just had to get this off my chest

prod. me

available on all platforms!

lyrics:

playing god in my life just so that you feel proud of me
but i don't wanna waste my time living someone else's fantasy
the air is getting heavy and i feel like i cannot breathe
you push me down to the ground and i'm running out of energy

Spotify

fantasy

just venting in my music again

prod. me
live instruments recorded by me yayaa

available on all platforms!

lyrics:

one day i won't come around anymore
i won't let you push me around anymore
and now that you don't control me it seems you don't care the same
you'll never see this face again and you'll have just yourself to blame
one day i won't come around anymore
i won't come around
i won't come around
i won't come around
you'll never see this face again

orangecore

wont come around

another feeling dump song

prod. me and ft. @f43isd34d
nd yea i recorded all the live instruments :)

available on all platforms!

lyrics:

(chriad)
you said it twice you can't take it back
and tomorrow i'm gone i'm already packed
an apology was too much to ask
and honestly i'm getting tired of all of that

(chriad & f43)
there's nothing you can say to make things better
there's nothing you can do to make things better

(chriad)
i'm two feet out the door and there's nothing you can do about it
(f43)
think i just needed more didn't wanna fuckin' sleep on your carpet
(chriad)
i feel at peace now that you can't see me
(f43)
your eyes can't pressure me no more 
your eyes can't pressure me no more

nothing

nothing (ft. f43)

here is another musical embodiment of intense emotions

prod. me and ft. @srrygate
yes i recorded the guitar :)

available on all platforms!

(chriad)
i'll try to make the most of everything i've got
but i don't want to feel loved when i'm really not
and i'm sorry that i'm running all out of fake smiles
guess i just haven't felt safe in a while
an empty space is eating my insides
and when you said you'd stay forever guess you lied

(chriad)
guess you lied
(gate)
why'd you do that
(chriad)
guess you lied
(gate)
i guess i died

(gate)
what happened last week
was it the drugs or was it me that made you leave
i wrote it down in my book
i signed it with my blood and yours
cause yours-
you're the one that broke my heart
i know i fell apart
i know losing one is hard
but losing me is worse
the only way is down
when my feet left the ground
i won't feel a thing
the pain will go away
the pain will fade away
and you're the one to blame

(chriad)
i'm too fucking anxious to even want to go to sleep
but i don't know if i prefer the nightmares or reality
i miss the nights you'd hold my head against your chest 
but now i'm alone
it's hard to call this my home
i was naive to believe that you would never leave 
my bed is cold and empty without your warmth next to me
i was so in love with you and you'll never love me back
i cared the most for you and you'll never show love back

naive

naive (ft. gate)

hi here's another sad song 
prod. me
all live instruments recorded by me too ya ya

available on all platforms!

lyrics: 

lately
feel like i can't even talk to you
seems like all you ever do is twist my words
remove
get myself out of the room
don't know how much more of this from you that i can take

i won't answer when you call
cause i prefer not getting screamed at through the phone
and told that you're not coming home
every single point i make
you don't even think about it
you're always getting mad at me like there's no way around it 
i think i like me much better without you
blame me for all the awful things that you do
every conversation we fight and we argue
i think i like me much better without you

don't expect me to act how you want me to
can't expect me to act how you want
you turn me away with what you say to me
don't expect me to be what you want me to be

i think i like me much better without you
i think i like me much better without you
i think i like me much better without you
i think i like me much better without you
i think i like me much better without you
i think i like me much better without you
i think i like me much better without you
i think i like me much better without you

much better

it's my birthday so here's a song featuring @yonklolz !  enjoy :)
prod. me
all live instruments were recorded by me as per usual

available on all platforms!

lyrics:

@chriad
every single moment's pass
you can find another different reason to hate me
i feel like i'm made of glass
i know you try to look right through me lately
if there was a single thing left for me in this place
maybe then i would've had a reason to stay
maybe i wouldn't have left without a trace
throw away any pieces that i left behind
and i'm sorry that i cannot leave your mind
i'm sorry i can't leave your mind

i don't expect you to understand
but leaving here was my decision
somethings just cannot go as planned
but leaving here was my decision

@yonklolz
misuse my fragments as reflections
i don't know why you want me that way
you told me everything would pass
somedays i fall but somedays i last
now you don't see me
treat me like a broken piece of glass

@chriad
one fucked up night that just ruined all the rest
i don't wanna care about you but i'm wishing you the best
and you don't wanna listen so i'mma just say less
but i know that one day what i did will make sense
one fucked up night that just ruined all the rest
i don't wanna care about you but i'm wishing you the best
and you don't wanna listen so i'mma just say less
but i know that one day what i did will make sense
to you

one fucked up night that just ruined all the rest
i don't wanna care about you but i'm wishing you the best
and you don't wanna listen so i'mma just say less
but i know that one day what i did will make sense
to you

made of glass

made of glass (ft. yonklolz)

i wrote this during a very bad two weeks of my life

prod. me
all live instruments were recorded by me!

available on all platforms!

lyrics:

i wish i could lose myself 
fly far away
to somewhere that nobody yet knows my name
and can't say that i've changed 
when I’m still the same person
i'll leave it all behind and you’ll never cross my mind again

it’s getting hard to think 
and this medicine’s not helping
tell me what is real 
'cause i don’t know your intentions
at sunrise i’ll lay down
to close my eyes and panic
from all internal sound
that your words manifested 

is it too late for us to be okay?
i just need you to hear 

neglect to see any side but your own
deny me all that i know
take away what i call home 
take away what i call home
no trace of an end in sight
if i could make one damn i might 
take away my hope tonight 
take away my hope tonight

is it too late for us to be okay? (is it too late?)
is it too late for us to be okay? (is it too late?)
is it too late for us to be okay? (is it too late?)
is it too late for us to be okay? (is it too late?)

neglect to see any side but your own
deny me all that i know
take away what i call home 
take away what i call home
no trace of an end in sight
if i could make one damn i might 
take away my hope tonight 
take away my hope tonight
it’s getting hard to think 
and this medicine’s not helping
tell me what is real 
'cause i don’t know your intentions
it’s getting hard to think 
and this medicine’s not helping
tell me what is real 
'cause i don’t know your intentions

intentions

this took a while
huge shoutout to dirkle aka @deadman

prod. me
live instruments recorded by me also

available on all platforms!

lyrics:

(chriad)
you know your words cut deep
everything you said to me
you make it hard just to come back home
you know i'm struggling
'cause i'm never sure what you mean
when you change your mind and i never know

but i know the
truth hurts you don't want to hear it
got me fucked up for no reason
i don't understand your feelings
and you never step out to calm down a bit
truth hurts you don't want to hear it
got me fucked up for no reason [for the rest of my life]
put all the blame onto me
you give me no choice but to leave

(deadman)
i‘ll take the blame for it all
despite the fact i tried
you just put up a wall
and filled my head with lies
and i know you won't change, love
you fucked up the way i think, love
and i don't know what i'm doing here
with someone who'd take my life
(deadman + chriad)
if they could now

(chriad)
if they could now
truth hurts you don't want to hear it
truth hurts you don't want to hear it

truth hurts you don't want to hear it
[truth hurts you don't want to hear it]
got me fucked up for no reason
[truth hurts so i'mma spare your feelings]
truth hurts you don't want to hear it truth hurts you don't want to hear it
[truth hurts you don't want to hear it]
got me fucked up for no reason got me fucked up for no reason
[truth hurts so i'mma spare your feelings]

[truth hurts you don't want to hear it]
[truth hurts so i'mma spare your feelings]
[truth hurts you don't want to hear it]
[truth hurts so i'mma spare your feelings]

truth hurts (ft. deadman 死人)

im gonna be who i wanted

prod. me
yes i recorded the live instruments


lyrics:

can you see me?
can’t you see what i’ve become?
no, it’s not easy
know exactly what needs to be done
packing up again 
and nothing’s making sense
on the run again and it’s hopeless

you treat me like i’m dead
as if i am the one who killed h̶i̶m̶
i’m not the one you want 
and i can’t ever bring h̶i̶m̶ back
but i’m still here
but i won’t ever be enough 
but i’m still here
i couldn’t pretend forever

you said you loved me
until you knew who i am
we grew together
but you just took it all back
you said forever
forever’s all in the past
and i still can’t bring h̶i̶m̶ back
and i still can’t bring h̶i̶m̶ back

you were never by my side
so this is my last goodbye
to you
i’ll say this just one time

you always act like it was all my fault 
but you know i tried to get away from you
tried to get away from you
i watched you take all of my choices away
and try to shift all the blame 
now i can’t see you the same again
and i’ll never be
the person that you loved or rather
the person you tried to make me into
and you’ll never hear from me again
i’ve broken your curse
you have only gotten worse 

i just wanted to be me
all you wanted was to hurt me
did you want to hurt me?
well i won’t let you anymore
no i won’t let you anymore 

this is my body
the only one i’ll ever get to live in
this is no longer your body to control
to bend to your will
no longer your mind to manipulate and subdue
for the first time in a long time i feel finally free
free from your heavy, rusty shackles
free to love and be loved in return
and free to learn to love myself 
this is what i deserve, what i’ve deserved all along
and i’m not going to let you take it away from me
i’m not going to let you take it away from me anymore.

i’m
i’m done
i’m done
i’m done i’m done i’m done i’m done

i’m done with your nonsense 
i’m done with all your violence 
i’m done 
i’m so done
i’m done with all your violence

if you can't love me for me
let me go

i’ll never be what you wanted (let me go)
i’ll never be who you wanted me to be (let me go)
i’ll never be all you wanted 
from now on 
im gonna be who i wanted

im gonna be who i wanted

chriad

Pinned to spotlight

Popular tracks