Lookin at myself in the water
Feelin like a lamb to the slaughter
People all around me, starin at the ground keep thinkin that I'm just fodder

Waking up the next day, repeat everything the same, directionless with bad grades, 1.6 GPA
I just say I'm doin great, really I'm goin insane, how come when I'm doin ok, everything just wants to break

I, don't see why I'd
TRY, if in the end I'll
DIE, please explain
WHY, I'm even
ALIVE
I'm just being REAL HERE
if there's a God whyd he PUT US HERE
suffering and SO MUCH FEAR
all for what, all for what

(Oohh)

What do we achieve being on this earth
If in the end we all end up as dirt
What's even the point of all we learn
There's so much to give but nothing to earn

People live there lives, just for it to end
People really like, to try and play pretend
There's an afterlife, we can comprehend
Or after we die, we go up and ascend

I REALLY HOPE IM WRONG
IN WHAT I BELEIVE
BECAUSE IF IM NOT
ITS GONNA BE BLEAK
I THINK OF THINGS
SCIENTIFICLY
SO WHEN ITS ALL OVER
IT MIGHT JUST BE NOTHING


Why Are We Here

I can barely go on, they think im overreactin
I wake up in the morning, (god) I wish that didn't happen
I don't know what to do, I'm not too good at copin
But I don't want any help, don't want to get people roped in 

Opened up to some people that I thought were my friends
They laughed at my face, man it didn't make sense
Made fun of for months, felt like it'd never end
So now I keep a distance, and I'll never trust again 

People are annoying and I annoy people too
I know people hate me but there's nothing I can do
I'm not gonna change my whole personality for you
So many different options I don't know what to choose 

OR KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE, MAKE IT ALL GO AWAY
I WOULD BE ALL ALONE, AND ITD TAKE AWAY ALL THE PAIN
IF YOU CAN HEAR FROM MY TONE, AND THE WAY MY VOICE SHAKES
IM HURTING DOWN TO MY BONES, NOT IN A GOOD MENTAL STATE 

MAKIN MUSIC CAN HELP, GETTING OUT WHAT I FEEL
LISTEN TO MY OWN LYRICS, SEEMS TO BUILD UP THIS SHEILD
BUT I CAN STILL BE HURT, CAUSE ITS NOT PERFECTLY SEALED
AND SHEILDS CANT FIX ANY WOUNDS, SO ILL NEVER REALLY HEAL 

THIS CANT BE END, I NEVER GOT WHAT I WANT
NEVER BECAME A SUCCESS, NEVER CREATED THOSE BONDS
AND IM SO SCARED OF DEATH, SO ILL JUST CARRY ON
AND I CANT COMPREHEND, WHAT HAPPENS AFTER WE'RE GONE 

ITS BEEN A LONG LONG TIME SINCE IVE SHOWN EMOTION
BUT DURING LONG LONG NIGHTS THE TEARS START FLOWIN
AND ITS A LONG LONG FIGHT THAT KEEPS ON GOIN
I KNOW IM WRONG ALRIGHT I JUST FEEL SO BROKEN
(so broken) 

Can't keep doing this
Scaring you to death
It's making you feel stressed
Keep getting you upset

2 Birds 1 Stone

I can deal with many things but somethings I just can't
Like the things that I do or the person I am
I won't actually change so I'll make songs just to rant
My personality slipping through my fingers like sand

Anytime I get asked if I'm doing ok
I just lie through my teeth and go bout my day
No matter what I'm doing my thoughts stay the same
And whether or not I tell you Id get hurt either way

I~ would like some help with the hurt
And I~ want all the cuts to revert
And I~ would like the things I deserve
So I~ need to put myself first

I put true emotion into every word
I try to make sure that my feelings get heard
Cause there's no one that will listen to what I have to say
And to the people who would, I'm too afraid

I CONTRADICT MYSLEF WITH EVERY WORD
MY SINGING ISNT HALF AS GOOD WITHOUT THE REVERB
SOMETIMES I WANNA HIT RESET AND RETURN
TO THE PLACE THAT I CAME FROM AND NOT ON THIS EARTH

I. WANT. TO. CHANGE. BUT. I. JUST. DONT. KNOW. HOW.
IM. STUCK. IN. THIS. LOOP. AND. I. CANT. GET. OUT.
MY. VOICE. IS. ANNOYING. I. HATE. HOW. IT. SOUNDS.
I. WISH. THAT. MY. LIFE. TOOK. A. DIFFERENT. ROUTE.

YOU WERENT HERE, AND NO ONE ELSE CAME BY MY SIDE
IM IN FEAR, OF THE THOUGHTS INSIDE MY MIND
NO MORE TEARS, I CRIED THEM ALL OUT WITH TIME
I CANT STEER, I CANT CONTROL MY LIFE
GET VENEERS, CAUSE ITLL HELP MY PRIDE
COUNTING YEARS, ALL THE WAY UNTIL I DIE
ALL MY PEERS, SEEM TO THINK IM KIND
BUT NO ONE HEARS, WHAT I SAY DEEP INSIDE

I'm Too Afraid

I keep starin at the clock
Makin sure that time doesn't stop
Everyday just melts together
Mind and body start to rot
Laying in my bed all day
Nowhere to go I might as well stay
Nothing to do in my bed either
I guess it's a double sided blade

All of my achievements are fruitless
All of my awards are useless
Everyday is grueling and ruthless
I constantly question my existence
People say I'm smart but I'm stupid
Honestly im pretty clueless
Embellished my Intelligence
Now I think they all judged to quick

YELL INTO MY MIC UNTIL MY VOICE IS HOARSE
I DISGUISE MY EMOTIONS IN CHORDS
HONESTLY IM MORE THAN JUST BORED
JUST WAKING UP FEELS LIKE A CHORE
FEELS LIKE MY MIND AND MY HEART ARE AT WAR
SELF DESTRUCTION IS WHAT IM HEADING TOWARDS
EVERY PART OF BEING IS TIRED AND WORN
I DONT THINK I WANT TO WAKE UP ANYMORE

I can't seem to catch a brake
I think im going insane
I just want myself to change
But I just procrastinate
I just don't know what you want me to do
Change up my schedule and try something new
Feels like I'm constantly stuck in this loop
This might be the only way I can break thru

YELL INTO MY MIC UNTIL MY VOICE IS HOARSE
I DISGUISE MY EMOTIONS IN CHORDS
HONESTLY IM MORE THAN JUST BORED
JUST WAKING UP FEELS LIKE A CHORE
FEELS LIKE MY MIND AND MY HEART ARE AT WAR
SELF DESTRUCTION IS WHAT IM HEADING TOWARDS
EVERY PART OF BEING IS TIRED AND WORN
I DONT THINK I WANT TO WAKE UP ANYMORE

I Don't Want To Wake Up Anymore

Wind all in my hair
I didn't want to care
Lookin at the grass with this empty kinda stare
Quietly I just listened to the pastor's prayers
Right before graduation, its getting hard to bare

Pain floods my brain
Won't go away
Wanna replace
The frown on my face

But I can't
It won't go
You ask why? 
x2

I DONT KNOW
x2

Obviously recently luck hasn't been on my side
Finally broke down my shield now there's nowhere left to hide
I'm terrified of death cause you'll never know when it's your time
2 funerals in one week, really messin with my mind
Picture burned into my retinas everytime I close my eyes
Especially prevalent when I try to go to sleep at night
Constantly asking myself why do all these people die
Now I'm on my own, never got to SAY GOOOODBYEEEE
(GOODBYE)

START TO FEEL THE TEARS
WONT LET THEM OUT
ONE OF MY BIGGEST FEARS
IS PEOPLE FINDIN OUT
THATS ITS ALL A FACADE
THAT IM NOT THIS ROBOT
THAT ALWAYS WORKS NONSTOP
AND ALWAYS ENDS UP ON TOP

Its All A Facade

I been layin on the floor for about 3 hours thinkin, bout how I can get outa this
By now you can probably see a hole in my chest 
Missin, peices, of my soul and yet
Still wanna clean this mess
I Wanna see the rest
Wanna control my destiny
I wanna pass the test
(I wanna pass the test...)

No one's gonna tell me what I can and can't do imma
Make it far as I push on through imma
Be a star if I gotta fight tooth and nail
(Gotta fight tooth and nail)

My heart keeps beatin louder
Stress building size of a tower
I know I'm such a coward
That's why I put up Der mauern

You wanna see me in the back with my head in my hands
But I know for a fact I'll continue to stand
Everybody wants to like to act like they are the man
When it comes time to act not many can

IM UP TO THE CHALLENGE
LIKE SISYPHUS AND THE MOUNTAIN
I KNOW YOUVE BEEN COUNTIN
THE DAYS CAUSE YOUVE BEEN DOUBTIN
IM GONNA PROVE THEM ALL WRONG
MAKE SURE ALL THE DOUBTS GONE
IT AINT GONNA TAKE LONG
SOON ENOUGH YOULL ALL SING ALONG


Der Mauern

I~ would like to dream~
But I~ can't seem to sleep~
I~ want to be free~
But I'm~ stuck In reality~

I practically knew you since birth
You hurt me but I hurt you first
Life always threw you to the curb
Always hit you right where it hurt

I will never see you again
It's not your fault like everyone says
I can see a nasty trend
I keep loosing all my friends

I REMEMBER YOUR FACE
YOURE GONE BUT THANKS
FOR STAYIN WITH ME
YOU HAD NOTHIN TO GAIN
I WANT YOU TO KNOW
IN MY MIND YOULL ALWAYS GLOW
WE WERE SO CLOSE
WISH YOU DIDNT HAVE TO GO

LATE AT NIGHT IM REMINISCING
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE GOIN MISSING
SHOOTING STAR IM ALWAYS WISHING
FOR THAT OLD NOSTALGIC FEELING
EMOTIONS THAT IM REVEALING
SLOWLY HELPIN ME WITH HEALING
I STILL HAVENT HIT MY CEILING
I WISH YOU WERE HERE TO SEE ME

I JUST KEEP STEADILY MOVIN
YOU WOULD HAVE LOVED WHAT IM DOIN
I KEEP CONSTANTLY IMPROVIN
ALL DAY ALL NIGHT IM PRODUCIN
IM ENJOYING MAKIN MUSIC
I FIND IT SO THERAPEUTIC
I FEEL LIKE ITS JUST SO SUITIN
MUSIC IS WHAT IM PURSUIN

Nostalgic Feeling

guitars done by @prodjpjp
rest produced by heylog

lyrics:
starving now, it gets pretty bad
you saw it all get split in half
about every bridge has been collapsed
old friends of mine slowly detached
i think it's all my fault
questioning if i'm wrong
how do i make it stop
can't rest at all

one call was all i needed
right now, i feel completed
2019 is over
been four years and got lower
though, for me it stood out
bleed to just hear one sound
i'd die to hear that noise
the calmness of your voice
i knew how it'd turn out
soon you'd be leaving town
and i couldn't bare that thought
was hard to move on
32 degrees, lungs get colder by the second
been through hell and out
it's like there's some type of obsession
wondering the choice you made if you've ever regret it
if you gotta say something why don't you come confess it
everytime you mention how, i need to find me
don't know what ur tryna say
don't know what u mean
i think ur just saying words
you're just saying things
even you confuse yourself
you don't know what to think
the reason why i live is to hope for a day
to finally see guidance leading ur way
wonder how to start, wonder where i go
all of it requires leaving my home
been through a bit and so much has gone
you don't gotta be sorry if i went through a lot
i can see us starting a family
i think it's the only thing that'll help me

starving now, it gets pretty bad
you saw it all get split in half
about every bridge has been collapsed
old friends of mine slowly detached
i think it's all my fault
questioning if i'm wrong
how do i make it stop
can't rest at all
heart's pounding strong
been up for hours
the sun's almost up
like how do i do it
she say, "where you been"
no where
just haven't checked my phone to use it
it's all gone down in carnage
debris in my lungs
wake up, feel like garbage
and get my yeti cup
i'm obsessed, pop a can of caffeine
even 300mg can barely do a thing to me

spotify

carnage

17 yo Independent artist
Insta: https://instagram.com/jarrah._.21?igshid=ZDdkNTZiNTM=

Der Mauern

Jarrah

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