guts' theme

working on the muddiness

Sometimes I look at the garden I let burn
And wonder if I let those flowers bloom again
Would they spread love or ache in my rough hands
Or take the petals up to into the hills and spread 
the love across a mountain lake

Love left me in an eggshell
Love left me with no way back home 
Wandering through the woods alone  

it takes so long when you're left waiting for the end, when it's all that's left
I remember that new years I thought I'd finally figured you out
 
The hive is dead and still the buzz goes on and on
Love lives in a waspnest
Soft and sweet
gnawing in my chest
digging through the night for a body I cannot find again

The hive is dead and still your buzz goes on and on
Love lives in a waspnest
Soft and sweet
Ashen clots to stay this hurt inside my chest
Love lives in a waspnest 

I don't want to stay
Digging the same grave   
Pulsing in my chest
Buzzing in my ears
The wasps now begin
To come up from my skin

I never thought I'd find myself there, in the woods with nothing but a coarse string to bribe me back home
I wandered in the woods for years until I found them, their own string trailing behind them, just as lost, but eyes equally determined.
The following months there was some odd comfort, though our strings gathered and no longer pointed home, that was somehow okay, to wander aimlessly.
Their strings were tattered, chewed by moths, knotted, breathing, and fucking buzzing something like a wasp nest, frayed yet freakishly beautiful 
And as soon as it began it was over, again the woods had become a lonely place

love lives in a waspnest

Love Lives In A Waspnest

rise crystal spear, fly true over me

suddenly gone from here, left alone on the road
what brings you back, promises of a memory
your own ghost running away with the past

disappear in the sun all gone
it took a while just to think of home

my oldest friend that I barely knew 
so much fun hanging around in the dark
you stop time, managed to somehow find a way out of here
dagger in everyone's heart.

Ritchie Sacramento (Mogwai cover)

demo kinda

send the host away
and leave this shaking skin
gaze upon the prey
the skin in wait

tear apart these bloodied arms
and calm those shaking nerves
pull apart my frantic eyes
let fly the hungry beast
take apart my stillborn hands
to build a cold dream

I died and a wild animal appeared in my place

I found a way but it breaks me down
this frenzied skin's here to stay
I try to unhinge but impulse always wins
this frenzied skin's here to stay
this frenzied skin's here to stay
this frenzied skin's here to tear me out
this frenzied skin's here to stay
this frenzied skin's here to stay

frenzied skin

wouldn't they like
to see you a mess 
a wandering regret
left to the worms

a painted actor
left to his painted stage
a lonesome display

howling for more
another blade to make sparks
another blade for my heart
howling for someone to hear me  

Such a shame that I never could get it quite right
Swinging this weight around
I can't shake these thoughts

drifting // draining
on the bloodied fields
my eyes don't see much  
i bleed
i trampled the remaining
i wince
Can't do this much longer
Just waiting for something stronger

Such a shame that I never could get it quite right
Swinging this weight around
I can't shake these thoughts

field

worried (apistat commander cover)

Actually just a demo
Experimenting with vocal harmonies and I'm not good enough to do it yet but it's nice to try.



Just like a lost and orphaned marionette child
Whose strings have long lost their charm
Overspent

In the attic, on the tabletop there's
Figures of glass on a wood battlefield
To the left side, flank their horrid spawn and
Take to their keep, where they kept those godless
Sword and axe collide and splinter my frail wood
The weight of their game feels too much
Their captain takes hold of me by cross brace
Screams it's done as I go numb


I saw a bloodied child
Leading through the fetid mob
Who was brave and which side were they on?
Mists of blood as soldiers died
Children died to give them their  final prize


In the dark where stars have died
Twin flames rise from those inside
An egg of death, a binding scar
Ties the fates of kin afar
In the night bloodlines overthrown
One will ascend a broken throne
Consuming self, deep hunger’s moan
One will feast upon his own

I can't find my way
through the thorns and overgrowth
young soul has lost ambition

They march in step, a twisted ballet
Bound to their strings day and night
With every turn, the noose grows tighter and tighter
A silent howl, a final plea

In this winter theater of misery
I dance to their song on a sad string

Bound to the master, bound to his hate.
Reach to my brother's warped hands
"We are but passengers atop an egg of gods, soon to hatch"

Marionettes

Hangman

passenger (demo)

jesus christ

untitled

Hysterical And Useless

this guitar's not well tuned and there's a snapped string just dangling the whole time but i figured an untuned guitar is just tradition at this point and I wanted to do this acoustic.
arrangement is definitely inspired by another soundclouder's, Thruaglassdarkly

Bloodhail (have a nice life cover)

it's hard to be anything
this goes on and on

harakiri freestyle

Some of those harmonics are a little too off beat and I don't like my lead guitar tone, will redo this eventually.

75 [alternate version]

burn therapy

and if they think they can fix this mess, they'll know too soon
she drove the nails, she can't change

driven by fear, passion's gone, clocks don't stop
i'm a paranoid i'm a manic depressive
i'm too diagnosed and i'm not here
here the bones lay
the first kill
they never had a chance to get home
never tried to get home until too late

and if they think they can fix this mess they'll know too soon
she drove the nails she can't change
and if they think they can take the witch she stitched inside
she drove the nails and she won't change

we drive home never feeling again
Stop thinking what you've lost
Learn to hold on to what you've got left

gasoline

Bitter hearts race to a finish line nowhere
Nothing left to burn
Nothing to repair

little strings

inside skin left behind, don't breathe in
water's rising, i won't take prisoners
stay away
violent weather brings crying mothers
stay inside

sunshine pull me closer so I can just push you away
thought I felt your breath on me below the glacier bay
Burning in the water I can feel your hands ablaze
Drinking up the ocean, and they made you a holiday

don't lie you would do the same and break down
comfort terrifies me so i'll stay inside this cold dream anxious
wanting something different, got it, never satisfies me
i've slept 10000 times but i don't ever remember falling asleep
i'm done staying up to see the sunrise

sunshine pull me closer so I can just push you away
thought I felt your breath on me below the glacier bay

inside

|Faith, you're driving me away| from you
I can't shake my thoughts
You wear me out.
swallow me alive gently
You keep driving me away

driving me away

Pull me deeper into the flood
I've been drowning in your old blood
Pull me closer into the flood
I didn't want to, but you're in my blood
Pull me closer, swallow me whole
The witching hour will come for us all.

we'll sink down into the sea
with love;
you're tearing me apart
with love;
you're tearing me apart
with love;
you're tearing me apart

Pull me deeper into the flood
Pull me closer, swallow me whole

flood

I have a bloody nose
all I breathe is rot 
and I don't remember the last time 
 
Stable minds are just big kid things
Plastic slides, twenty hornet stings
Stable minds are just big kid things
I'll feel better when I turn thirteen

Should I bathe my soft skin in gasoline
Should I tear off my brand new fingernails  
Will I break the things I love and walk away

I have a bloody nose
and I lost the necklace that I found
but I think
For now I'm fine

Stable minds are just big kid things
Things can change when I turn thirteen

bloody nose

A newborn blood moon exits the chrysalis
repurged and young
wings frayed and sewn
soft eyes stay closed
devour the devil and god into your soul
Summer breeze flirts with entropy and I'm caught

The moon dreamed a painted nightmare
Of cold skies atop a boiling sea 
And there is no sleep for the dream eater
Boreal forests and azure fields I held in my tin locket
An evocation, a burning crew, sun danced up my eyes
A frantic light
A bloody tide

When the moon turned into the sea
Nereids gathered all 'round me
O from the sky stared an ox-eye
A freak goddess upon clouds of lye
Spoke softly
Child, please drown with me
I set fire to my rimed wings

When I had the choice to be 
Swallowed by the sky or sea
O from the skies, I heard angel's voice
A tempest wind, bellowing noise
O In the sea, blue, reflecting light
I plucked my eyes and chose to drown

I dreamed a sea
With winding paths and a row of seeds
My alkaline blood was warm
My blood ran through the rivers and fed the trees
A tomb for the damned 
A tomb for the living
No voice could reach the floor
No joy, no despair
It was a dream I was never in
But could never wake from

O from the sea, I saw blood painted skies
A painted world that was all mine

When the sun turned into the sky
O bloodied teeth and blinded eyes
Salvation called me to the gates
My painted world fell apart again
When the lord gave me a chance to restart
I bore my cracked teeth into their heart

Painted Nightmare

i found joy but it couldn't find me
borrowed time and it caught up with me
i found god, they're nothing but a feeling
set to launch, and it's going away

sailing through electric dead dreams
i will always love you
all the love you gave me
a cross i couldn't bear

i found god in a pair of used gloves
love letters grow and they die in the trees
i'm unsure and it eats me away
gnawing thoughts, i can't live with my brain

dear you
send it off in my jaws
i will always love you
though i couldn't keep those stitches in your sweater
cinema of regret
i will always love you
all the ghosts that live here
a cross i couldn't bear

gnaw

I wish I could storm the beaches

Should I breathe
Should I wait until it hurts for when I leave
I know that joy won't last
And the summer will soon pass 
And the clouds will move in soon
And the sun becomes the moon

Do I wait until the flowers bloom
Or do I pluck them up to calm these moods
Wasps are buzzing through my skull
Let them turn me into human mulch

normandy

sometimes wanna burn the gardens that i grew
sometimes wanna chew my skin through
sometimes wanna disappear up north
To be forgotten and live off the earth
Sometimes I spend the whole night on the floor
And I don't think about nothin no more
Sometimes my blood's  filled up with doubt
Wear a mask, and pull my skin inside out


Whose blood's on my teeth

Sometimes I want a daughter, and my own workbench
But no one's child should have to live like this
Sometimes I wonder if I'd be missed
If I couldn't resist
or if I were softly convinced
Sometimes I wish that to my best-
I was the best
Just someone's best
Sometimes wanna burn the gardens that I grew
I thought I grew
there's nothing new

blood

My skin's sore, and so old
Polar bear ate my son
The garden that I grew has all burned
And I feel just at home in the ash, miserable

No more stars to fill my bedroom
I could curl up and try
Ribs feel cracked and spreading outward
Your spirits helped me to drown

Place your heel onto my sternum
I feel loved when I'm alone 
Send a postcard through the river
Watch the ink bleed away

Won't feel important tonight
But tomorrow I'll shine
All that dirt out  in the warm sun
I'm worn out being on my mind

I'm selling blood out in the city
everyone's buying too much
I don't wanna go home now
I just want to recharge

I just wanna go home
I'm not having much fun

frayed wire

Feed me voltage, I'm a scared rat 
always gnawing
I can't build a home in this skin
lock the doors

never got it down

Eyes the size of my head
it's coming in
fingernails across my chest
my jacket of flesh
this fog hides summer
intestines pulled like fried yakisoba
bare my name
This never stops this rope this wood
it's coming again
consuming away I am prey

beneath the shed i'm shedding all of this weight
I won't be feeling of this again
thought I'd have this down by now
 
Down the cliff there's a village
I'm in it I'm not in it
I'm prey to a hungry mountain god
my friends say they love me
they don't love me
i'm slipping

prey

solo project

one eye is shut and the other one's completely crushed

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