Martha (1976-2013)

Written in 2003, this song is for Martha Carol.  Martha lost her mother while we were in 5th grade.  We attended Orchard Street School in Fox River Grove.  At the time, the school would host a monthly dance for the Junior High kids.  6th grade came and Martha agreed to be my first girlfriend.  Ten months after her Mom passed, Martha was my date to the Halloween dance.  She arrived with her face painted in a black and white yin & yang, but like a clown, with the white side smiling and the black side frowning.  We all knew the moment we saw her what she trying to convey with her costume; It was a beautifully sad expression of everything she was going through.  She was at the dance but somewhere else entirely that night.  We sat quietly until the inevitable moment when a song came on that ripped the tears from her eyes.  She stood, turned, and ran screaming out of the school.  A few of us chased after and I got to her first.  There she was, standing at the top of a hill, just staring up at the streetlight, enveloped in its glow, and spinning in small circles.  For all the years I knew her after that time she was just never the same.  Martha is gone now, passed a few years back from an illness, but I’ll always have her and that moment in my heart.        

Verse 1
She’s circling the streetlight
Says she sneaks out every night
And that she stares at the stars and cries under moonlight
She says she can’t shake her mind of moments frozen in time
She wants some answers to life and she’ll search herself for nothing more.

Verse 2
She wants to go back in time.
She wants someone else’s life
So she lay on the on floor, oh
And she begs for the pain to subside
She’s just a little girl so lost in this world
Down and out of control, kicked and broken, and she don’t know why.

Verse 3
Says she’d trade it all for better days
God there’s got to be a better way
And she’s so damn scared
But she won’t let it show.
Never again will she be the same
It’s buried to stay, every day is now so alone

Bridge
And then she said.  If you can hear me, can you heal me
If can feel me shaking, can you free me
She says she wished it would rain 
to match this flood of sadness and wash her away
Then a storm rolled in, the clouds as gray as her skin, and when the rain and lightning broke, somehow it gave her hope.

Verse 4
She’s circling the streetlight
Says she sneaks out every night
And that she stares at the stars and prays under moonlight
She wore the face of clown, part smile, part frown
And when the makeup was gone, run free the child down below.
When that storm rolled in, the clouds as gray as her skin, but when the rain and lightning broke, the ghost carried her home.

Martha

4:44 was written by AndixxXj
wt assistance from Ràving Breathello 
prod. by Zay M1ghty
the track shows that he truly does believe in his angels 


4:44

Fatal attraction

Guidance

a song about how i'm trying but i'm worthless

I'm Trying I'm Sorry I'm Worthless

Metal cover of Song of the ancients from the video game Nier Automata

Nier Automata - Song Of The Ancients (Better Version)

Devoured Prod by Jay Cactus 🌵

we used to build upon the land
we used to take things in our hands
we made Boston triple deckers
and shotguns in New Orleans

they changed the locks and ate the key
there’s none for you and none for me
if you wanna raise your family
if you wanna live close by
all it ever takes is money
but some of us heed a higher call

these dogs are only ever barking
if you ever try to dream at all
they would tear down the world just for parking
we ask 
oh, when will they realize

at night I think of Chmielowski
how he couldn’t justify his art
and is there a way i play my part
I wonder
so far, I’ve thought it was the right thing
aren’t there many ways to feed your friends

I remember the man behind my house
sleeping upon that parking space
and the highway expands
that space devoured
but is it the right of way

and the space and the time
not things we own
but doesn’t it count to be from a place
and the children you love now have no choice
we crawl, then we walk, then we run away

and you could be loved
favored like me
but sometimes it’s wandering like men on the streets
yes, you could be last
favored like that
this place will be haunted by every past

A Paradise of Small Houses

Its all a lie

lyrics:

i didn’t wanna hurt you, i know love is hard 
i just wanna love you but we been apart 
i’m glad i made it this far with a girl that’s like you
never made it this far because they weren’t like you

they werent like u (p. 932q)

In Those Glory Days

Cancer survivor, hard rocker. Message me for socials

Fatal attraction

joey kershinar