Song gives out a lot of mixed emotions , this is great art

Huh?!? We won't forget you John!
I know you are still on your Hiatus, but we still care about your life despite not knowing you in person

this is my favorite johnnascus song ever because i relate so much to it, the entire thing, i love it so much, i even fall asleep to it, this is my comfort song i even sing the entire thing, i know all the lyrics, even the screaming part

before in a more optimistic past. when positivity ran amok 

ring ring 
7 days till you shi-ne (die)
yes i am sadako stop breathing
no i'm not a bloody man i'm a cat
*nyan*
get clawed to death
mutilation next
then i eat your liver
but it tastes like shit 
put it in my litter box where it's supposed to be
then wear your finger bones like some cute earrings
peel your skin like a mask 
ed gein Inspired

then i'm feeling wired up
cause I'm fuckin fired up
time to kill some more humans before my time is up
who gon' pick up the phone when it ring rings
i just really wanna come out your LED screen

*random noises*

then i'm feeling wired up
cause i'm fuckin fired up
time to kill some more humans before my time is up
who gon' pick up the phone when it ring rings
i just really wanna come out your LED screen

ring ring (ringu) (prod. 510)  [untitled_-0001]]

"uhm, there's like... ppl gangstalking me and, idk what to do about it. I think im gonna write a post on /x/. Hey /x/ uhm, I see ppl gangstalking me. I see them outside my window, I can hear them banging on my door. They tapped my fucking walls with wires uhm, All the food I eat, all the cameras inside me, all the cameras that are on my- on my computer. They're all staring at me, what I do. I don't wanna kill myself, But I don't have gun, I just want to find a way to turn it off.

Hook:
1, 2, 3, 4 of my stalkers at my door
5, 6, 7, 8 probing eyes with no face
1, 2, 3, 4 of my stalkers at my door
5, 6, 7, 8 probing eyes no face

Verse1:
Late one night
Went on the internet
Down a rabbit hole
Into wonderland
My great awakening
Fuck them pedo libs
They drink adrenochrome 
From abortions
Fuck, I think I know too much
Society a psyop to keep us in a box
I just need to find
Some like-minded lives
To stage a coo against the reptilians
The ones who make billions, 
The CIA and FBI
My own little bubble I finally find
Except they don’t fight
They told me to go digital
And be connected with the spiritual
And to leave behind my fleshy physical
To enter into sysytemspace
To escape this world of pain
But I must spread my message

Hook:
1, 2, 3, 4 of my stalkers at my door
5, 6, 7, 8 probing eyes with no face
1, 2, 3, 4 of my stalkers at my door
5, 6, 7, 8

Verse2:
Stranger
Danger, cut all ties of communication
They spy one me I can feel their wavelengths
They’re inside my head they wanna take it
For mind control but I will rape them
They’re inside my walls
I can hear them crawl and scratch for me
But my energy, and mer-ka-bah repels them, I’m the sun
Nowhere I can run to
Trapped inside my death room
Till my willpower runs sour
They’ll redact me
All I have now is this knife
That I white knuckle with my fists
They are banging on my door and might break it in
I won’t let it happen
Pull the door open
Without hesitation I begin the torture
Stab it endlessly in the fucking chest
Till I realize it was my best friend

Hook:
1, 2, 3, 4 of my stalkers are dead
5, 6, 7, 8 of my stalkers were friends
1, 2, 3, 4 of my stalkers are dead
5, 6, 7, 8 of my stalkers were my friends

GANGSTALKED (prod. Wendigo) [untitled_0033]]

Found by XEMERZ on a random Russian website, recovered by me. Originally uploaded to John’s SoundCloud for 2 hours on Valentine’s Day in 2019. Cover Art found by Genius.com User: “Malevolent :3”

Lyrics:
I’m sorry for the things I’ve done (done)
That’s apologizing to myself and I don’t feel alright
I feel like before the bloody [?] fuck with valentine
Tomorrow be back to normal, it’s another [?]
Eyes creep to the back of my mind

One, two, three, four
One, two, three, four
One, two, three, four
One, two, three, four
One, two, three, four
One, two, three, four
Yuh, yuh, yuh, yuh,

Go, I wanna just float
Float above the clouds in the skys and make it my home
Castle in the sky, float
Fuck a earthly love
I don’t want to feel pitty 
I want to stay with you 

Im sorry, for the things that i have done (done)
(Purple sticker, purp-purple sticker)

Valentine Blues

[FOUND] Johnnascus- Valentine Blues(prod.sleepingforyears)

C8H11O2​+​C10H12N2O​+​C43H66N12O12S2 [untitled_0017​]​] [Slowed/Modified]]

Got taken off of JOHNNASCUS' official soundcloud so reupload

JOHNNASCUS - Strangling My Brain To Death So I Can Finally Hear The Murmurs Of My Heart

FLY UP IN THE BUILDIN PISSED OFF LAZERS COMIN OUT MY FUCKIN EYES AND SHIT
ALLADAT SHIT GETTIN DROPPED OF MOTHERFUCKA YEA I DISPISE THE SHIT
FUCK YOU KNOW BOUT THE FINER SHIT
FUCK YOU KNOW ABOUT THE FINEST BITCH
EVERY DAY I WALK ROUND YEA YEA YEA 
YEA WIT THE FINEST CLIP

THERE AINT NO ROOM LEFT IN IT
I HOP OUT THE COUPE LETS GET IT
BITCH SUCK DICK TILL I FINISH
THEN WE GON SHOOT TILL THEY DEADED
CAME OUT THE WOMB YEA A MENACE
SAID MY VOICE SOUND WICKED YA 

WE GON RACK IT UP PUT EM INNA BAG BAG EM UP YA
TELL ALL THESE BITCH MADE PART TIME
RAPPERS TO PACK IT UP 
HUH
AND I AIND EVEN DO NUN YET BITCH BOY YOU STILL MAD AS FUCK
HUH
LATELY I BEEN M I A YEA JUST RACKIN UP
BLATT

STILL RACKIN UP ON THESE BITCH MADES 
RACKIN UP ON THESE FUCKBOYS
RACKIN UP ON THESE BITCH MADE RAPPERS 
RACK ON RACKS 
RACKIN UP ON THAT RAP GAME MUFUCKA RACK ON RACK 
RACKIN UP ON THAT RACK 
RACKS RACKS

RACKINUP (PROD. SKOTSKR) *A14 DAY*

7\ Aphex._.Twin (2anxious57)

The Demigod has returned to the Dark Side Of Nature
DSON Episode VII: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAcQDdsWKKE

Lyrics: It's my 17 birthday yeah
Celebrate it on a Thursday yeah
People say it's the worst day ahh
But to me it's the best day
But No! just kidding I don't celebrate it
Ahh birthdays are so overrated
Woaah look at the world we created
Now everyone thinks that they are special
Why would I even celebrate the first day of alive
When on the same day he, she and they have already committed suicide
All you fake loving owners get away from me
I will bark and chomp your fingers off if you try to touch me
Get away (x3)

Grand return to the dark side of nature at seventeen
Take my spleen, grind it up
Use it as your special cream
But you're the mortal type
And I'm the immortal like
And I will take this world
And I will take it's light
Your birthday's a waste of breath yeah
Cutting off your flimsy head yeah
Celebrate to your stupid death
*screams*

17 BIRTHDAY

First half prod sae
Second half with guitar by yours truly

Demigods Do Not Love Humans (but it sounds like demigods do not love you lol)
The young demigod was never supposed to
(repeated)

Fuck Love
The Young Demigod does not love a human

When I look into her eyes
I see my entire life
And i live on to the age
And I'll die with her someday
But it was all a lie
A beautiful of a lie
Demigods do not love a human(x4)

Demigods Do Not Love Humans

Demigods Do Not Love Humans (Prod. sae & JOHNNASCUS)

I don't like this dream
I must wake up
Fuck this life
I'll break out the prison of time

# 1 9
I am 19
Wasted another year made no change
I've only made some change
Guess im grown
Living on my own
Thanks to GI bill
Cause really i, am so bloody broke
Social
Anxiety still
Got me by the neck
Can't be like "fuck it fuck it"
Cause i
overthink all the time
Wanna leave the old me
Put him to the crows
Wanna kill myself 
To regrow
Anything to break the cycle
The cycle of habits, cycle of habits

Muhfuckin everything
That i wanna be mentally
Is the opposite of me currently
And it's been like this since i was 15
i like the thoughts of it but take no steps
But when i do, i just back track 
Or i just go around and around (repeated)

Fuck this predetermined life
I need to move forward (x2)
I just need to move forward
Fuck the voice in my head, I'll control it

Verse4: 
If i cannot break the cage
I'll end it all
If i cannot break the cage
I'll end it all
I am 19 and i must grow
Breakthrough on my own

19 BIRTHDAY

Form Your Own Meaning

Download: https://johnnascus.bandcamp.com/album/errquu

Demigod:
Distant battle
Distant siege
Distant rattle
Distant fate
Distant battle
Distant siege
Distant rattle
Distant-

I want the devil to take all my shit
Ring around the rosey we chant in the pit
Burn all the bodies to summon the myth
So below lord o' just take me with
Live in a world they don't care about philosophy
Kill all the humans, monogamy
Wasted species they are lost you see
Don't make them suffer just
End it
Burn it
Burn the whole world to a crisp
Make the hell that you always see
Burn it, it all (x2)

Beamy:
Skin my ass put a knife far as you can inside me
Scramble all my innards I'm a sinner confide me
And if you bitching cause I'm winning come find me
Never tell a lie I want pain I want violence
Suffer all the vile things
Way I see it everybody on this earth is worthless
Hurt the burdens, curse the worst until the world is perfect
Purpose serving lurker lurching searching for some murkins
I don’t wanna waste my energy
Not unless they besting me
I will bring the detriment to everything your sector breathe
Fuck the rest of them
I will end the best of them
I will bring the stress to them
Send them all to heaven

Vlamthauporre (feat. BRUHMANEGOD) [Co. Prod. Wendigo]

one of my favs from the album so just wanted to remix/flip it haha

800db Cloud Remix [100 gecs]

I feel so new
Walking on the grass i feel like something's coming through
Sun is shining on the land, it's currently at peace
But peace don't last forever, it can go as it please
So I guess enjoy the moment
Do not to need to overthink
Sometimes in this life I guess enjoy the simple things
Eventually they'll fade away like uhm everything
And everything will turn into nothing
Then nothing will turn into something
Something into everything
And the cycle ensues
It's the cycle
It's the cycle, circle of life
More like life and death
Same coin different sides
Same coin different sides
Everything will die
Everything will rise
Basic esoteric rhymes
Unless it's all lie
Who knows what is real?
What's my purpose in my life?
Wait sorry, I got in my head again
Let me focus at being in the moment

I feel so nuu
Walking on the grass i feel like something's coming through
Sun is shining on the land, it's currently at peace
But peace don't last forever, it can go as it please
So I guess enjoy the moment
Do not to need to overthink
Sometimes in this life I guess enjoy the simple things
Eventually they'll fade away uhm
And nothing will turn into nothing
Then nothing will turn into nothing
Nothing into nothing
And the cycle ensues
It's the cycle
It's the cycle, circle of death
More like death and death
Same coin same side
Same coin same side
Everything will die
It will become void
Basic nihilistic rhymes
Spiritualism is a lie
Nothing is real

New
Walking on the grass i feel like something's coming through
Sun is shining on the land, it's currently at peace
But peace don't last forever, it can go as it please
So I guess enjoy the moment
Do not to need to overthink
Sometimes in this life

Sometimes in this life like everything
And everything will turn nothing into something into everything
Everlasting cycle ensues
It's the cycle
It's the cycle, 
circle of Duality
Yin and Yang
Yin and Yang
Everything will die
Will rise
Basic esoteric rhymes
Unless it's all a lie
Who knows what is real?

I feel so nuu
Walking on the grass i feel like something's coming through
Sun is shining on the land, it's currently at peace
But peace don't last forever, it can go as it please (×4)
Eventually it'll fade away like everything
And everything will turn into nothing
Then nothing will turn into something
Something into everything
And the cycle ensues
It's the cycle
Circle of life and death

nNeUwU [untitled_0004]]

[new album when?]]

Verse1:
21st Birthday
Sing it in the worst way
Hikikomori
Mentally 30
My time is fading (yea)
Soul is waning (yea)
Feeling mainy (yea)
Foggy Cranium
My younger self would hate the person that ive become
Losing rhythm, can't find the beat to my own drum
This world ain't for me, or maybe I don't wanna grow up
But what's growing up? Cause I don't wanna have my soul crushed.

Verse2:
I want to live a life outside this system
Travel to a world outside the solar system
& dance to my rhythm

Verse3:
Still fucked up in the head
Try to make folks accept me
Even if they don't care about me
Maybe it's cause I don't care myself
Wanna be ignored to dig deeper in the well
In The Well
IN THE WELL
In the fucking well I just drown myself in despair
Look at the world the it's so far from here
I'm sinking in my own
Can't climb the walls
It is getting darker
There are no walls
See the lights spotters
In my own thoughts
Cannot move, I'm faltered.

Verse4:
21st Birthday
Sing it in the worst way
Hikikomori
Mentally 30
(repeated)

Verse5:
I'm not special
& No one really is
And the glass half empty 
Pessimistic little bitch
Always feel so envy
Towards every human
Don't wanna feel this empty
And prolonged sadness
What's the point of working
If it leads to nothin
What's the point of something
If there's no fulfillment
Why is life important if I didn't choose it
There's no point of living here if you cannot move it
Move the world, change the world
I can do that in this viddy game, save the world
Get the girl
Live a life, of peace & adventuring
Make a mistake, can go back to where it saved me
"Speaking of saving"

Checkpoint:
21 years old. I feel like I've wasted the past 4-5 years of my life & there's always this feeling that everything I have now will soon be gone. I've been making music for the past 5 years, and I still don't know at times if this is what I want to do. I feel like I'll just be forgotten in the next few years. people and friends I have now will soon just forget about me. I feel like I can't even form good connections with people because I'm in my head too much. somedays I just wake up and the day is already over. I feel trapped in life, and don't know what to do. somedays I just want to end it all but tell myself things will get better. I just don't want to live a life of misery. I can't really open up to people about how I honestly feel a lot of the time cause I think I'll just end up being a type of burden to them. so I'm just expressing stuff here. I hope I can find a purpose in life or just something that brings me long term happiness + fulfillment. I don't want to kill myself or live an a autonomous, autopilot, dead life.

Save file:
June 23, 2020
6:36 AM
Bedroom

21 BIRTHDAY [untitled_0009]]

DOWNLOAD: https://johnnascus.bandcamp.com/album/untitled-0007-0020-0001

New Year
New Me
Decade
2020.
Out the world
I look and see
Everyone
Including me.
Dissociate
Get Away
From 
Reality okay.
I need
Rebirth
A new slate
Massive change.
In my head
Too much
Too much
Too much
Escape esotericism.
But that's my
My home
Why would I escape my home
I don't know
Maybe it never was 
Or I let it consume me.
I feel like
A fucking fraud
I'm fucking lost 
What do I do 
I don't know
I don't ask for help
So I keep it all inside.
Until it explodes
And I'm out my mind
And then I want to [REDACTED]]
But I'm too [REDACTED]]
So i lay
Lay
Lay
Lay
Lay
Why do i destroy everything that i fucking own

[untitled_0001]]

Second half prod by JOHNNASCUS

My Archangels want me dead
Face the wrath of God, eternal damnation
My creator formed me in his image
But now he wants me destroyed
So that must mean he hates his inner & wants to put an end to his immortal lineage

Angels falling from the sky like asteroids.
Crash into the earth, bring destruction.
I live every single day in fear
Hiding from the light overseers
Wheels of fire shine as bright as lightning
1 thousand eyes that just shred my body
Find the watchers and they won't protect me
Azazel struck down by the Almighty
 
My Archangels want me dead
Face the wrath of God, eternal damnation
My creator formed me in his image
But now he wants me destroyed
So that must mean he hates his inner & wants to put an end to his immortal lineage

Angels falling from the sky like asteroids.
Crash into the earth, bring destruction.
I live every single day in fear
Hiding from the light overseers
Wheels of fire shine as bright as lightning
1 thousand eyes that just shred my body
Find the watchers and they won't protect me
Azazel struck down by the Almighty

21 BIRTHDAY [untitled_0009]]

JOHNNASCUS

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