(This is the second version recorded. The first was a place holder)
This song sounds a bit bitter and sarcastic, and it is. Nothing should be taken too seriously here; it's just an expression of my frustration with trying to break into music again after so many years out of the scene. Playing indie music in southern california can be a true hell. Whereas hipsters are always difficult to please, it seems to me that they are especially unwelcoming around these parts. Venues I've played 10 times are now seemingly impossible to book. I would say it's because of my terrible music, however I'm positive there are way worse bands playing every night in L.A. and the I.E. 
And by the way, I don't mean any offense to the Silversun Pickups (i've never actually heard their music, their name just fit well with the lyrics about "silverlake". I'm sure they're nice guys.) nor do I mean to offend the venue El Cid (it's one of my favorite l.a. venues, along with Los Globos, same owners. If the lyrics are taken to be an assault, I promise that's not how they were intended. El Cid is one of the good ones).

Lyrics:
"Maybe if  I got a synthesizer and thermin/Got some tattoos and a pink didjeridoo./Maybe if My mom and dad had money, then I could've gone to college/and then I could have been cool./Maybe if I sold off fifty tickets to a gig where I would play 5:30 pm tuesday night/Maybe if I went on to my facebook and I spam them/started chanting out my name, would it go right?/What am I doing wrong? What the fuck can I do? I hate to admit it, but shit dude I have no tattoos/
I'll go pull out my old weezer glasses with the black frames/Try hard as I can to look like a nerd/I'll go find a couple mexicans and africans/play some NOISE-RANCHERO-AFRICAN-SPOKEN WORD./Maybe if I had a small apartment in silverlake/then the silversun pickups would call me up/and say "oh hey koala! I heard from someone you're a baller, let's go play next saturday down at EL Cid/Should I not write this song? Will somebody sue? Or maybe I should just quit now cause I have no tattoos./I thought once that punks and artists/hippies hipsters were the farthest/thing from all those shiny ones/who made my life hell one by one/in elementary and junior high/highschool laughing, making me cry/i'm sure i sound bitter and you may be right/I've lived here in this whole for all of my life/But I can't get a gig anymore, I think that I'm screwed/Because I'm a recluse and because I have no tattoos/I can't get a gig anymore I think that I'm through/because I'm a recluse and cause my strange lack of tattoos"

"The No Tattoos Song (Lyrics now included in description!)" by  K0ala?! (and the K-Holes)

(***New videos up on youtube. The page for my americana/roots side project Koala?! and the Exploding Meth Lab can now be found at www.soundcloud.com/theexplodingmethlab
KOALA has been making d.i.y. bedroom outsider lo-fi anti folk punk since 2003, but due to mental illness and drug addiction he lost his focus and nothing ever came of it. After sobering up and regaining a degree of sanity, he began writing and recording again in the fall of 2015. 
K0ALA was raised in Los Angeles and grew up in the punk rock and hardcore scene, moving into indie and noise rock in his young adulthood. Influences are taken from punk and hardcore, from indie folk and indie rock, from noise rock, from outsider, from folk punk, from early americana-roots, from folk and country, from alt. country and antifolk, even from the lyricism of hip hop (i.e. wu tang clan, del the funky homosapien, asher roth, el-p).

KOALA has long aimed to cultivate the chaos and urgency in his own life and capture it in his songs (whether he has failed at this or not is up to you). Noise, fuzz, overdrive, feedback, off key vocals, detuned guitars, cheap recording equipment, and of course chain smoking cheap cigarettes all add up to make the fucking mess that is KOALA?! AND THE K-HOLES

Some label better come suck this shit up before Def Jam or Atlantic come a knockin! :/

influences: the Moldy Peaches, The Mountain Goats, attilla the stockbroker, billy bragg, Andrew Jackson Jihad, Violent Femmes, They might be giants, langhorne slim, will oldham, neutral milk hotel, this bike is a pipebomb, woody guthrie, hank williams sr, the holy modal rounders, the fugs, david peel, velvet underground, screeching weasel, mr t experience, the pogues, the pixies, steve albini, new lost city ramblers, kentucky bootleggers, khaki king, john vanderslice, beulah, the microphones/mt eerie, postal service, old crow medicine show, get the hell out of the way of the volcano, ghost mice, defiance ohio, cat stevens, donovan, heathers, bob dylan (early), leonard cohen, nick drake, smog/bill callahan, david allen coe, the carter family, atom and his package, paul baribeau, the beat happening, the vaselines, Cake, CUB, go sailor, mike park etc.

Here are a few reviews from music blogs:
http://madmackerel.org/2016/01/12/100-songs-in-100-hours-40-koala-and-the-k-holes/

http://www.themodernfolk.net/2015/12/koala-and-kholes-sheolburbia.html

http://emergingindiebands.com/k0ala-and-the-k-holes/
Press Quotes:

"I literally almost shit my pants while listening to Koala?! and the K-Holes...But in a good way. My ears were bleeding and my underwear were stained with feces, but it was worth every horrible moment!" -Pitchfork Magazine

"When I first heard Koala?! and the K-Holes I thought to myself 'who do they sound like?' and when it finally came to me I realized they were the spitting image of the Arcade Fire, if the Arcade fire were, like, 78% less shitty of a band" - NME 

"Koala and the K-holes made me campaign to get the name of the zine changed to MAXIMUM FULK!, but they wouldn't agree because they said only posers like marsupials" - Maximum Rock n Roll

"If there's on artist to listen to while having questionably legal sex with animals, koala?! and the k-holes would totally be it! They're like Dave Matthews Band for severely psychologically impaired bonobo apes!" - Spin magazine
(if you want videos, go to the youtube link)
(if you want facebook or bandcamp, follow the appropriate links)

"The No Tattoos Song (Lyrics now included in description!)" by K0ala?! (and the K-Holes)

KOALA?! (and the K-Holes)