est. 2019 taking the pain away with this one

I don’t know if I can keep this “Charade Called Breathing” up…

fading out the memories
im writing my own melodies
i cut down too deep and now im draining out my energy 

a piece of me is broken
you cant fix it 
leave it open

i’m a wound
i’m fucking hopeless
i’m so rude but they don’t notice

i just wanna die at the right time
need to come up with a good lie

doing anything to ruin my life
maybe i should just do it tonight

maybe i can’t finish the fight
scratch and bite cus i dont mind
recklessly control my life

i just wanna feel
something not painful 
but it all feels the same
carve it out until it feels numb
am i insane

can't fix it [hero]

Huge shout out to my brother @halfhearted for his verse.

If you enjoyed listening, we would appreciate any support on the song, thank you all :)

**lyrics**

So tell me how you lost your feelings in such a quick matter of time
I could lose sleep over who you’ve been texting, but those arent matters of mine

Breaking my spine just so you can survive, and Id do it again if it gave me more time
Just to ask how you’ve been, if you’re feeling all right
I get too attached now there’s nowhere to hide

So was I important to you-
Or is that just a thought in my head?
Am I more than a fool for believing in things that we said? 

Maybe if I could change the structure of all that I am,
It wouldn’t be so hard for me to let go of your hand.

(Halfie)
I could lose my sleep over things that don’t matter, like how my tears splattered on the bedspread
I been sevenfeet with my fear and I’m drowning
Don’t tell me there’s a chance it’ll go right to my head 

She’s the monster deep inside my closet 
Can’t call her, she’s only talking nonsense
I don’t feel alive anymore, but I’ll digress
(Yeah I’ll digress, yeah I’ll digress)

Cause you know, I’m happy to walk around in circles
just avoiding the blame or any people
I’m scared i know, i gotta be a better man but my eyes are closed
im just waiting for your hand

ashed w/ halfhearted (everest)

prod by stezzyxl
enjoy

lyrics:
i guess this is goodbye
have you ate, or do you try?
i wish you well, so please don’t cry
cuz i’ll be here no matter if ur not mine ♡
so i guess this is goodbye
but how’s june, does he still fight?
is he calmer now, or does he bite?
and does he still leave the house at night?

ʙᴜᴛ
ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ᴀʟʟ ɪ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ
ᴡᴀꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ᴜ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴇᴇ
ʟᴇᴛ’ꜱ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴀ ᴘʀᴏᴍɪꜱᴇ
ᴜʀ ɢᴏɴɴᴀ ʟᴇᴀʀɴ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜɪꜱ
ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ
ᴊ ʏᴇꜱ ᴏʀ ɴᴏ

2023 we made a promise
it failed within a month and ill be honest
u couldn’t keep ur word so our loves tarnished now
oh no

so take away the both of us
cuz i know you hate it just as much
as me
the love of ur life is me

ᴅᴏ ᴜ ᴀɢʀᴇᴇ?

ᴊ

when ur heart begins to rot
and the things u always thought
won’t be the same
because one day you’ll fall in love
and then next you hate her guts
well nothing changed
even if you go and break
knowing you, you probably hate
how i was made
gotta make this life my best
and pray god will fill the rest
then i’ll be okay

love of my life

Moving On (Up)

MERCH: http://lilxlotus.storenvy.com/products/18507607-lil-lotus-noose-longsleeve

random old old song i wrote a long ass time ago with my friend daniel

Six Feet Sleep

Ft: https://soundcloud.com/fats_e
Prod: https://soundcloud.com/sheltr666

MERCH: http://lilxlotus.storenvy.com/products/18507607-lil-lotus-noose-longsleeve

Let go w/ Fats'e (Prod. sheltr )

the knife i pulled out of your back w/ lil lotus

nothings gunna change [prod color hue]

SINGLE OFF THE ALBUM
'BITTER BLUE'

prod: https://soundcloud.com/nothingnowheremusic

MERCH: http://lilxlotus.storenvy.com/products/18507607-lil-lotus-noose-longsleeve

And for the first time
Im feeling closer to closure
I Feel the storm blowing over,
like i can close my eyes tonight

And i can see it in your eyes
(Let go)
A whisper in the night
(Run home)
Run home, Run home

And thought i was right for too long
Now its time to face it
I can feel it inside of my bones
And its so hard to shake it
And for the first time
Im feeling closer to closure
I Feel the storm blowing over,
like i can close my eyes tonight

And i can see it in your eyes
(Let go)
A whisper in the night
(Run home)
Run home, Run home

Run Home (Prod. nothing,nowhere.)

follow and support @nadiakuk

first vocal track released as 'cabe' so tell me what you think. there will be more next year...
other vocals and beats @kryptik_official

snapchat: kryptikbeats
instagram: yung_kryptik

lyrics:
it started with a sweet kiss . i guess you were my weakness...
somethings on your mind. tell me why
all the love was sweet bliss. red roses with the cheap tricks
somethings on your mind. tell me I'm the reason why
i never felt from the start, just numb
tell me I'm the fucking reason for this outcome...
all these feelings i can't outrun...

yeah.. 
i saw that you called...aye...
fuck that shit guess i'll miss them all... girl,
i thought you was the best of them all... but...
i was the dumbest one of them all... yeah...
fuck it pack another bowl... yeah...
all i have to do is make a call... aye
ring ring ring thats her on the phone... 
knock knock knock on the door now its on...

from the start (prod. nadiak)

Spotify

ｍｙ ａｐｏｌｏｇｉｅｓ ｗｏｎ＇ｔ ｂｅ ａｃｃｅｐｔｅｄ．

Prod. https://soundcloud.com/93feetofsmoke
Ft. https://soundcloud.com/scummusic

MERCH: http://lilxlotus.storenvy.com/products/18507607-lil-lotus-noose-longsleeve

Never meant to w/ SCUM ( Prod. 93FEETOFSMOKE)

(w/ @ggravee)

[ggravee]
laying on the floor and my hands around my neck
i dont wanna feel i just want you out my head
getting hard to breath with this weight all on my chest
the sun is coming out i should probably go to bed

lips are getting dry and my bodies going numb
i try to call my friends but i really have no one
always feeling lost but i dont kno where to run
time is always slow i dont even know the month

hands are black blue match the holes all in my walls
dont know what to do or if i even should go on
dont wanna tie the noose, cause im scared ill slip and fall
i just wanna talk to you but i dont even try at all

i wish that i could move but im running out of time
farther im from you is when i start feeling blind
i dont wanna go cause i feel safer inside
i hope that i can grow and i can get this out my mind

[smalltalk]
we all gotta go its just a matter of time
you thought we should go, said it would be fine
i didn't wanna leave i had other plans in mind
knew i should have stayed inside

sign your name on my casket
like i got a cast in
and you can smoke my ashes

like a bad habit, feeling drastic
breathe me in with a passion
i know i got you feeling fantastic
do you feel me in your lungs, like its magic
do you hear me in the wind like i'm static
do you see me in your dreams like imagine

in a way its romantic, when its cold
light me up i'll keep you warm like a jacket
i'll keep you warm like a jacket
yeah my love, you can have it

running out of time (w/ ggravee) (prod. ʎpoqou)

video - https://youtu.be/9mTGTjh39Kc

mix/master - @youngburial

nowadays I wonder
if you cared at all
I'm anxious from the topic
and the adderall

if I tell you that I'm sorry
and its all my fault
will you fuck me when its over
and the pills wear off 

lately I don't want no new friends
really I jus wan blow my head
maybe it's drugs I'm missing
really I'm numb to all this

outside I look calm
but in my head I'm fucked
like why you think
I always keep that bottle tucked

they talk about my life
as if they're living it
like we didn't crawl thru mud
to get to past where we been

nowadays i just am not sure
still giving everything
still need more

nowadays i just am not sure
I'm not sure
I'm not sure

nowadays I wonder
if you cared at all
I'm anxious from the topic
and the adderall

if I tell you that im sorry
and its all my fault
will you Fuck me when its over
and the pills wear off

lately I don't want no new friends
really I jus wan blow my head
mostly it's just drugs I'm missing
really I'm just numb to all this

anxious from the topic & the adderall

I cant get over those green eyes
so pale but she's so full of life
I've never seen somebody so lovely
wonder if there's really something
or if I'm just fucking up again
I cant get over those green eyes
her hair her face the way she smiles
im fuckin dead
I love hearing about how you've been
thought about you every single day since
cant believe someone so perfect exists
I cant get over those green eyes
I swear her heart has flowers inside
so beautiful
words cant describe they don't even come close
send you my love inside of a blue rose
just say goodbye and ill leave you alone
I cant get over those green eyes
her hands are so cold just like her fuckin heart
swear that I love how you tear me apart
draw with my blood like its more of your art
miss you so much but I know that you arent
missing me the same
feel so alone now
thought you cared about me
did you ever even feel anything
or was it all in my head
was it all in my head

her heart has flowers inside (prod. slidinmoon)

MUSIC VIDEO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMS--FQ5yxM

w/ @barrenwaste

yeah girl, i get it
im all too concerned
with the lesson that i never really learned
you aint somethin that i ever saw as a cure
so get lost
or get with it
this loves been finished
my hearts on fire
cuz i dont know how to quit it
 
and if i ever had a second to take back
id save it for someone
who aint lookin for payback 
i thought u loved me
but it isnt the same
so ill stay fucked up
tryna numb all my pain
 
just take me back
found my own little slice of home
itll never be the same
but i feel grown
aint nobody lovin u like i did
hearts offline
and my heads been split
hands on the wheel
runnin off of the road
you can have my life
if i got ur soul
same old shit
with a brand new bitch
fuck this life
im over it
 
if by now you didn’t know
i prefer to spend my days alone
held captive only by these four walls
haven’t answered a single call
all night
been dealing with a hell
of an internal gripe
triplet flows
keeping this brain alive
with how much im smoking
the future aint looking too bright
can barely remember
to write down a line
people keep asking
no i aint fine
dreading a pointless
unfulfilling life
somebody come and
take this mic
i could rant and rave
with all my might
dont wanna be too specific
na this shit aint even written
i can shit out a rhyme
that you call your best work
ya lady still love me
man i can be such a jerk
i take out my anger on
all in my path
ruining friendships
i never had
losing a loved one
that ill never grasp
dealing with the pain
that comes with it all
just me n the homies
fuck it we ball

https://linktr.ee/yesterday.nj

Follow me <3

girls don't like me (prod. yesterday)

What you see is what you get... I promise not to switch up  for the worse. Cross my broken 💔... 😉

new album 'nosebleeder' (deluxe) out now on Epitaph Records. lillotus.ffm.to/nosebleederdlx

Let go w/ Fats'e (Prod. sheltr )

LIL LOTUS

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5ジLョAcンₕ (@5LEACH)

HeartStrings (HEARTZZZ) WYG ♠️♥️

chriad

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