[Transcript BOGAN MONGREL interview Oct 25]

...

INTERVIEWER: Sorry about that, it should be recording now. Ok so why is this album called Onlyfan? 

BOGAN MONGREL: Because only one person bought my last album 

INTERVIEWER: Interesting, and you don't find that discouraging? 

BOGAN MONGREL: My girl always says that lots of people like my music, they just don't want to be seen to like it. 

INTERVIEWER: And what does she she think of your last album? 

BOGAN MONGREL: I don't think she's listened to it.

INTERVIEWER: OK. 
[NOISE OF PEN WRITING]
Have you taken a different approach on this album? 

BOGAN MONGREL: I have, it's a totally different sound to 12 Golden Dronecore Greats. I'm actually kind of worried that it's going to alienate my fan. 

INTERVIEWER: And is the approval of your, uh, fan important to you?

BOGAN MONGREL: I want my audience to be as challenged by my music as I was challenged by making it. 

[SILENCE]

INTERVIEWER: Have you ever considered that you might be, how can I put this, prone to overconfidence? 

[SHORT SILENCE]

BOGAN MONGREL: Well I always think about what Eminem said, "don't miss your chance to blow". 

INTERVIEWER: Mmm. Ok look, I'm going to put something to you. Do you know what "delusions of grandeur" means? 

[SILENCE]

INTERVIEWER: I've read your psychological report. I have it on good authority that you make a regular habit of imagining that you're some kind of big deal celebrity. And that when you're doing this you often imagine detailed scenarios where people would interview you like you're a person of great influence. Is that correct?

[LONG SILENCE, COUGH]

INTERVIEWER: Are you imagining that's what this interview is right now? 

BOGAN MONGREL: Uh. No comment. 

INTERVIEWER: You can't just-

BOGAN MONGREL: No comment. 

INTERVIEWER: You need to take this seriously. 

BOGAN MONGREL: Is this allowed? 

INTERVIEWER: This is a very serious matter Mr Mongrel. I'm a senior detective. 

[SHORT SILENCE]

INTERVIEWER: Do you understand the document that's in front of you? 

BOGAN MONGREL: Where? 

[NOISE OF A HAND HITTING THE TABLE WITH SOME FORCE]

INTERVIEWER: Here Mr. Mongrel, right here. 

[SHORT SILENCE] 

BOGAN MONGREL: Uh it's some kind of, uh, charge sheet. 

INTERVIEWER: Do you understand it? What does it say? 

[SILENCE] 

BOGAN MONGREL: Vulgar and Indecent Conduct 

INTERVIEWER: Vulgar and Indecent Conduct with what? 

[SHORT SILENCE] 

BOGAN MONGREL: Vulgar and Indecent Conduct with a public monument 

INTERVIEWER: Read the entire section please 

BOGAN MONGREL: Vulgar and Indecent Conduct with a public monument, reckless distribution of a greasy or oily substance over 5 litres, fleeing causing officers to pursue, entering city park lake naked, disturbing sleeping Geese, resisting arrest, damage to an officers uniform with grease or oil, profane language, blasphemy, damage to a police car with grease or oil 

INTERVIEWER: And do you have any comment about these charges? 

[SILENCE]

BOGAN MONGREL: I didn't know that was illegal. 

INTERVIEWER: You don't think it's illegal? 

BOGAN MONGREL: I uh yeah-I don't think it's illegal. 

[SILENCE]

INTERVIEWER:  Well that's very perceptive Mr Mongrel. You are in fact correct. Blasphemy is no longer illegal.

[PAPER RUFFLING NOISES FOR SEVERAL SECONDS]

INTERVIEWER: Good news. You passed the aptitude test. You're hired. 

BOGAN MONGREL: Really? 

INTERVIEWER: Welcome to the thrilling world of private investigation. And whilst we encourage you to have a hobby, you may want to consider something other than music. 

---

Shout out to @spanningtreeprototype, thanks for believing. 
Big thanks to Mitch for the studio time.

You Don't Need To Practice Dying (I Believe In You)

Bogan Mongrel