don't like it out here in the DangerGrove, let em know!
Me and Eli brought you here to stop you popping up, like ad hoc
AdBlocker. I could be your grandfather
But I've been rapping since I'm knee high to a grasshopper
You step to me, you take your hats off first!
Bow down, kowtow, touch your forehead to the ground
Now! Don't smile or frown or it's going down
Only styles that I allow are chiming out from now on
You dorks should be proud I play the Worf to your Gowron
How long til I get my howl on? Wooooo!
There's no escape, the fates frown on you!
Eli, please ensure our guest is comfy in that chair
Cause I'm the champ and you ain't going nowhere! oh yeah!

Oh-oh (woa-oh) / Oh-oh (woah-oh)
Oh-ho (woa-oh) I'm the mother. fuckin. champ.

heyyyy aren't you scared of me? mister wonderful?
sad self-parody? feel so vulnerable,
I'm on you one on one one at a
Time, oh my!
Think of what I could do if my hands were un
Tied, alright?
You got me where you want me, fellas
It's funny, you're joking, I'm not the one who's mad
You all seem pretty angry, I'm here having a laugh
I'm not the one who's mad online, or tied up in this chair
The motherfucking champ is here, and I'm. go. ing. no. where.

Vocalist/Producer Challenge V, Round 2

Danger Grove - imactuallylaughing

First single from the forthcoming album, IF THE DUST WAS YOUR FEELINGS, I GUESS I WAS ON MY OWN. A glorious, queer anthem about indecision and the consequences thereof.

Credits:
released April 23, 2018
Produced, composed, arranged, and recorded by Jacob Earl.
Lyrics by Robo-Robb and Jacob Earl.
Electric Ukulele solo by Jesse Dangerously.
Performed by Robo-Robb, Jesse Dangerously, and Jacob Earl.

If the Dust Was Your Feelings, I Guess I Was On My Own

Shuffled

Shuffled (feat. Robo-Robb & Jesse Dangerously

Under Pressure

Easy

The inimitable Grammar Club helped me make a tribute to the extreme savvy of my colleague, Mega Ran.  He assured me he thinks it's funny, but he has not clarified if he intended to be laughing WITH me, or AT me.

Sage Mosurinjohn did the embroidery! Of course!

Jesse Dangerously and the Grammar Club - Rap Hundred and Seven - Raheem

The only song on the net (I think) by forgotten mid-90's pop-punk group Chucklefuck. All their songs were about skateboarding and being sad about girls and porno vids. They pretty much owned.

I think maybe they were on Restless Records or maybe Asian Man? I can't find any info about them anywhere, so apparently they've disappeared off the face of the earth. Either way, I know that they put out at least one EP, and this was the only song of theirs I could find on an old mix CD a friend made me. He still had the CD case, but the CD's missing and nobody else I know ever had a copy so who knows.

We used to listen to this record all the time while driving around smoking joints, it was hilarious but also kinda touching in a weird way, and I remember there was another song about lesbian porn and one called (literally) "Let's Smoke Weed From a Bong".

If anybody has any more info or rips of this amazing but long-forgotten band, please get in touch. I've been looking for more of their music for years now but it appears to have disappeared down the pre-internet hole.

I Can't Get Laid (But I Can Ollie Really High)

You know how like every movie trailer has a very sad version of a song performed by a yearning-sounding man on a piano with an orchestra behind it?

Well, anyway, here's "Rock Lobster".

Rock Lobster (Extremely Sad Movie Trailer Version)

Yep, I did it again, I turned another piece of pop music fluff into a Very Dramatic Song in the style of an obnoxious movie trailer.

Please feel free to hire me to score your HBO prestige drama so I can work with a real orchestra, thanks.

Safety Dance (Real Sad Movie Trailer Version)

Independent DIY queer producer/songwriter/photog. Living the dream in Almonte, Ontario.