Shows Main Idea – Transgenderism is part of a cultural and political contagion that coincides with social justice, identity politics, wokeness, intersectionality, and racism. I will break down the salient elements of the trans issue while offering practical help to engage others from a biblical worldview and hope-filled solutions.

Show Notes: https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/ep-345-webinar-transgenderism-i-think-therefore-i-am/

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Ep. 557 Webinar: Transgenderism: I Think; Therefore, I Am

We have no choice but to be dysfunctional. We’re all broken in different ways, as disordedness is part of what it means to be born in Adam. Even on our best days, imperfections appear like a stain under white paint. Our collective fallenness is why the local church is so fabulous—a collection of broken people in a community of Christ-like disciple-makers seeking to draw closer to God and each other. The church is the place where you can be “just as I am.” Though I’m not making a case for sinning your brains out or unleashing unbridled behavior, I’m a realist: we sin, and when we do, we’re in a safe place to find the help we need. It’s the perfect place to reveal our dysfunctional selves.

Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/the-perfect-place-to-be-dysfunctional/

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The Perfect Place to Reveal Your Dysfunctional Self

Show Main Idea: Everyone is different because of our unique and diverse shaping influences. Understanding what motivates an individual is essential to do competent soul care. This webinar is an in-depth exploration of our human motivations and shaping influences with practical applications that will help you understand those you care about the most.

Show Notes: https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/ep-387-webinar-human-motivations-and-shaping-influences/

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Ep. 510 Webinar: Human Motivations and Shaping Influences

It is not uncommon—actually, it is entirely typical—for individuals to struggle with fear of man, and equally common is the confusion surrounding how to come alongside others caught in this deeply embedded sin. This struggle isn’t merely a personality quirk or emotional tendency. It is a heart issue rooted in misplaced worship. Addressing this problem requires a twofold approach: we must teach on the issue regularly and with clarity, and we must create intentional relational contexts where we can practically walk each other through the universal battle with fear, shame, and guilt.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/the-sobering-reason-its-hard-to-overcome-insecurity/

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The Sobering Reason It's Hard to Overcome Insecurity

Children were never meant to earn affection. That idea didn’t come from God but from legalistic, conditional relationships. Christian parents are called to imitate God the Father, and one of the most critical ways we do that is by loving our children simply because they belong to us. That’s how God loves His children. Of course, we know they are not perfect. There is a time and a way to deal with their disobedience, but the foundation of their upbringing must be the constant, unwavering assurance of love. Love should be an uninterrupted expectation in a child’s life. When that expectation is consistently met, you give them something sturdy—something God-centered—to build on. Without that, their souls will develop around a hollow craving. Their hearts will fracture. They’ll grow up into complicated people. Let’s consider four such individuals.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/when-you-make-your-child-work-for-your-affection/

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When You Make Your Child Work for Your Affection

Parents are in a position of profound influence. With every word they speak, every tone they use, and every reaction they offer, they are either cultivating a spirit of security or sowing seeds of insecurity into the hearts of their children. Parenting cannot regenerate a heart—that’s the work of the Spirit—but parents are inescapably powerful shaping influences. They form a child’s earliest views of love, protection, and stability. That shaping imprint can be a springboard into maturity or a burden that takes decades to untangle.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/fussy-parents-make-insecure-kids/

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Fussy Parents Make Insecure Kids

Everyone is a victim. Nobody escapes this life without experiencing hurt from others. The real question is not whether someone has hurt you but how you are responding with humility to God so you’re not controlled by what has happened to you.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/the-natural-regression-of-a-woman-how-she-went-from-bad-to-worse/

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The Natural Regression of a Woman

Biffy was born into a dysfunctional home. He told me that he did not remember a time when his parents were not arguing. He is 14 years old, almost 15. He said there were many nights when he would curl up in his bed, hug his bear-y, and cry himself to sleep. Mable, his mother, brought him to counseling because she did not know how to deal with him any longer. Biffy had been acting out lately, and as Mable said, “I’m at my wit’s end. I can’t do this anymore.” Biffy represents a conundrum in the counseling world.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/you-cannot-need-someone-and-love-someone-at-the-same-time/

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You Cannot Need Someone and Love Someone Equally

God will fully receive anyone who accepts what Christ has done on their behalf. It’s an incredible, transformational exchange: Jesus takes all your sins and gives you His righteousness. But though the gospel is powerfully sufficient, not every Christian walks in its practical, daily freedom. Some still live under the soul-enslaving grip of others’ opinions, tethered to man’s approval while claiming to rest in God’s.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/breaking-the-bondage-of-people-pleasing/

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Breaking the Bondage of People Pleasing

When the gospel is no longer your practical, everyday center—when it ceases to be the functional anchor of your life, and you replace it with lesser things, even admirable or biblical pursuits like serving the Lord, you will begin to drift toward dissatisfaction and unrest. And where discontentment grows, so does the enticement to meet God-given longings through man-centered means. This subtle exchange—replacing Christ with works—leads to a life increasingly marked by striving, performing, and attempting to secure worth and identity apart from God.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/in-search-of-significance-careys-story/

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In Search of Significance- Biff's Story

What is worldliness, and where do you find it? Your answer to that question will shape your entire Christian life. It will influence how you worship, how you lead, how you serve, how you love, and how you engage your culture. Many Christians define worldliness as something external—something “out there” to be avoided. But if your goal is to walk in a manner worthy of Christ, you must look deeper. The Christian life is not primarily about what you distance yourself from but what you pursue, treasure, and allow to govern your heart. To discern rightly, we must understand both the deceptive nature of legalism and the subtle pull of worldly affections.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/investigating-legalism-world-worldliness/

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Investigating Legalism—Where in the World Is Worldliness?

The word gospel has been the most celebrated word in evangelicalism for many years. It has become the centerpiece of countless sermons, books, podcasts, and ministries. You can’t go wrong with the gospel. Or can you? Is it possible—actually probable—for God’s creation to take a good thing like the gospel and twist it into something not right, something distorted, something no longer aligned with its original intent?

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/signs-of-the-gospel-becoming-the-new-legalism/

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When the Gospel Becomes the New Legalism

Do you believe God sends people to hell, or do you think hell is the result of people who reject God? The question is complex, and your answer will affect everything from your view of God to your motives for obedience to your interpretation of suffering. Our lived experience is downstream of our theology, making it of utmost importance that our view of God is as precise as it can be, and how we think about our eternal destinies is one of the more theocentric questions you can ask.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/i-am-a-saved-legalist-who-struggles-with-depression/

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I Am a Saved Legalist Who Struggles with Depression

There’s a constant stream of noise surrounding pornography—competing voices offering data, opinions, and solutions. Some emphasize brain science and addiction; others point to its ties to sex trafficking or the unraveling of social values. Cultural shifts in dating, along with rising levels of fear, anxiety, shame, and inner turmoil, only add to the confusion. It’s like trying to tune an old analog radio—how do we separate the signal from all the static? How do we find wisdom, not just more information? This tension matters because the fight against porn addiction begins in the mind. How you think about what’s happening shapes the practical steps you take to address it.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/how-to-think-about-a-porn-addiction/

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Captive Desires: Chapter 8—How to Think About Porn Biblically

In the last chapter, we saw that pornography isn’t just a behavior problem—it’s a false gospel, a counterfeit attempt to reclaim intimacy, beauty, and identity apart from God. But when we uncover the spiritual roots of this struggle and embrace who we are in Christ, the strongholds begin to fall. The call isn’t simply to “stop sinning,” but to step into the fullness of life as beloved sons and daughters—walking in holiness and community. To see how this unfolds in real life, let’s revisit our three characters.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/how-to-break-free-from-porn-addiction/

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Captive Desires: Chapter 9—How to Break Free from Porn

The fight against porn is likely to be a daily battle for the rest of your life, but that isn’t bad news. Not if you’re equipped, ready, and willing to engage. This final chapter examines how to resist pornography on a daily basis, what sanctification entails in everyday life, and how genuine gospel transformation is sustained over time.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/mind-mapping-resist-porn-daily-basis-pt-3/

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Captive Desires: Chapter 10—How to Resist Porn Every Day

What is an “emotional affair”? That phrase sounds common enough in our culture, but it does not belong inside a Bible-shaped framework. It is a term imported from secular psychology, self-help literature, and popular media. It arises out of a worldview that denies Christ and refuses to acknowledge God’s clear revelation of human hearts, sin, and relationships. When the culture refuses the categories of Scripture, it must create new ones. The result is a flood of terms like self-esteem, affair, emotional abuse, disorder, mental illness, addiction, identity crisis, toxic relationship, or gay.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/when-marriage-breaks-chapter-1-an-emotional-affair/

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When Marriage Breaks: Chapter 1—An Emotional Affair

If you practiced fornication while dating, don’t be surprised when other sins surface in marriage—including adultery. Sin tolerated in seed form does not disappear when you say “I do.” A ceremony doesn’t sanctify prior rebellion; it often cements it. What begins as “small compromises” before marriage typically grows into larger sins within marriage. Unless God radically reorients both hearts, marriage won’t repair what was broken beforehand—it will magnify it.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/yes-we-fornicated-while-dating-but-why-did-he-commit-adultery-in-marriage/

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When Marriage Breaks: Chapter 2— Fornicating While Dating

You don’t want to be a dull Christian. You don’t want to harden your conscience until it no longer feels or responds the way God designed it. Every believer faces a choice: you can walk in the truth—especially about yourself—or you can hide. But know this: if you choose concealment, your conscience will not stay silent. It will eventually take its revenge on you.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/be-honest-or-your-conscience-will-take-revenge-on-you/

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When Marriage Breaks: Chapter 3—Revenge of the Conscience

In the first three chapters, we explored the deceptive language of “emotional affairs,” the way secret sin hardens the conscience, and how hidden compromise can quietly rot a marriage from the inside out. We saw that adultery does not appear overnight. It is the fruit of years—sometimes decades—of unchecked desires, unconfessed sins, and unresolved guilt. What begins with private choices eventually becomes public devastation.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/interview-with-a-victim-of-adultery/

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When Marriage Breaks: Chapter 4—Listening to Adultery

There are not many experiences in life more perplexing, destabilizing, and agonizing than discovering that your spouse has committed adultery. It feels like the ground gives way beneath your feet. The person you trusted most, the one with whom you covenanted before God, has betrayed that sacred union. The question immediately rises to the surface of the soul: How do you survive this?

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/surviving-adutlery/

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When Marriage Breaks: Chapter 5—Surviving Adultery

One of the hardest opportunities in the Christian life is learning how to help the very person who has hurt you. Everything in us recoils at the idea. The natural instinct when offended is to defend, withdraw, or retaliate. When your trust has been shattered, especially in something as devastating as adultery, the thought of leaning back in to help your spouse feels impossible, even offensive. Yet this is exactly where the gospel pushes us, not to ignore sin, not to excuse betrayal, but to look beneath the surface and begin addressing the root-level issues of the heart.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/learning-how-to-help-the-person-who-hurt-you/

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When Marriage Breaks: Chapter 6—Helping Your Offender

The path to dysfunction is unmarked and hidden. Nobody knows they’re on it until it’s too late. There are subtle indicators, but we rarely discern them. One of the clearest is the quiet mantra, “I deserve better.” That whisper hardened into a posture in Biff, and it paved the way to adultery. Biff had been frustrated with Mable for most of their marriage. They were high-school sweethearts. Everyone predicted a fairy-tale future. She was everything to him; he was the apple of her eye.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/the-path-to-adultery-and-a-plan-to-restoration-in-thirteen-steps/

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When Marriage Breaks: Chapter 7—From Adultery to Restoration

Few battles cut deeper than the double blow of discovering your spouse has committed adultery and then facing the finality of divorce. Each one by itself can flatten the soul. But when they come together in succession, it feels like an earthquake followed by a tsunami. Your compass spins wildly, your sense of safety collapses, and God Himself can seem hard to find or understand. I write this conclusion with you in mind: the one whose heart has been ripped in two and who wonders if life will ever steady again. Maybe you are in the thick of it now, or maybe you are walking with someone who is. Either way, the counsel here is meant to give you perspective, hope, and practical handles for the long journey forward.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/when-marriage-breaks-conclusion-ten-anchors-for-your-soul/

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When Marriage Breaks: Conclusion—Ten Anchors for Your Soul

Every time we sin, a response is required. God calibrated our consciences that way; we have an internal moral thermostat that sends out a signal each time we transgress. One of God's many mercies to His creation is our internal warning system (Romans 2:14-15). Thus, the question is not if we will respond to our offenses but how. Our reaction to failure is the truest window into our practical theology. What we do with sin reveals what we believe about God, ourselves, grace, and change.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/four-things-we-do-to-make-life-hard-on-ourselves/

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How to Change Chapter 2 Making Life Hard on Yourself

One of the more surprising things I’ve learned from decades of counseling is that the average Christian does not know how to change. We know how to confess, feel remorse, and promise to do better, but not how to repent biblically. The Bible’s word for change is repentance, and learning how to do it is the most important thing you will ever know. The doctrine of repentance is not a single act but a divine process with thirteen interconnected steps. Understanding these steps is the difference between momentary guilt and lasting transformation.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/most-important-things-youll-ever-learn-to-help-you-change/

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How to Change: Chapter 3—How to Change

The transformation process is not mysterious, though it often feels hidden. Many Christians experience a deep frustration because they see little progress in themselves or others, as if sanctification were a secret code reserved for the spiritually elite. But repentance—the Bible’s word for change—is neither cryptic nor arbitrary. It is objective, sequential, and transforming. You can change. You can also help others change. But that requires learning to discern between worldly sorrow and godly repentance (2 Corinthians 7:10). The worldly sorrowful person feels bad; the godly sorrowful person turns around—what we call repenting. The first cries tears of regret; the second bears fruit worthy of repentance. This chapter will help you tell the difference.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/what-is-change-how-do-you-know-if-someone-has-changed/

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How to Change: Chapter 4—How Do I Know I Have Changed

Talking about change and being willing to change are not the same things. Most people can talk a good game when the pressure is on. They know the vocabulary of crisis: “I know I need help…” “I’m tired of living this way…” “I want to change.” But saying those words is not the same as surrendering the heart.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/ten-things-to-know-before-you-begin-helping-someone/

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Ten Things to Know Before You Can Help Someone

This song was created by Jonathan Holden. He and his wife are missionaries in Angola, Africa. They serve the Navigators ministry, raising leaders for Christ, and sending them to the world. He loves Life Over Coffee, and wanted to bless us with his creative work. 

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The Life Over Coffee Song

Imagine living unchained from the ever-shifting opinions of others. Picture a life where your thoughts are no longer shaped by the imagined or actual evaluations of those around you. Visualize walking through your day with such a firm, unshakable connection to your Creator that the overarching tone of your life is the enjoyment of His unwavering pleasure and delight in you. Now imagine this becoming your normal. How incredible would it be to walk through a week—or even stretch that into a month or a year—unburdened by the exhausting compulsion to manage what others might think of you?

Read, Watch, Listen: lifeovercoffee.com/you-have-the-ri…-your-own-skin/

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You Have a Right to Be Comfortable in Your Own Skin

This chapter is a response to a friend who is working on his thesis requirement for his MA in Biblical Counseling. He asked my opinion on the necessity of a biblical counseling strategy for a local church. As I was thinking about how to respond, I thought it would be instructive to build out a mind map to show him visually what I wanted to say in written form, hoping to make a solid case for biblical counseling and the local church.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/episode-19-should-you-have-a-biblical-counseling-strategy-for-your-church/

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Mind Mapping Chapter 1 Strategy for the Church

Many Christians mistakenly assume that as they learn to trust and obey God, a perfect marriage will naturally follow. The thinking often sounds like, “Isn’t a happy marriage one of the blessings of following Christ?” While the desire reflects a positive ideal, the assumption overlooks the realities of living in a fallen world. In nearly every case, the ideal isn’t the starting point; it’s a destination that requires a broader, more realistic understanding of what it truly takes to build a strong, Christ-centered marriage. Only when a couple widens their lens can they begin to grasp the effort and grace required for a genuinely fabulous marriage.

Read, Watch, Listen: lifeovercoffee.com/mind-mapping-th…oull-ever-find/

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Mind Mapping the Best Marriage Help You’ll Ever Find

The path to a small god begins in childhood. It winds down a dangerous path until it finds self-reliant living, which is always destructive to the individual and their relationships. The way out of this nightmare of this soul is possible with a little help from a few competent friends and the grace of God.

Read, Watch, Listen: https://lifeovercoffee.com/mind-mapping-a-lady-with-a-small-god/

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Mind Mapping a Lady with a Small God

It is impossible to keep from talking about others behind their backs. We all do it in some form, whether casually, out of concern, or even in prayer. Thus, the question is not whether talking about someone will occur but how will we respond when it does? In this chapter, I’m speaking about gossip. Are we content to listen and silently participate in these conversations, or do we have the courage to redirect them toward biblical restoration? The way we handle private talk about others, especially when the information is potentially sinful, reveals not only our love for others but also our reverence for God.

Read, Watch, Listen: lifeovercoffee.com/practical-wisdo…siping-friends/

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Mind Mapping Wisdom and Courage for Gossiping Friends

The dynamic of an insecure husband and a critical wife is one of the most common and deeply embedded relational patterns in marriage counseling. It’s a dynamic that doesn’t usually appear overnight, and it’s rarely the result of one major failure. Instead, it’s the slow erosion of trust, affection, communication, and humility over time. This kind of marriage dysfunction typically forms from a combination of personal insecurity, unresolved sin, habitual selfishness, and immature gospel application. And yet, as with all biblical counseling situations, this relational spiral is not beyond hope. The gospel is robust enough, the Spirit powerful enough, and the church necessary enough to bring healing.

Read, Watch, Listen: lifeovercoffee.com/mind-mapping-in…-critical-wife/

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Mind Mapping Insecure Husband and Critical Wife

Shows Main Idea – How to talk behind someone’s back is a relevant topic that has many biblical layers. There is a way to share things about others while guarding your heart and the character of the person you’re talking about outside of their presence. I want to address the right and wrong of talking about others while laying out a plan to address the person you’re talking about to help them change if that is what you need to do.

Show Notes: https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/talk-behind-someones-back/

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Ep. 450 How To Talk Behind Someone’s Back

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master's University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).

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