i died and a wild animal appeared in my place

working on the muddiness

Sometimes I look at the garden I let burn
And wonder if I let those flowers bloom again
Would they spread love or ache in my rough hands
Or take the petals up to into the hills and spread 
the love across a mountain lake

Love left me in an eggshell
Love left me with no way back home 
Wandering through the woods alone  

it takes so long when you're left waiting for the end, when it's all that's left
I remember that new years I thought I'd finally figured you out
 
The hive is dead and still the buzz goes on and on
Love lives in a waspnest
Soft and sweet
gnawing in my chest
digging through the night for a body I cannot find again

The hive is dead and still your buzz goes on and on
Love lives in a waspnest
Soft and sweet
Ashen clots to stay this hurt inside my chest
Love lives in a waspnest 

I don't want to stay
Digging the same grave   
Pulsing in my chest
Buzzing in my ears
The wasps now begin
To come up from my skin

I never thought I'd find myself there, in the woods with nothing but a coarse string to bribe me back home
I wandered in the woods for years until I found them, their own string trailing behind them, just as lost, but eyes equally determined.
The following months there was some odd comfort, though our strings gathered and no longer pointed home, that was somehow okay, to wander aimlessly.
Their strings were tattered, chewed by moths, knotted, breathing, and fucking buzzing something like a wasp nest, frayed yet freakishly beautiful 
And as soon as it began it was over, again the woods had become a lonely place

love lives in a waspnest

Love Lives In A Waspnest

demo kinda

send the host away
and leave this shaking skin
gaze upon the prey
the skin in wait

tear apart these bloodied arms
and calm those shaking nerves
pull apart my frantic eyes
let fly the hungry beast
take apart my stillborn hands
to build a cold dream

I died and a wild animal appeared in my place

I found a way but it breaks me down
this frenzied skin's here to stay
I try to unhinge but impulse always wins
this frenzied skin's here to stay
this frenzied skin's here to stay
this frenzied skin's here to tear me out
this frenzied skin's here to stay
this frenzied skin's here to stay

frenzied skin

wouldn't they like
to see you a mess 
a wandering regret
left to the worms

a painted actor
left to his painted stage
a lonesome display

howling for more
another blade to make sparks
another blade for my heart
howling for someone to hear me  

Such a shame that I never could get it quite right
Swinging this weight around
I can't shake these thoughts

drifting // draining
on the bloodied fields
my eyes don't see much  
i bleed
i trampled the remaining
i wince
Can't do this much longer
Just waiting for something stronger

Such a shame that I never could get it quite right
Swinging this weight around
I can't shake these thoughts

field

Actually just a demo
Experimenting with vocal harmonies and I'm not good enough to do it yet but it's nice to try.



Just like a lost and orphaned marionette child
Whose strings have long lost their charm
Overspent

In the attic, on the tabletop there's
Figures of glass on a wood battlefield
To the left side, flank their horrid spawn and
Take to their keep, where they kept those godless
Sword and axe collide and splinter my frail wood
The weight of their game feels too much
Their captain takes hold of me by cross brace
Screams it's done as I go numb


I saw a bloodied child
Leading through the fetid mob
Who was brave and which side were they on?
Mists of blood as soldiers died
Children died to give them their  final prize


In the dark where stars have died
Twin flames rise from those inside
An egg of death, a binding scar
Ties the fates of kin afar
In the night bloodlines overthrown
One will ascend a broken throne
Consuming self, deep hunger’s moan
One will feast upon his own

I can't find my way
through the thorns and overgrowth
young soul has lost ambition

They march in step, a twisted ballet
Bound to their strings day and night
With every turn, the noose grows tighter and tighter
A silent howl, a final plea

In this winter theater of misery
I dance to their song on a sad string

Bound to the master, bound to his hate.
Reach to my brother's warped hands
"We are but passengers atop an egg of gods, soon to hatch"

Marionettes

untitled

Feed me voltage, I'm a scared rat 
always gnawing
I can't build a home in this skin
lock the doors

never got it down

Eyes the size of my head
it's coming in
fingernails across my chest
my jacket of flesh
this fog hides summer
intestines pulled like fried yakisoba
bare my name
This never stops this rope this wood
it's coming again
consuming away I am prey

beneath the shed i'm shedding all of this weight
I won't be feeling of this again
thought I'd have this down by now
 
Down the cliff there's a village
I'm in it I'm not in it
I'm prey to a hungry mountain god
my friends say they love me
they don't love me
i'm slipping

prey

solo project

one eye is shut and the other one's completely crushed

i died and a wild animal appeared in my place

Lazy Eyelids