hey omg i'm alive.

enjoy my silly little cover by solitude by billie holiday! i plan on doing more jazzy covers trust :)

backing track info - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eHqslo0L5k

lyrics:
In my solitude you haunt me
With reveries of days gone by
In my solitude you taunt me
With memories that never die

I sit in my chair
Filled with despair
There's no one could be so sad
With gloom everywhere
I sit and I stare
I know that I'll soon go mad

In my solitude
I'm praying
Dear Lord above
Send back my love

I sit in my chair
Filled with despair
There's no one could be so sad
With gloom everywhere
I sit and I stare
I know that I'll soon go mad

In my solitude
I'm praying
Dear Lord above
Send me back my love

in my solitude... (lofi cover)

wrote this about a time in my life - between two worlds, waiting on a dream, looking behind before looking forward.

[Verse 1]
Glass castles melt in the light,
I watch from the walls, never step outside.
Lost my friends to the turning of tides,
Pen in my hand, but the page won’t write.

Daisy’s dead, and Ophelia sank
I sip my wine, let the world go blank
Trapped in a castle built from my mind,
the world spins on, I stay behind.

[Chorus]
Maybe I’m meant to be the ghost in the rafters,
A name in the footnotes, fading ever after.
Watching the world like a scene in a play,
Never in color, always in gray.
maybe i’m meant to be the ghost in the rafters

[Verse 2]
Drank with the damned in a Dostoevsky dream,
Danced with the dead under opal moonbeams.
Trojan horse heart, but the gates stay closed,
Atlas shrugs, and I bear the load.

Phantom girl in a paper town
Always watching, never found
Red lips and silver screens
I lose my friends but keep my dreams

[Chorus]
Maybe I was meant to be the ghost in the rafters,
A name in the footnotes, fading ever after.
Watching the world like a scene in a play,
Never in color, always in gray.
Maybe I’m meant to be the ghost in the rafters

ghost in the rafters. (prod. thomasp)

backing track not mine - not for profit use


lyrics :

never thought i'd get to where i am right now
twenty three years of running from myself somehow
and all her scars
and all her pain
and all the life that's not the same
and all the hurt
and all the shame
she waits for me to call her name

why did you wait so long to try and love yourself
why'd you wait so long to try and get some help
my body's screaming out, please, try and get some rest
i'm sorry i waited this damn long to try and get some help

affirmations feel like punches to the gut
ink is spilling and i don't know what the fuck 
to do with all this hurt
with all this pain
i don't know why i feel the same
and all this hurt and all this shame
i wait for me, she calls my name

why did you wait so long to try and love yourself
why'd you wait so long to try and get some help
my body's screaming out, please, try and get some rest
i'm sorry i waited this damn long to try and get some help

my father says life don't start till 25
i think he's right
i outstretch my hands towards a beautiful life
x4



towards a beautiful life - demo (prod. thomasp)

yayo. (cover)

demo version !! this is an original by me, sorry it's kind of emo uhhhhhHHH

also this pic isnt mine

for me.

instrumental from youtube lmao

joakim karud - love mode

i don't wanna grow up.

i miss us.


youtube instrumental:
orca vibes -- gypsy

goodbye.

lyrics!
https://genius.com/Schwarzie-i-think-too-much-lyrics

i think too much. (prod. 8ROKEBOY)

cherry cola.

lyrics:

is breaking my heart just a fucking game to you
you love putting more notches on your belt 
i can barely even say it’s true
that the whole time you loved someone else

I don’t wanna give you my tears if that’s what you get off on
I don’t want to give you what you want
At this point I really think I need a prozac 
My mom called and she wants her Tupperware back

You said I’m perfect for somebody else
You said I am perfect for someone that’s just not you
I've been here before
I've dealt with manwhores

Was everything just an illusion?
Pretending you care
When people asked if you had a girlfriend
It's like I wasn't even there

i thought you were nice and that you would never do this
Now I can see past all your dumb excuses
You’re just like my other ex and now I see
You’re not ever gonna get mercy from me

You said I’m perfect for somebody else
You said I am perfect for someone that’s just not you
I've been here before
I've dealt with manwhores

You like to break a woman for your validation 
I think you quite frankly need realization
Being petty is kinda therapeutic
It's better than being stuck with someone that's stupid

I don’t wanna give you my tears if that’s what you get off on
I don’t want to give you what you want
At this point I really think I need a prozac 
My mom called and she wants her Tupperware back

I've learned more from not sitting in class and wondering where you're at
My best friend is gonna kick your ass

If you didn't want a serious relationship, why didn't you end it?
Why didn't you end it?
Why didn't you end it sooner?

you said you loved my music.

beat by ocean beats -- non profit

leaving me behind 

you’re all so tight-knit it’s almost crochet
i say something but it doesn’t matter anyways
you’ve got your clique so close to your grip
ive never found a group where i completely fit

how hard would it hurt if it were to fall apart
would you look me in the eye
say you’re sorry for leaving me
leaving me behind

you’ve got a boyfriend who cares about you
what a beautiful, mystical, concept
you shut your best friend off
so you could go and call him

i’ve always been in your corner
who’s gonna be there when he leaves you to dry
who’s gonna pick up the pieces
who’s gonna pick you up at midnight

how hard would it hurt if it were to fall apart
would you look me in the eye
say you’re sorry for leaving me
leaving me behind

leaving me behind.

GO CHECK OUT MY GOTH WIFE
https://soundcloud.com/itsbaphy

lyrics:
Why am I catching real feelings for a boy
Who I know is gonna treat me like a toy
I’ve only talked to him a couple times, once or twice
And now I feel like I don’t have a choice

I know I’m stupid and I know it’s gonna hurt
But if youre listening or if you are concerned
He’s nothing more than internalized Romeo
I can’t help it, cause Venus is in Scorpio 

Venus is in Scorpio
Venus is in Scorpio
Venus is in scorpio
That’s right, yeah, venus is in scorpio 

My friend called and asked me how I’ve been
I thought I’d never catch feelings again
I’m feeling quite optimistic this time
Sagittarius new moon is on my mind

venus in scorpio. (ft. baphy)

beat -- yusei

lyrics:

I got great calves from bouncing my legs
Hydrated eyes from being upset
Pale skin from being sick
Rosy lips from a nervous tick

Waterproof makeup is my best friend
I keep her in mind as I begin to obsess
Does falling apart burn calories?
My skeleton is calling me

You tried to find beauty in my relapse
You tell me that I just need to relax
Smile and wave as you turn on the flash
As you try to photograph my mask

I got stained teeth from acidity
The air in my bathroom is hard to breathe
Covering the mirror above the sink
My skin begins to feel like ink

You tried to find beauty in my relapse
You tell me that I just need to relax
Smile and wave as you turn on the flash
As you try to photograph my mask

There is no way to romanticize this shell
There is no exit ticket to this hell

relapse.

beat by @freshmanprodigy

OUT NOW ON SPOTIFY AND APPLE MUSIC!
https://open.spotify.com/album/2osmtVLmcZej7YpUEawyHk?si=oDCs6g0ITXC6LN3scqxCQQ

i explain the lyrics here!
https://genius.com/Schwarzie-dead-and-cold-lyrics

don’t get too comfortable around me
give off an air of infidelity
make me fall and then watch me as you leave
i’m not as important as i ought to seem

tell me lies, boy, tell me lies
tell me I’m yours, i’m yours for the night
don’t be kind, please, don’t be too kind
break my mind, break my fucking mind

i wish i was dead and cold
i wish i was dead and cold, i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead and cold I wish i was dead
i wish i was

all men ever did to me was either get too close or not close at all
i either fall too hard or fall away so quickly like my cortisol
catching feelings for you was the worst thing i ever did
more than i ever strived to be thin

i wish i was dead and cold
i wish i was dead and cold, i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead and cold I wish i was dead
i wish i was dead

i wish i was dead
i wish i was dead,
yeah

dead and cold. (prod. freshmanprodigy)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DC9deaLHRKk&list=PLHfbj5f32lN2Dc2MpZu9YlPQOhQMC60RA&t=0s&index=25

i explain the lyrics here!
https://genius.com/Schwarzie-crying-in-the-bathroom-at-a-party-lyrics

lyrics:

my friends are talking about politics in the other room
i feel the acid in my stomach start to come through
i told myself id never feel this way again
i’m silencing the tears so i don’t scare my friends 

i hear a girl laughing through the dry wall
i wonder what life would be like if I wasn’t there at all
the bile stains the lipstick that i painted on
tightened lips that feel like they eroded off

i came here to have a good time
and i just feel attacked
like my brain is trying hard to be
something that it lacks

she offers me a chocolate covered fruit
i told her eating that would be something that i’d never do
she asks me why and i scratch the back of my neck
the caffeine it contains would be my death 

my future seems so bleak as i’m crying in the shower
i lie in bed and think for another hour
my dad thinks that i don’t get exhausted
blames me for all the problems i cause him

i came here to have a good time
and i just feel so attacked

crying in the bathroom at a party.

OUT NOW ON SPOTIFY AND APPLE MUSIC!
https://open.spotify.com/track/6YB5ewuLgHXGIEU0WEBQo5?si=1K8hvRlzSQyPyRdHl1bd2A

clinging to my body heat in a rather warm room
my skin is a casket and my shoes are a tomb
my hair is getting thinner and sadly so am i 
i tell my friends that i’m sorry that i want to die

there’s a ghost in the upstairs bedroom and she looks like me
i rebuild bone by bone, barren wasteland of teeth
i don’t recognize these cold dead eyes
my lips still taste of war from this battleground inside

i say i’m sick, you say i’m beautiful
i say i’m starving, you think that i am full
ask you for help and you say i don’t need it
you ask me for tactics, rehearse and repeat it,
oh “i just work out a lot”
things are not what they seem
i say you don’t need this kind of lifestyle
why can’t I say the same thing to me

i rip things apart just to prove that they can break
i love to tear apart for its own sake
frankly, my dear, you’re not safe in my hands
why can’t you just understand 

i say i’m sick, you say i’m beautiful
i say i’m starving, you think that i am full
ask you for help and you say i don’t need it
you ask me for tactics, rehearse and repeat it,

oh “i just work out a lot”
things are not what they seem
i say you don’t need this kind of lifestyle
why can’t I say the same thing to me

i told you i was sick. (prod. freshmanprodigy)

OUT ON SPOTIFY AND APPLE MUSIC !!

everyone is temporary
(but i was hoping you weren't)

producer: @joseybeats

lyrics:
don't be mad, you did me wrong and i wrote songs about it
you said that i was a self-centered bitch
but look who's talking, and speaking of which
you said that i never mattered at all
icarus flew too close to the sun

you said i can't keep a man
like that's your problem
sorry i don't shove a man in my life
for some solace

so much for my platonic soulmate
you said that night when we were up late
you said that you got better friends now and i know that's a lie
you said that i, you said that i would cry

everyone i care about fades away
everyone i care about betrays me
i know the only person i can blame is myself
i just don't know why i feel so empty

you said i can't keep a man
like that's your problem
i don't know why i even care anymore

so much for my platonic soulmate
you said that night when we were up late
you said that you got better friends now and i know that's a lie
you said that i, you said that i would cry
x2

how could you hurt the one who loved you the most
how could you treat me like some kind of ghost
i was there for you when you scraped your knees
and this is how you betray me?

everyone is temporary. (prod. joseybeats)

OUT ON SPOTIFY AND APPLE MUSIC AYE

interpretation of the lyrics here:
https://genius.com/Schwarzie-i-love-myself-lyrics

I said to my body, “I want to be friends”
She smiled and said, “I’ve been waiting for this”
Welcomes me home in her tender embrace
A love that feels more like fresh satin and lace

I said to my heart, “you won’t hurt anymore,”
“And we’re leaving attachment to stay at the door”
That love and attention are in itself different
And I will do all that I can to believe it

I love me more than you
And that’s what I’m supposed to do
Cause when the lights fade and everybody leaves
The only person that I have is me

I was once the girl who listened to her thoughts
Crying over boys who I thought were the one
Now I gotta stop thinking about you
Its okay, I know what I gotta do

I’m stronger than I think
I've been thru the ringer
I'm a beautiful girl and a wonderful singer
The universe is talking to me
And she's controlling everything I think I see, oh

It's beautiful
Life is beautiful

I love me more than you
And that’s what I’m supposed to do
Cause when the lights fade and everybody leaves
The only person that I have is me

i love myself. (prod. yusei)

if i'm to die

spicy!



lyrics:

soft as velvet, saline tongue
voice like a whisper in the dark
boy i got you on your knees
trace my steps back to the sea

your voice trembles, lick your lips
you’ve waited all night long for this
you see me in your dreams
siren song, voice like cream

Siren song, voice like cream
Siren song, voice like cream

Love is dangerous, I know it well
am I in heaven or another form of hell
purgatory, bruised knuckles like my knees
You know I much rather like to tease

your voice trembles, lick your lips
you’ve waited all night long for this
you see me in your dreams
siren song, voice like cream

siren song. (prod. decz)

i got bored so i did harmonies lmao here u go

this song is old oopsies.


lyrics -
my boy’s an oceanographer, sea salt in his hair
saline on his tongue and to me it’s just not fair
my boy’s an astronomer, stars in his eyes
he sees me as a nebula and calculates demise

my boy’s a skeptic, the soles of his shoes
are worn down from really having nothing else to lose
my boy is a poet, shakespeare in his veins
writing stanzas in a notebook as he describes his pain 

my boy is an artist, we find a common ground
he says he loves the meaning and he really digs my sound
a cacophony and harmony in between the sheets 
he says i was the woman that he was destined to meet

my boy is everyone and everything in between
i find him in my dreams and on the television screens
my boy is fake and real all at the same time
art inside my frame of mind

my boy’s a rascal, suspicion on his face
he says i need a man like him to put me in my place
my boy’s a conspiracist, swords in his gaze
he says it’s hard to trust a girl like me anyways

my boy’s a mortician, he likes to pin me down
dress me up in white hospital gowns
my boy’s a psychic, he knows just what i need
he touches my skin, i forget how to breathe

my boy is everyone and everything in between
i find him in my dreams and on the television screens
my boy is fake and real all at the same time
art inside my frame of mind

my boy is cosmic, written in the skies
my boy said he loved me the night before he died
my boy is real, but he is not alive
yeah, my boy is fake, you can see it in his eyes

a fever dream.

a really bad cover of slow dancing in the dark

meaning of the lyrics here:
https://genius.com/Schwarzie-regardless-prod-decz-lyrics

I don’t wanna hold you down so I keep quiet
i seem to say more about my life in silence
I don’t know how to use my voice
So I guess I don’t really have a choice

I’ve avoided all my mirrors
I’ve been eating all my feelings
I’ve been taking lots of NyQuil just so I can touch the ceiling
I’ve been, writing shit poetry
And coffee meal replacements
If it’s seasonal depression how can I just feel complacent, oh

I’m hard to love, I guess
I’m a bit of a mess
But you love me regardless
But you love me regardless

I relapsed on the kitchen floor
While my parents bought groceries
I’m sorry I never said a word
I just thought that you would leave, oh

This is what art is, putting out my pain
To a sea of strangers who don’t even know my name
Don’t criticize the type of music, I try to contain
All these thoughts inside me, it’s clogging up my brain

I’m hard to love, I guess
I’m a bit of a mess
But you love me regardless

regardless. (prod. deczbeats)

mixed by my friend gantt and produced by deczbeats :) very much love to both!

take a dip in a pool by the italian countryside to this song

rolling up my sleeves, cherries on a vine
strawberries and cream, summer wine
take a red-eye to venice, spend the night
cruise to verona, candlelight

if you can catch me
grab my hand
my name is quicksand
broke your heart on the flight home
but idon’t wanna be alone no more

red lips and velvet, rum raisin
my name on your tongue is like an incantation
end of the summer, end of an era
smoking cigarettes with our hair up

pearly teeth gets the best of me
roll up your sleeves and devour me
put your hands behind my back
let’s see how off track we can get

if you can catch me
grab my hand
my name is quicksand
broke your heart on the flight home but
i don’t wanna be alone no more

QUICKSAND (prod. decz)

a reupload from last year bc why not


merry holidays everyone!

a merry lil christmas

kinda going thru it again. this is a botched attempt of an update i'm sorry

i want to be better again

nicki atsume

i make some music sometimes

for business inquiries and beats:
schwarzieee@gmail.com

discord!
@missaestiva

aestiva.

Popular tracks