CW: suicide
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A year ago my beautiful godsister Ella took her own life. She had BPD, an illness that made her life unbearably difficult. The last time I saw her we were in the sea and full of joy, and reconciling that with the call a week later to say she had died has been so hard. She was a light, a giggle, a loving presence and I rarely saw her darker days. Since reading more about Borderline Personality Disorder however, I have come to understand a little more of the pain she was in under the surface. I would encourage everyone to look into this little talked-about illness and gain some understanding of it.

Last month we scattered her ashes off the coast of Pembrokeshire and I wrote this song for her to mark the occasion. It was the most beautiful day, with so many people who loved her there, blue skies and a perfect breeze. I think she would have loved it. 

Please feel free to share this song, especially amongst Ella’s friends who I’m not in contact with. I’d love if it brought BPD to more people’s notice. 

I love her, and I miss her. My beautiful, kind sister. And I am comforted in the knowledge that every time I swim in the sea off the Welsh coast I’ll be swimming with her again. 

Ella’s Song ♥️

Ella's Song

Never Alone

First single from new album "Gentle Songs Of Ceaseless Horror"
Watch the music video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUCfNNL64iY

Written by Louis Barabbas
Produced by Biff Roxby at WR Audio

Louis Barabbas - Vocals, Guitar
Phill Howley - Drums
Joel Roberts - Bass
Fran Lydiatt - Organ
Biff Roxby - Brass, Synths, Strings and various noises

LYRICS:

You did this to me
In a siege both soft and slow
The venom now runs deep
And the rivers overflow

You did this to me
At the ruin of the day
I still recall the scene
You wore green and I wore grey

You did this to me
Lifted the veil off your intent
Revealed the hole hidden beneath
Down and down it went

You did this to me
As the leaves began to fall
Exposed your heart and all its teeth
While shadows dripped from every wall

We returned to a world of corners
On a sea without a tide
Always trying to go forwards
But only ever moving side to side

And down in the froth and foam
Where we began to sink
I dreamed you'd been sculpted out of precious stone
While I was merely pen and ink

You did this to me
As the mad studied the sane
In all their grim varieties
Their endless shapes and shades

You did this to me
Yeah you did this to me
You did this to me
Yeah you

www.louisbarabbas.com

You Did This To Me

Written and performed by Nicholas Pegg

twitter.com/NicholasPegg

The Jeremy Corbyn Shipping Forecast

New single from Dutch trio Snowapple about the desperation of the business commuter rat-race, taken from upcoming train-themed mini-album TRACKS.

SNOWAPPLE - Businessmen (Single Edit)

Featuring:

Ichi Creator – Steel Drum
Mikey Kenney – Violin
Jamie Doe – Rhodes Piano
Jordan Copeland – Bass
Alabaster – Tenor Sax and Voice

Recorded at Peach #3 on 24th March at the Total Refreshment Centre in Dalston:

https://www.facebook.com/events/189063421465287/

A monthly event and a very, very special time

Recorded by Toby Burroughs 

Picture by Lexus Blondin


Who Are You Asking For (Live from Peach #3, Total Refreshment Centre)

WAKE AMERICA - 'Everything I Want'

Liz Green joins Louis Barabbas in this tragic duet from the album "Gentle Songs Of Ceaseless Horror" (released March 2016)
www.louisbarabbas.com www.debtrecords.net
https://louisbarabbas.bandcamp.com/album/gentle-songs-of-ceaseless-horror

Written by Louis Barabbas
Produced by Biff Roxby
Vocals and Guitar - Louis Barabbas
Vocals - Liz Green
Double Bass - Joel Roberts
Keyboard - Fran Lydiatt
Tuba and clock sequencing - Biff Roxby
Recorded at WR Audio 

LYRICS:

I was always almost a good man
But I've never been almost great.
And you watched me rue all the rest.
Though I trust you with my disrepair
More than love and more than hate
It's for the things that are torn
In the thick of the dawn
That I wait.

Some lives are just loose ends to sew
And our threads are still entwined
They are bound fast around all I have left.
You gave me a song in a watch
It would play and I would wind
But the last time it did
I unclasped the lid
Too late

For inside the case I saw more than one face
As the hands both raised to noon
And when counting the cogs in the musical box
I forever lost its tune

One day I awoke from our love
As though from a pleasant dream
Each kiss was an abyss without end.
At its core were two fictions made flesh
With this song their epilogue
That the tiny tuned teeth
Rotating beneath
Will attest

You said you'd stay with me always.
Was that a promise or a threat?
Now you're not around I don't know.
You left me these words but no voice
Just tones tapped on tin
And as the cylinders slow
The keys it should toe only rust

I dream every night
That the wraith personae
Dance to Clair De Lune
But when counting the cogs in the musical box
I forever lost its tune

Each tick of this clock is a beat
Of my heart as it once was.
Oh you are still beautiful now.
I wasn't cold until you showed me that warmth
In the time between the tunes
Our lives were to be
Played in the wrong key
And too low.

I'm losing my way
More and more every day
And I know I'm losing you too
So I'm drawn to follow
All the silent echos
Of old bones
Because counting the cogs in a musical box
Will never explain its tune
Before it began
And long after its end
I have known
Our waltz was always to be
Over too soon

LOUIS BARABBAS & LIZ GREEN - Musical Box

The final recording by The Bedlam Six. 
This song is taken from Louis Barabbas' musical tragedy "Jocasta".

Recorded at WR Audio, Salford in September 2016.

LYRICS:

My daddy always said
When you drop down dead
There are certain things that just ain't allowed
When you get your angel wings
Don't you try to bring a thing
Because there ain't no pockets in a shroud

Oh my boy you'll soon be finding
Behind every silver lining
There lurks the biggest deepest darkest cloud
But it don't matter if you're rich
Or if you haven't got a stitch
Because there ain't no pockets in a shroud

There ain't no pockets in a shroud
There ain't no pockets in a shroud
There ain't no pockets in a shroud
So smile and leave it all behind

When the end is nigh
When you've sighed all of your sighs
And your last remaining furrow has been ploughed
Come and bid adieu
For it's not au revoir for you
There ain't no pockets in a shroud

When that big red curtain falls
And they're sweeping up the stalls
And the girls have dropped their curtsies and you've bowed
You've taken your last turn
There are no more lines to learn
There ain't no pockets in a shroud

There ain't no pockets in a shroud...

All it takes is one calamity
For alas such immortality
Is a trait with which you never were endowed
When you've quit all of your hurting
There's only one thing left that's certain
There ain't no pockets in a shroud

So now no more caveats
You've bagged up and drowned your cats
And choked a sob as each of them meowed
Well isn't life a bitch
You've scratched your final itch
There ain't no pockets in a shroud

There ain't no pockets in a shroud...

LOUIS BARABBAS & THE BEDLAM SIX - Pockets In A Shroud

Writer, musician, dubious pundit. 
Artistic Director at Debt Records, member of Un-Convention, radio presenter for Fab Radio International, Musicians' Union Live Performance Committee member, moderator for Tom Robinson's Fresh On The Net, lead singer for The Bedlam Six.

You Did This To Me

Louis Barabbas

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