Sketches

Depressing

lyrics: it's funny when you try to talk down to me, 
but your neck is hanging back just to look in my eyes
halloween365
how are you still alive?

https://tidecruz.bandcamp.com/album/nothing-is-real-part-xvi
for those who download, there is 6 bonus tracks hidden in the zip, and a photo of my scar across my chest.
as i stare death in the eyes again, i will instead share the story of my birth.
when i was born i was crushed in half. my chest was completely sunken in and i was to die.
i grew up deformed and as soon as i was old enough i went under the blade. a gifted surgeon saved my life by cutting my chest all the way across, using a saw and cut every single one of my ribs and sternum in half and straightened my chest. because of my birth, i am to avoid things like weight lifting, as i can bend in half at my mid chest , not just my waist. this made me an adequate skateboarder, but always being the camera man hunched over only made things worse. ultimately i found music and it saved my life from the drug culture, bad friends, and helped me have the time i needed to discover who i was and the reason why i didn’t die at birth. i was always meant to be the one who couldn’t kick the kickball far, get invited to the school dance, or called a druggy for being a skateboarder. all these things left immense emotional damage that i only today see were the building blocks to what i consider to be the last bastion of emotional music, from the deepest depths of depression, hopelessness, physical and emotional agony, self injury, and grief. sometimes at night i lay in bed rubbing my finger across my scar, and i speak to the ceeling at my best friend Jake. He was shot in the head and left dead for 3 days in a pool of his own blood by a man who broke in to steal his weed. I lay here touching this scar telling jake, “I’m going to do all the things we said we were going to do.” The final song on the album, because my hands were not working. I called apon him. i said, “Jake, be my hands when my body has failed me. I want you to make a song like the old style. Like nothing is real part 1.” and my hands began to move on their own. i wasn’t thinking or feeling my body’s pain anymore. in just 4 hours jakes soul inhabited my body and completed this song. And when he was done, i snapped out of it and hit play. Thank you jake, for helping me on this album. You did great friend. One day again i will call fourth your name to carry me when my feet begin to drag.

download

just what i'm going thru;

let yourself fall apart

𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐞 - 𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐚 𝐯 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐢 [𝘀𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗱]

in my restless dream x poison tree(tiktok remix)

end // 2025

follow us:

diedlonely:
soundcloud: @eternityfounddead
spotify: spoti.fi/3OftOpG
bandcamp: bit.ly/3vmfaV4
instagram: bit.ly/3ObTX93

jay karin:
soundcloud: @fakekarin
spotify: spoti.fi/3Wnpf2Q
instagram: bit.ly/3xNtf3b

Ambient & beyond in F#m

Michael McDonald