post-graduation

CHEWING ON MY PILLS (PROD. KIMLORDS BEATS)

emotionally intellectual

scar tissue

somethinginmyheadismissing

PLAY NICE (prod.cristalbeach)

DRAIN (prod.cristalbeach)

WHISKEY COKE & EIGHT BALL

sometimes i feel like if
i'm not careful i could absorb
all of the pain in the world in
an instant
in an instant

the rain falls differently here
she says i seem unfamiliar
but i could say the same
yeah, i could say the same about her
about her

when i die i want to be forgotten
i want release of a third death
i want it to be as inconsequential as it felt for me

and will my desperate mind show me your face, please?
be quiet now, its okay
or will i see nothing?
a race to celebrate?

and all my old friends, they'll give no eulogies
and all my old friends, they gave no eulogy

do you know if there's a
place for me?
do you know if anyone will wait for me?
wait for me
wait for me

and i accepted eternal damnation at eleven
but when and how the hell is it gonna happen
like father, like son, i'll die before i'm done
i'll die before i'm done
i'll die, i'll die

and all my old friends, they gave no eulogies
and all my old friends, they'll give no eulogies
and all my old friends, they'll give no eulogies
and all my old friends, they'll keep no memory, no
no memory, no, no memory
no, no.

no eulogies

DOWNLOAD

for me here (old EP version)

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https://open.spotify.com/artist/5mkpepinG2G2HZUZ7cHGQX

Born of secrets and floorboard creaks
Under ash that formed to expire
Twisted kneecaps a running relapse 
At swamps where a frog croaks of liars
Gnarled limbs of dead trees
Longing to embrace me
And comfort swims in stagnance of sin
As he pulls my shirt up higher

No trespassing signs line the forest side
Of rock walls built to procure
My wet shoes fill the ceramic grooves
As his aggression I must endure
The promise of some trading cards
The buds of his repugnant tongue
The craving of some attention
But it's not what I want

Oh I miss my home
Cut my wrists over every poem
Waiting to hear I'm sorry
The kingdom implored my departing

Returning faces and flakes of silent snow
Replaced speeches in passing
Hydrangeas blue from sulfur
A photo to remember for masses
Their souls inside wooden tombs
Necessity and lethargic
If I'd witnessed this iconoclastic image before
Well maybe I'd forgotten

Oh I miss my home
Cut my wrists over every poem
Waiting to hear I'm sorry
The kingdom implored my departing

My Departing

thank you for everything brother.

vocals: lil peep

prod by me

cut myself w/lil peep

comforting skin next to me
she said that i can never be
myself when i die i will be alone
listening to her heart i can't feel anything
below my neck, and now my thoughts will take control
and if u prefer
i'll leave out all the details of this emptiness i feel
and if u prefer
i'll be around to listen to your softly spoken words
darkness seems to make isolation easier
i welcome my hallucinations
understandings of what i am will come undone
as i spiral deeper into nothingness
but if it helps me sleep
i'll take out my frustration on my temporary skin
if it helps me sleep
i'll smoke until i never have another dream of you
being in this space where nothing stays the same
i feel this biting clawing pain inside my chest
fly against the window pane soon to die
why does he try
why try

swallow

i guess i took the words pop punk too seriously

you say you really care but I just can’t 
believe that
it’s my fault, things have just gotten bad again
my best friend just seems to make me feel like shit
but I don’t really care cause I think I deserve it, yeah

I’m building up walls that I think will protect me
but I’m not an architect, they keep falling in on me
I should just go to school, get some kind of degree
but the thought of waking up again
just makes me wanna go to sleep

I don’t really mind if I never make a penny
cause the friends I have think I’m really funny
and I don’t really care about the afterparties
i’d rather get stoned, go home
and surround myself
in mediocrity

and I’m sick of being sad like
all these celebrities
seems like there’s not a single person
that doesn’t have GAD
and this might be a hot take
I don’t like controversy
but why they only care when a billionaire
says somethin’s beyond me

and maybe it’d be easier if I 
just played along
but I’m sick of hearing all these stupid corporate songs
designer clothes, money comes and goes
for some reason they all buy in to these
teen drama tropes

I don’t really mind if I never make a penny
cause the friends I have think I’m really funny
and I don’t really care about the afterparties
i’d rather get stoned, go home
and surround myself
in mediocrity

afterparties

i'm trying to forget everything
we talked about
before we even knew what we were
talking about
i'm ignoring my friends more often
but i'd pick up if it was you

i'm falling back to asking
a deck of cards what it means
what it meant
cause to me it was 
everything
i'm falling asleep hoping to hear
from you again

do you still have that blue
little bear
i told you to hold when you just
couldn't bear
the thought of breathing
the thought of leaving was all that
you could keep repeating
your brain was a monster
when you tried sleeping
you heard the words of
those that couldn't love you enough
i'd say it over and over
still say it over and over
til there's nothing left
in my lungs

i hope he's good to you
i'd still break the bones
of anyone who ever hurts you
i know we were young
but i know that i loved
every word that you said
they meant i was enough

that halloween
when we danced inbetween
what we wanted to say
and what i still really mean
i still dream of your laugh
and the trampoline
do you still think of me
i'm just a memory

my brain is a monster
when i try sleeping
i hear the words you said
when my soul was bleeding
in need of a doctor
or some kind of meaning
you were my life preserver
but now i'm sinking

if you ever hear a song
that makes you think of me
i hope you sing along
cause i sing over and over
over and over
til there's nothing left
in my lungs

halloween, 2015

I’m always so lonely, frustrated, and angry
And I never know if it’s my fault
Or if it’s just my brain working fucking wrong
Cause I have got problems that I cannot withhold
Cause I have got diseases that I cannot control

And my feelings are at the mercy of my chemical imbalances
And I’m trapped inside the torture of living with all of this disorder

And I always hate myself more than I hate anyone else
I’ll always hate myself before I hate anyone else
Cause I know I have earned it
From years and years of treating myself like shit

And I want to believe that it’s not my fault
And I want to believe that I can live a fulfilling life
But I might not
I might not

no eulogies

justwatchthefireworks

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