I wish I could explain the fog in my head
the more I try the more it spreads
a puzzle with no edge no frame
just pieces that all look the same

the thing keeps moving
and nobody knows
it’s a dance it’s a trick
but that’s how it goes
the thing keeps moving
you can’t pin it down
it spins it spins
around and around

if most things are lies but we call them true
does the lie become the glue
holding this chaos together tight
or is it just shadows playing with light

you can’t say it’s wrong
if the world sings along

the thing keeps moving
and nobody knows
it’s a dance it’s a trick
but that’s how it goes
the thing keeps moving
you can’t pin it down
it spins it spins
around and around

what if the truth is a whisper a sigh
what if the proof’s in the blink of an eye
what if the thing isn’t real at all
just a ghost just a dream just a mirrored wall

the thing keeps moving

the moon’s a mirror cracked in two
stars whisper secrets I can’t pursue
the clock hands crawl but time won’t keep
life is a dream but I can’t fall asleep

clouds are heavy like a lullaby
but my heart races
don’t know why

life is a dream
a dream on repeat
but I’m wide awake
stuck in the heat
close my eyes
but shadows creep
life is a dream but I can’t fall asleep

the streets hum songs of restless feet
neon halos make the dark complete
I count the cracks on every wall
but no one answers when I call

the wind it hums
a broken tune
the night it swallows every moon

life is a dream
a dream on repeat
but I’m wide awake
stuck in the heat
close my eyes
but shadows creep
life is a dream but I can’t fall asleep

life is a dream

every square is a mine
every square is mine

King in check
but checking out means checking in
to deeper sin
where I begin
again, again, again
again

fronting like I got options, but options
keep me locked in boxes
toxic thoughts on rotation
station never changes
just the playlist of damnation

move and die, stay and die
every choice is suicide
board's alive, I'm the price
in a war I can't decide
move and die, stay and die
clock is ticking–asking why
every square is sacrifice, so
I roll the dice, with my own life

patterns pacing, racing thoughts running laps
mind maps caught in mouse traps
snap decisions snap back at me
therapist said just breathe
but breathing's involuntary movement
improvement through stillness feels like complicity
my complicity with my own hostility
hostility towards the very possibility
of possibility
so I possibility myself to death

every breath–a piece moved wrong
song on repeat, defeat on repeat
keeps on going when the beat should stop
shopping for new in the same old stores
more of what I swore I wouldn't do before
before was just a different configuration
of the same interrogation room
I resume, I resume, I resume, I consume
fumes of assumed outcomes that never assume back
lack of action is an action
I'm reacting to my own reaction
fractions of attention paid to paying attention
tension in not sensing I’m not mentioning
the thing, the thing I can not stop mentioning

move and die, stay and die
(stay and die)
every choice is suicide
(suicide)
board's alive, I'm the price
in a war I can't decide
move and die, stay and die
(stay and die)
clock is ticking–asking why
(why?)
every square is sacrifice, so
(why?)
I roll the dice, with my own life
(my own life)

zugzwang

living easy
where robbers meet
in boardroom seats
and clean sheets
means mean streaks

oh, you say you got it easy
windy cities make it breezy
smile–don't look cheesy
life’s a lemon, squeeze it, please me
down on my knees, do you see me?
it’s so easy
it’s so easy

I talk in my sleep
dig in too deep
count black sheep
where shepherds creep
preaching talk is cheap
(talk is cheap)

broken leases, broken peace
whatever gets another piece of pie
or a piece on your hip when you walk outside
I’m not keen on green but my sheen implies
that I’ve been to where dreams go to die
check receipts, check deceit
take a seat, admit defeat
ctrl-alt-cease
got fleece for cold shoulders
my niece is getting older
world is getting colder

I’m a soldier
beauty is in the eye
I’m the beholder
I’m a soldier
(talk is cheap)

I talk in my sleep
dig in too deep
count black sheep
where shepherds creep
preaching talk is cheap
(talk is cheap)

easy come
easy go
(talk is cheap)

easy (talk is cheap)

been painting portraits inside of the paint
no sinners or saints, just pumping the weight
of “the thing", on the move, as it tears us apart
and how self-defense became state-of-the-art

clean up the glass, see it all clear
(see?)
toast with fate–to the end of fear
(see?)
then shatter the glass down to the floor
(see?)
to keep score where demons soar
(dreams)

movement flows
motion is law
draw attention
draw out flaws
draw up a play
play with fate
be on time, but…
the thing is late

(the thing is…)
trying to... break arcs
trying to… dim sparks
so I’m… so I’m…
trying to… make art
trying with… spare parts
so I… so I… 
take a shot… and it starts
(and one)

post up heavy, post up light
guard what’s left, do what’s right
cut through static–what a knife
pivot your feet, that’s life
don’t travel to score
travel to see
the world is on lock
play is key
(be free)

release is peace
movement’s a cure
the swish..
is sincere
(and one)

and one

look, I’m changing shape
(is there no escape?)
about to burst, going ape
armor’s on, the purple drapes
quite dark with arts, like Snape
DM style, wear a cape
fit every opp inside a tape
sweet life, yeah, I eat grapes
cloudy flow, yeah, I hit the vape
yeah I clean plates of heavy freight
wait, power level past nine thousand
million, billion, trillion–fate
cut my pride, so I berate
those who step over gates, say
it’s never too late, and nothing I ate
was given to me, skill’s not innate
savage blood is a dominant trait
don’t do it for glory, do it for the sake
of people watching worlds break
where everything you see is fake
sleeping on the boy? stay awake
I’ll throw you in then drown the lake
with anything you tried to take
iterate, erase, re-create
and I make
mistakes.
so many mistakes.
pick up the pace
kamehameha right into your face
disappear, leave no trace
run up stats, win every race
spray your eyes like I’m the mace
open up the brief, I’m the case
from another world, I’m outer space
on I chase, on I chase, on I chase
what did they say? I don’t play
stay in lines? nah, I don’t play
fuck games, I don’t play
(I don’t play)

going ape

little swallow, little bird
ice is melting, seasons turn
cut through static, give the word
grant us grace from bridges burned

can you hear it?

coming ’round again?
(where have we been?)
let love come rushing in
to wash the spirit clean
of everything we’ve seen
little bird, little bird
(where have we been?)

it catches prayers you never said
heavy thoughts inside your head
it sees the quiet ways you care
when you think no one is there
it’s been collecting every spark
to burn a hole inside the dark

coming ’round again?
(where have we been?)
let love come rushing in
to wash the spirit clean
(where have we been?)
of everything we’ve seen
little bird, little bird
(where have we been?)

follow the calling deep within
let a brand new morning in

little bird
little bird
little bird
little bird

little bird

take, take, taking a
field trip in a microchip
data mined with hollow tips
the past is just a sunken ship
but I’m captain now so get a grip
take a sip
let it rip
(drip, drip, drip)

forget tricks, I flip bics
illuminating crypts
(who asked for a mystic?)
I go ballistic with statistics
(average is cliché)
I break away on freeways

stop hissing
do you hear hissing?

I’m not listening
signal missing
what did I miss?
(did I miss?)
snakes pissing on ambition
see the friction?
so I write fiction
addicted to diction
a fatal addition
to a fatal affliction—
the mission—
flipping systems
(convicted)

ain't that a bitch?
(ain’t that a bitch?)
thirty-six years digging ditches
to find out I’m the ditch
an empty void where I don’t fit
(but I won’t quit)
(persist)

nah, I’m going in
(the abyss)
you coming with?
check your wrist
does time exist?
make a wish
blow a kiss

take chances
make mistakes
GET MESSY!
(ms. Frizzle!?)

I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I’m so cold
logist-ic, unrealist-ic
get away from me with lipstick
I’m focused on the dipsticks
the burning oil—engine sickness

am I just a lunatic
or Jeremiah laying bricks
(laying bricks)
laying bricks
(laying bricks)
taking licks
(taking licks)
fixing ticks

nah, I’m going in
(the abyss)
you coming with?
check your wrist
does time exist?
make a wish
blow a kiss

MESSY

The voices are synthetic
The pain is real
Now Playing: MESSY

going ape

Jeffery Shaffer

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