my late Capricorn Birthday mix. enjoy. 

As usual, for those who familiar w my work, stuffs i upload on my own soundcloud is my journal in soundscape forms. was stuck but have been accumulating d tension n longings in my body to marinate this since December. 

Also collaborated with 2 of my favorite Capricorn artists/friends/baddies to write poetry on desire and longing. They whipped out these out within 2 days last jan lol. happy belated bday to us.. 

---------------------
[XUE]
you are,
an impossible place,

so
why do I
overstay?
                   repeating, repeating

I’ll keep to myself now,

                   repenting, repenting

my stupid desire, 
is only safe with me
---------------------------------------------------
[Rosy Timah]

ghosts of fingertips linger on my skin
like an old friend
tempat keras
haunted in hard edges of soft ligaments that have been stretched too thin that they are translucent, glistening in the right spots when the light hits them

hantu berkias dalam minda, ghaib aku gapai 

when the light glisten in the right spots, when it gets hit, when memories floats like dust, when it thickens, when wiped, when it settles again quietly after the brutal disturbance, when it builds again, when fingertips become ghosts, when ghosts brutally disturbs what was thought to be settled, when keras is not kaku because no, it is quiet, it lurks, it lingers but never stiffens into silence, when it is always there. when you are always there, even when you are not there.  

when i thought this was prophetic, when i thought ghosts were the ghosts of my yesteryears, when i thought it was over. 

ligaments melt into bones and all i could feel was the give, the giving with no security, kneecaps floating like dust, when caps became my ghosts, when you know my fingertips linger on my ghosts on you, when our bodies exists between bodies knocking into each other, never touching but always there, very aware of distance, very conscious to never make more ghosts because we both want this haunting to be over, or at least you do while i still want my fingertips on these ghosts.

what then? if not ever, then what then?

birthday mix

cruel devotion

Capturing and exploring what the subconscious couldn't express in my decaying vessel.

cruel devotion

Metamoksha