2016 Self-Conscious

Lyrics:

My people movin'
...week or two, then I'll be on the st-

Yeah

My people movin'
If I don't get my shit together in a week or two, then I'll be on the street and snoozin'
Wish my dreams was lucid
I'm feelin' like a nigga wit' attitude, how they tryin' to police the music
I can't cease to do it
My beliefs are stupid
And they never been great, so what they speak is useless
Say they concerned about me
They worried 'bout me
They disappointed in me
But who appointed 'em point of 'em feelin' any sorta way towards him?
Their weight's annoying
They fake and they display ignorance
They don't know me to love me
They don't know me to judge me
They don't know what it feels like to be broken and ugly
Low in the mud, lonely, hopeless and hungry
I wish it wasn't everybody's main goal to get money
But I'm stoic among 'em
I don't show 'em no struggle
Voices in my head holdin' discussion; then, hold him and clutch him
I think I'm goin' crazy
Fightin' myself like I'm Tyler Durden, mind's berserk and, inside, I'm hurtin'
I'm a long way from where I used to be
Never thought I'd see a future me
Think of my youth and grieve
I'm with the youth in glee
Passin' lessons to adolescents wit' passion who talent blessed, but lack direction
I'm here to give it to 'em
Vicariously livin' through 'em
To kick the truth and get recruited as a big influence to a kid improvin' is a thing of beauty
Their success is mine
If they're oppressed, then I
Am too
I can't move and we just wanna make a path to roam, leadin' to a happy home
Tragic knowin' that I'll never have my own
I'm that alone
I'm just a sucker wit' no self-esteem
So I lack offspring like no summer
And I'm back blogging on my Tumblr
Fuck what cats all thinkin'; it's Wonder
Pull up google.com, search for validation
If I had a therapist, I'd be his saddest patient
But even he couldn't help me
It's deeper than that
Deeper than rap
I'm in a legion of crap
All while crooks wit' handguns robbin' niggas of freedom
Problem is, they got a badge too
Racism isn't taboo
We got criminals who stab, shoot
Too many people who don't have food
Et cetera
Young Natalie Imbruglia; I'm torn between a lotta shit
Self-conscious, overconfidence
Obsession or detachment
Progress or goin' backwards
Struggle wit' 'try harder' and 'why bother?'
Feelin' like the damage is done
And it's no use, so I diss ability
Real niggas feelin' me
I wish I didn't have the pain
Put a barrel to my head and really scatter brain

Somewhere, I'm not
Scatterbrain
Somewhere, I'm not
Scatterbrain
Lightning fuse, power cut
Scatterbrain

Scatterbrain

“To be an angel, you gotta earn your wings
To control your own, you gotta burn your strings
To hit blackjack, you gotta turn a king
But to live forever, all you gotta do is learn to sing
I get a pleasure that's inevitably immeasurable
And I won't let it be rejected by no man
Why does it have to be so damn difficult
To live in the frame of a game that will slit your throat?
But I've dug in the mud in search of the drum
Dove soul first to bathe nude in its abyss
Stayed true to the music, now my favorite thing to do is
Close my eyes and forget that I even exist
I hold this fistful of degenerate ideas
For every genius that was murdered in the name of Jesus
Still deaf to the bells that claimed to free us
But I pay homage to my melody cause she's the sweetest
The core of our spirit is naked
The form of its lyrics are sacred
Blanketed by the original sound of the inner vibrations
I'm floating on the soft clouds of positive creation
See, I can look at a painting and admire the colors
Or appreciate any type of art that I discover
But what I dig's invisible
It's my teacher and I'm its student
I tell ya
Ain't nothing quite as beautiful as Music”

- Eyedea & Abilities

I love and make music, EV0LUT10N (hopefully) ‘26

MIDNITE IN OCTOBER

I produce, write, mix, and master my musique

Scatterbrain

Jay Wonder