the remedy for a broken heart (why am I so in love)

Who I truly am is somebody who is so deeply entangled in the spiritual that I can hardly focus on the physical. 

Hardly managing to scrape by, not because I am lazy, but because he is so much everywhere and yet feel convicted to find him in the proper places. 

Yesterday I woke to rain. 
I remembered how emotionally sensitive I was to the seasons back then 

Usually I would accept the notion that God would be sad or frustrated, or to pray and watch out for things that would cause it, or even testing me by cutting off manna, and adapt 

I did the same thing, for I myself didn’t abandon my spiritual development 

But that day I felt heartbroken that it was taken away from me. 
I walked outside anyways first thing. 
I wanted to feel how miserably cold
the rain seeped through my baggy clothes 
I wanted to walk and mope 
alongside that which was moping, 
rather than prepare another course of day. 

My thoughts were precisely the same 
But they stimulated me much more 
fear however still could not truly touch me now. 

But trying to do what I was told, 
I understood that I could hardly contain 
my unfiltered identity 
I was mentally exhausted from wakefulness

It helped me understand that my body is meant to be something I can’t stand, something I want to leave. 

How satisfying it felt to imagine a place where my mind kept all its fullness, but in peace and silence. 

I could hardly be busy like this, eventually begging God if I could take my anti-psychotics. 

I knew, but my family did not notice for the entirety of the week. 

My mind has been entirely captured by something to the degree that I can’t endure functioning without it. 

Yet that is who I am ideally supposed to be, 

Not residing in my reasoning between me and God 

But residing in whatever God is thinking 
and instinctively meeting him there without my own thoughts. 

The reverberations, the cursing I hear of my own body 
Convicts me more than anybody else 

I try to be honored as it says to be 
But sometimes I remember to turn the other cheek 
Because these utterances are technically true, and sulk in the truth 
And on both sides, I’m not practicing ignorance.
—-
I realized the difficulty of moving when I am in places that harbor sin 
Matthew 5:27 
Everything I do throughout days 
Is done subliminally fast in these places 
It’s learning how to fish 
I only have the voice 
and it is as perceivable as a dream 
I’m given an objective in all this 
But I will not achieve it 
Unless I am resilient enough to only make 
The mistake that is perfect 

My bad eye is the one that perceives and considers to buy. There is no point to seek out anybody unless there is one to be sought out. 

My good eye is the one that understands, and enjoys myself for the sake of those who invite me to these places. I sell. I dance like a tryhard in my own way in group settings. kind of like a lovely tiktok video I saw years ago that I wasn’t supposed to see. 


unmasking and feeling the picture of my own energy. 

The only reason you would have to gouge your good eye is because of others who buy. I’ll tap back in and notice people looking from my peripheral in my own daze. I knew what buying looks like. Processing this is my weakness. I’m honored by it and it gets to my head even though the honor is not based on spiritual precepts. Suddenly I’ll find my dancing matching the subtleties, evaluating the temptation I’m seeing. This is a problem because I am then mirroring the nature in which they buy, and I find myself buying. Even if I don’t fully buy, the energy is magnetic and inevitable, and I cannot fail to make the right decisions in inevitable moments. Those moments did not come, because of the nature of the venue, (like a commercial) but I understood how dangerous it was and how hard it was to eat properly. Nonetheless I did well, and eventually by convenience talked to some of those who bought, without sin, or need to create (or agree to another’s) false ulterior motives.

sometimes I think Im a lil bit psycho cuz I am addicted to being alone and feeling the pain, I wonder if there are others like me?

Found the one so u hoes STAYY AWAYYY


I 𝕒𝕤𝕜𝕖𝕕 god “ℍ𝕠𝕨 𝕞𝕦𝕔𝕙 𝕕𝕠 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕞𝕖” god 𝕣𝕖𝕡𝕝𝕚𝕖𝕕, “𝕋𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕞𝕦𝕔𝕙” 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕤𝕥𝕣𝕖𝕥𝕔𝕙𝕖𝕕 𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕒𝕣𝕞𝕤 𝕠𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕔𝕣𝕠𝕤𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕕𝕚𝕖𝕕 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕞𝕖. 𝕀𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕓𝕖𝕝𝕚𝕖𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕟 god 𝕡𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕠𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕗𝕚𝕝𝕖 𝕕𝕠𝕟’𝕥 𝕚𝕘𝕟𝕠𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤. 𝔹𝕖𝕔𝕒𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝔹𝕚𝕓𝕝𝕖 𝕚𝕥 𝕤𝕒𝕪𝕤 𝕚𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕕𝕖𝕟𝕪 ℍ𝕚𝕞, ℍ𝕖 𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕕𝕖𝕟𝕪 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕚𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝔾𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕤 𝕠𝕗 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕧𝕖𝕟. 𝕋𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕚𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕤𝕚𝕞𝕡𝕝𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝕥𝕖𝕤𝕥: 𝕀𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝔾𝕠𝕕 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕒𝕤𝕙𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕕 𝕠𝕗 𝕚𝕥, 𝕔𝕠𝕡𝕪 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤, 𝕡𝕦𝕥 𝕚𝕥 𝕠𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕗𝕚𝕝𝕖. 𝔾𝕠𝕕 𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕤𝕞𝕚𝕝𝕖 𝕒𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦.✨
𝔹𝕦𝕝𝕝𝕪𝕚𝕟𝕘😠? 𝕋𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕜 𝕪𝕠𝕦'𝕣𝕖 𝕤𝕠 𝕔𝕠𝕠𝕝😎? -𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕘𝕚𝕣𝕝 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕖𝕕 𝕗𝕒𝕥🙍?... 𝕊𝕙𝕖'𝕤 𝕠𝕟 𝕒 𝕕𝕚𝕖𝕥🚫🍪. -𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕘𝕚𝕣𝕝 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕖𝕕 𝕦𝕘𝕝𝕪🙎?... 𝕊𝕙𝕖 𝕤𝕡𝕖𝕟𝕕𝕤 𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕤⏰ 𝕡𝕦𝕥𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕞𝕒𝕜𝕖𝕦𝕡💄𝕠𝕟 𝕙𝕠𝕡𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕡𝕖𝕠𝕡𝕝𝕖 𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕙𝕖𝕣. 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕓𝕠𝕪 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕣𝕚𝕡𝕡𝕖𝕕🙇?... ℍ𝕖 𝕚𝕤 𝕒𝕓𝕦𝕤𝕖𝕕 𝕖𝕟𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙 𝕒𝕥 𝕙𝕠𝕞𝕖🏠. -𝕊𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕞𝕒𝕟 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕦𝕘𝕝𝕪 𝕤𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕤👱?... ℍ𝕖 𝕗𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥𝕣𝕪🚩. -𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕘𝕦𝕪𝕤 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕞𝕒𝕕𝕖 𝕗𝕦𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕔𝕣𝕪𝕚𝕟𝕘😭?... ℍ𝕚𝕤 𝕞𝕠𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕚𝕤 𝕕𝕪𝕚𝕟𝕘😷. -𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕜𝕚𝕕 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕞𝕒𝕕𝕖 𝕗𝕦𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕓𝕖𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕓𝕒𝕝𝕕👱?...ℍ𝕖 𝕙𝕒𝕤 𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕔𝕖𝕣👳. -ℙ𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕚𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕥𝕦𝕤 𝕚𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦'𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕘𝕒𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥 𝕓𝕦𝕝𝕝𝕪𝕚𝕟𝕘🚫. 𝕀 𝕓𝕖𝕥 𝕞𝕠𝕤𝕥 𝕠𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕨𝕠𝕟𝕥 𝕣𝕖-𝕡𝕠𝕤𝕥🌟 , 𝔹𝕦𝕥 𝕀'𝕞 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕡𝕖𝕠𝕡𝕝𝕖 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕒 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕝
I𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙫𝙚 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙖 𝙗𝙡@d𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙗𝙤𝙙𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨, 𝙨𝙠𝙞𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙙 𝙖 𝙢𝙚𝙖𝙡 𝙖𝙩 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙤𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙤𝙣 𝙥𝙪𝙧𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙚, 𝙘𝙧!𝙚𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙡𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣'𝙩 𝙜00d 𝙚𝙣0ug𝙝, 𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙢 𝙤𝙛 𝙨3l𝙛 h@𝙧𝙢, 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙤𝙧 𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙢𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙩@𝙠𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚, 𝙘𝙤𝙥𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 profile page. 𝙇𝙚𝙩'𝙨 𝙨𝙚𝙚 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙪𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙧𝙚."

I’m looking for people cuz I want to start a band

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the remedy for a broken heart (why am I so in love)

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