guts' theme

looked at some of the project files and fucked around a bit

Normandy (electronic mix)

Waspnest (apistat commander cover)

working on the muddiness

Sometimes I look at the garden I let burn
And wonder if I let those flowers bloom again
Would they spread love or ache in my rough hands
Or take the petals up to into the hills and spread 
the love across a mountain lake

Love left me in an eggshell
Love left me with no way back home 
Wandering through the woods alone  

it takes so long when you're left waiting for the end, when it's all that's left
I remember that new years I thought I'd finally figured you out
 
The hive is dead and still the buzz goes on and on
Love lives in a waspnest
Soft and sweet
gnawing in my chest
digging through the night for a body I cannot find again

The hive is dead and still your buzz goes on and on
Love lives in a waspnest
Soft and sweet
Ashen clots to stay this hurt inside my chest
Love lives in a waspnest 

I don't want to stay
Digging the same grave   
Pulsing in my chest
Buzzing in my ears
The wasps now begin
To come up from my skin

I never thought I'd find myself there, in the woods with nothing but a coarse string to bribe me back home
I wandered in the woods for years until I found them, their own string trailing behind them, just as lost, but eyes equally determined.
The following months there was some odd comfort, though our strings gathered and no longer pointed home, that was somehow okay, to wander aimlessly.
Their strings were tattered, chewed by moths, knotted, breathing, and fucking buzzing something like a wasp nest, frayed yet freakishly beautiful 
And as soon as it began it was over, again the woods had become a lonely place

love lives in a waspnest

Love Lives In A Waspnest

alienorphanfuneralparty

rise crystal spear, fly true over me

suddenly gone from here, left alone on the road
what brings you back, promises of a memory
your own ghost running away with the past

disappear in the sun all gone
it took a while just to think of home

my oldest friend that I barely knew 
so much fun hanging around in the dark
you stop time, managed to somehow find a way out of here
dagger in everyone's heart.

Ritchie Sacramento (Mogwai cover)

demo kinda

send the host away
and leave this shaking skin
gaze upon the prey
the skin in wait

tear apart these bloodied arms
and calm those shaking nerves
pull apart my frantic eyes
let fly the hungry beast
take apart my stillborn hands
to build a cold dream

I died and a wild animal appeared in my place

I found a way but it breaks me down
this frenzied skin's here to stay
I try to unhinge but impulse always wins
this frenzied skin's here to stay
this frenzied skin's here to stay
this frenzied skin's here to tear me out
this frenzied skin's here to stay
this frenzied skin's here to stay

frenzied skin

wouldn't they like
to see you a mess 
a wandering regret
left to the worms

a painted actor
left to his painted stage
a lonesome display
howling 
howling for more
another blade to make sparks
another tear for my heart
howling for someone to hear me  

Such a shame that I never could get it quite right
Swinging this weight around
Can't shake these thoughts

drifting
on the bloodied fields
my eyes don't see much 
I bleed
Can't do this much longer
Just waiting for something stronger

Such a shame that I never could get it quite right
Swinging this weight around
Can't shake these thoughts

field

worried (apistat commander cover)

Some of those harmonics are a little too off beat and I don't like my lead guitar tone, will redo this eventually.

75 [alternate version]

there he goes blurrin' out the sun, been in this a few years too long
kicked in the teeth for sleeping too long
god just gave it seven days, these short years sure feel that way
we're all too late for this right now

to my best, I'm not their best, I'm a nameless but still familiar
when you die leave them behind, in the coals carve out a name
at the gates, if you're late do you think god would forgive or goddamn
all those saints who left their fates in the hands of a god with no name

nameless

i think that I might have been over my head
waking up to two different reals
ropes in both hands
ocean eyes so dry, bittersweet and dry

I would color you gray, throw you away
but this day after day is getting too much the same
if our hearts were just birds I'd send you away
call you back next year, then hunt you today

we're growing up only to break
we're building homes only to wake
we're drawing faces in the sky
just waiting for a chance to go die
and one day we will rewind
we'll cast our hearts and hopefully die

ghost

burn therapy

joy division cover (1979)

A change of speed, a change of style
A change of scene, with no regrets
A chance to watch, admire the distance
Still occupied, though you forget
Different colours, different shades
Over each mistakes were made
I took the blame
Directionless so plain to see
A loaded gun won't set you free
So you say

We'll share a drink and step outside
An angry voice and one who cried
We'll give you everything and more
The strain's too much, can't take much more
Oh, I've walked on water, run through fire
Can't seem to feel it anymore

It was me, waiting for me
Hoping for something more
Me, seeing me this time
Hoping for something else

new dawn fades

fade away
and burn your heart
fade away
stay away
don't burn me out

and if they think they can fix this mess, they'll know too soon
she drove the nails, she can't change

driven by fear, passion's gone, clocks don't stop
i'm a paranoid i'm a manic depressive
i'm too diagnosed and i'm not here
here the bones lay
the first kill
they never had a chance to get home
never tried to get home until too late

and if they think they can fix this mess they'll know too soon
she drove the nails she can't change
and if they think they can take the witch she stitched inside
she drove the nails and she won't change

we drive home never feeling again
Stop thinking what you've lost
Learn to hold on to what you've got left

gasoline

these ghosts won't leave me alone

Bitter hearts race to a finish line nowhere
Nothing left to burn
Nothing to repair

little strings

inside skin left behind, don't breathe in
water's rising, i won't take prisoners
stay away
violent weather brings crying mothers
stay inside

sunshine pull me closer so I can just push you away
thought I felt your breath on me below the glacier bay
Burning in the water I can feel your hands ablaze
Drinking up the ocean, and they made you a holiday

don't lie you would do the same and break down
comfort terrifies me so i'll stay inside this cold dream anxious
wanting something different, got it, never satisfies me
i've slept 10000 times but i don't ever remember falling asleep
i'm done staying up to see the sunrise

sunshine pull me closer so I can just push you away
thought I felt your breath on me below the glacier bay

inside

|Faith, you're driving me away| from you
I can't shake my thoughts
You wear me out.
swallow me alive gently
You keep driving me away

driving me away

My body shakes, but nothing's left moving
The latest news took the form of lightning 
My brain's a car, that car's underwater
The latest news took my head at the altar

I'm a mess inside
Walls with nothing to hide

home is at the bottom of the sea
arms and neck left tangled in seaweed
locking eyes and laying in the sands
while the freak feeds below folded hands

why do i feel so weightless now
ringing, shaking, calming jowls

fuck me up

I have a bloody nose
all I breathe is rot 
and I don't remember the last time 
 
Stable minds are just big kid things
Plastic slides, twenty hornet stings
Stable minds are just big kid things
I'll feel better when I turn thirteen

Should I bathe my soft skin in gasoline
Should I tear off my brand new fingernails  
Will I break the things I love and walk away

I have a bloody nose
and I lost the necklace that I found
but I think
For now I'm fine

Stable minds are just big kid things
Things can change when I turn thirteen

bloody nose

i found joy but it couldn't find me
borrowed time and it caught up with me
i found god, they're nothing but a feeling
set to launch, and it's going away

sailing through electric dead dreams
i will always love you
all the love you gave me
a cross i couldn't bear

i found god in a pair of used gloves
love letters grow and they die in the trees
i'm unsure and it eats me away
gnawing thoughts, i can't live with my brain

dear you
send it off in my jaws
i will always love you
though i couldn't keep those stitches in your sweater
cinema of regret
i will always love you
all the ghosts that live here
a cross i couldn't bear

gnaw

I wish I could storm the beaches

Should I breathe
Should I wait until it hurts for when I leave
I know that joy won't last
And the summer will soon pass 
And the clouds will move in soon
And the sun becomes the moon

Do I wait until the flowers bloom
Or do I pluck them up to calm these moods
Wasps are buzzing through my skull
Let them turn me into human mulch

normandy

same old sting, a slave to little sparks
I thought I'd have it down by now

if this thing eats me up would you love me the same way
i'm still too scared to wake, scared to dream another night
if this thing eats me up would you love me anyways
i'm pulling teeth, I'm trading my old blood for new skin

Pull me in
I'm pushing you away
Pull me close
I wanna eat my brain

disorder

sometimes wanna burn the gardens that i grew
sometimes wanna chew my skin through
sometimes wanna disappear up north
To be forgotten and live off the earth
Sometimes I spend the whole night on the floor
And I don't think about nothin no more
Sometimes my blood's  filled up with doubt
Wear a mask, and pull my skin inside out


Whose blood's on my teeth

Sometimes I want a daughter, and my own workbench
But no one's child should have to live like this
Sometimes I wonder if I'd be missed
If I couldn't resist
or if I were softly convinced
Sometimes I wish that to my best-
I was the best
Just someone's best
Sometimes wanna burn the gardens that I grew
I thought I grew
there's nothing new

blood

My skin's sore, and so old
Polar bear ate my son
The garden that I grew has all burned
And I feel just at home in the ash, miserable

No more stars to fill my bedroom
I could curl up and try
Ribs feel cracked and spreading outward
Your spirits helped me to drown

Place your heel onto my sternum
I feel loved when I'm alone 
Send a postcard through the river
Watch the ink bleed away

Won't feel important tonight
But tomorrow I'll shine
All that dirt out  in the warm sun
I'm worn out being on my mind

I'm selling blood out in the city
everyone's buying too much
I don't wanna go home now
I just want to recharge

I just wanna go home
I'm not having much fun

frayed wire

[Verse 1]
My dog just ran away
And I am feeling pretty bad
I've been sneaking out at night
And my parents are real mad
I’ve been taking lots of drugs
Cause they teach me not to care
Yeah, I guess that’s how you cheat
Because life doesn’t play fair

[Verse 2]
My brother told me
That he's gonna
Kill himself tonight
With a whole bottle of Prozac
Or a shiny kitchen knife
He said that when he is dead
Ill have his Nintendo 64
And I can play all it night long
Sitting on the basement floor

[Verse 3]
My girlfriend told me that
She doesn't love me anymore
And I wish I didn't care but
I thought she was really cool
So I drank a ton of liquor
Then I threw up in her sink
She said next time use the toilet
Then she offered me a drink

N64 (Skin Cells cover)

Feed me voltage, I'm a scared rat 
always gnawing
I can't build a home in this skin
lock the doors

never got it down

solo project

one eye is shut and the other one's completely crushed

Lazy Eyelids

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