This is possibly the most "daydream-y" song on the album, in that the whole basis of the song is about wondering what it must be like to be in love.

Back in 2020, I was walking up a hill and when I turned round to look at the view, I saw a couple sitting on a picnic blanket admiring the view along with me.  I just remember thinking they looked very at home with each other, and they were doing all kinds of cutesy couple stuff. Like when one of them stood up to leave and the other pulled them back down into a hug. 

I was immediately inspired to write about them from my perspective as an outsider looking in. The song evolved into expressing a desire to feel seen that I think is more common than many would care to admit. Doing so would likely come with a feeling of guilt at the implication that you need a romantic partner to feel "whole". I don't believe this is the case but that belief can coexist with occasional feelings of loneliness - the two are not mutually exclusive. 

And yes, I did deliberately put this song as track two hehe.

Daydreams

For Two

Lyrics written a few months ago to a completely different tune. This one started with the bass riff and I just embellished around it.

?Hilarious

This song kind of poured out of me towards the end of last year. I hadn't written anything in a while, and certainly not anything to completion, when suddenly I had three song ideas within the space of so many days and this was one of them. 

I was playing around with guitar chords and began singing the melody of what ended up being the chorus. Most of it was incoherent murmuring as I fumbled around for the tune but I found myself singing "if I hate you..." at the start of each phrase. I started wondering what I could write a song about that would contain those lyrics. This prompted me to think about the concept of willing yourself to hate someone almost in order to survive, because hating them means you stand a chance of moving on. You almost wish they had done something awful to you, screwed you over in some way because then you wouldn't miss them. You could look back at them with relief that they're no longer in your life. But in reality, you look back and you miss them. You wish you could be filled with red, burning, hot anger because that feels preferable to the dull, blue ache that currently consumes you. You feel like a ghost - at least rage would make you feel alive. 

Once I knew that this is what the song would centre around, I started thinking of different ways to present this idea. The verses list all the things that the persona could do, if they only hated the person they are singing to. The lyrics almost act as continuations of the song title: "if I hate you...I could face the walk down Union Street, go out with my friends to parties etc.". The chorus expands on this, explaining the persona's fear that if they gave into their sadness and faced the truth about how this person really treated them, they don't think they could ever love again - nothing else would compare. After a post-chorus climax, the song quiets to a sad admission that the persona cannot bring themselves to be angry with the person they are singing about because they just don't deserve it. This is "the truth" they have been afraid of facing: that this person was truly good, a light in their life and now they're gone.
 
It's unusual for me to start with chords when I'm writing a song - usually I'll be inspired by an idea for a lyric or piece of melody first, then putting chords to that will drive me to write the rest of it. However, after making this song, perhaps this will change. 

At times, this song is in danger of glorifying anger, bitterness and resentment and presents these as positive, desirable emotions - it should be noted that this was not the intention. I just thought this was an interesting facet of emotion to explore, especially because I think the temptation to think of the negatives of something or someone once they're gone to ease the loss is a relatable thing. This song takes those usually fleeting moments and indulges in them, taking them to their extremes.

If I Hate You

First song of 2024, thanks to coughing through Feb. How do you make a reliably ordinary song interesting? I tried a lot of counterpoints and instrument combinations that didn't really elevate this much - only the jet-engine flanging is unorthodox, but all else is pretty regular. Lyric-wise it's about my anticipation when literally approaching the lovely city of Leipzig last month - given its dark history, how is it coming to terms? And in doing so how would it feed my fixation with the GDR years?

Descending Over Leipzig

Started life as 'Piano Piece Feb 2024'. Hmm. Although does include some slightly piano-like feature instrument. Feature instruments - not sure if needed, but if so could have been a flute or shakuhachi really? Music from Sciennes in Edinburgh, words from Banff in Aberdeenshire in March. Holidays never fail that way. Phrase 'levelling up' going round my head - ill-conceived UK Government plan to replace now-lost EU funding (inadequately), bypassing national parliaments and instead getting desperate local authorities to bid for cash, in return for votes. And contains the eye-rhyme 'love' and 'Gove' - Michael, the UK's largely-distrusted Levelling-Up minister - hence the 'other' meaning of levelling-up as in 'on the level', or honest.

Levelling Up

Somewhat ugly riff-based (no solo) Strokes-like guitar-band piece with distorted vocals, recounting a dream I had a month or so ago, wherein I was visiting a cousin in Philadelphia in the US and taking the bus to see the lights and fireworks celebrating Pennsylvania's founder, William Penn; on disembarking from the bus was held at gunpoint by a scared Philadelphian young man who went on to explain the social pressures on his poverty-stricken milieu, until the local cops were heard to approach and he disappeared. The dream insisted that the city was the masculine Philadelphius, not Philadelphia.

Jumped in Philadelphius

I'm guilty of allowing songs to act as pegs for hanging unused melodies (of which I have legions), at the risk of them hijacking the piece. This maybe isn't quite a proper song anyway. Lyrics are a cautionary tale about keeping it secret when you realise you've got the keys to heaven.

Even Stephen

Well, sounds like Chic obviously. Has a lot to do with having seen Nile and co. last July, and a lot to do with completing the backlog of unfinished songs I started last year for the DWAM album. Contemplated other treatments of the song but no it's got to be disco. Could do with a female lead, if anyone would like to volunteer.

Up Up

I don't mind working in a hurry - this was recorded yesterday and written the day before. Much of the time was taken up synthesising rainfall. But the idea for the song came last October from watching the Jacobite steam train arrive at Glennfinnan railway station in the Highlands, in the rain. It would probably make quite a good Crowded House-style pop tune.

My Jenny Agutter Moment

Squeezy and Crowded-Housey, reasonably friendly and inoffensive, based on the My Jenny Agutter Moment song I put up last week, and, yup, another one about railways.

Rounding the Oval

22 years old, from Edinburgh 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿
All songs written and produced by me and my limited vocal/instrumental abilities and GarageBand expertise :))

For Two

Laura Clare

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