a little song i made while bored :)
track creds to @heydium on youtube!

!CALLME (prod. heydium)

This song has a bit more meaning than most. As most of my songs in my albums are like chapters in a novel, this one's a stand alone and the entire story is encapsulated in this one song. I don't usually include a behind the lyrics as I like to leave the interpretation up to the listener, but I felt like this time I should share the story I meant this song to portray.

Behind the lyrics

"Chasing the clouds, wish I could turn back time" - The protagonist is consumed by regret and wishes they could go back and change what happened. They are constantly looking for signs, for anything that could indicate that someone they love is considering suicide. The protagonist is extra vigilant now.

"These pictures they last and I regret the pleas that I passed by" - The protagonist is haunted by the memory of the girl and feels guilty for not recognizing her pleas for help.

"Like you're a mirror I see my fears, they're staring back at me" - The protagonist sees their own fears and insecurities reflected in the memory of the girl and the tragedy that occurred.

"I couldn't endear her, the edge of her trust is falling way too steep" - The protagonist failed to earn the girl's trust and feels responsible for her suicide.

"We live in red hotels, and there's no story to tell" - The "red hotels" represent places of despair and uncertainty, and the lack of a story suggests that the protagonist is unwilling to share the details of the tragedy.

"She's gonna take her life, she's gonna kill herself" - The protagonist is plagued by thoughts of the girl's suicide, and the repetition of these phrases emphasizes the impact that it has had on them.

"Rubies all over her shelf" - The "rubies" are a symbol of the girl's blood splatter, which is evidence of her tragic end.

"We live in red hotels, and there's a story to tell" - The protagonist can't bear the weight of his guilt any longer; the story of her end and his experience in dealing with the trauma must be told.

"These walls are crying for help" - The walls represent emotional barriers that people put up when they are emotionally distressed or have experienced an event that causes them to second-guess every relationship they are in or will be in. The protagonist feels that the walls of the hotel are the girl's emotional barriers, and the repetition of "red hotels" emphasizes the impact that the girl's suicide has had on them.

"They scream in my ears, it's getting deafening" - The memory of the girl's suicide is overwhelming and difficult to bear. The protagonist can't get her pleas out of their mind, and they are so loud that they can physically hear them, making everything else around them go mute as the PTSD of the situation completely overwhelms them.

"If I could turn back the time, these clouds that fill in your sky, the chains you left me in I would give you everything, I'd give her everything" - The protagonist wishes they could go back in time to prevent the girl's suicide, and is consumed by guilt and regret.

"She's in a red hotel, rubies all over the shelf" - The repetition of this line reinforces the impact that the girl's suicide has had on the protagonist.

"They sparkle shining with wealth, these chains that I'm in, the gems imprisoned me" - Her blood, or the 'rubies' sparkle in the sunlight as it rises. She took her life before sunrise, and the light shining on the blood through her window is making it glisten in a dark, sorrowful beauty. The gems are the rubies. The memory of the scene forever imprisons the protagonist, as their life will never again be the same. The guilt and regret are like a prison, trapping them in a cycle of pain and despair.

Escapist

Lost in Time

Twisted Fate

Solace (prod. myss)

Stream ETHN "Idolism," out now on ALL platforms!
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Prod. myssbeats

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Idolism

Stream ETHN "Fault Line," out now on ALL platforms!
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Prod. myssbeats

Follow ETHN:
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Fault Line

prod racky (rest in peace)

imma call you later, and imma hope you pick up
i can be your biggest hater, and biggest lover
feel, like, you, dont care but you count the thousand times i look in the mirror and insult myself
why do you get it good?
while my lifespan keeps subtracting
you saved me only by a fraction
now you're leaving me, i'll really miss all of that action

a song while im not sober cause i rlly wanna fucking die

cry to me
never gone fess up 
smoke only cover 
my mess up
run to assume 
she a set up

love only 
blinded my face 
my body still 
missing her waist 
my mind never left 
from her place 

i cover my wounds 
with liquor and space 
-

wounds
with liquor and space 

but you she wont proper erase 
cause she my permanent place

im losing it twice 
both proper and safe

too typical prolly the best
im shooting her straight 
through her chest 

im popping my bubble 
its laced 

the smoke never hit 
went to space
-

love when we
playing this dress up
got shoes to match 
all my best stuff 
my mind is gone 
prolly set up
if i cry to you 
she wont let up

love when i 
cover her face 
smoking wont 
cover my pain
popping and bugging 
my brain
she stuck to my head 
in a daze
-
lets share 
how we both
messed up
im first 
i just try to break up
hard start
i had an early mess up
mom sad 
and dad who never showed up
i always smile in fake
i thought i couldnt change
lost to early fate
i smoked throughout the day
-
worst 
you’re my heart

i just never cared or 
ever tried to showed love

scared
i was lost 
you became my comfort
i became disaster

i was stuck in bed
i was waiting death
i was lost to sin
but you a heaven sent 
you were my pretty girl
and thats the truth i said
i would stay the same
if you never left
-
text you 
thoughts that never let me rest

im hugging my shawty
blessed

too late to just turn in the benz

you shoulda just came to bed

never explaining the rest 

none of the hoes impress me

all these songs
and you never text me


-
you the first to fold 
under pressure 

selling your man 
on a strecher 

cover your sin
with your sweater 

only one left 
at the bender 

when by yourself 
you a lesser

stuck in your mind 
gonna miss her

breaking yourself 
when youre with her
-

im hiding what i say 
too often 

scared to show my face 
my problem

saw the other day
your bottom

couldnt look away 
im callin 

couldnt fall asleep 
too often

try to make you mine 
just let me

know i made mistakes
you left me

both of us want love 
not happy 
-

know that we talk 
to ourselves about our blessing 

getting caught up in affection 

telling eachother it starts 
with a dancing

never went far with the flexing 


pride never left us 
led to the fighting 

we shoulda went 
with the lasting

i know im far from perfection 
wanting to hold you
make you my last thing 
-

wanting to hold you 
make you my last thing 

wanting to sleep 
i make you my last dream 

wanting abuse
i make you my last drink

wanting you mine 
i give you my last name

myfirstconfession

Coming Undone

COMING UNDONE (PROD. EEM TRIPLIN & STEVEN SHAEFFER)

I am sorry for the reverb I have no clue why I did that, I was just a kid messing around on after effects.
THIS IS NOT MY SONG THE OG IS BY ALEX BUREY

myfirstconfession

MANSICK

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