LIVING WITH GHOSTS

I’ve learned:
I can’t get rid of a ghost by shouting
"Leave me alone!"
No—
curses and pleading
will not dislodge a ghost.

Nor can I outrun them.
For years, I sped like a bullet train
but when finally forced to stop
my ghosts shot out of the shadows.

Sometimes a ghost may seem
to disappear completely.
But then something I hear or see 
will raise that wraith from the grave.

I’ve wrestled with my specters for years
and lost a million times or more.
So now I’m trying a new strategy:

whenever a ghost resurrects
and an old wound wounds me once more 
I’ll try to remain calm
and say quite casually:
Well, hello my old companion—
stay if you want—leave when you wish.
No, I’m not finally at peace with you 
but I waste so much energy 
when I try to fight or flee.

However
I won’t sit
when your sadness
tries to leaden my heart—
No!
I’ll leap and skip in a golden dance.
Though I can’t deny you, I can defy you.

But maybe I should thank you.
Didn’t I learn through you?—
Didn’t I grow?
Yes, and now I’ll learn even more
by staring deep into your eyes
with all their shades of blue.

But though I say in my head:
"You should embrace that ghost"
my words I haven’t yet convinced my heart.
So until I grow some more
the best I can do is accept you
and dance dance dance—
dance ‘til the night becomes dawn.

living with ghosts

Recorded on September 18, 2017, for Poem-a-Day, a series produced by the Academy of American Poets. www.poets.org

Heather Christle: "Mistake"

Recorded on October 23, 2017, for Poem-a-Day, a series produced by the Academy of American Poets. www.poets.org

Howard Altmann: "After Hours"

Recorded on October 25, 2017, for Poem-a-Day, a series produced by the Academy of American Poets. www.poets.org

Deborah Landau: from "Soft Targets"

Recorded on December 15, 2017, for Poem-a-Day, a series produced by the Academy of American Poets. www.poets.org

Megan Levad: "Foundling"

Recorded on April 13, 2018, for Poem-a-Day, a series produced by the Academy of American Poets. www.poets.org

James Richardson: "Essay on the One Hand and on the Other"

Recorded on July 19, 2018, for Poem-a-Day, a series produced by the Academy of American Poets. www.poets.org

Erika Meitner: "A Brief Ontological Investigation"

Recorded on July 26, 2018, for Poem-a-Day, a series produced by the Academy of American Poets. www.poets.org

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I claim to be a novelist, poet, essayist, cartoonist, graphic artist, peace monger--and I'm trying to be a world citizen. As for my backstory...let's just say I've lived and worked all over the United States.  I'm self-taught, for the most part, which is like stumbling around blindfolded while looking for the right door.  It's an on-going process. Lacking any true musical ability, I try to make music with language, while also making meaning.  

living with ghosts

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