Can you see that eye?

Bittersweet magma

WHEN I COME OUT WITH THE GAT, IMA CRY HOE

some kind of way

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INNER CHILD

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INNER CHILD ( full album )

5 beats // no tracklist // just listen & enjoy.

[ beat.dump.7.31.2023 ]

24 02 22 JJJJJam

filler mini tape to hold everyone over until the actual tape.
0:00 // rail
0:45 // viscera
2:39 // mirror
3:25 // desert
4:27 // fugue
5:20 // bind
6:10 // glaucoma
7:10 // toss up

Mirror

24 07 26

Had a jacket hadn't put on in a long time.
Seam stuck out and headed down the wrong line
To a pocket where I knew that I had got mine
Once the sun's eye blotted out the thoughtcrime.

I found a lighter in the depts of the jacket pocket.
A soul delivered in the mask of a plastic object.
Had to bask in the terror of the drastic project
Of forgetting all the brass I saw within your logic.

But I remember this lighter and the cigarette
When you tried to quit.
You're always trying to quit. 
But this final dart, would be the end of it.

Next day I saw you hack a few on Queen Street.
Walked up with my stupid little mean streak.
You looked sheepish and you asked "Do you hate me?"
I laughed a trace and I said "not lately."

I asked you if you want your lighter for your pleasure burden.
You said "it's a gift. you need it bitch. I know you're hurtin"
We stood in silence in the frigid cold death weather.
Then I bummed another dart and we smoked together.

I think that must have been three four years ago,
The time I knew you for a microcosmic miracle.
Echoic seering my mind of the serial
Tapestry scraps scrolling past as your burial.

Saw your body embalmed in a small space.
Saw your mug made up like a doll's face.
It made me nauseous and nostalgic in the wrong ways.
I had to con myself calm into a false grace.

Your parents asked if I thought that you had really suffered.
I said "I didn't know enough about your lovely daughter."
And I don't know if there's an afterlife or kindly God or
Sign that e can point to that - and then I stuttered.

I saw the answer I was giving them was devastating.
So I said 'No," but this answer wasn't placating.
Three seconds felt eons as I kept them waiting.
For reassurance they succeeded in their child-raising.

And in a panic, blurted out that she would always get
A bit erratic but emphatically get over it.
This just made your crying mother more upset.
She said "guess she didn't love us more than she loved death."

Three millisecond trek into something cosmic.
Had a beautiful life, but then I went and lost it.
Memory bank starved for fresh deposits.
Put the old jacket back in the death closet.

Samples:
1. Angels and Demons at Play, Sun Ra, Angels and Demons at Play (1965)
2. The Big Sleep, (1946)
3. That's How I Feel, Sun Ra, Lanquidity (1978)
4. Klankbeeld, Medium local traffic 02 161003_1004.wav, Freesound (2016)
5. Frank Sinatra, It Was a Very Good Year, September of my Years (1965)
6. Hedonfire, River, birds, distant loon, Freesound (2022)

I Don't Hate You

Audius

Apollo

multi-instrumentalist, producer, noisemaker

Apollo

Mirrorish