rebranded this is kotas diary here is a new song for the occasion

self destruct (deadyami)

A second thought, it's not as hard as I remember it,
oh my dead poet.
Step off the train admitting admitting all the things I've known.
What have I described for?
This atrophy, the recoil of memory?
It worked for you, could work for me, too.
Too many drinks, figured out what makes me sink.
Too many drinks, sucks me in and makes me stink.

The body stopped and fell apart, what I inherited:
this ground bound stoic.
Open my eyes and feel them breathing down my neck,
all these strangers gaping.
A dizzy ring and blurry scenes, like all things I've lost,
left there in the mud that marks the morning after.
Get lost in time, rearrange what makes me mine.
Get lost in time, rearrange, call it mine.

Your mom found God again and talks about about the accident
like you're still there beside her.
Inside your house, I feel like I could never change.
It's the same as when we played there.
And how 'bout me? The mail-in? the absentee?
"I'd know you anywhere, it means so much that you care."
Caught up in everything that's passed,
and it knocks me on my ass.
It knocks me on, it knocks me out.

I know the light and dark you found
buried in the underground;
Dissolute and spectral and the matter made a sound.
Dog legs in the hound.
Was it really just a bluff?
Will it ever be enough?

The gravel pit mounds that took over your lawn
are like burial grounds for the man I never bothered to know.
Your dad appears, slinking out of the closet
with a face like a funeral. Seeing me caused it

His eyes from the glass of his breathing mask ask me to
search for you.
I'm a time machine bomb as I scour your your lawn,
and I burn, I burn for you.

This is not a fate I could have guessed when we were young,
before acid hit the tongue, you're undone, sucking
cigarettes down just to get through the day
and absolve absolve absolve

for the hidden people

i…
fell down to hard
i put my hands
to my face and
wipe my tears

i….
wouldnt walk away
and i know i cant see 
ur mind 
i dont know what to say to you

you..
fell too hard
you..
fell too hard

letting urself down is easy

i know u think im ugly
its just a dream u would ever love me
how do i get so let down
i guess it was myself i let down
and i hate
everything i am..

and u think it gets better
and it just doesnt
it all builds up for what
ur in bed all
so what? there’s no point

i wish i could touch the sun
i let myself down.  
i wish i could be someone
something different
i broke my own heart
i broke my own heart
i broke my own heart
i broke my own heart. 
i broke my own heart. 
i broke my own heart. 
i broke my own heart. 
i broke my own heart.

everything is my fault

hildur

drifting away into the tide 
i hold my arms out
to the moonless sky

tears running down my cheek they stain
i wanna go but im scared of pain
nothing to see in the sun that shines
the flowers will blosson then wilt and die

in between the golden trees
they dance into the air
softly speaking come to me
and unveil in the night

drifting away into the tide 
i hold my arms out
to the moonless sky

arms embrace / drift away

holding out for a better feeling
spend my long days - waiting and think
and i
i tried , but i cant hide my understanding
for holding out for something
im so used to just..
pretending,
that im fine,
not knowing
i dont the right words to say
i think about my death
and everybody knows
im gonna end it all

brainwurms

i find myself thinking lately
i think… im overthinking
and u… u make me feel so weak
i think i just need to sleep
im going crazy i just need a
break from
all these fucking feelings
u got me locked down in my head
and i keep keep spinning
i find i keep spin spin spinning

letting urself down is easy

lor2mg

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