Señor Barends

This is the counterpart of our piece Last Paddle.  More introspective, and moving in nature.

LAST PADDLE (unplugged)

glue

bright

Fundament der Träume

🔻 Song Insight
“Why Do I Do This to Myself?” is a soft-spoken confession wrapped in retro colors and emotional vulnerability. It tells the story of forbidden longing—those moments when friendship blurs with desire, and you're left staring at someone you can't have, heart full, hands still. The lyrics unfold like pages from a teenage diary, capturing a fleeting night where silence says everything, and dreams feel more real than daylight.

The song lives in the quiet between words: a brush of a foot, a shared laugh, a whispered maybe. It’s not just about heartbreak—it’s about almost love. The kind that hurts not because it ended, but because it never truly began.

Framed in lo-fi folk textures and subtle storytelling, “Why Do I Do This to Myself?” resonates with anyone who’s ever wanted more than someone could give... and held onto the hope that maybe, just maybe, they felt it too.

🔻 Lyrics
[Intro]
Laying across from me... just friends
Seeing you move in your sleep
Your foot brushed my leg
Caught in your stare
Blushed... looked away
I know, I know you're not gay
Stop barking up the tree in '93

[Verse 1]
You smirked and smiled
Rolled over
Closed your eyes
Why do I do this to myself
Fall in love
With the one I can't love

[Verse 2]
Looking at you asleep
So perfect
So kind
So sweet
Your eyes
Your ears
Your perfect nose
Even your feet...
Those socks

[Bridge]
I got caught again
You leaned in close
Put your face near mine
And said the best thing I ever heard you say
"I'm not what I used to be
I don't bite
Unless you want me to"
You tilted your head
Pressed your lips to mine
I thought I had died
This sweet perfection... was mine

[Verse 3]
We stayed up talking
Till our eyes gave in
Falling asleep on my chest
Feeling you breathe with me
The best dream I had

[Verse 4]
I sang you a song
One I had written
Long ago
The first time I saw you
The moment I fell
In love

[Chorus]
Oh boy, it's a boy
Got trapped inside
Don’t wanna hide
Come say hi
He's a keeper
A friend for life
He’ll never know
It’s true... it’s love
I feel
Through and through

[Verse 5]
I wished he could see
This love that's in me
It's all I have to be
This light
So bright
Keeps me up all night

[Outro]
I awoke
Thought you were gone
Then realized
It was all a dream
A dream
That can never be

🔻 Personal Reflection
This one hit harder than most.
It’s not about a breakup or a fight. It’s about what never got the chance to exist.
“Why Do I Do This to Myself?” came from a real night—back in high school, back when everything felt so massive and quiet at the same time. I remember laying there, next to him, every nerve aware, every breath like a question mark.

The striped socks were real. So was the tension. So was the moment when he said something—playful maybe, maybe more—and for a second I thought, this might actually happen.
It didn’t. But I remember every detail like it did.

This song is for anyone who’s ever read too deeply into a smile… who dared to hope even when they knew better. It's for the quiet crushes, the never-said-anythings, the dreams that leave a mark even if they don’t leave a trace.

Writing it was like opening a sealed letter from myself… and realizing the ink never faded.



🔻 Copyright Notice
"All lyrics and content featured in this post are protected under copyright (© 2025) and have been securely time-locked and validated through a crypto-based verification system to ensure originality and ownership. Unauthorized reproduction or distribution of any part of these works without explicit consent is strictly prohibited."

Why do I do this to myself?

A dreamy escape across sun-scorched landscapes where beauty blossoms in isolation.

Desert Bloom

Experience Scripture Like Never Before

🟣 This track was created for the Mystical Bible Companion app—an AI-powered spiritual guide that pairs Bible passages with meditative music for reflection, study, & peace.

🟣 Each song blends sacred text with richly inspired melodies, drawing influence from European folk traditions, cinematic soundscapes, & divine resonance.

🟣 Explore more music, receive daily spiritual insight, & discover a deeper connection to the Word.

Now available on Android.

📲 Download the app: tinyurl.com/mysticalbible
🔍 Or search Mystical Bible Companion on Google Play

MBC App on Google Play

Forty Days to Nineveh (JONAH 3:2)

Mr. Bitterman

A new version of this song I've been working on recently. The music is based on a guitar track I made in 2000. The lyrics are new. It's a blues rock song with a bit of a country feeling. I hope you like it!

Lyrics © Señor Barends

Ah, I wish it was easy, baby, I wish I could let it all go
Now that you’ve been gone, so many days in a row
Each one feelin’ slower than the last
Just me alone, reflectin' on the past

I wish it came easy, darlin’, lettin’ go like you did that night  
Now I stare at the clock, countin’ slow until first daylight  
You walked like it cost nothin’ to burn it all down  
While I dug through the ashes, tryin’ not to drown  

I tried my best, yeah, I tried to show you so much love 
But all I had to give, darlin', just wasn't enough 
Time to let it go, gotta let it all go, but how, I don't know 
Lord, I don't know! 
Oh, whoa, I don't know!

Maybe it wasn't intended
Maybe it wasn’t all pretended
I know I made mistakes
Or did time change us into strangers again?
Now that you’re gone, how can I move on
If I don’t know!
Oh, whoa, I don't know!

That bed still dips where you used to lay, I lie there, but I'm miles away 
Every picture's down, but the wall still aches, time is the cure, that's what it takes 
So I let that needle spin another round, say your name, just to hear the sound

I poured out my love till the bottle ran dry  
But whatever I gave, baby, still passed you by  
Time to let it go, gotta let it all go, but how, I don't know
Lord, I don't know! 
Oh, whoa, I don't know!

I don’t know… I don’t know…
Whoa… I don’t know…

Time to Let it Go

They came with fire, with steel and chain,
Marked the earth, changed the name.
Yet the poet walked where silence grew,
Left his words in ash that flew.

This sea is mine, its voice still calls,
This sea is mine, it knows us all.
Though tides may turn and stars may fall,
This sea is mine, it stands through all.

From Carmel’s hill, where cedars stand,
He named the sea, he called the land.
Not for gold, not for pride,
But to claim the tide before it died.

This sea is mine, its voice still calls,
This sea is mine, it knows us all.
Though tides may turn and stars may fall,
This sea is mine, it stands through all.

The fire raged, the city fell,
The wind still sings what none can tell.
A poet’s room, a glass of wine,
A name now drifting past the line.

This sea is mine, its voice still calls,
This sea is mine, it knows us all.
Though tides may turn and stars may fall,
This sea is mine, it stands through all.

Soft winds rise, a song takes flight,
A fleeting shadow, a whispered name.
No wall will stand, no chains remain,
For words outlive the hands of pain.


This sea is mine, its voice still calls,
This sea is mine, it knows us all.
Though tides may turn and stars may fall,
This sea is mine, it stands through all.

Above the sea, above the tide,
A new Carmel will rise in stride.
Stone by stone, the dream revives,
In word and song, the past survives.


This sea is mine, its voice still calls,
This sea is mine, it knows us all.
Though tides may turn and stars may fall,
This sea is mine, it stands through all.

Above the sea, above the tide,
A new Carmel will rise in stride.
Stone by stone, the dream revives,
In word and song, the past survives.


(for Mahmoud Darwish)

Carmel Reloaded

CRISTOPHER DÁVILA - POPULARIDAD

all of ROADS GOES EVER EVER ON song in one place.

ROADS GOES EVER EVER ON - collection

ROADS GOES EVER EVER ON - Acoustic v2

I hope you like my new hard rock track!

Lyrics © Señor Barends

Love  
Sweet love  
All that remains  
Are the stains  
Promises  
Tempting promises  
Promised you paradise  
But you paid the price  
Oh yeah  

You sow the wind, you reap the storm  
Keep on going as long as you’re still warm  
But one day, one day you see it clearer  
Life took its toll, look in the mirror  

Got lines on my face, and lines I won't cross  
Counted friends that faded, like memory loss  
Truth’s a snake in a preacher’s coat  
They sell you a dream just to slit your throat  
I kept receipts, burned ‘m in a jar  
Now I just watch from the end of the bar  

Love  
Sweet love  
All that remains  
Are the stains  
Time  
Wasted time  
Built a castle on lies  
Then watched it unwind  

Street sermon preachers say the same old lines  
Polished teeth hiding rust behind the shine  
Every favor came with chains and fines  
Even hope costs - man, I read the signs  
Learned to walk with a limp, spit grit in the wind  
Bottled my prayers, then drank the sin  
Numb in the noise, where truth don’t win  
Fought through the fog with a fake-ass grin  
Every mirror’s got a scar on its frame  
Ain’t no saints here, just players in the game  

I saw love get sold in a zip lock bag  
Watched dreams dry out like a used-up rag  
Knew folks who’d kill just to feel intact  
And others who smiled while they stabbed your back  
I kept a list, but burned it for heat  
Lit up the dark with the soles on my feet  
Time don’t wait and the past don’t sleep  
Truth’s a wolf that don’t bleat with the sheep  
Still I rise, not from hope - from spite  
Got tired of peace, so I lit my own light  

I buried my youth in the ash of dreams  
Built a life from the cracks and the in-betweens  
Paid my dues, bled in unpaid scenes  
Held my breath where silence screams  
They told me age was a cross to bear  
But I wear it like truth, not some cross to scare  
No medals, no cheers, no light in the hall  
Just echo in bones and paint on the wall  
Still I spit in the face of the closing door  
Might be tired, but I’m not done anymore  

Even in the dust, something grows  
A crooked rose from a bed of woes  
We bend, we break, we bear the load  
But still we walk that heavy road  
No hallelujah, no shining sky  
Just breath in our chest, and a reason why  

Love  
Sweet love  
All that remains  
Are the stains  
Life  
Worn-out life  
You pay with your soul  
Just to feel alive

Love Sweet Love

a song I put guitar on for my chinese friend 

breakfast in the wind

What do you do
When you've got no more tears,
What do you do?

What do you do
When they're so true, your fears,
What do you do?

You sit and write a song,
Tell everyone what's wrong,
Someone may listen ...

You sit and write a song,
Someone may hear what's wrong
In the distance.

When melodies won't chime
And lyrics will not rhyme
Any longer ...

Just tell her how you feel,
Make all else disappear,
You'll be stronger.

When everything is lost
And you feel like a ghost,
Just not the same ...

Don't let yourself despair
Sing loud, and, if she dares,
It'll be fine,

Don't let yourself be scared,
Sing loud, and if she cares,
She will be thine ... in time.

What do you do,
When you've got no more tears,
What do you do?

What do you do?
When there've been so many years,
What do you do?

You sit and write a song,
Tell everyone what's wrong,
And hope she'll listen ...

You sit and write a song,
And hope she'll hear what's wrong,
In the distance.

You sit and write a song,
And hope she'll hear what's wrong,
In the distance ...
In the distance.

What Do You Do? (2025 remix)

I’ve played the piano for over 20 years.  I love to jam and make up stuff on the spot.  Next is actually working on real music.  I play the guitar a little but my greatest desire is to master my craft.  I love my family, making music and golf.

Hostal Handshake is a stoner doom / hard desert rock band from Athens, Greece, active since 2001. Following early promos and their debut album Hellish (2007, Secret Port Records), they return with Stone Oracle—their long-awaited sophomore full-length, set for release in January 2026. After 18 years, the riffs are heavier, the fuzz deeper, and the desert winds louder.

Mr. Bitterman

Jesse Reid

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