heart vomit.

my tongue is tied up.
and i'm thinking about cutting it out.
my head is in a rut.
and i feel i can't carry on without taking in a deep breath.
my lungs are on fire and i'm fueling it. fueling it.
they tell me i should give it a rest.
but i love how it feels when i'm killing it. killing it.

take your time. hurry up.
make up your mind. that's quite enough.
i do what i do and i do it shameless.
that's why i'll never be famous.

i don't wanna plan ahead.
and i don't wanna pretend i give a shit.
all i ever really think of doing is making music until i'm dead.
i don't wanna hide who i am.
cause i don't care who's judging me.
all i really know is that i'm ok with all the petty little names that you give me.

(THIS IS NOT A "JAKEWOLF" SONG. WE ARE CALLED "ELUSIVE KEYS" facebook, twitter, soundcloud /elusivekeys)

I'll Never Be Famous

i don't want to feel it anymore.
take me to another world.
i know i'm not much help at all.
but at least i get the job done.

when worst comes to worst, i know i'll be able to brush the rust off of me.
you may say i'm an emotionless robot.
but at least i got heart.

flip the switch to start.

don't feel much at all.
pull me under the water and watch my skin crawl.

(THIS IS NOT A "JAKEWOLF" SONG. WE ARE CALLED "ELUSIVE KEYS" facebook, twitter, soundcloud /elusivekeys)

Tinman

There is no other me but a sad me without us. I love and trust you. Love and trust. I only love and trust us. And every moment on my mind I only see your face in my face. I'm out of place in any place that I'm not in your lips range.

So sunshine please be with me.
I'm your sunflower diseased without you. Without us I'll wither into dust.

An open wound on my heart. An open mind for a new start. It starts with you and ends with you. I end for you only. And when we die when we've grown old, I only wish to have you to hold. Only us. Only you. I'm yours only. True.

So sunshine please never leave.
I'm your sunflower diseased without you. Without us I'll wither into dust.

And all I've ever wanted is you and I. God knows it. And every little word that I speak and spell out, I hope to god you feel it.
And all i ever needed was for you to just be there next to me through it all, thick and thin, short and tall.

So sunshine please be with me.
I'm your sunflower diseased without you. Without us I'll wither into dust.
Sunshine please never leave.
I'm your sunflower diseased without you. Without us I'll wither into dust

("here's your new album" on itunes.com/jakewolf soon)

your sunflower

let me in.
this is the best way to do it.
i'll forgive your hands for putting me through it.
don't you want to hate me?
then you can be free.
kidding. only kidding.
this leash seems so fitting.
i don't know the next line, but i'm sure it will be sad.
living. forgiving.
this noose seems so fitting.
maybe this time it won't be that bad.
go lay down.
i hear the tapping of your tablet.
that (annoying) horrid sound when he makes you laugh.
come out.
you've already finished.
take a bath.
snapchat.
kidding. only kidding.
this leash seems so fitting.
i don't know the next line, but i'm sure it will be sad.
living. forgiving.
this noose seems so fitting.
maybe this time it won't be that bad.
i'm letting you go. (i) you won't. (want)
me.
free. selfish. pity.

Free

you and me forever unless something goes sour i guess.
i'm alone without you. but that's ok.
every day is a new day of passive aggressiveness.
oh, how you love me so.
no.
you're on fire baby. get it. hit it. quit it,
i'll be alright if i can just kill it.
kill him.
end it.
i'm so lost without you. hate to break the bad news.
i'm already all alone.
oh, how you love me so.
no.
just try and love me.

dark blue.
ocean.
rolling.
coasting.
far away from you.
and it counts this time.
not like the (several) other times.
april fools.

Lost Em

fire on the mountains.
erupt. hot stuff. cover it up.
you know i been counting.
and now she pouting.
chest. boom. boom. like a drum. pounding.
fire on the mountains,
you already know.
gonna blow.

Got Em

bedsheets. breathe deep. can't sleep. so welcoming.
cheek to cheek. told you come over and watch movies.
lying blatantly. mounting t.v.
hope it's everything you want to get out of your system.
bedsheets secrete secrets evidently.
all these things seem kind of funny don't they?
allowing you to get that feeling.
hope it's everything you want to get out of your system.
how fun. (hot cum)

[new song from my upcoming split with my pal wolfman chuck. check him out at ukulelehorror.bandcamp.com. there WILL be physical copies this time!]


Bedsheets

i'm a cunt. yeah motherfucker. I'm a motherfucker. yeah, i'm your new dad. i'm a low life. bottom feeding, fuck your bitch and lick the creases. yeah, you know that shit was whack. i'm the man you don't want in your plans, you don't want in your hands when your man come home from work and i'm bustin on your cans. cause i'm a jerk. and i'mma break his hands if he try to call the cops or he try to call his friends. yeah motherfucker. i'm a prick. and I don't fuckin give a shit. yeah motherfucker. i'm a low life, bottom feeding, fuck your fuckin bitch's feelings. i'm nasty. I fuck so fastly. face in her asscheeks. rhinoplasty. chokerape a chickenheaded bitch until she gasping. fuck a broke neck bitches throat right through the casting. yeah motherfucker. i'm a motherfucker. yeah, i'm your new dad. i'm a cunt. yeah motherfucker. i'm a prick. and I don't fuckin give a shit. yeah motherfucker. i'm a low life, bottom feeding, fuck your fuckin bitch's feelings, fuck your fuckin bitch ass feelings. fuck your fuckin ass.

[new song from my upcoming split with my pal wolfman chuck. check him out at ukulelehorror.bandcamp.com. there WILL be physical copies this time!]

Low Life

pull yourself together.
that's what they always say.
things will get better day by day.
well i've been waiting so patiently.
scattered across states.
no way you feel the same.
and everything that you do still gets under my skin.
and yeah, i look when i can. just to see how you've been.
but you'd rather tell me to leave than to let me in.
so, i leave again.
and you were talking to him while i was in our bed.
saying a lot of things that you shouldn't have.
but you were over me. clearly.
and now i see that.
was i really that bad?
i guess i wasn't enough... or maybe too much.
i gave you all that i had.
did they make your heart race when they said all those things?
is that what kept you away from me?
you said i made you lose someone you cared about a lot. i'm sure.
you should have cared about me more.
and i was a fool only for you.
i knew what you do.
and you do what you do.
i wish i could be ok with it as you.
but it all felt wrong.
you'd turn on a song and sing along about love and loss.
oh, what sweet tragedy.
you wanted to lose me so someone could be your new love story.
you weren't thinking of me looking at your phone screen.
smiling at what you were hiding.
and now i sleep all day in an empty place.
oh, how i wish you'd've asked me to stay. fix everything.
come out. communicate. love me the same.
so what can i do? well, what can i say?
when everything i love about myself is everything that pushes you away.
someday i hope you love me the same.
no more mistakes. please, no more mistakes.
someday i hope you love me the same.
someday.

your escape

last time. if you can't decide, i ride.
and "why?", you may ask me.
but you know if you can't keep me, i'll go.
and every little reason that you give ain't worth a damn, ain't worth losing this kiss.
so is that why you keep quiet? so you can go and try it?
well i'm not one to be a back up plan.
you may think i'm safe, cause my love never fades.
but if i never knew you then who'd i love anyway?
i'd say, if you can throw me away, i'd go back to saying i've never loved.
cause the woman i'll love, she stays.
never strays away from our family.
never plays these games that tear at me and my heart.
so if you want a fresh start with someone else, go to hell.
and i won't have any part.
and every little reason that you give ain't worth a damn, ain't worth losing this kiss.
so is that why you keep quiet? so you can go and try it?
well i'm not one to be a back up plan.
when it fails. you know it will. with someone else. you know it will...

Back Up

waiting for my love to come home to me is tragedy.
and everything i said i'd once known bleeds. like ink on sheets.
and i've been trying so hard not to FREAK OUT.
but living in my own head, i struggle to speak out rationally.
casually.
i just want to be your everything.
don't tell me to leave. don't tell me to see other people.
you know that can't be me, or my soul.
oh, my soul...
burns heal. get real.
i've been burning for 5 fucking years.
when did you stop? why did you stop?
did i put you out? or did your temperature drop?
well, i'll warm you up if you'll let me.
i've got enough heat for our whole family.
i'm sorry, but this just upsets me.
i can't believe that you're so over me...
but you're not. you're not... i know that you're not.
so i still give it my all.. all that i've got.
but you hardly talk. and i cry a lot.
i clench my fists not to choke up when i'm at my job.
oh, god...
if there were a god listening, i'd pray to it to begin again.
but we've been god to me since i first held your hand.
so now all i can do is wait and know that your soul has a home in my soul.
and if you ever feel for me again like i do, you know i'm for you.

heart vomit.

LaRae Whitson