written Oct 2022

track 3 on "songs from a time"

i love appearing offline
get to do anything i want
no one to interrupt me
got no one to stop
i just click the gray button
all my problems subside
i can now sulk in peace
leave my life outside
you can't say anything to me
i don't exist, i am not real
please focus on your own things
do you know how good that'll make me feel
though i feel sick of being alone
there's nothing better than quiet wheels
i get to think about everything
everything sucks, and that's the deal
what'd you expect? for me to straighten up all the lines?
to form a bridge to settle ties with all my partnerships? decline!
'cause i'm too scared to reemerge right out into the bright light
i tell myself i need to work on how to talk, but i fight it

i just hate how far i've gone
down the sinkhole that i dug out by myself
i regret it all
but there are times when darkness comes
and i find home in where it lurks
without any force around
i reckon anywhere i turn
the smoke will seep in through the ground

then i try to fix all my mistakes all on my own, that's suicidal
then i seek out to the shrink, but they don't see it, they stay idle
the water drips from the kitchen sink.
it's not enough to stop the fire!
i wash my face with an orange drink, so i can feel how i was prior!

when i turn eighteen i hope i'm not dying!
hope the messages multiplying!
i hope they all leave a sign on my front door, as i am crying!
hope i don't have to find where you are!
as i drown into your picture
thinking of you, shining in that car!
you're the only witness left alive

and it's half past six o'clock
would you believe i haven't slept yet
i took a picture of my face with the sun in view
will you respect that?
and at times, i inadvertently hurt myself
but why does suffering feel so good
when i've lost the hope that is built within me
i hope when you look at this in two years
you're feeling better and not pretending
you've struck the lies out, living freely
in the box that you've descended
i hope the gray turns into green
or whatever color you prefer
just think about it for a second
(can you think about for a second, please?)

16.

offline!

mako badco