hunting season

TMZfinal

Surge

skin and flesh (Monsey remix)

how many big booms would we give this?


check my other stuff <3

you know me as the rizzler

-Taken from Jesse's notebook, page 52-

[My drinking problem] [10-06-1994]

I've never been a heavy drinker. Hell... I don't really drink at all. I refuse to. Maybe it's a cruel reminder that I'm getting older, but that's just how I feel. Considering how things have been going recently, I decided to start. As they say... There's a first time for everything. Whatever pain I've been experiencing, my friends were right. The drinking truly does fix it.

I started around three days ago. Obviously, it's starting off slow, but it'll probably become an unhealthy habit eventually. I'm scared now... But I feel like I won't be scared once that time comes. I just need something to keep my mind off what's been happening.

---

It might be easier to let it go
Once the glass breaks, you can't fix it
A simple task seems so impossible:
To leave an unclear, warped reflection

I don't wanna leave
Please stop making me
You better grab me by the arm
Hold me tight, 'cause I'm not coming back when I get in that car

Why would you leave me in the dark?
Now, all I can see is myself
Why would you leave me in the dark?
Now, all I can see is myself

And if I wanted to plan my escape
I would cut through the bars
They can't hold me for long
They can't hold me for long

(Why would you leave?) I can't change a thing about it
(Why would you leave?) I can't change a thing about it

Why would you leave me in the dark?
Now, all I can see is myself
Why would you leave me in the dark?
Now, all I can see is myself

Hold Me While I Disappear

foul language

-Taken from Jesse's notebook, page 55-

[The silence is deafening] [01-02-2001]

So, I can't believe that I found my notebook. It's been 6 years and Nate is still missing. I truly don't know if he's still alive, but I've been trying to keep my hopes up.

I've had to take frequent visits to the hospital and also joined an AA group. Honestly, it's kind of working. I've been drinking way less these past years, but I haven't been able to hear the voices of Nate and Maye. It's not completely quiet though...

Do you ever realize that silence doesn't actually exist? I've been noticing every tiny detail in the background noise: the ceiling fan, the creaking walls... I notice every single time there's a tone shift. I feel like the surrounding noises are trying to start a conversation with me. I know it's bad, but I've decided to talk back. Maybe I'll feel less lonely if I do...

---

It's not a park walk from the inside
It's not as nice as you'd expect
The light still talks. I rip the cord out
I rip the cord out with my hand

I'll fall away to make it easy
My view will be the same as yours
I felt the wetness in the painting
Built by the artist that we love

Don't say a word
Don't say a word
Don't say a word
Don't say a word

The noise comes from wintery ceilings
Your talking hit me like the wind

Oh, surprise me
Oh, surprise me

Don't say a word
Don't say a word
Don't say a word
Don't say a word
(Don't say a word) don't say a word (don't say a word to me)
(Don't say a word) don't say a word (don't say a word to me)
(Don't say a word) don't say a word (don't say a word to me)
(Don't say a word) don't say a word (don't say a word to me)

hush

-Taken from Jesse's notebook, page 57-

[Eli] [01-11-2001]

Today I had a conversation with one of my neighbours, Eli Roberts. We don't usually interact with each other, but as I was taking out the garbage, he decided to talk to me. Right out of the gate, he asked me how I was doing. As I thought about it, I decided to tell him the truth. I mean, he's really the only person I could tell.

Eli was very understanding... And that's because he went through the same thing. He told me that he lost his entire family in a car accident... His two daughters and his wife. He's lived alone for the past five years and has slowly been getting better and better. I gave my condolences and before I decided to go on about my day, he told me that one day, memories of loved ones will unfortunately fade into the back of my mind. I didn't want to believe him, but I knew that one day it would happen.

---

It's happening again - your picture is clearing
It started with your hair
Now, it's gotten to your knees
And you claimed you breathed fine for a week

Need to talk with the boss
See him holding the spade
And he's been out here since the start of the day
Push him down through that path and nothing goes your way

Oh, to feel the weight on my hands again
Oh, to feel the weight on my hands again

The man in the photo
Is no longer smiling
He looks like a killer
Everything he loved is now gone

Oh, to feel the weight on my hands again
Oh, to feel the weight on my hands again
Oh, to feel the weight on my hands again
Oh, to feel the weight on my hands again

And if I look close enough, oh, will I find you there?
And if I look close enough, oh, will I find you there?

the photographer

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